The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, January 21, 2011

January 6, 2006 by s.z.


Fear and Laughter on the 2006 Campaign Trail


Thanks to Brad of Sadly, No!, we learned about one of the most exciting political announcements of the new year: Nathan Tabor ("a conservative political activist based in Kernersville, North Carolina") is running for the North Carolina state senate

Brad points us to Nathan's campaign website, which is chock full of wingnutty goodness.

Here are a few highlights from the "About Nathan" page:
At 29, Nathan ran for Congress (NC5) in an eight way primary. He raised over $850,000 and received over 7,500 votes in the most expensive primary in American history.
Ah, yes, that would be the primary that featured our old friend Vernon Robinson, "the black Jesse Helms."  It was indeed expensive -- and stupid.
Nathan’s supporters included Dick Armey, Ed Meese, Steve Moore, Art Laffer, Pat Robertson, Bob Jones III, Congressmen Robert Aderholt, Congressmen Trent Franks, Congressmen Jim Ryun, Beverly and Tim LaHaye, Mike Farris and many others.
The All-Stars of Wingnuttery are all behind Nathan!  Nathan may indeed be the Chosen One, the one true wingnut who will usher in the Apocalypse.
Dr. Jerry Falwell dubbed him the “young Jesse Helms.” 
So, that 2004 congressional race was an all-Jesse Helms affair.
Nathan is committed to the conservative cause and has worked with Mark Earley, Ollie North, Randy Forbes, Jesse Helms and Elizabeth Dole.
Yes, youngish Nathan served as an intern for Oliver North (the paper-shredding Jesse Helms), and for Jesse Helms (the old Jesse Helms).  He also worked on the campaigns of Elizabeth Dole (the female Jesse Helms), Mark Earley (the non-convicted Chuck Colson), and Randy Forbes (some politician who may or may not be some manifestation of Jesse Helms).
Anyway, here is Nathan on the issues:
School Prayer
Our children deserve the right to pray at school. We must oppose liberals like the ACLU that want to ban all references to faith and God from our public lives.
Since our children currently have the right to pray at school (and the liberals really aren't trying to ban all references to faith from public lives), Nathan is taking a pretty bold stand here. 
Veterans and Military
I believe we owe a tremendous debt to those Americans who have sacrificed and are currently sacrificing so much in protecting and defending our country
Nathan's opponents presumably believe that we owe veterans NOTHING -- and if these anti-American ingrates manage to get elected, they will pass laws requiring NC citizens to spit on members of the military!
Protecting Life
Life is a precious gift from God. We should welcome it, love it and protect it.
By this, Nathan means that we need to protect all of the life created by God -- and therefore we should ban pesticides, insecticides, and guns.

No, wait he is actually pro-guns (and is probably also pro-pesticide and insecticide too, since he holds that "tobacco manufacturers need to thrive and profit in the future." 

His old site, Tabor For Congress 2004, explains his stand on the "protecting life" issue a little better:
Protecting Life
“Life is a precious gift from God. In Congress, I’ll vote to end abortions and protect unborn children. Hopefully, we will achieve a Supreme Court that will allow the legislative branch the Constitutional latitude it should have to protect life. [...]  "Since life is a precious gift from God, we should not tamper with the creation of life through cloning. Therefore, I will support efforts to ban the cloning of human beings."
Yes, Nathan is your official anti-clone candidate.  If he is elected to the state senate, you won't see any of those damned clones running around North Carolina, taking YOUR jobs, using YOUR tax dollars to buy Cadillacs, or stealing YOUR women. 

And here is Nathan's 2004 stand on another important issue:
Homeland Security
"I believe that protecting our country and our borders from those who want to attack this great country is of the utmost importance. [...]  Finally, I will never waver from the belief that we can protect this great country of ours without infringing on the basic freedoms that as citizens we all cherish."
Of course, that was before we learned about the warrantless NSA wiretaps, and Nathan realized we need more spying on Americans, for "what good are civil liberties when our country is under constant threat of an unknown attack, when we can no longer feel safe going to the grocery store?  Crossing the Golden Gate Bridge?  Flying cross-country?  Eating, drinking our food?" 

So, I expect his 2006 position on this issue will be something like: "I believe that protecting our bridges, our grocery stores, and our Cheetos from terrorists are of the utmost importance. I will never waver from the belief that we must destroy our cherished basic freedoms in order to protect them."

Oh, and it's not just the "issues" page of the old site that is has more info (and more wingnutty) than his current one.  For instance, on a page that features a 2004 Winston-Salem Journalarticle about Nathan, we learn Nathan isn't just a conservative political activist based in Kernersville, North Carolina -- he's also a Vice President in his family's "soy for menopausal women" business, and a millionaire. (The paper said that "The company has been successful enough to put Tabor's net worth at between $1 million and $5.1 million, according to Federal Election Commission filings.")

