February 15, 2004 by s.z.

Kerry Scandal Update 2/15 Here's a good summary of the whole business from SCOTLAND'S [thanks to Angus for the correction] Sunday Herald: Explosive claims that Democratic front-runner John Kerry might be brought down by a Clintonesque sex scandal involving an intern dogged his campaign since they surfaced on the Drudge Report website last Thursday. And the story appeared to have legs … for a while at least. It was tantalising: the 60-year-old Boston Brahmin and war hero might have cheated on his ketchup heiress wife, Teresa Heinz, with a far younger woman. Little matter that Alex Polier was a journalist, not a White House intern and that two of the media outlets that Drudge said were investigating the tale soon denied it. The right-wing Drudge site, which claims eight million hits daily had, after all, broken the story of Bill Clinton and the intern Monica Lewinsky. The scent of smut must also have delighted Bush’s backers, given the lordly demeanour of Kerry and the likelihood of a tight presidential race. As of yesterday , the allegations remained unsubstantiated. But, in keeping with my edict that if a mainstream paper wanted to mention the "Kerry intern," they also had to mention "Bush's girlfriend's abortion," the Herald futher reported: Ed Gillespie, chairman of the Republican National Committee, has characterised [Kerry] as a New England liberal who is dangerously out of step with America. The Democrats are planning a scorched-earth bid to oust Bush, he warned. And “Kerry operatives” are planning to go into pro-life chatrooms and spread a scurrilous story that Bush as a young man drove a former girlfriend to an abortion clinic and paid for the procedure. That idea came from comments by the rock performer Moby, who has no connection to the Kerry campaign.  So, in conclusion, not one of the elements of Drudge's story about Kerry and "the intern" has proved factual to date, but George Bush is said to have arranged an abortion for a girlfriend he got pregnant.   Now, on to the Kerry scandal developments for today: NY Daily News has Kerry "flatly denying" rumors of an affair.  "I just deny it categorically.  It's rumor.  It's untrue. Period," Kerry told reporters in Wisconsin. "It's not true."   Kerry also said there was nothing that could be used against him, and that his campaign was not vulnerable to a sex scandal.  This should silence those who were saying that since Kerry hadn't categorically denied having an affair, the rumor must be true -- but it probably won't, because they're not that all that bright. Drudge spotlight's The Telegraph's report, which has an "American friend" of Alex's saying, "This is not going to go away.  What actually happened is much nastier than is being reported."  I magine that this is the same "friend" who tried to feed the "my best friend the intern had an affair with John Kerry" story to the papers late last year; if so, she must be miffed that her big scandal is going away without anybody paying her for her exclusive story, or offering her a book deal.  As for "what happened" being "much nastier that is being reported," it would HAVE to be, since the only thing that has been reported is that Kerry offered Alex a position with his re-election campaign circa 2001.  My guess as to "what happened": Kerry told Alex she had a nice rack, and THEN invited her to come to Washington and work on his campaign.  Which is indeed "nasty," but still not all that scandalous. The Telegraph also tells us Alex is in Nairobi, staying at her finace's parent's home.  He is described as "a member of the country's fashionable young set. "  She is described as "perfectly nice."  She visits Kenya from time to time.  Always, presumably, fleeing America at the direction of Kerry, who wants to get her out of the country so the media can't pry the secrets of their "affair" from her.  And although she's 27-years-old, not 20; and her only interning was for ABC News in Manhattan; and she and Kerry never lived in the same city during the time they were alleged to be having an affair; and Kerry was dealing with prostate cancer during that period; it's true that Wes Clark DID make that remark about Kerry and an intern, which MUST mean something: probably that Kerry reminded Clark of Bill Clinton, and Clark was jealous. Anyway, the latest scandal report I could find is from The Sun, which claims that yesterday Alex's parents told them that, "there was no evidence the two had a relationship, only that Senator Kerry may have 'hit' on their daughter."  And that she rebuffed him.  I guess THAT is pretty scandalous, him having the nice hair and all.  But Drudge is going to have to start coming up with better scandals if he doesn't want to become a national laughing stock.   Oops, too late! 7:20:16 AM

