March 13, 2006 by s.z.

Help!  Mom!  She Won't Stop Writing Books! Yes, the people who brought you Help! Mom! There are Liberals Under My Bed!, Help! Mom! There Are Homosexuals in my Lunchbox!, and Help! Mom! There are Black People In my Neighborhood! have a new book out.  Let's learn more about it from WorldNetDaily: Liberals, your days of pumping left-wing books into our kids’ classrooms and libraries unchallenged are over--“Help! Mom!” is back. And this time, she’s putting your know-it-all Hollywood friends in their place! Scott and Mary are my only Hollywood friends, and while they know a lot, I don't think they know it all.  But in any case, I guess they've been put in their place (Hollywood). This sequel to the 2005 best-seller “Help! Mom! There Are Liberals Under My Bed!” is not only the perfect book for parents who want to teach their kids about traditional values, it’s also a humorous read for adults. (Or at least the 99% of adults who couldn’t care less about gay cowboy movies or Barbra Streisand’s blog.) So, WND thinks that 99% of adults are incurious morons who read shoddy children's books for entertainment instead of going to the movies.  That explains a lot. Janie and Sam were happy just being kids--that is, until celebrities started popping out of their hamper to tell them how to behave and to sell them expensive clothes. With Hollywood and its friends in the liberal media declaring war on traditional values, what’s a concerned parent to do? Um, maybe move out of the Bermuda Triangle so that people won't materialize in the kids' hamper? Of course, no “Help! Mom!” book would be complete without a pants-suit clad Hillary stirring up trouble. This time she joins her Hollywood pals to tell children what to do and decide what’s best for families. Of course, no conservative screed-cum-straight-to-the-remainder-table-book would be complete without a caricature of Hillary to mock, since for the wingnuts she serves the place that Satan did in medieval morality plays. “An adorable story.” –James Taranto, The Wall Street Journal Having Taranto comment on adorableness is as appropriate as getting Claude Allen to do a commercial for Target.  In this age of celebrity worship, this book is a must for every kid who needs to learn that sometimes celebrities don’t know best. Find out for yourself why Rush Limbaugh proclaimed, “Our hats are off to Katharine DeBrecht, author of ‘Help! Mom!’” The kids learn that sometimes even radio talk show hosts don't know best in the next book in the series, Help! Mom! Rush Limbaugh is Snorting My SweeTarts! Anyway, via Amazon we learn who those people on the cover are supposed to be: The dimmest bulbs of Tinseltown -- Daisy Smears, Rayonna, Barbara Buttersand, Sean Penny, Oh! Prah, Ben Aflac, Larry Queen, Whoopie, and "Toenailology" Tom -- are all here in this hilarious full-color book. And, along with their media friends Katie Curtain, Michael Maroon, and unemployed Dan, they've never been funnier! I can only imagine.  Oh, my aching sides. Oh, and over at Katharine's Amazon Blog (I guess this is Amazon's way of letting people talk about books without letting them post negative reviews), she claims to  "invite your questions/comments on the Help! Mom! Series."  I can only hope that General J.C. Christian takes her up on the invitation. 10:32:18 PM

At Least Nephew Pierce Still Supports Him The Houston Chronicle has an article about 20-year-old Pierce G. Bush (son of Neil "She Just Showed Up At My Door And Wanted to Have Sex With Me" Bush), and his public support for his Uncle George. When the political firestorm over Dubai Ports World broke out last month, President Bush's nephew sent the Houston Chronicle an electronic letter to the editor, defending his uncle's drive to allow the United Arab Emirates company to buy a firm that helps run six U.S. ports. To the University of Texas at Austin student, opposition to the deal — it had been approved by the administration before being scuttled Thursday — sent an "ignorant and offensive" message that the owners were being discriminated against because they are Arab. The protests of Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, R-Tenn., and other congressional leaders seemed "racially prejudiced," he said in the letter, which the Chronicle published. So, young Piece is saying that Bill is an ignorant racist. That will teach Frist not to support his president! The letter, his second published by the Chronicle, marked one of the sharpest public defenses of the president by a member of the Bush family. [...] "I'm not writing them because the president's my uncle," Pierce Bush, who turns 20 this month, said in a telephone interview. "It's kind of my own opinion separately. I'm a strong supporter of my uncle's values." Yeah, nepotism, cronyism, and noblesse non-oblige are great values. One of his family's strengths, he said, is that it accepts differing points of view. If he disagreed with one of the president's decisions, he said, he would be free to voice his opposition. Of course, he would be quickly disappeared if he voiced an opposing view (they don't call Grandma Bar "The Enforcer" for nothing), but Pierce is free to disagree if he feels like it. But would he be dashing off letters to the editor if they were critical of his uncle? "In terms of him being pissed at me, I don't think it would be a good idea. In fact, I guarantee it wouldn't be," said the collegiate Bush, who's unsure if the president is aware of his letters. Yes, it's not a good idea to get George pissed at you.  (You wouldn't like him when he's angry.  Or at any other time.)  And for heaven's sake, don't rile up Dick Cheney -- he'll shoot you in the face! "If he was against the ports deal, I don't know if I would've written the letter." See, Pierce is hoping to get a spot as a junior associate of Powerline.  (But even Pierce can't keep a straight face while calling his uncle "A man of extraordinary vision and brilliance approaching to genius.") The president's nephew is familiar with Dubai, in the United Arab Emirates. His father's company, Austin-based Ignite Learning, has investors in the UAE, and Neil Bush has taken his son there. I sure hope they didn't go by way of Thailand . . . Pierce Bush insisted his latest letter had nothing to do with his father's business interests. Of course it didn't.  And while investors from Dubai (to include members of the royal family) gave Neil most of the $23 million he needed to start Ignite!, Pierce was in favor of the ports deal for the same reason that his uncle George was: because the UAE donated $1 million to Grandpa George's presidential library. So, yeah, young Pierce's opinions just happen to match his uncle's, and they have nothing to do with his father's various schemes and scams. (Of course, if Pierce's next letter is about how we should break out diplomatic relations with Russia if they try to prosecute nice, old Boris Berezovsky for fraud, then I might start to suspect a rat.) 1:56:30 AM