March 31, 2005 by s.z.

Two Things to Think About Dawn Eden (who, btw, now has a weekly NY Daily News column about blogs) simplifies ethics for you: Life or Something Like It Two things to think about with regard to tomorrow's House vote on federal funding for embryonic stem-cell research: 1. Either an embryo is a human life—or it isn't. There is no middle ground. Either you and I were each once entirely contained within an embryo—or we weren't. If we were, then taking apart an embryo is morally the same as taking apart you or me. Either you and I got our genetic material when a sperm fertilized an egg, or we didn't.  And if we did, then male masturbation is mass murder!  There is no middle ground. The excuse that "these 'excess' embryos, created via in vitro fertilization, will never develop into human beings" is no excuse. Embryos have a basic human dignity that requires they not be forcibly put into the service of others. If they die because no one adopted them, it's a tragedy. But if their life is stolen from them for others' sake, it's an outrage. When the embryos form a society to fight for their basic human dignity, then I will  take their cause more seriously. 2. Future generations will suffer if we teach them through our actions that life has no dignity. Child: "Mommy, where did I come from?" Mommy: "Daddy and I couldn't have children on our own, so we made you through a test tube." Child: "Why didn't you make me any brothers or sisters?" Mommy: "We did. We made lots of brothers and sisters. But then we decided we didn't want them." Child: "What happened to them?" Mommy: "They were cut up for science, so someday you'll be able to live a long, long time. Now, eat your genetically modified vegetables." Alternate scenario: Child: "Mommy, where did I come from?" Mommy: "The freezer.  We adopted you from a nice, rich, couple who made more embryo-pops than they could use." Child: "Why didn't you adopt any brothers or sisters for me?" Mommy: "We did.  We adopted 21 other children, but tragically they didn't survive thawing or gestation.  However, at least they didn't die trying to help cure disease or help other people." Child: "Yeah, but did you ever think that they might be annoyed that you would sacrifice 21 of them just so you could have a shot at getting one live child that meets your specifications?  Life has no dignity to you, does it, Mommy?" Mommy: "Shut up and eat your veal!" Child: "Mommy, I see dead blastocysts!  They're everywhere!  And they're pissed!" 5:33:42 AM