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And Now For Something You'll REALLY Enjoy! 1.  Sadly, No! brings you the latest from Kyle Williams, who has smacked his head a hundred times but still can't get that Janet Jackson boob out of it -- and it's making him think of S-E-X! 2.  Tom Burka has the whole shocking story about George Bush and Jane Fonda (it was the '70s, George was young and didn't know any better . . .) 3.  Fried Green al-Qaedas has managed to obtain (probably from Manuel Miranda) a secret FBI document from Private Ryan Anderson's permanent file. 4.  As part of Roger Ailes' tribute to Love, American Style, he brings you a little dramatization of how Mike O'Neal (R - Okla) recently spread the word about the sanctity of marriage to some unwilling women at a hotel. Enjoy! 6:18:22 AM

Pro-Abortion Feminist Scouts It's time to welcome another Young Conservative to World O'Crap.  His name is Hans Zeiger, he's 18, and he's a student at Hilldale College (which makes him perfect for our experiments).  He gets the honor of being the Wo'C Young Conservative of the Week because he has a column featured in this weekend's edition of TownHall.   Congratulations, Hans -- way to make the Virgin Ben jealous! But this isn't Hans' first appearance outside the Realm of Young Conservatism.  He's also a regular contributer to Alan Keyes' Renew America (another favorite humor site), which offers a whole page o' info about Hans.  For instance, he is "chairman of Washington Young Americans for Freedom."  You remember YAF -- it's the group that disrupts Democratic rallies and beats up "commies" for fun.  It's also the one which, as commenter Dirk (Prince of Darkness) pointed out, includes on its board the young woman who watched "Firing Line" at her Daddy's knee, and thereby learned to lay out the credenda of conservativism (which became a cogency for her). But Hans is more than just a former YAF state leader: he's also "the youngest public policy research expert in the country."  He's an Eagle Scout and president of the Scout Honor Coalition.  He's a Sunday School teacher.  He has been a guest on many TV and radio programs, to include the Laura Ingraham show.  He plays the violin and piano (Ben only plays the violin -- the slacker!) Knowing that an idle Hans is the devil's workshop, the young man is involved in even MORE stuff.  In 1999, when he was 14, Hans served as the northwestern U.S. director of the Youth for Dan Quayle coalition. Plus . . . Hans has taken on a number of social issues in addition to the defense of the Boy Scouts. Hans is the national spokesman for the counter-protest to the annual gay rights "Day of Silence." He is leading the opposition effort to the establishment of an abortion clinic near his home. And much, much more.  So, let's all put on our listening caps and let Hans tell us about the Pro-Abortion Feminist Scouts. Across America, Girl Scout cookie sales are in full swing. Last week, Girl Scouts of America officials announced a sales record for Washington, D.C., as 4.2 million boxes of Samoas, Thin Mints, and other cookies were sold in the nation's capitol. But I'm going to be critical of the Girl Scouts. I love the cookies, but the organization has somewhat rejected moral decency. Well, of COURSE it has, if the girls are Pro-Abortion Feminist Scouts!  Let's first hear about their pro-abortionism: At a recent Nobody's Fool annual meeting held at Planned Parenthood of Waco, Texas, the Bluebonnet Council of the Girl Scouts of America bestowed on Planned Parenthood chief executive Pam Smallwood the title of "Woman of the Year."   A Texas Christian radio station is urging its listeners to boycott Girl Scout cookie sales because of the Girl Scouts' close dealings with Planned Parenthood, and last Monday, parents of nine Girl Scouts in Crawford, Texas announced that their daughters will be leaving the Girl Scouts of America.  Pam Smallwood is "not who I want as a role model for my daughter," announced the mother of a ten-year-old Girl Scout who apparently broke into tears upon learning of Ms. Smallwood's lethal occupation. "I have to make a stand or there's no telling what else would happen," another mother told the Waco Tribune-Herald. The Texas chapter's "Bluebonnet Council" named a Planned Parenthood executive their Woman of the Year: that's it for the Girl Scouts' pro-abortion stance.  