November 23, 2003 by s.z.

A Report From the Sean/Ann Event Arizona on Front Line of Gay Marriage Conflict Conservatives kicked off a nationwide effort this weekend to raise $10 million to support a constitutional amendment banning gay marriages. Talk show host Sean Hannity and author Ann Coulter, two of the top conservative media stars, spoke at different events in Mesa to mobilize their troops. More than 800 people attended the Defend Marriage and Family Conference on Saturday morning that started with a $1,000-a-plate breakfast.  Outside Centennial Hall, a dozen people peacefully protested near the entrance, holding signs that read: "It's OK to be gay" and "Equality for all." [snip] Earlier, the Arizona Court of Appeals ruled that the ban on same-sex marriage is constitutional and that the state has a reasonable interest in seeing that procreation happens in a marriage between a man and a woman. Yes, I'm sure the state is interested in seeing procreation happen, but shouldn't the couple have some privacy? ("Damn, it honey, I know the State of Arizona likes to watch, but it creeps me out and spoils the mood.")  And wouldn't the state be even MORE than reasonably interested in seeing a same-sex couple procreate?  Now that would be something to see! Anyway, here's a related report about what Sean talked about at the conference (presumably, Ann's remarks weren't fit for a family paper): TV's Sean Hannity launches campaign vs. gay marriages National talk-show host Sean Hannity had an unequivocal message on Saturday for 800 people who gathered in Mesa to promote a U.S. constitutional amendment banning gay marriage: Marriage must remain a sacred union between a man and a woman or there will be repercussions that continue the country's moral slide. "There is no ambiguity for me," said Hannity, who hosts a daily radio and TV show. "Kids need a mother and a father. That's what children need. Traditionally, throughout civilization, marriage has been defined as one man and one woman." I'm just glad that Sean is there for the children, tracking down dead-beat dads, volunteering for "Big Brothers,' and in every way ensuring that kids have the fathers and mothers that they need.  And since Sean has resolved the issue of gay marriage, I guess society can stop thinking about it and just go home and procreate. Hannity kicked off the daylong Defend Marriage and Family Conference that was sponsored by the Mesa-based United Families International. The event, which started with a $1,000-a-plate breakfast, launched a $10 million campaign to help amend the Constitution to ban gay marriages. Heather Sandstrom, a spokeswoman for UFI, said the money will help pay for TV commercials, radio spots and newspaper advertisements to "educate the public." Well, if we would have bid on that $1000 day with Ann and Sean, it's nice to know that our money would have been well-spent. 3:46:34 AM

From Our "Fermented Irony" Files Here's an ad from the 1950s -- a time when it was okay for pilots to share a few drinks before flights. Well, today IS a special occasion, so maybe we're supposed to think that they didn't indulge in large glasses of Brewer's Gold all the time (we're sure that they didn't invite the ol' balls and chains to the airport all the time).  Yes, today they're celebrating young navigator Dirk's marriage to stewardess Betty.  And it was just in time too -- Betty looks like she's at least six months along.  Should a woman in her condition really BE drinking?  And smoking?  (I see a lit Chesterfield in the ashtrash by her large mug o' Ballantines.)  But maybe the cigarette belongs to Peter, the sandy-haired guy to the far right.  Yeah, he's the one trying not to show how much he resents Dirk.  See, he and Betty used to be an item, even though he's married to the lovely Yvette.  But Yvette is frigid  At least, that's what Peter told Betty.  He promised to divorce Yvette and marry Betty -- but after two years of that, Betty told Peter that she was 22, and couldn't wait around any longer.  So, Betty informed Dirk, who had loved her from the day he first set eyes on her (she was spilling coffee on him at the time), that she would be his bride.  Before that, Betty hadn't even given Dirk the time of day -- she thought his dandruff was gross.  But with a little one on the way, she really couldn't be too picky.  Notice how Dirk is eying Peter -- it's as if he's saying, "She's MINE now, Peter.  You can look at her all you want, but lay one finger on her and you're a dead man, pally." Betty will have to quit her job now that she's married, of course.  Since stewardesses are actually on the planes to serve as sex objects for traveling businessmen, allowing them to keep working after they tied the knot would undermine the sanctity of marriage.  No, now Betty will stay home and rule the world by possessing the hand that rocks the cradle.   Here we see Betty thanking Mary-Louise, the wife of Senior Pilot Dave Andrews, for the lovely blender.  Mary-Louise is saying, "I wanted to give you something you could use."  She is thinking, "You'll be using it to make pureed peas and strained bananas in not many months, if I'm any judge of these things." After everybody finished their drinks, Dirk said he and Betty had a plane to Niagra Falls to catch, and Dave and Peter said they had a plane to St. Louis to fly.  A baggage handler, watching  Dave and Peter walk accross the tarmac, thought they seemed a little unsteady -- but then he reminded himself that nobody paid him to think, and went back to stomping on suitcases.  Sadly, the plane never made it to St. Louis, and the the airline had to make another red line (for tragedy) on their U.S. map.  Eventually Betty will come to despise Dirk, and one day, in a fit of anger, will tell him that little Dickie isn't really his son.  However, they will stay together for ten more years of bitter arguments, blistering recriminations, and sarcastic sniping -- Brewer's Gold will play a part in those get-togethers too. The End. 2:44:27 AM