December 7, 2003 by s.z.

Days of Our Blogs  Well, young Ben is jealous because Jim invited ME to lunch (if I'm never in Philadelpia), and not him.  Sure, both Ben and I greatly admire Jim's wit, intelligence, style, humor; breadth of knowledge, personality, and presumed good looks; and we both have written stuff that we hoped would catch Jim's eye.  But Jim picked me, and Ben has just got to accept this like a big boy, and stop lashing out in anger this way.  Or else his mother said she'll wash out his typing fingers with soap.  Sure, Ben has some qualities I lack, like, um, bushy eyebrows.  But I was forced to listen to Paul Harvey while riding the bus to junior high every day, and that's something that Ben can never have, since Paul died before Ben was even born.  But Paul will always be there, dead, for Jim and me. Poor Ben.  He will just have to find someone else.  Hey, I hear Ann Coulter thinks he's "wise beyond his years," or "probably not as big a girly-boy as Jonah Goldberg," and is sending him secret messages in her columns by using code phrases like "force gay sex down our throats."  Ben should just try to get Ann to take him to lunch.  Unless he IS, Ann, of course.  If he is, he should buy himself a sandwich (and EAT the damned thing), and then get back to stalking Ed Koch.  But as for Jim and me, we have blogs to write.  And that's something that neither Ben nor Ann will ever understand.  Well, maybe they understand the premise, but they don't seem to have grasped the execution, which involves posting more than ONCE EVERY COUPLE OF MONTHS.  It also frequently requires reading and deciphering columns by people? like Rebecca Hagelin, Michelle Malkin, and Tina Brown -- so it's not a job for light weights.  Of course, I never have to deal with Tina, because fortunately there are still some things that real men do -- like volunteering to read all the Tina Brown columns, so the women and children are spared this ordeal.  Thank God for real men.  Like Jim. 4:48:22 AM

Another Review of a Book We Haven't Read The Real America: Messages From The Heart and Heartland  by Glenn Beck  This is not only a book I haven't read, it's written by an author I've never heard of.  Yes, even though "Glenn Beck is a rising star in political talk radio," I can't recall ever hearing his name before.  But then, I don't listen to the radio much, and live in the Imaginary America, so you can't go by me. Anyway, Glenn has written a book.  It's a book about the REAL America, which doesn't include New York, California, New Hampshire, or anywhere that mothers don't bake cookies for their children every day, or any place where a plucky lad can't rise from rags to riches through dint of sheer determination.  So, basically it's the America That Time Forgot, in a land where shadow meets substance, called The Twilight Zone. The book is written in a home-spun, folksy style, and at a 6th grade level, as befits the real American readers it's designed for. One of Glenn's subjects is "political correctness," a topic never covered in a book before.  Of it. Glen says, "Political correctness is the classic Great Idea Gone Wrong. All it's done is shut us up. It hasn't changed anybody's mind. It hasn't changed our hearts. It's changed our faces. It's taken every opinion we have, it's taken every joke we have, and it's forced us to conceal it and hide it and bury it. It's made us superficial." Glenn has revealed the basic truth (so unpalatable to the left) that underneath political correctness people are still telling Polish jokes silently to themselves.  Some folks may say that what is now called "political correctness" used to be called "good manners," and while good manners never changed anyone's hearts and minds, they sure made life a lot more pleasant for everyone.  These people also say that society doesn't care what ugly thoughts you have about others, as long as you just shut the hell up.  But Glenn isn't one of these people.  He never shuts up.  He's bucking to be the new Sean Hannity.  "Terrorism isn't caused by poverty, poverty is caused by terrorism. Terror is a tool used by those seeking power to keep the masses in need of an answer." But how come so few rich masses seek answers from terrorism?   That's such an obvious question that I'm sure Glenn must have covered it in the book.  I bet it's something really profound like, "Money can't buy happiness, but happiness can't buy money."  "Too many people blame everything on everybody else, and because they do, they will expect too little from themselves and too little from their children." Glenn Beck says all that, and more. He says all that, and more, to the poor people whom he urges to shape up, fly right, and quit expecting the goverment to take care of them.  If only they'd only expect that they could make a six-figure salary as the CEO of a Fortune 500 company, then they could.  