Sure, it might not sound like enough with which to brand a whole organization with the pro-baby killing label, but you have to take a stand or there's no telling what else would happen. Now, let's hear about the Girl Scouts' feminism: Rather than fight a 1992 lawsuit that challenged "God" in its Promise, the Girl Scouts broke its Promise with overwhelming support at the 1993 Girl Scouts national convention by permitting atheist and agnostic girls to use "words they deem more appropriate" in place of "God." Or, as the Girl Scouts put it: The Girl Scouts provide flexibility in speaking the Girl Scout promise.   An individual member may use the word or words for "God" that best reflect her own individual spiritual beliefs.  The Girl Scouts believe that freedom of religion is a fundamental American right.  While we believe the motivating force in Girl Scouting is a spiritual one, we do not attempt to dictate the form or style of a member's worship. That DOES sound pretty feminist!  But wait, Hans has found even more of this kind of man-hating, victim mentality-embracing nonsense! Since the 1970s, the Girl Scouts have been aligned with the radical feminist movement. For many years, Betty Friedan was seated on the national board of the Girl Scouts of America. In 1972, at the urging of Friedan and other feminist leaders, the Girl Scouts dropped "loyalty" from its oath because the feminized America was one where neither men nor women were expected to commit to each other in marriage. Um, yeah.  And when the Boy Scout Law says that a Scout is "loyal," it means that he never cheats on his spouse.  See, in contrast with the feminized America of the Girl Scouts, the manly America of the Boy Scouts believes that men ARE expected to commit to each other in marriage. And yes, that's leads us to the real reason that the Girl Scouts are a feminist organization: because they're LESBIANS!  We've got to get Amber Pawlik on the case, and quick! Girl Scouts sex education materials include such words as, "Some girls have sexual attractions or desires for people of the same sex." A 1997 book entitled On My Honor: Lesbians Reflect on their Scouting Experience estimated that approximately one in three adult Girl Scout professionals are lesbian and that the Girl Scouts are a positive place for lesbian relationships to develop. (This part of Hans' article caused a Lucianne.com reader to comment, "And the perverts are using the girls as their sex toys."  All of the posters vowed to never buy Girl Scout cookies again.) Back to Hans: In December 2000, President Clinton welcomed leaders of homosexual organizations to the White House to debut the Girl Scout-promoted film That's A Family! The video, produced by Women's Educational Media (WEM) to educate public schoolchildren about homosexual families, used young children to describe what it is like growing up with two moms or two dads. Girl Scout President Connie Matsui addressed the assembled crowd of homosexual activists at the controversial White House screening, explaining her enthusiasm for the film.  One might wonder why the Girl Scouts have been spared the painful attacks that have been launched upon the Boy Scouts by the Left in recent years. The reasons are simple: the Girl Scouts allow homosexuals and atheists to join their ranks, and they have become a pro-abortion, feminist training corps.    While that's pretty shocking, it's just not shocking enough. (Bringing up Bill Clinton is always good, but it should have been HILLARY Clinton if you want to play to your readers' prejudices, and accuse people of being feminists, abortionists, and lesbians.)  Sorry, Hans, but our old friend Kathryn Lopez (or K.Lo, as she used to be known until she became a radical feminist) covered this subject a couple of years ago in a piece called The Cookie Crumbles, and she made it much more inflamatory and arousing than you did.  