A Couple of Reminders: 1. The polls close Friday at noon for in big Dr. Pepper Meatloaf/ Heinz Ketchup Cake race. Right now the results are Cake: 3, and Meatloaf: 2. But your vote could change everything! 2. It's time for another exciting edition of Virtual Occoquan, showcasing the best the Salon blog world has to offer in one handy ezine! This time, it's the Occoquan Enquirer edition, featuring: Pieces with Animals in the Title Arabella O'Buggery on Tigers LOVE, MARRIAGE, HORSE, CARRIAGE - Neva Cavataio Pesky The Rat Gets Leaked - Susan McNerney Personality Parade I Voted - Maxine Daley What a Rush - Rob Salkowitz 17 Points on Rush - World O'Crap Kennebunkport - Mark Hoback Visual Ain't No Mountain High Enough - Dana Pattillo Sleeping Arrangements - Dave Pollard Bleached - Paul Hinrichs Iraq Section Ian Wood on the Iraq Campaign Chris Compton on Iraqi Postmen Work Just Another Delivery - J. W. Callahan Bubble Boy - Rayne Take This Job - CappicentoMan and Elsewise Hearts of Her Palm - The Preacher MP3 Download - Crimebusters - Mark Hoback Down in Front - Leslie Talbot Return to Sender - Steve Raker It looks great, it's highly edifying, and the price is right! So, check it out when you have time. 6:21:46 AM  |
Undercover Conservative, Part 3: Ann Coulter's Dating Club, William F. Buckley's Bedtime Stories, and Don't Let Doctors Turn YOU Into Hillary Clinton! It's time to finish up our report on the links and ads from some of our favorite conservative sites. But first, an update on my attempt to join the Young America Foundation's 100 Club: Well, I got in! I have an assigned secret identity ("Freedom") and a secret password (well, I can tell you that, but it's almost as inspired as my secret identity). But sadly, the club isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be. First, since they're going to mail my welcome package to my address at Oral Roberts University, it doesn't look like I'll ever know the point values for the various conservative activities they're trying to encourage. (But we can speculate. For instance, I think that "Denouncing Coming Out Week" probably got Ben Shapiro 10 points, last week's "Outing GramGram as a Druggie to Deflect the Heat from Rush" got him 20 points, while Jonah Goldberg got 50 for being editor of National Review Online.) However, I did learn from the site that I can get 30 points for attending The Western Leadership Conference! And here are some of the reasons why I should attend:
The speakers include Michael Reagan, Peter Robinson ("Author and speechwriter in the Reagan Administration"), some activist people I've never heard of, and, as a special treat, Lionel Chetwynd, "Award-winning screenwriter, director and producer," who will be also showing his exciting made-for cable movie, DC 9/11: Time of Presidential Super-Heroics. So, if you know of any young conservatives who want to escape their leftist campuses for a weekend of indoctrination and boring TV, sign them up for this conference. It's only $25 (which includes food, lodgings, and materials, which makes it quite a travel bargain) -- so, if you just want to cheap weekend near Santa Barbara, you might want to attend even if your campus isn't all that leftist. Plus, there will be a seminar on activism training, where you will learn, among other things, how to:
Because:
Maybe I'm behind the times, but shouldn't we just let the kids, both leftist and rightist, articulate their own arguments and organize their own events? Because otherwise they're never going to learn, and once they're President, they'll still be relying on grownups to do these kinds of things for them. But back to the 100 Club: their message board is a letdown too. For while it has provocative-sounding folders, such as "Left-Wing Lunacy: Expose the intolerant, silly, and otherwise questionable actions on the campus Left," that one doesn't have any posts in it. Apparently the left just isn't coming through with intolerant and silly actions on campus anymore. I weep for our children. In a folder called "Dirty Trick Campaigns: Expose how liberal administrators and/or students have attempted to stop your event through bureaucratic maneuvers or intimidation," there have only been five posts in the past four months. It seems that Gonzaga University officials objected to posters announcing a talk on "Why the Left Hates America" on the grounds that the Left doesn't actually HATE America -- but since they still let Daniel Flynn speak, it wasn't all that dirty of a trick, and didn't provoke much discusion. In other news, a while back some "hippies" stood next to some girl who was protesting war-protesters. Also, the same girl complained that the evil bureaucrats at her school are requiring freshman to live in the dorms ("So instead of competing in a free market with other housing establishments, they simply want to FORCE students to buy their unsatisfactory housing!!"), but nobody seemed all that outraged by her tale. It's sad when this is the best oppression that a campus can muster. I encourage all liberal students and administrators to intimidate some conservatives, so these kids have something to talk about. And that's about it on the board, except for a couple of laments about Rush, a dated prediction that Arnold was going down in flames in CA, and a sprinkling of Reagan nostalgia along the lines of "I wish I was alive when Reagan was President, because he was was a REAL conservative, and was all evil and stuff." So, Club 100: another secret plan funded by a crazy old billionaire designed to subvert our nation by brainwashing our youth. But still, so very not cool. Now, on to my second update: the ANN COULTER DATING CLUB! Well, almost. It seems that one of Ann's paid sponsors is an online dating service called Other Singles -- and if you sign up through Ann's site, you get to be part of the Ann Coulter.Org Singles subgroup at Other Singles, now 613 members strong. If you too want to sign up, when you get to the "politics" section on the questionaiire, leave it set on "conservative" or "very conservative", and you qualify to meet your Ann Coulter mate! It could be one of THESE mystery dates (note: the names and the punctuation were changed for privacy reasons) : First, here's Im4-Guns, a 28-year-old male. He's above average in looks, just like everybody else:
Now, let's hear from Teddy, a 42-year-old, seperated male (also an above average-looking guy):
While Ann's group seems to be at least 80% male (ladies, take advantage of this great opportunity!), let's meet HottieChick. a 24-year-old slender, blonde, extremely attractive, extremely stylish,woman:
Now, on to NRO and their wonderful treat for children: Moral Stories from National Review Books! And since these stories were all personally selected by William F. Buckley Jr, you know your kids will adore them! And they are all at least 100 years old, thus ensuring that your children aren't corrupted by the faintest hint of modernity.