So, it makes sense that his platform in 2004 included "The Tabor Plan for tax reduction," which involved "permanent elimination of the estate tax" and "comprehensive tax reform and elimination of the IRS."

Oh, and the Winston-Salem article reminded of an amusing (to me, at least) incident from his congressional race, the 
"Pastor Randy" email.
One big question surfaced Thursday in the heated Fifth Congressional District race: Who is Pastor Randy?

The "pastor" is the fictitious signer of an e-mail hoax targeting Republican candidate Nathan Tabor, a Kenansville millionaire who has built his campaign on the support of local clergy.
The message, which went out to hundreds of people, appears at first to be from a supporter of Tabor, who is one of about a half-dozen Republicans who want to succeed U.S. Rep. Richard Burr in a district that stretches from Winston-Salem to the Tennessee line.
"Dear Fellow Christian Prayer Warrior," it begins. "Nathan Tabor desperately needs your intercessory prayers today."

The message refers to a court date for a crime that is never explained but appears serious.

"Please pray that it be God's will that Nathan will not have to spend one second behind bars," the e-mail message reads. "He is barely more than a child himself."
The Hill had more details about Nathan's troubles with the law:
The e-mail further assured readers that Tabor — termed a “soyboy playboy” in reference to his soymilk dietary supplement firm — did not offer a bribe” to a state trooper and that “there were NO drugs found in the car itself. If you have heard someone say that his current legal trouble involves drugs, that is NOT TRUE. ... THERE WERE NO DRUGS INVOLVED IN THE CURRENT CRIMINAL TROUBLE, PERIOD.”

The truth, it turns out, is far less titillating. Tabor was stopped some months ago by a state trooper and charged with speeding and possessing an expired driver’s license — charges to which Tabor readily confessed.
The email also alluded to a charge of vandalism and a Florida lawsuit; both allegations are true, but aren't as scandalous as the message made them seem.  (Nathan was charged with vandalism when he was 19 because he destroyed a farmer's wheat crop while four-wheeling in his field; and as VP of the family business, he was sued for canceling a marketing contract when he found out the firm also marketed porn.)  In any case, Nathan has learned from his mistakes, for as his "Issues" page says, he believes that "Agriculture plays an important role in the economy of North Carolina," and  he "understands the burdens and concerns associated with a business," such as the need to honor one's contracts. 

Anyway, Nathan blamed our friend Vernon Robinson or his supporters for sending out the Pastor Randy email.  Robinson's campaign manager issued a statement claiming that no one in their campaign did it, and added, "If Nathan Tabor has a complaint about all of this information coming to light, he has no one but himself to blame for his past behavior."

However, the Tabor campaign had the email traced, and it appeared to have been sent by Robinson supporters.   (Sadly, Robinson doesn't live within the senate district Nathan is seeking, so we won't see a rematch -- or presumably, any more emails from Pastor Randy.)

But Nathan wasn't a total innocent either, as that Winston-Salem Journal article points out.
Tabor has said he would not engage in negative campaigning, which he describes as making up lies, as opposed to fact-based campaigning.

But Tabor has sometimes struggled with the truth. He once said that Jay Helvey, a former managing director at J.P. Morgan & Co. and also a candidate for the 5th District Republican nomination, put everything he owned in his wife's name, which Helvey had not done.

"I'll retract and say sorry on that," Tabor said.

Earlier this week, Tabor said that Robinson took a $3,500 monthly salary from his campaign before retracting the comment after learning that it wasn't true
.
So, what Nathan meant when he said that he wouldn't engage in "negative campaigning," was that he wouldn't flat-out lie about his opponents, and when he did, he would retract the comments when he got caught.

I almost want to move to North Carolina, just so I can vote for this young man.

Nathan's old site also features a lot of info about his family.  While there are bios of everyone in his immediate family (except his wife), I liked the one on his older brother the best:
Byron Tabor
Evangelist, Exhibition archer
On Target For Christ

Family man, evangelist, exhibition archer, and bow hunter, Byron L. Tabor shoots straight “On Target” to expound Biblical truth. Born the oldest of three sons to Rev. Byran and Suzanne Tabor, he was raised in a home where family devotions, hunting and fishing were a way of life. By age four he received his first longbow. He learned to shoot instinctively on his own. 
By age ten he had arrowed his first rabbit. He has taken hundreds of small game, fish, and several dozen large game animals.
Yes, ever since he was ten, Brother Byron has been instinctively killing animals for Jesus.  (Maybe he would make a good hunting companion for Dr. Mike Adams, now that Dr. Mike has been spurned by Doug Giles.)
He married homecoming queen and high school sweetheart Whitney Wood in 1990. Whitney is a talented vocalist and homemaker. She home schools their three children: Scarlette, Violette, and Luke. The children have been shooting in the exhibitions with dad since they were 18 months old.
Nothing says "family values" more than making your 18-month-old tot shoot a longbow.
After graduating with a ThB and Youth Minor degree from Piedmont Bible College, he embarked into what he has dubbed Activity Based Evangelism™. Byron loves to teach Doctrinal Studies to help people make rational decisions based on God’s Word. He has a powerful and captivating presence that the Lord uses in a mighty way to see people get saved. has performed hundreds of archery demonstrations in churches, Christian camps, sportsmen outreaches and commercial outdoor events.
Yes, archery demonstrations are a great form of Activity Based Evangelism (remember, that's a trademarked pharse), and an excellent way to teach people to make rational decisions. ("Do you want to get saved, or do you want me to shoot you?")

