February 9, 2004 by s.z.

Future Conservative Voters And now, let us look at the writings of some of these young right-wingers who will someday rule the world.  To do that, we go to Young Conservatives: The Voice of Future Conservative Voters. (This group apparently gets no Scaife money at all, which seems rather unfair, but it does allow it retain a certain homespun charm.) 1.  Young Ben Carmack, the YC "Chief Contributor out of Indiana," offers up "Notes on the Super Bowl".  Ben starts with the observation, "Believe or not, more did happen at the Super Bowl than just Janet Jackson’s great flash of middle-aged breasts (which apparently gives Justin Timberlake his jollies)."  Apparently Ben sees middle-aged breasts all the time, and so what he found shocking was "Nelly's crotch-grabbing" and P Diddy's song, which was "all about him, and how great he is."  And there was a football game in there too! All of that was overshadowed by one small event. Honestly, where is the religious right on this? We hear constantly of how powerful and influential it is, and how it wants to impose its extremist beliefs on the rest of us. I guess that at President Bush’s top-secret meeting with Jerry Falwell, Pat Robertson, Gary Bauer, and Halliburton executives, in which they conspire to steal oil, fudge intelligence, stifle dissent, kill abortion providers, and discriminate against gay people, the issue of the Super Bowl never came up. Or, maybe the religious right is made up to scare people. I'm not sure exactly what Ben's point is here (that since the religious right didn't have anything to say about the Super Bowl itself, it doesn't really exist?), but I do admire his goofiness.   He goes on to tell us about an old Justin Timberlake song which "lectured us on social injustice," and "told those mean hypocrites in the religious right to 'practice what you preach' and 'turn the other cheek.' If we let the maniacs kill us, that will be a great witnessing tool!"  Well, don't knock it until you're tried it, Ben. And then he concludes by reminding us that the Super Bowl is a "global event," and so we should be on our best behavior in our half-time shows:  Flashing your breast and grabbing your crotch causes people to think that Americans are immoral, sleazy, and uncivilized, much like British entertainment causes us to think of them as witty. We know that this is untrue, but do people in Poland know this? How could they possibly know? Well, many people in Poland have BEEN to Britain, and so have firsthand knowledge of the fact that the Brits aren't all that witty.  But it was nice of Ben to think of them. 2.  This edition of Young Conservatives also offer a piece entitled "Gay Marriage?!?!"  It's by Michael O'Brien, "Chief Contributor out of the Great Lakes" -- and I guess those lake-dwellers have a lot of punctuation to offer on this issue. My favorite bit from Mike was: The way the Supreme Court of Massachusetts has forced gay marriage upon its subjects leaves but no choice to demand the FMA. Examine this decision by the high court of Massachusetts. This decision forces churches in Massachusetts to marry gay couples, facing legal ramifications otherwise. Now, as a Catholic, I know for sure that in the Church, gay marriage is dogmatically forbidden. Priests cannot marry a homosexual couple, that’s just the way it is. So, priests presumably face prosecution for not conferring the Sacrament of marriage to gay couples, something forbidden in the holy vows they take. And since we're examining it, where in that MA Supreme Court decision about homosexuals being entitled to civil marriages does it say that Catholic priests have to  marry homosexual couples?  Well, apparently that's just the way it is, so don't ask any questions. For, as Mike says, "The Federal Marriage Amendment is necessary to prevent any similar morally vapid conundrums from popping up in any other states."  Good enough for me, since I HATE morally vapid conundrums!  So let's move on. 3.  And lastly, here's YC Vincent Fiore, and his "Observations in Hate Speech".  It's about how Democrats all say they hate President Bush, which constitutes hate speech.  For some historial perspective, Vincent says that back in 1964, people made Hitler allusions about Barry Goldwater too. Though I was barely alive in 1964, I do not recall reading about an all-consuming malice that enveloped politics as it does now. And if it was there, it was principally among the politicians themselves and the lunatic fringe of the electorate. Today it shines most brilliantly among the Democratic Party, a large portion of the electorate is angry, and displays a definitive malignancy towards President Bush. Political seasons are never a day at the beach. Demagoguery and negative speech are always present. During President Clinton's tenure in office, there were many on the right that said things that needn't have been said. But this year is different. It is a ceaseless cacophony of rage; single-minded in its application, blind in its reasoning.  Of course, this does make us think.  It makes us think, man, if Vince was alive (even barely) in 1964, he's pretty old for a Young Conservative!  (When we check his title, we see he is listed as "Senior Contributor out of New York, Young Conservatives" -- so, I guess being 40 qualifies one to be a Senior Young Conservative, or a Junior Member of AARP.)  Anyway, back to Vince's point about while the right did utter some "things that needn't have been said" about Clinton, no President has EVER been a target of vilification like George W. Bush has. In the case of George W. Bush, it seems not a day goes by, barely a news cycle even, where some scurrilous of unfounded charge is hurled with an understood disregarding of the facts. A good illustration of this would be DNC chairmen Terry McAuliffe accusing the sitting Commander in Chief of being AWOL during his service in the National Guard, and then erroneously saying "George Bush never served in our military in our country ." The thousands of National Guard now serving in Iraq may beg to differ. Upon asking Democratic presidential hopeful John Kerry about McAuliffe’s charges, Kerry glibly replies that the issue was "a question that I think remains open,” thereby lending credence to slander. Though this issue was dealt with extensively by the New York Times and George Magazine during the 2000 presidential race and proved to be an urban myth, McAuliffe and Kerry cannot help but spread the virus. An urban myth like the one about how smoking causes cancer, perhaps?  But I bet Vince meant it was an urban legend like the one that Saddam Hussein having stockpiles of WMDs in 2003 -- but he's wrong about that.  For, as I'm sure you all know, despite it being dealt with so "extensively" by the press in 2000, Orcinus has found that there is indeed evidence that Bush didn't perform any Texas National Guard duties for months at a time, and there is no evidence that he DID serve as he claimed.  And Calpundit has turned up a document which apparently indicates that Bush was transferred to a unit where he performed NO duties for the last part of his claimed service.  And while Bush did get some training, he dropped out before ever using it, either in the Vietnam or for the state of Texas.  So, it sounds like McAuliffe was right about Bush not actually serving his country in the military. When Presidential hopeful Wesley Clark was questioned during the last New Hampshire debate in regard to Michael Moore’s moronic leveling of the charge of desertion against Bush, he squandered any hope of credibility among the electorate. Instead of simply telling the truth, Clark pretended ignorance garnished with aloofness as to the validity of the charges. No less a progressive luminary than Peter Jennings upbraided Clark by forcefully stating that the accusation was “reckless charge, not supported by the facts.” Clark’s election is over. Kerry would do well to review what caused it to end, and put his fishing pole away. So, Kerry, unless you want to end up sleeping with the fishes like Clark, you'd better keep your mouth shut about da Godfather.  Of course, per Vince, the only DECENT Democrat, Joe Lieberman, was rejected by the Democrats because he was just too moral for a bunch of degenerates lie them. Unable to behave like some modern day Nostradamus angrily flipping pancakes while shouting “Bush eats babies!” at a campaign stop, the democratic party base rejected him. But anger replaces thought, and is much easier besides. And being a Senior Young Conservative requires even less thought, and is much easier than doing research, apparently. Anyway, that's some young conservative thought for today.  It makes me glad, GLAD to be old, I tell ya! 3:49:18 AM

Young, Dumb, and Ugly We're dangerous dudes, we got bad attitudes Most of our brain cells are gone. We were born to be bad, you better not make us mad Or we just might toilet paper your lawn. We got a reputation 'round these parts We only leave a ten percent tip. Sometimes we don't return our shopping carts. Stay out of our way and don't you give us no lip 'Cause we're young... dumb and ugly. That's what we are! We're so young... young, dumb and ugly. Thanks, Weird Al, for musical introduction.  As I've mentioned before, I'm a proud member of the Young America's Foundation (albeit under a fake identity).  The YAF is great, in that its "Club 100" allows you to earn points (mostly by booking conservative speakers at your campus) good towards free Rich Lowry and Ann Coulter books.  And if you earn 100 points you get to attend a free conference at the Reagan Ranch, where "B" list conservative speakers indoctrinate you for several days.  And even if you don't earn 100 points, you can attend various conferences where "C"list conservative speakers teach you how to "promote conservative ideas to other students" and "counter leftist attacks."  For $25 or so, you not only get in, you also get food, lodgings, supplies, and more free Ann Coulter books.    But a recent USA Today article by Laura Vanderkam says somebody isn't getting their money's worth.   Conservative groups have spent millions changing the debate on college campuses, funding and promoting speakers, clubs, magazines and even "affirmative-action bake sales" (minority students are charged 50 cents per cookie, whites, $1, to illustrate the injustice of racial preferences). But the investment is yielding a low return.  