But they would rather sit around blaming racism for their problems, instead of just getting out there and working hard, pulling themselves up by their bootstraps, and making a good life for themselves and their family, like President Bush did. With his inimitable combination of self-effacing humor and heartfelt conviction, Glenn rails against many of the forces that keep us from our potential as a nation and as individuals -- and tells how to overcome them. His topics include: Family and community I'm guessing that he's for them. Politics He's non-partisan, like Bill O'Reilly, but says that if you're a liberal, you're not a real American. Personal responsibility He thinks you should use some, and become a successful talk radio personality, or something.  Stop making him pay for your canned soup and government cheese, old man!  Buy your own damned hot lunches, little girl! Race relations The only reason we have problems with race relations these days is because we spend so much time talking about them.  You hardly ever heard people whining about race relations in the 1950s, and life was sure a lot better then.  That was the golden age of real Americans.  Glenn has a tip for the other races: why not become industrious and self-reliant, like the white one?  Glenn's refreshing lack of political correctness lets him say this without being a racist. Religion He's for it?. Political correctness, the media, Hollywood, and celebrities Abortion and the death penalty Alcohol and drugs He's against each of them, except maybe the death penalty.  Why I wave the flag Because it's easier than thinking. After reading “The Real America,” you’ll understand: How we’ve been tricked into allowing “Temptation Island 3” into our home It rang the doorbell and said, "Candygram!"  But we only fell for that the first time, so the next week it rang the doorbell and said, "Land shark."  Why political correctness has turned us all into liars Because we're all racist, sexist, ageist, cripple-bashing, fat chick-hating, anti-Semites at heart. What Doritos and CNN have in common They both give you bad breath. How Jesse Jackson and Yasser Arafat are the same person Really good disguises, a knack for dialects, and a Star Trek transporter. Who’s really responsible for your fast food & Oreo addiction I'm going to guess . . .YOU are! And maybe some other stuff… In his inimitable style of inspired social commentary mixed with fearless humor, Beck seamlessly blends entertainment and enlightenment. “The Real America” covers topics that everyone is talking about in a way that will keep readers turning pages like a great mystery novel.  I'll save you some time: the butler did it.  He did it fight terrorism and non-real Americans.  And he takes full responsibility for it too.  Glenn Beck's compelling message in The Real America echoes the ideas he has delivered to thousands of people with his groundbreaking Rallies for America: Once we connect with our power individually, we can empower others -- and then we can be as great and as grand as we have always wanted to be as a person, as a people, and as a nation. Remember how He-Man connected with the power of Grey Skull, and he became the grandest in the land?  Well, the same can happen to you -- if you just believe in yourself and read the book.  Or so I'm guessing. And here are some reviews from Amazon readers who gave this book 5 stars: Liberals Are Jerks!!!, November 27, 2003 The moral of the story is that you should do what is right for your country, not, what is right for your political party. Witty, truthful, from the man's heart, November 15, 2003 Glen Beck can write on a level that everyone can understand, and hits it out of the park on almost every point. I was mesmerized. Couldn't put it down.  Hey Liberals!! Run for the Hills!, November 14, 2003 The liberal's theory is this: You are never going to be any better than what you are. You will always be poor and dependent on your government. You are to stupid to know what is best for you and your family so the gov has to show you the way.The Conservative theory is this: You will be better than what you are, however, you have to work for it, just like everybody else does. You and you alone know what is best for your family and the government has no business running your life. Nobody owes you anything; you owe yourself. Give me that theory any day!!! GREAT BOOK and even better talk show!!!!Liberals beware. The conservatives are going to take this country back!!! You can all go to Cuba and China. LONG LIVE GOD, The AMERICAN FLAG, and JUDGE ROY MOORE!!!   Whiny liberals leave, we know you can't read anyway!!!, November 10, 2003 If you are a liberal this book will piss you off to no end because it describes the REAL America that is hidden under all your emotional, socialist, and P.C. crap. This book is a must-read for every American who is concerened about their freedom and desires to live a clean, real life  So, Glenn Beck's The Real America: not the best book I didn't read this week, but certainly one of the ones I never intend to. 3:23:49 AM