February 26, 2006 by s.z.

The Sounds of Wingnuttery

From WorldNetDaily, the same people who brought you that book about how the Omaha Library Board is secretly controlling your destiny, comes a CD to write angry rants about Darwin by.  It's called "Freedom Shall Return", and it's the soundtrack to the windmills in Pastor Giles' mind.

Here are the details: 

Announcing a music revolution for Americans with traditional values

Although James Perloff, best known for his highly popular books "The Case Against Darwin" and "Tornado in a Junkyard" writes persuasively in favor of creation and against evolution, he himself has evolved into something completely different – as evidenced by his new music CD, "Freedom Shall Return."

He has become a Cylon.  The music proves it.

In a word: If you have traditional values, but also enjoy great pop music, you'll love this unique album.  Listen to samples from several of the cuts on "Freedom Shall Return"!

Something is wrong with the sound on my computer (in that it has practically no volume), but in this case, it was a blessing. 

In a word, if you have any kind of values, but also enjoy any kind of music, this unique album will make you want to kill yourself.  (Tom Servo: "I weep for the death of the spirit and the soul."  Joel: "Hey, who doesn't?")

Go ahead and listen to the samples yourself if you don't believe me.

But first, read on:

Perloff has an interesting observation about Christians, conservatives and libertarians: "They talk about issues, but rarely sing about them."

Thank God!  (And oh, if only this state of affairs had been allowed to continue ...)

In the '60s – when, notes Perloff, "I was an atheist" –

Of course he was.  The law required it. 

people sang about the Vietnam war, about civil rights, the new morality and other hot topics. "Not that most of rock was issues-driven," he says, "but it was certainly mixed in, and the effects were powerful. Also, the music itself was usually well-crafted."

Taking a cue from the '60s, Perloff has written 12 memorable songs that are strong on both melody and message, performed by outstanding musicians and produced by the talented Sang of Stomp Machine Productions in Salem, Mass.

So, the idea was to recreate songs like "Blowin' in the Wind," "The Times They Are A-Changin'," and "Give Peace a Chance," but to make them be about issues the wingnuts are interested in, like womb babies and homo nups.  And to make them crappy.  Doghouse Riley, I think this CD is for you!

And here are some of the songs you'll get, Mr. Riley:

• "Where Did All the Holidays Go?" decries the commercialization of holidays.

I think it goes a little like this:

Where did all the holidays go, long time passing?
Where did all the holidays go, long time ago?
Where did all the holidays go? Killed by Bill O'Reilly in some stupid war, every one.
When will he ever learn?  When will he ever learn?

• Snappy "Home-School Kids" extols the benefits of homeschooling.

Sung to the tune of Duran Duran's snappy "Girls on Film":

See them sitting in the living room, protected from sin and strife.
Heads filled with creationism, as Mom prepares them for real life.
They'll never, ever learn about sex, 'cause they're not in public school.
And they'll never have an unapproved idea, 'cause that's quite against the rules.

Home school kids (They're not all creepy)
Home school kids
Home school kids  (Some are quite normal)
Home school kids.

• "Echoes of Vietnam," a tribute to the veterans of that war, is a story about a dying vet having a flashback to battle.

I'm going to guess that the battle involves hippies at the airport calling him a "baby killer" and spitting on his wounds.

• "Goodbye to Darwin" takes aim at the cultural impact of reducing people to animals.

The cultural impact is that people go around shouting, "I am not an animal!  I am a human being!"  But nobody believes them, because they look like quail -- and so they get shot in the face despite their claims of humanity. 

And that's why the President is against human/animal hybrids.

• "The Lost Cause," a haunting ode to the South of Robert E. Lee, is odds-on to be a hit in Dixie. 

But we can all enjoy it, because a longing for a society where men are Christians, women are delicate belles, and colored folks are our slaves is one of those traditional values that we need more songs about.

• "The Fifties" is nostalgia about better times.

A time when although the colored folks weren't our slaves, at least they couldn't drink at our drinking fountains.

• "Say ‘No' to The New World Order" champions American sovereignty.

Sung to the tune of "Look For the Union Label":

Say no to the New World Order
When you are joining a U.N. or such.
Remember somewhere a wingnut's crying
Thinking of how our country could be ruled by the Dutch.

We work hard, but who's complaining?
Our diligence kept the black helicopter away!
So always say no to New World Orders,
So Satan won't control the U.S.A.!

• "Freedom Shall Return," the title song, is a dramatic call to restore religious liberty to America, especially in public schools.

Sung to the tune of "We Shall Overcome":

Freedom shall return, freedom shall return,
Freedom shall return some day
Oh, deep in my heart, I believe that freedom from the separation of church and state shall return some day

We shall pray in schools, we shall pray in schools,
We shall pray in schools some day
And all the kids will pray aloud to our God, when we pray in public schools again someday

We shall stone the gays, we shall stone the gays,
We shall stone the gays some day
When Dominionism triumphs, I do believe we'll stone the gays some day.

We shall teach the harlots, we shall teach the harlots.
We shall teach the sluts the consequences of teh sex
And they won't get no damned abortions, when we free them from having freedom soon some day.

• And several more, each comprising its own unique and special level of hell.

Anyway, take a listen to the samples (if you dare!), and then see why this might be the perfect gift for everybody on your gift list whom you hate.

3:24:42 AM