January 25, 2004 by s.z.

My Favorite Idiots A couple of nights ago, when I was sleep-deprived and cranky, I wrote about my picks for most annoying idiots of the day.  But, thanks to a weekend and some leftover cold medicine (antihistamines are not just for itchy eyes anymore!), I am rested and returned to my usual kindly state, and will be devoting today's blogging to my favorite idiots who COULD be annoying if you really let them get to you, but when you have enough sleep, they don't. Yes, what better way to start a new work week than with an update on what some of our old friends have been up to?  Winning the lottery and telling the boss to shove it, you say.  Sorry, not going to happen.  You are doomed to toil at your tedious job until you drop dead of a stress-induced coronary.  So, get your revenge now by using your employer's time to learn what's new in wingnut news. First, let's check in with Dennis Miller: Dennis Miller has usually been happy to spray his acerbic wit across the political spectrum, but things will be different on his new CNBC talk program. President Bush is in a mock-free zone. "I like him," Miller explained. "I'm going to give him a pass.  I take care of my friends." [snip]  The show will feature interviews, a rant on a selected topic, a "Weekend Update"-like comic newscast and a pundit panel he calls "The Varsity." And a monkey. You read that right.  Miller wanted a simian presence, believing a monkey occasionally scampering across the studio floor will keep both guests and viewers on their toes, he said.  Well, if you're going to have a Bush-free show and you still want that simian presence, I guess a monkey is the way to go. 11:17:38 PM

TownHall: A Little Dab'll Do You It's the weekend, and none of them really care about this crap.  Kathleen Parker As you will recall, last week Kathleen showed us why the "delightful" Judith Steinberg dressed too casually to be allowed to become first lady.  (Because "Americans have a right to visit with the woman who would represent their feminine side to the rest of the world," and so when we barged in on her some Sunday morning, she might be wearing sweats and a T-shirt, and then we'd all become lesbians). Today Kathleen announces that Howard Dean and John Kerry are "unpresidential" , and so we should let the George Bush Action Figure govern us for another four years.  In his State of the Union address, President Bush offered few surprises, other than his weird concern about steroid use among athletes, but he did demonstrate something reassuring. He conveyed that he has grown into his role. As he strode down the center aisle toward the lectern in the House chamber, greeting members of Congress, Cabinet members and generals, Bush looked the part: dignified, warm, comfortable in his skin, more statesman than cowboy, fully possessed of that rare quality we call class. And then he spilled a glass of water on Dick Cheney, conveying that he is a klutz who secretly hates Dick Cheney. But Dean unleashed his auto-exorcism in plain view of the entire universe, including our fans in the Arab world. And we want them to model their countries after ours? See, if the Arabs see a candidate yell a little too enthusiastically when addressing his supporters, they will know that democracy is evil.  It just goes without saying.   George Will George tells why Democrat Gavin Newsom's win over Matt Gonzalez, the Green party candidate, in San Francisco's mayorial race means that Howard Dean's won't get the Democratic nomination.  Because Will says so, that's why.  And hey, Newsom's wife used to be a lingerie model.  That must signify something about the Dean campaign, or Will wouldn't have mentioned it. The city has about as many camels as Republicans, so Newsom is called a "conservative." This smear gained currency even though Newsom supports "transgender rights," meaning the city pays for its employees' sex change operations, including -- this may be more than you want to know -- expensive hormone treatments.  Actually, I (and everybody else) already knew that the process of changing sexes included expensive hormone treatments, but thanks for worrying about my delicate sensibilities, Will Neil Cavuto Neil Covutu says we shouldn't listen to pundits, because they're always wrong.  You know, like that that guy who told us, "Mark my words and save this column, holiday sales are going to be huge.  Huge."  We should expose these charlatans for who they are -- tea leaf readers who couldn't distinguish Lipton from Lipitor. They haven't a clue, and deep down inside they know they haven't a clue. Robert Novak Hall Monitor Bob grades the Democrats on their courtesy during the SOTU address.  He doesn't tell us what grade he'd give the Republicans who clapped for the continuation of the terrorist threat. The most discourteous Democrat in Congress during this year's State of the Union address was veteran Rep. Maxine Waters of California. She refused to clap or stand when President Bush entered the chamber, even though Rep. John Lewis of Georgia, a fellow Black Caucus member, tried to get her out of her seat. The most courteous Democrat Tuesday night was Rep. Harold Ford Jr. of Tennessee, another Black Caucus member. He was usually the first Democrat on his feet for Bush's applause lines, sometimes was the only Democrat standing and on occasion beat Republicans in getting up. Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton, known to grimace when Bush addressed Congress in the past, was on her best behavior this time -- usually joining Republicans in standing ovations. She retrogressed into eye rolling and head shaking, however, when the president claimed "dozens of weapons of mass destruction" had been "identified" in Iraq. I commend Ms. Clinton on the restraint she showed in her body language.  I believe I laughed out loud at that part -- good thing I wasn't present for the address, or Bob would have reported me to the principal.    And BTW, Bob, what the Prez really said was "Already, the Kay Report identified dozens of weapons of mass destruction-related program activities."  Try to pay attention!  No wonder the Administration has bypassed you, and now leaks to the Brits. Paul Jacob Paul has penned a patronizing little piece on why Dr. Judith Steinberg (whom he consistently refers to as "Judy Dean") is his "favorite Democrat."  But he does at least refute the notion that Kathleen Parker (and Kathryn Lopez, and several other snide women) have advanced about it being somehow sinister that Dr. Steinberg doesn't campaign for her spouse. Baking cookies is not a crime.  TownHall: use in moderation.  And appoint a designated thinker before indulging. 4:49:48 AM    Awww! Jim Capozzola of The Rittenhouse Review announced today that, due to financial constraints, he'll be leaving Philadelphia and relocating to the middle of nowhere.  Having personally done something similar (well, it was a move from a suburb of Washington, D.C. to a suburb of the middle of nowhere) I can say that while a step like brings its wake feelings of alienation, loss, and culture shoc (and the move itself is a major pain), there are compensations.  For instance, there are rarely traffic jams in the middle of nowhere.  And the locals have their own quant folkways, and are good people, once you get to know them.  And having family near by is often a blessing (and sometimes a curse -- but that's true of all relationship.) And the best news is that Jim will have new things to blog about.  Change, while not always welcome, does offer chances to gain new perspectives.  I for one am very pleased that Jim will continue with both his blogs, albeit at a lighter pace until the transition is over.  Jim, my brother in soon-to-be exile, I salute you for your courage and fortitude in dealing with your reverses, and wish you all the best in this new adventure. 12:54:14 AM