January 14, 2004 by s.z.

Tonight... The O'Reilly Factor Features Girl-on-Girl Action! Jan 13: Lesbian Sexcapes?    Are publicity stunts like this kiss between Britney Spears and Madonna promoting a new sexual trend in our schools? You won't believe our shocking expose. Plus, is Howard Dean's campaign losing its footing? And is George Soros trying to take over America? Don't miss "The O'Reilly Factor" at 8 and 11 p.m. ET! But sadly, I DID miss it.  And since I did, I guess I'll have to just imagine what it what it would have been like, using the Fox News site's promo page for guidance: Guests and Topics: January 13  Tonight... The O'Reilly Factor is on! *Is an article in today's edition of "The New York Times" sympathetic to a child pornographer? We'll tell you the story and hear from both sides. The only article in the NY Times about a child pornographer is this one.  It concerns a guy who was found guilty of swapping child porn photos online.  He was only 18.  The judge was frustrated, because mandatory sentencing guidelines required him to sentence the teen to a minimum ten-year term in prison (and the defendant wouldn't be eligible for sex-offender therapy for 7-years). "I have no idea what threat he might pose in the future, or what kind of treatment might benefit him," the judge said in one hearing. "I have some difficulty imagining that 10 years in prison is going to do either him or society much good." In another, he noted that if the teenager had been charged with having sex with a 12-year-old, he would face only about five years. "This leads me to the rather astonishing conclusion that Mr. Pabon-Cruz would have been better off molesting a child," he said. So, what we actually have is a story about a judge being sympathetic to a teen caught sharing child porn via the web, not an instance of the NY Times sympathizing with somebody who took photos of naked kids and sold them.  And I'm going to guess that Bill didn't want to hear what the "mercy" side had to say, since child pornography is BAD (and because he hates the NY Times).  Yes, while some liberal elite newspapers may side with perverts, Bill just happens to think that molesting innocent children is WRONG, despite what Al Franken may believe. *Plus, with the Iowa caucuses less than a week away, is Democratic Presidential Candidate Howard Dean's political campaign starting to loose its footing? Democratic political strategist Mary Anne Marsh and Republican media consultant Sherri Annis weigh in. My after-the-fact predictions: Sherri Annis said that Dean's campaign in unraveling because Dean seems so angry all the time, and that turns off voters, who don't want a Mr. Grumpy for their President.  Dean also seems all crazy and stuff.  Bill chimed in with a reference to Dean abandoning his church for a bike path, and believing that President Bush, the Masons, and the reptilian space aliens were behind 9/11.  Mary Anne didn't get a chance to say much. *Then, new polls say that most Americans are not supportive of President Bush's new immigration plan. Why? We'll have analysis. Why?  Bill probably said, "Because it's unfair to legal immigrants, rewards law breaking, encourages terrorism, and doesn't provide for an electric fence on our borders set to 'kill' strength." *And later, is billionaire philanthropist George Soros trying to take over America? Yes.  Yes he is. And billionaires shouldn't be allowed to donate their money to various causes, because they only do it to try to change things!  *Finally, is "everybody" getting in on the lesbian act? Last year, Britney Spears ( and Madonna (kissed on television during an awards show... The music group tATu plays on lesbian eroticism... Are all these lesbian sex capades promoting a new trend that's filtering down to our schools and our kids? You won't believe our shocking expose! Since I don't know much about which new trends are filtering down these days, I did a Google News search for "same-sex kissing schools" and came up with this Wash Post story that is probably the basis of Bill's "shocking expose."  Here's part of it:    These girls pack Ani DiFranco concerts and know tATu lyrics by heart. Their attention is usually directed exclusively at each other but not always: A group of girls at a private school in Northwest Washington charge boys $10 to watch the girls make out in front of them. At one school dance earlier last year, a chaperon had to break up a group of guys circled around two girls kissing, according to other girls who were there. Maybe the teenage exhibitionists were just yanking guys' chains, or hoping to prove how sexy they are, or copying Britney and Madonna. But it's also possible they were enjoying themselves. There's no way for an outsider to know, for in the protean world of young female sexuality, where all forms of expression are modeled, nothing is certain. Shocking!  Shocking!  I blame Madonna, rap music, the public schools, and the liberal media for these naughty, titillating sex capades (or "sexcapes," depending on which O'Reilly promo you believe).  Or rather, I bet Bill blamed the usual suspects.  