December 15, 2005 by s.z.

Who Said It?

Name who is responsible for each of the following statements, rants, and bon mots, and you could win cool prizes, maybe!

1.   While this one may seem easy, it could be a trick!

What better way to celebrate the birth of Baby Jesus than killing off womb babies?

Sure, it sounds like Brad R., but it might not really be him.

2.  Here's another one that might seem obvious ... at FIRST. 

It's from a column which advises the White House to stop making everything about Bush, because it's both creepy and wrong. 

There is the sense sometimes with this White House that they learned more from Bill Clinton than from Ronald Reagan. [...]

Ronald Reagan fought a war, but he didn't think it was about him, he thought it was about America. He didn't think it was about his principles; he thought it was about America's. He didn't land on aircraft carriers; he built them.

Yes, Ronald Reagan built aircraft carriers. He built them with his own two hands, when he wasn't busy fighting wars, tearing down the Iron Curtain, and playing football for Notre Dame. And yet, there wasn't (and isn't today) a cult of personality focused on him! George Bush should emulate Ronnie, and go out and build some aircraft carriers.

3.   Okay, here's a harder one.

At this point, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to reference this Newsweek piece that all the media is having an orgasm over: Bush detached! Bush living in a bubble! [...] Now, let me tell you something about this piece. It was written by Evan Thomas, and Evan Thomas to me is a hack. Evan Thomas to me is a shill, and he's a fraud. But in addition to that, here's who he is. Evan Thomas who wrote the Newsweek piece is the grandson of the founder of the ACLU. That man's name: Norman Thomas. He was also a huge socialist. [...] He was a wacko; he was an absolute kook, and he had a son, and his son had a son, and his son's son, the grandson is now Evan Thomas who is now working at Newsweek and writing these pieces about "Bush in the bubble."

And since that Newsweek piece was written by the grandson of a socialist, you know that Bush is the OPPOSITE of living in a bubble.  He's, um, living in ultra-reality, and it's EVERYBODY ELSE who is unaware if the true nature of reality.  You know, like in "The Matrix."  It's only the socialists who would have you think otherwise.

(Okay, while this Mystery Guest himself may sound like a wacko and absolute kook, it's probably just the drugs talking.)

4.   Our next Mystery Guest gives you some tips on how to cure your toddler of thumb sucking.

Give him two or three days to think about [your comments about how thumb sucking will make his teeth crooked, and will cause the other children to mock him]. Then make an all-out assault on several levels –– both positive and negative. Tape his fingers together so they feel rough in the mouth, and put hot pepper on the tape so that the taste turns him off.

And if that doesn't work, tell him the story about Siggie the dachshund -- that should scare him straight.

5.  Hint: This columnist claims that she has "done a lot for my country." 

Her column is about how Limbaugh and DeLay are being persecuted just because they are conservative. 

Charges like these are not brought at random. They are brought against people who pose the greatest threat to liberals. (What am I? Miss Congeniality?)

The only difference between the Stalin-era prosecutions – also enthusiastically defended by liberals – and these prosecutions is that it's possible to get acquitted here. But the validity of the charges is about the same.

Hint #2:  She is not Miss Congeniality.  However, like other cartoon characters, she also poses no threat to liberals (except for the second-hand smoke thing).

6.  From an interview in which our Mystery Guest equates liberalism with "communing with Satan."

[T]he print press in this country is as vicious as it comes. ... They are a bunch of vicious SOBs. ...  I don't know how many more examples that I have to say. I mean, I've been called every name under the sun. Every name under the sun for trying to get a little respect for Christmas.

See, it's not a War on Christmas or Christianity, it's a War on God's Other Only Begotten Son, our mystery guest.  And that's the worst kind of war.

7.  From a blog entry in which our Mystery Guest whines about how Media Matters "attacked" him and accused him of lying, when all he did was claim that the Robb-Silberman report exonerated the President for those "16 words" in the State of the Union Address, when he meant to say it was the Butler Report. (Sure, he also failed to mention that "the Senate Intelligence Committee did document doubts about the claim voiced at the time by some U.S. intelligence officials," but if he doesn't want to talk about that, I guess we won't mention that part.) 

Of course, Media Matters said our Mystery Guest lied -- iIt said that he made a false claim.  Which of course he did. 

But here's where "Brock's Knaves" added insult to injury:

BTW, Media Matters accuses me of being as big a liar now as I was when I was a Communist. I was never a Communist, unless you want to count being a minor child in a Communist household being a Communist (interesting guilt by association for lefties). But I will call this a mistake rather than a lie, even though Media Matters has never corrected an error about me in the past when it has been pointed out to them.

The charge that our MG "hasn't changed, from when he was still a communist. ... The only difference is that now he's a far-right liar, as opposed to a far-left liar," was made by a commenter, not by Media Matters.  So, I guess this means that once again, our Mystery Guest has made a false claim

But for the record, our MG wasn't a Communist, he was a Marxist and one of the leaders of the "New Left."  But even our MG says that movement became "virtually indistinguishable from the Communist predecessor it had claimed to reject."  So, I hope the commenter at Media Matters gets fired for snearing our MG this way.  

2:31:39 AM