Here, let me show you: Girl Scout policy forbids sex on Girl Scouts time. But the book On My Honor: Lesbians Reflect on Their Scouting Experience, published in 1997, is filled with coming-of-age stories sparked by gay encounters in the Girl Scouts. Along with an essay entitled "All I Really Need to Know About Being a Lesbian I Learned at Girl Scout Camp," and various stories of "butch" counselors who "wore men's clothes and had slicked back short hair," is testimony to the prevalence of lesbians in Girl Scouting. One writer remembers: "By the time I was a junior counselor, Mic was assistant camp director and her gruff, deep-voiced directives no longer scared me. I didn't know that most of the counselors were lesbians." Others remember how sleepovers and camping trips were opportunities for same-sex sexual experimentation. Girl Scout staffers writing in the book claim that roughly one in three of the Girl Scouts' paid professional staff is lesbian. The organization itself is not shy about the issue.   See how much more titillating it is when you include the gruff voices, slicked-back hair, and the naughty sleepovers!  And here's a good example of how to damn the Girl Scouts with their own words, as provided by Ed Vitagliano of the American Family Association: Still, the Girl Scouts insist in their official policy that they are not advancing homosexuality, merely that the Girl Scout organization does not discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation. “[W]e do not endorse any particular lifestyle,” GSUSA says, and “we don’t permit the advocacy or promotion of a personal lifestyle or sexual orientation. These are private matters for girls and their families to address.” This certainly stretches one’s credulity. After all, if diversity includes homosexuality, and GSUSA celebrates diversity, then GSUSA celebrates homosexuality. The Girl Scouts celebrate homosexuality!!!  That's now it's done. So, Hans, while you may claim to be "known as one of the most opinionated teenagers in America," that's not enough to make it in the world of big-time punditry.  But read Michelle Malkin and Ann Coulter every week, practice what they are doing, and I'm sure you'll get the hang of it before long.  But hey, go ahead and give us your big finish: Parents should be warned that the moral content of today's Girl Scouts is no longer based in the Victorian virtues that gave it life in 1912. Parents and supporters of the Girl Scouts must be vigilant in these matters. If the Girl Scouts of America can't get back to teaching real character, perhaps it will be time to look for our cookies elsewhere. Well, like I mentioned previously, Hans did get the Lucianne.com commenters to boycott Girl Scout cookies, so I guess he's not a complete failure as a TownHaller.  But I still think that Kathleen Parker could have used this subject to much better effect -- SHE would have had gruff-voiced, flannel shirt-wearing Hillary Clinton inviting Judy Dean and her Girls Scout troop to the White House for a lesbian sleepover.  THAT'S what we look for in a TownHall column! 5:09:50 AM

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You Are Pretty High and Far Out From the Time article "An Absence in Alabama": The Texas Guard immortalized Bush's first solo flight in an F-102, issuing a press release at the time celebrating the patriotism of the freshly minted jet jockey. "George Walker Bush is one member of the younger generation who doesn't get his kicks from pot, hashish or speed," it began. Bush got all the high he needed, it continued, flying the F-102. "I've always wanted to be a fighter pilot, and I wouldn't want to fly anything else," the 23-year-old Bush said. What a fine, clean-cut young man -- no marijuana, cocaine, or overindulgance in alcohol for him!  I hope the rest of you can be more like young George here. From further down in the article: Because the Alabama Guard did not fly F-102s, Bush accepted "non-flying status" in Montgomery, according to Texas Guard records. And because he was not flying, he elected not to get his annual flight physical, which forced the Guard to bar him from flying. Uh huh.  Since he'd "always wanted to be a fighter pilot," it must have broken his heart when the Guard was forced to bar him from flying because he elected not to get that flight physical.  And because flying planes was the only way he got high, he certainly wouldn't have opted out of the physical because it included drug testing.  No, he just didn't need a flight physical because he wasn't flying (he was serving his country by reading magazines on a couch in Alabama instead).  So, since he didn't need that physical, he didn't get one, and because he didn't get one, he never flew again (except in his autobiography).  What a great guy!  I wonder what ever became of him?  12:43:14 AM