Right-leaning folks wanted to grow young reporters, academics, artists and public servants who would change the culture, not just the campus. Instead, they've grown activists who enjoy campus politics, but flee to the business world or conservative institutions after graduation. Until someone convinces young conservatives to battle up the low-paid ladder of newspapers and other mainstream institutions, conservatives will see livelier campus debates and bake sales for their money — but not much cultural change. The author says that back in the '60s, college kids were idealistic, and after graduation, they took jobs in academia, the media, and civil service.  Which is why the liberals now control all of those institutions.   Current conservative students just want to make a lot of money, figuring that once they're rich, they'll just buy academia, the media, and the civil service.  Which is presumably why the College Republicans offers this T-shirt: Not all conservatives threw in the towel.  The "vast right-wing conspiracy" — the John M. Olin Foundation, various Scaife family foundations and other endowments — fought back. They and smaller donors funded YAF, Horowitz's Center for the Study of Popular Culture (Olin authorized a $150,000 grant in 2003), the Intercollegiate Studies Institute (ISI — $175,000 from Olin in 2003) and other organizations that became intimately involved in campus politics. ISI's Collegiate Network (CN) helps fund and advise 80 conservative newspapers on college campuses, including the Princeton Tory, which I ran in the late 1990s. I appreciated the training. CN leaders arranged internships for me (including one with USA TODAY's editorial board), and their conferences introduced me to other student editors in such grand locales as, once, an Arizona resort. Despite this pampering, though, only a handful of CN alumni work for mainstream media such as USA TODAY or NBC Nightly News. The highest-profile alumni (including pundit Ann Coulter and National Review Editor Richard Lowry) write, almost solely, for conservative audiences. I call it "syndicated-columnist syndrome." Turns out, once you experience the royal treatment as a reward for writing polemics in one-sided campus papers, you lose your taste for the tough investigative reporting that convinces unsympathetic editors and readers. You lose your taste for staking out school board meetings, covering police beats and taking other steps on the ladder mainstream reporters must master. Because it's more fun to garner praise by insulting liberals than by being a working journalist, where you can't just make up stuff.  And being Ann Coulter sure pays a lot better than being a city desk editor for thePrairie Falls Gazette. But. . . . It's shortsighted. Like anyone, young conservatives enjoy working with like-minded individuals or landing high-paying jobs. Power, however, has its own currency. National Review's circulation is about 150,000, and the Weekly Standard's is 60,000 — but Time magazine's circulation is 4 million, and USA TODAY's almost 2.3 million. Fox News is growing in popularity, but its highest-ranked morning show just grazed past the worst-rated network morning show. And that's why the liberals will continue to rule the world: the conservative kids are a bunch of mollycoddled wimps!  Well, per Ms. Vanderkam.  I would never make such a statement. But I would check on three right-wing funded organizations for conservative youth, and see where the money is going.  *********************** 1.  First, at my group, the Young America's Foundation, they have lots of cool speakers coming up.  On February 19th, dreamy Rich Lowry will be speaking at Ohio State.  Not to be outdone, on the 18th, Jonah Goldberg will talk at Walparaiso University -- his mother said it will be really good!  And on the 3rd of March, Ann Coulter, the Queen of the Damned, will appear at Washington University, in Missouri.  Somebody will be getting a lot of points for that coup! Oh, and check out their Conservative Theme Movies: bet you didn't know that the Godfather trilogy was conservative-themed!  As are all of the Star Wars movies (but only one Star Trek movie), Batman, Charade, and The Parent Trap. Yup, all conservative-themed!  Basically, if you liked any movie, it means that it's conservative.  Or that you are.   So, at YAF the money goes for speakers, mostly, and for prizes if you book speakers.  2.  I thought the Young America's Foundation had dibs on the initials "YAF," but it turns out that they have competition in the Young Americans for Freedom.  While the home page has a link to a copy of an NY Times Magazine story entitled "The Young Hipublicans," this group's members could more accurately be called "Young Rethuglicans." Anyway, this YAF was started in the '60s at William F. Buckley, Jr.'s house, and it soon "spearheaded the campaign of Barry Goldwater for President, per its history page.  The group claims it has been doing all kinds of stuff since that time, such as denouncing Nixon for opening relationships with China, opposing Carter for being touchy/feely, and supporting Reagan for being cool and macho.  