That's My Wingnut! Randall Terry/Ann Coulter Edition Remember how we told you that Randall Terry is running for the Florida State Senate? (Crooks and Liars has a great recap of the story, in case you've forgotten)  Well, our resident lyracist, Bill S. has composed a song for Randall -- we hope it will become Mr. Terry's campaign theme song.  Take it away, Bill! Without further ado, musical tribute to Randall Terry [sung to the tune of "God Must Have Spent (A Little More Time On You)"]: You rant and rave, "We gotta save zygotes and folks with two feet in the grave" In your own life You know no shame Coasting the wave of a dead woman's name I never thought someone like you could exist Both a lunatic and opportunist Hypocrite, batshit crazy all rolled into one- Oh, what a ball of fun! Your heart and soul are empty as they can get Your brain is like a jello mold that never quite set Everytime I think of you I'm sure that it's true- God couldn't bear to waste twenty seconds with you. -Bill S Woohoo!  Encore!  Let's hear it for Bill! And in case you're wondering what else Randall is up to, his "Society for Justice and Truth" site reveal that his latest crusade is demanding that state's attorney generals get client lists from Plannet Parenthood, in order to protect children from rapists.  Is your Attorney General helping Planned Parenthood protect child rapists? [...] Psychologists know that the 22 year old predator of a 13 year old girl becomes the 35 year old predator of a 13 year old girl... who becomes the 45 year old predator of a 13 year old girl… who murders the girl for fear that Planned Parenthood types will no longer cover up his crime. I live in Florida, where we have an epidemic of child rape, child abduction, and child murder.  I would bet my last dollar that many of these child predators were happy "customers" of Planned Parenthood in the not too distant past.  Well, not his last dollar so much as the last dollar of the poor schmucks who donated money to buy him his new house (and Randall chose to build that new house in a state where the laws allow you to keep your $400,00 house in the event of bankruptcy). But I would take him up on his bet about those child predators being happy customers of Planned Parenthood (the recent "epidemic" of highly-publicized child abductions, rapes, and murders in Florida involved criminals who don't seem organized enough to have taken any prior victims to Planned Parenthood for abortions). PP protected the child rapists of yesterday who are undoubtedly among the child murderers of today. So, basically Planned Parenthood is complict in child murder -- and the only way to stop them is to run then out of business. On June 21-23, we will orchestrate a series of protests and press conferences in Big Sky Montana, where the Attorney General of every state in this union will be gathered. They will be talking about consumer fraud and other "easy press" issues. We will be asking them why they are not protecting our children from predators. You'd almost think that Randall was running for public office or something. Oh, and speaking of publicity-seeking whores, remember our "Is it Ann Coulter or One of Her Attack Clones?" contest (or as Bill S. called it, the "Is it Adam's-Apple Annie, or an insuffrable simulation*?" quiz)?  We've been asked when we are going to announce the answers to that little test.  Well, since we provided the links, we thought that you'd all just read the four columns and find out the truth for yourself.  (Because who wouldn't want to read columns by Ann Coulter;Peggy Noonan, Debbie Schlussel, or Kaye Grogan?) But for those of you who had other things to do that day, here are the correct responses: 1.  Peggy 2.  Ann 3.  Kaye 4.  Debbie FlipYrWhig was the first to name them all correctly (and in the first comment, even), and wins, oh, a point towards this Condi action figure from herobuilders.com.   Enjoy your point, Flip (and someday, perhaps, your action figure).  Oh, and if you collect enough points, you could get this mate for her: Super Hero President Bush Action Figure *PS: Bill adds, "BTW, just in case you were wondering, my nickname for Ms. Coulter was inspired by "Apple Annie", the character played by May Robson in the heartwarming 1933 movie "Lady For A Day". Well, that's 24 hours longer than Ann Coulter's managed to be one. (Most people are more familiar with the '60's remake "A Pocketful of Miracles", but I try my hardest NOT to associate THAT turn of phrase with Coulter. For obvious reasons.) 4:50:08 AM

From the Blogosphere and Beyond! 1.  Via our  friend Mark from Fried Green al-Qaedas, we learn about the astounding powers of Prophet Yahweh, who is probably Las Vegas's best Seer/UFOlogist.  Apparently, Prophet (if I may be so bold as to call him by his first name) is going to summon a flying saucer for the media sometime between 1 June and 15 July, and Mark, who has been accredited as a member of the press by Prophet, is going to be there to see it!  (Or, at least, he's going to watch the video of Prophet summoning UFOS.)  We look forward to further reports from Mark on this fascinating story. Be advised! YAHWEH and His Angels are supernatural beings, on other planets who fly space ships!    UPDATE: Bartholomew has more about Prophet, including his search for love in the Yahoo personals. 2.  Media in Trouble offers a whole week's worth of news via photo blogging, and scoops the MSN by being the first to report on the new Condi hair.  Check it out! 3.  Bob of Yellow Dog Blog presents a great Memorial Day piece.  Here's how it starts: A Conflicted Veteran On Memorial Day I got a call about a week ago from a very nice guy who lives in my town. He is one of the coordinators for our Memorial Day parade and, via some list or another, he knew I was a decorated Vet and asked me to join other veterans marching in honor of our country's war dead. As much as is possible over the telephone, I was like the proverbial deer caught in the headlights and I stammered some noncommittal reply that made him aware of my reluctance. "I sense a lot of hesitation from you," he said kindly. "Well, to be honest – and I don't want to offend you politically –I don't feel terribly proud of my country right now," I said. "I am so opposed to the direction our country is moving and the way we are using our military, that I don't know that I can participate in something like this." 4.  And to wrap things up, Doghouse Riley offers some suggestions on how to make NASCAR fairer in a world where women are allowed to drive cars, even though some of them weigh less than Robby Gordon. Enjoy! 3:37:33 AM