The Reader's Digest Version of Today's Town Hall Columns
Hey, it's the day before Thanksgiving, and the Town Hall columnists have been busy little beavers, churning out SEVENTEEN new pieces for today. They must imagine that everyone is planning on devoting their entire long weekend to "the flagship on the web for conservatives everywhere." But I don't think that's really the case. Today's busy conservatives everywhere have errands to run, food to cook, marriages to preserve, and crosses to burn, and so they don't have time to read and digest this many new Town Hall columns.
But they also don't want to miss out on possible new developments in the lives of their favorite pundits, such as Ben Shapiro getting laid or Ann Coulter explaining that Adam's apple. So, to make life easier for everyone, I've provided a capsule summary of ALL of today's Town Hall columns, as well as providing a representative quote from said column. No, no need to thank me. Knowing that I'm helping to combat the evil liberal plan to "portray our side as mean-spirited and heartless in order to turn the American public against us" is reward enough.
So, with no futher ado, here are today's Town Hall columns:
1. Brent Bozell
Liberals (and their friends, the gays) are going to hell because they hate God, and God hates them.
It's judicial legislating like this decision that says to the average God-fearing American that liberals are not simply for the separation of church and state. They are for the separation of church and society, pouring acid on our spiritual foundations, masking their contempt for God in their preaching for moral equivalence.
Modern life is actually good, because Jonah now has a kid, which proves he isn't gay.
Lucy Tighe Goldberg, my 9-month-old baby girl, uttered her first word this week.
3. Ben Shapiro
All the college kids except for Ben are racist Commies.
This communist-involved, ultra-left-wing group has targeted Connerly, calling him "the most notorious and fanatical right-wing opponent of civil rights in California."
In her frequent daydreams, Rebecca's real Dad in Ronald Reagan.
Like all the truly great presidents, Ronald Reagan had a vision of what Americans wanted and needed in a commander in chief. He understood how to get them to feel good about their country and its role in the world.
5. Cal Thomas
Cal is shocked, SHOCKED to learn that the Republicans spend just as much as the Democrats.
The time when the Republican Party stood for something worth standing for is over. The "G" in GOP might as well stand for government. Smaller, less intrusive government with less spending and lower taxes is the stuff of history books and fond memories for a party that once had a purpose. But Republicans, having tasted power, are now drunk with it.
The problem with the MA court decision re same-sex marriage is that the judges went against the dictionary, damn it!
Where civil marriage is concerned, The State now has superseded not only the Deity but also the dictionary. . . .For words are holy things. No matter how much we try to de-sacralize them. That's why this decision is a desecration - of language.
The Democrats, taking the sleaze route, are going to have James Carville publicly ask about those reasons we went to war with Iraq.
The Democratic National Committee, in dire need of campaign cash, has enlisted CNN "Crossfire" co-host James Carville to call President Bush a liar.Writing on behalf of the DNC, Carville says the president's re-election strategy will be to continue politicizing the Sept. 11 terrorist atrocities while questioning the patriotism of Democrats - who he says only want answers about Bush's "State of the Union lies."
8. John Leo
The MA judges just ruled in favor of gay marriage so the elite media and the other judges would like them and think they're cool -- which is the same way we got Roe V. Wade, and Brown V. the Board of Education.
No judge gets to be admired by the legal and media elites by simply following law and precedents. No glamour there. You have to make something up.
Everyone ELSE in the media is too focused on bad teens, such as Jessica Simpson -- leaving only Michelle to prove that the kids are all right by bringing you stories of high schools who elected prom royalty with Down syndrome.
The high school stories of Shannon, Poco, Tim, Janelle, Matt and their caring classmates offer desperately needed uplift in a popular culture that wallows in degradation as infotainment.
10. Kathleen Parker
Forget that ungrateful slut Jessica Lynch (forget even her name) -- Kathleen has the REAL heroes here!
We've been hearing a lot about heroes these days. You know The Name.
11. Thomas Sewell
Only fanatics and terrorists want our prescription meds to cost the same as Canada's.
How many people will be happier to pay more if their neighbors and friends are also forced to pay more? Maybe some fairness fanatics.Most of us are not fanatics, however -- and for a good reason. Fanaticism is not free. It has cost some people their lives.
Being jobless is GOOD, when you look at the big picture!
These are signs of a healthy economy, where businesses start up, fail, downsize and upsize, and workers are fired and workers are hired all in the process of adapting to changing technological, economic and global conditions. Societies become richer when this process is allowed to occur. Indeed, because our nation has a history of allowing this process to occur goes a long way toward explaining why we are richer than the rest of the world.
13. Debra Saunders
Those old people making over $12,200 a year are getting a free ride with this new drug bill! Damned old leeches!
As the bill stands, seniors who earn less than $12,123 annually wouldn't have to pay premiums or deductibles. That's good. But other seniors who enroll in the program would pay a $35 monthly premium, a $250 deductible and a co-payment of 25 percent for the first $2,250 in drugs each year.. . . Congress should have passed a bill to provide prescription drug coverage for poor seniors. Instead, it was goodies for all. No senior voter left behind.
14. Terence Jeffrey
Newt Gingritch is now all for passing out free drugs to old people. He's probably a pill head like Rush.
But since when did subsidized drug handouts become a litmus test of good government? When did they become a defining issue for the party of limited government?
15. Linda Chavez
Thanksgiving isn't supposed to be about turkey and football; no, Abraham Lincoln set it up so we could all be thankful that other people have to die instead of us. We should use the occasion to say a prayer for those families who have lost someone in this conflict, even though President Bush seems to want to pretend the deaths never happened.
Today, American soldiers are still giving their lives to protect the American union -- this time from attacks by fanatics who slaughter not only soldiers but innocent women and children in an unholy war that blasphemes the very Allah in whose name it is waged.
16. Bill Murchison
The country is going to hell because we don't acknowledge God. Examples of our godless ways include the gay marriage thing, Madonna and Britney's kiss, and, most importantly, the removal Roy's Rock. The Pilgrims are ticked!
One is frequently reminded that numerous Americans don't get that point at all, their own point being that allegiance to God is something like allegiance to the Republicans or the Democrats -- you pays your money, and you takes your choice.
Clearly, this wasn't the Pilgrim fathers' understanding.
17. Tony Blankley
As AARP siding with the Republicans on the drug thing demonstrated, the Republicans now control nearly everything in the world! And it's fun!
But as the Republicans continue to peel away more and more pieces of the remaining Democratic influence in Washington, more and more Democratic senators and Congressmen will feel compelled to work with, and vote with, the Republicans on legislation. Crumbs are better than starvation. The remaining loyal Democrats will sound ever more shrill and thus unfit to govern -- pungent adjectives being the last resort of a minority party.
And that concludes our special holiday Town Hall wrap-up. I hope it helped you to become more against gay marriage, Democrats, and free drugs for old people, and more for in favor of God, babies, prom royalty, the free enterprise system, and soldiers.
If you're traveling, drive carefully. If you're cooking for relatives, might I suggest a menu featuring Magic Meat Pie, Sea Dream Salad, and Ketchup Cake. As for me, I will be around, keeping an eye on the world, so you don't have to! So tune in tomorrow for the conclusion of COLOR OF NIGHT, a Thanksgiving message from Lucky cigarettes, and possibly more, depending on what I feel grateful for. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!
1:50:15 AM
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