And then, in the late '90s, it became the campus club for jerks and hooligans. YAF proved itself as the TRUE organization for animal rights, as our national chairman Jon Pastore lead a delegation of concerned YAFers out against sexual deviants who perform sexual acts upon unwilling innocent gerbils. NAMBLA members got quite a surprise at one of their events in Washington DC in 1996 compassionate YAFers held banners warning the effects of sodomy. At the 1999 Academy Awards in Los Angeles, YAFer's rally in support of the Academy of Motion Pictures decision to award famous director Elian Kazan with the lifetime achievement award. Confronted by over 600 commies, union thugs, and other leftist swine YAFers continued with their pro-Kazan rally. When the rally turned ugly YAFer Darren Marks went punch for punch with the day laborers until the cops came in and arrested the un-American commies. 2000YAF Leadership passes the torch of Freedom to a new generation of YAFers. Erik Johnson of Yale University assumes the National Chairmanship of Young Americans for Freedom. Chairman Johnson opens a new YAF headquarters in Wilmington Delaware. Chairman Johnson revives the Capitol Hill chapter of YAF reminding the national politicos that Young Americans for Freedom is out there and that YAFers are the guardians of Freedom. And let's meet some of those guardians of freedom from their profiles at YAF's national board members page: Chairman Erik Johnson is 25.  His "greatest YAF story" is one where the group "ruined yet another rally" for Representative Maurice Hinchley (D-NY) -- and then things got really fun when violence broke out!  "The bitter liberals of upstate New York could not take it any longer. They promptly resorted to violent methods, such as fisticuffs, to mute us. It made a very nice spectacle for our (color) video camera."  How cool! Erik's favorite gun is, "Generally, one that is not registered. Specifically, I decline to answer."  And he is "pro-life insofar as it concerns the unborn. Nevertheless, outcome-based retroactive abortions are a good idea in many cases (i.e., Allende, Castro, Mao, Lenin, Reno)."  If only he could use that unregistered firearm on Janet Reno to perform a retroactive abortion, it would be the best YAF story ever! His favorite book is Atlas Shrugged and he does look like an overgrown 7-year-old, so I think we've found the perfect match for Amber Pawlik (who isn't getting any younger, you know." Senior Director Sam Antonio's greatest YAF story? At San Diego State University (my alma mater) three YAFFERS and myself shutdown a pro-abort rally of over one hundred men-hating femi-nazis. Dressed in doctor smocks and covered with blood, we made the CRs blush and the liberals pee in their Birkenstocks. It took over 25 campus public safety officials to break up our wonderful Lilith Faire for the unborn. Other board members share their greatest stories, many of which also involve disrupting events, and beating up "commies."  Other favorite books include Conscience of a Conservative by Barry Goldwater, Atlas Shrugged (again), and the Bible (Jesus being a big proponent of beating up commies). So, the Young Americans for Freedom -- I'm sure Bill Buckley is very proud.  They seem to spend their money for transportation to various events they can distrupt. 3.  Then there's the Intercollegiate Studies Institute, which brought us Ann Coulter and Rich Lowry.  It seems to be very well funded indeed -- I think I may become one of its Campus Associates, just for the free stuff.  These would be my duties: Organizing an ISI Group or affiliating an already existing group with ISI. Organizing reading or discussion groups, often with free materials provided by ISI. Encouraging other students to get involved with ISI. Publicizing ISI by writing articles and letters to the editor in campus newspapers. Arranging ISI lectures, seminars, and debates on your campus, often with ISI financial assistance. As a Campus Associate, you will receive free books and publications, advance notice of events, invitations to conferences, and individualized attention by ISI staff. The staff will also provide you with practical education and intellectual and often financial support as you work to enrich your campus with ISI programs. And 50 students a year get a free week-long trip to Oxford! So, I may have to abandon the Young America's Foundation and join ISI, since it's clearly where I would have the best chance of wasting some of that Scaife dough, which goes for all kinds of goodies for bribable students. And, in conclusion, let me offer you a paragraph from that Young Hipublicans piece: 'It's been true through recorded history that the younger generation instinctively rebels against the establishment, whatever the establishment might be, and that definitely is part of what encourages folks to join us,'' says Blackwell, a former head of the College Republicans who trained Karl Rove.  And then, per that USA Today story, the kids get into the real world, realize that there's no money to be made beating up commies, and they move on to other things.  But if the ISI would give me a free trip to Oxford, I might become their next Karl Rove.  Hey, it's worth a shot! 3:46:08 AM