And I bet he thought that photo of Madonna and Britney kissing was so disgusting that he had to study it for a really long time to fully appreciate just how bad lesbian eroticism can be. *Also, don't miss a brand new edition of our world famous Talking Points Memo and "The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day!" Well, yesterday's famous TPM was about how Wesley Clark wouldn't appear on the O'Reilly Factor, even though Bill has "done everything short of going to his house to try to convince him to come on here."  And don't give Bill that crap about unfairness, because Bill is always very fair when he interviews commie pinkos like Clark.  Bill speculated that the reason Clark wouldn't do the show is that Clark is a yellow-bellied coward who doesn't want people to know who he is.  Which is probably crazy and/or a big hypocrite.  But the door is always open if Clark changes his mind and gets some courage from the Wizard.  So, I'm gonna guess that today's Talking Points Memo was about how Britney Spears wouldn't appear on Bill's show, even though he broke into her house to invite her.  And it would be to her advantage to appear on the O'Reilly Factor, since Bill could yell at her for that Vegas marriage, which demeaned a sacred institution.  But she's young and cute, and so allowances must be made.  And Bill could bring her back from her flirtation with lesbianism by showing her what a tongue kiss from a REAL man is like.  Yeah, Bill would look out for Britney.  Look out for her real good. And that leads us to The Most Ridiculous Item of the Day, which today was probably about how people on the internet are allowed to make fun of famous people, to say whatever they want, and there's nothing these famous people can do, because we don't have laws to protect celebrities in this country.  Oh, and the book race with Hillary is now neck-and-neck, if you use sales figures for her book from a couple of month ago, and then take off the several hundred thousand copies which were sold in blue states.  So, buy several copies of Bill's book today, because if Hillary's book sells more copies, then your daughters will become lesbians. 5:43:30 AM

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TownHall Recap -- From Mordor, Where the Shadows Lie Hooray, it's Hump Day!  And what do we think of when we think of humping?  Yes, our favorite TownHall columnists, like the Virgin Ben Shapiro! Anyway, the meme today is "What's the difference?" as in, "Before 9/11?  After 9/11?  What's the difference?  And who the hell cares what a former Treasury Secretary and member of the National Security Council says anyway?" The recurrent theme is "Bush's Immigration Reform Plan stinks."  The secret phrase is "liberal media."  Kathleen Parker So what if the White House wanted to invade Iraq all along?  I gathered from the electronic deluge that I was supposed to be shocked by this revelation and writhe like a salted slug in self-contempt and shame for supporting the war in Iraq.   No, Kathleen, you were supposed to writhe like a salted slug for that Gay marriage: A trip to the moon on Gossamer wings? piece from a couple of months ago. Michelle Malkin A New Jersey Assemblywoman is proposing a bill requiring home-schooled kids to have an annual medical test; she says one impetus for the bill is those foster kids who were found severely underweight and malnourished.  So, is Michelle in favor of a law which would provide a slight safety net for home-schooled kids who might have no other contact with the outside world?  Heavens no!  Because it's more important to save them from socialism! Indeed, legislators and the liberal media (witness CBS News' anti-homeschooling hit piece last October) are pushing for increased regulation of homeschooling parents, including criminal background checks, because the grass-roots movement gravely threatens their socialist agenda of promoting dependency. God forbid children be taught by their own parents without oversight from the all-knowing, all-caring, infallible wizards of the child welfare-public school monopoly!  Brent Bozell There IS TOO a liberal bias to journalism, and Tom Brokaw is just scared of Brent's mighty Media Research Center. I challenged Mr. Brokaw to agree with me to assemble a neutral panel to review our evidence of liberal media bias and let them determine whether this mountain is a molehill. I pledged that if the panel agreed with him, the MRC would contribute $1 million to the charity of his choice.  But if it agreed with us, he'd have to give the MRC a $1 million gift.  Brokaw is liberal, but he's also wise: He didn't accept the challenge.  But it begs the question: Why even bother to deny the bias?  So, Brent is using all those Scaife donations for GAMBLING?  Next, we'll find him in a Vegas S&M dungeon with Bill Bennett, doing research on the MRC's dime. Walter E. Williams Sure, the rich are getting richer while the poor are getting poorer in America, but it's a GOOD kind of poor here! I'm betting if God condemned an unborn spirit to a lifetime of poverty but He left him free to choose the country in which to be poor, he'd choose United States.   