Yes, it's not just a celebration, it's a VERITABLE celebration. A celebration of lessons learned, morals imparted, and virtues conveyed. Buy a copy for every kid you know, since they all need to be taught a thing or two. Why not get one for that nice neighbor kid -- or even better, for that bratty kid who listens to the "rap" music and throws his ball in your yard. That will fix HIS wagon. And donate several of them to the local library, as a form of social policy. But wait--there's more!
Yup, that's our key selling point -- these stories are WHOLESOME.
Because it's WHOLESOME! They just don't publish anything wholesome these days, forcing kids to try to learn moral lessons from Penthouse or The National Review.
Yeah, they'll be enthralled. But more importantly, they'll be inculcated with those values and lessons which WE all share, but that which the reprobates and scoundrels who write modern children's books don't. Because just like you just can't get good help these days unless you import it from third-world nations, you can't get properly didadactive children's literature unless you dredge it up from the past.
Bill wrote this ad copy himself, didn't he?
Because if they are exposed to that literature WITHOUT clear lessons, they'll waste their time ENJOYING their reading, and we can't have that. Because if you leave it to the kids to pick their own books, they'll just read the Harry Potter books, become Satanists, and go to hell.
Heck, don't bother buying the books for the kids--just make them read these ads! They'll find them rollicking fun, and learn many important lessons as they visit a precious world of wonder and whimsy and horribly overwrought, old-fashioned prose. Anyway, I was a pretty omnivorous reader when I was a kid, and probably would have enjoyed some of the stories in the old St. Nicholas magazines if I had found them in their original form, or in a book published in 1902 or so. But even I, a polite, well-mannered young girl who had been gently reared on the values and lessons we all share, would have thrown this book at your head if you had given to me for Christmas, because I hated it when adults tried to dicate to me which valuable lessons I should be learning. But hey, if YOU want to give it to a beloved niece or that nice neighborhood boy, be my guest. But I have to warn you: this book is hefty, and will really hurt if the kid as a good arm. And we conclude our tour of the colorful world of the paid ads at conservative sites with some gems from Newsmax, finely cut and polished to a veritable gleam, to give you that special feeling that only hucksterism well done can impart. Plus, they offer clear lessons, and so are just the kind of thing you need to be exposed to. Here's an especially rollicking one right from the Newsmax homepage:
Okay, I won't! Let's click on the ad (Dr. Al Sears) and see how to avoid it:
Yes, only Newsmax breaks stories like this: the vast, medical conspiracy to turn men into Hillary Clinton! While this might seem like the plot of B-horror movie starring Bela Lugosi, I'm sure Newsmax wouldn't have accepted Dr. Al's advertising if he wasn't legit. I didn't read the rest of his really, really long ad and so don't know what his plan to reverse Hillaryism entails, but it doesn't appear to involve eating right, exercising, or avoiding booze and tobacco, so it probably has the AMA's endorsement. Now, here's something we can all use. A way to become a millionaire ... and never pay taxes. How, you ask? It's easy. First, get a million dollars. Then, when the IRS asks you why you never paid taxes: you say two simple words: "I forgot." Well, actually what Liberty Resources advocates is: first get a bunch of credit cards and charge all the stuff you want. Then, don't pay for it. And when the bank asks you why you never paid your bills, you say: "Because YOU aren't legally allowed to loan me credit, and so I don't have to pay you back! Plus, you owe me a bunch more money, for cheating me this way." But they explain it better than I can: First, here's what it says on the NewsMax ("America's Scam Source") Home Page:
Sounds good, doesn't it. So, let's click on their ad (Liberty Resources):
So, NOT paying your debts is the righteous thing to do -- because otherwise, you're just enabling the bank and encouraging them to continue fraudulently extending credit to people. Default today: it's your duty as a morally upright conservative man or woman! Thanks, Newsmax, for bringing this message to the Rightwing American patriots whom you serve! Anyway, that concludes our little tour of seamier side of the internet. We hope you have found it both instructive and educational, and it imparted to you many clear lessons, and kept the medical establishment from turning you into Hillary Clinton. 5:30:01 AM |
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