And although Nathan's wife Jordan didn't get a bio, the site does feature several photos of the young bride.  And via the archives, we can read a message that she wrote in Nathan's support in Spring 2004:
Dear Women,

Spring is in the air! I hope that the changing season finds you and your family well and in good spirit. This has certainly been a very exciting time for me! As we approach our three-month anniversary, married life with Nathan has been a blessing each day.
Aw, isn't that sweet?  Another reason to vote for Nathan -- married life with him is a blessing! 
My key goal for the final leg of this campaign is to form a dynamic and effective Women for Tabor® coalition. ...  Many women tend to vote relentlessly, but are often absent on the campaign trail. This is unfortunate ... We always welcome your children on the campaign trail. We maintain a fun, family-friendly, Christian environment in our offices as well as on the road. As a matter of fact, our two Yorkshire Terriers are often found curled up in the laps of staffers and volunteers. Children are our future; we believe it is never too early to expose them to positive learning and the political process.
I'm sure Jordan's message appealed to the relentless female voters of North Carolina, who were flattered to know that their children, like the Tabors' Yorkshire terriers, were welcome to curl up in the laps of staffers, and piddle in the corner.

And Jordan sounds like the ideal political wife.  As a student at Salem University, she was president of the College Republicans, and a supporter of Elizabeth Dole (which may be how Nathan met her, since she is about nine years younger than him).  She married Nathan in December 2003, after Nathan had already started his campaign for Congress (and needed a wife to demonstrate that he was, as he told a local paper, "a family man" -- despite his single status).  She gave birth to their first child about a year later. 

And she emailed Pam of Pam's House Blend because she had read Pam's post naming her husband the "Homo-Bigot of the Week" (he had advanced the idea that gays should pay higher insurance premiums because they are always catching gross diseases, due to the fact that they are all promiscuous and have icky homo sex).  Jordan defended her spouse, claiming that he was not a closeted homosexual as some commenters had speculated, but was instead "very straight," as demonstrated by the fact that they had just had a baby.   (She didn't contest the claim that he was a homo-bigot, however.)

Oh, and you can expect to see lots of photos of that baby during the upcoming campaign  -- Nathan has already posted almost 300 of them online (I'm not going to give a link, since I don't believe in exploiting children).

So, in conclusion, while I fully endorse Brad's plan to make Yosef run against Nathan in this race, Nathan is my second choice.  You have to admire a man who isn't afraid to run for public office (again!) after making public his wingnutty views on government, ethics, and science in writings like the following:
Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays:  The fact is that the teachings of Christ are the basis for our legal system and government. Thou shalt not kill, ( murder) covet thy neighbor's wife, (adultery) lie, steal, bear false witness, etc all come from the ten commandments. As a member of our society, we buy into these beliefs as true and sound. Therefore, we have a reason to celebrate Christmas even if we aren't Christian, as we are celebrating the fundamental cornerstones of our society.
Charles Darwin Disagrees with HomosexualityProponents of the gay agenda like to say their lifestyle is genetically determined and they don't have a choice in the matter. Most homosexuals reject God so they can't claim they were "created" the way they are. From this we can conclude that most agree with the tenets of Darwin's evolutionary theory.
However, this position poses a logical contradiction. [...]
Under Darwin's process of natural selection, all "beings" - as opposed to the outmoded religious idea of "creatures" - are continually adapting to their natural environment in order to have a better chance of surviving.  [...]
This means that not only must these beings be able to reproduce sexually, they must actually do so, for evolution to work as posited. Under evolution, then, successful reproduction is the key. Homosexuals would cease to exist because their sexual practices are such that they do not produce natural offspring.

Therein lies the quandary, then, for the gay activist seeking to make his intellectual case for respectability based on science and genetics. These secular gods have abandoned him to oblivion. By their iron laws of Natural Selection, he cannot possibly exist, let alone be genetically preserved and determined.

You have to love a guy who thinks he has just won debates with the secularists and/or the homosexuals with the above columns. 

And that's why, even though the campaign season has barely begun,  I am naming Nathan as the official World o'Crap Wingnut Candidate of 2006 (unless somebody better turns up).

4:31:08 AM    

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