Thomas Sowell Poor Thomas really shouldn't have sold that kidney (even though the price was so good that it would have invalidated his entire economic theory not to), because now the high levels of uric acid in his blood are causing incoherence. Can't liberals afford arches? All sorts of people are referred to as arch-conservatives but almost never do you hear anyone referred to as an arch-liberal. At one time, I could tear a Washington phone book in half.  Not only was I a lot younger, the Washington phone book was a lot smaller.  Linda Chavez Linda got nominated for the Bush cabinet too, and while she didn't get a job (what with that extensive criminal record and all), SHE didn't think George was like a blind man in a room full of deaf people.  No, he was more like a blind man in the kingdom of the one-eyed. O'Neill's collaboration with former Wall Street Journal reporter Ron Suskind on the book "The Price of Loyalty: George W. Bush, the White House, and the Education of Paul O'Neill" may soon land O'Neill in a heap of trouble. The Treasury Department is already investigating whether the former secretary improperly took government documents with him when he left, some of which may have been classified.  (O'Neill claims they were all cleared with the general counsel of the department.)   So, let that be a lesson to you -- disrespect the President and you too may be in a heap of trouble with the Feds, whether or not you actually did anything wrong. Mean Ben Shapiro Paying workers a "living wage" encourages illegal aliens to come to America, since businesses, who can't afford to pay people munificent sums like $8.00 an hour and still give their CEOs 7-figure bonuses, have no choice but to hire people off the books and pay them crap.  So, John Kerry and the unions should just stay out of it, and let the market regulate itself --  the illegals will stay home once they learn that American jobs only pay 25 cents an hour. It is no coincidence that in October, Wal-Mart was investigated for hiring 250 illegal immigrants in 61 stores across 21 states. It is also no coincidence that Wal-Mart is eating its competition.  Jonah Goldberg Howard Dean says stuff that, when reduced to sound bites, sounds goofy.  And then Dean tries to explain what he meant, which is even worse!  Sure, Jonah once derided Ed Koch's "academic pedicure," but at least he wasn't fooled by Dennis Prager's clunky "parody."  Oh, wait, he was! In his - shall we say godlike - arrogance, Dean thinks anything that leaves his mouth must be wise. But in reality, true wisdom lies in taking his no-doubt well-pedicured foot out of his mouth.  Dennis Prager "My readers are the stupidest people on Earth." But what is most interesting here is how many people thought the statements I made up really were said by President Carter. Jonah Goldberg, an astute observer of contemporary life, actually excerpted my column, "Jimmy Carter: 'Compassion for Mordor,'" on his National Review Web site. Debra Saunders Back in 2002, Wes Clark said there was "a connection" between Iraq and al-Qaeda.  And now he says there that Iraq wasn't responsible for 9/11.  What a big hypocrite!  Except that saying that there is a connection between George Bush and Neil Bush isn't the same thing as saying that George is responsible for giving Neil's wife herpes.  So, maybe he's not a hypocrite, is he, Debra?  Clark lied. According to Monday's New York Times, in 2002, retired Gen. Wesley Clark said, "Certainly there's a connection between Iraq and al Qaeda." Now that it is an anti-war tenet of faith that there was no Iraq-al Qaeda connection, thinking Americans should be outraged at Clark's deliberate and cynical attempt to mislead the American people.   Jeff Jacoby Back in the good, old days, immigrants assimilated!  They learned English, got jobs, and became white.  Of course, we allowed them to celebrate a foreign holiday and cook a foreign dish or two (if they did it on the sly), but they never used their ethnicity to get preferential treatment over REAL Americans.  And we liked it that way! For generations, immigrants knew from the day they arrived that they were expected to become "good Americans."     Joel Mowbray The Democrats have teamed up with the liberal media to misrepresent the Labor Department's advice on how employers could comply with the new regulations about mandatory overtime for low-income workers, while actually not paying them more money.  Joel admits that the facts the liberal media presented are "technically correct," but it's the FRAMING that's wrong, in that these tips weren't actually faxed to employers by "Bush operatives," as far as Joel knows.  The article continues, “Essentially, employees would be working more hours for the same pay.”  Except, that's not true.  Most would actually end up making at least as much as before under this “option,” maybe even more.  See, the media misled the public, for, as Joel pointed out, while most workers would make "as much as before" for working more hours, some would actually end up making LESS.  Damned hippie reporters! Bonus TownHall Quiz: Which is the real Dennis Prager, and which is the parody?              Answer: they are BOTH the real Dennis Prager, in a fictional but not false way. 2:44:31 AM