Liberals are Traitors, John Ashcroft is our Savior, 'Dirty Bomb' Found in NY Harbor: 'Same Old, Same Old' From Ann Coulter When she's not busy being an action figure, Ann Coulter likes to tout her book on TV and AM radio. So, it was no surprise to learn that Ann was a guest on the Rush Limbaugh show Monday (filling in for Rush: some guy). I listened to the interview via the audio file linked to Rush Limbaugh (proving that I will do anything, no matter how self-destructive it may be, to have something to write about). And here is my summary of what Ann had to say, along with what I yelled back at the RealTime player:
Yes, it is, but I am amazed that you would recognize this. Maybe there is hope for you yet, Ann.
Ann, your supply of vitriol is getting old, and has lost its acidy sting. If you want to maintain your reputation as ranting, flame thrower-wielding, psycho-bitch, you're gonna have to come up with some new material. May I suggest something like: Liberals really, really hate puppies. And orphans. And they are on Santa's "naughty" list.
Yeah, because if the choice is "Criticize Rush for his drug abuse and hypocrisy, so I can be consistent with my deeply held beliefs about drug abuse and hypocrisy," or, "Defend Rush, so I can show solidarity with my fellow conservatives, even if that makes me a hypocrite," I'd better pick the latter, or Ann will call me a girl. Oh, and Ann, aren't YOU a girl in their movement? Oh, right. Never mind. If I got liberal approval, that's when I would hang up my stirrups. Wow, she's willing to give up the stirrups, a crucial part of her S&M paraphernalia, if only we'll tell her that we approve of her. I guess you know what needs to be done, people. Sure, it will hurt, writing her emails and letters thanking her for daring to express what we liberals have always thought but have never dared to say. But we can do it. Maybe, like teens who become Neil Diamond fans to rebel against their parents who listen to rap, Ann would react to our approval by changing her shtick to one of peace, love, and understanding. Or maybe her head would just explode. So, I think we should consider trying it.
No, Ann, those aren't "people" buying your books, it's Satan. He buys them by the truck load so your titles will appear on best sellers lists, and people will despair, thinking that there is nothing good or decent left in the world. Sometimes he gives out the books to college students, in the hopes that their impressionable, young minds will be warped by your ideas, and they will join his army of the damned. Plus, he gets a tax break that way. And sometimes he just burns them, to keep the furnaces in hell going full force. Bottom line: no actual "people" like you. And while Satan won't recall you anytime soon, since he is getting a good return on the fame and fortune he gave you in return for that shriveled husk you called your soul, we've read enough of the Book of Revelation to know that eventually your firing will come, Miss Whore of Babylon, and it won't be fun!
I think it is very important that Ann's legion of slavering fans (most of whom seem to be lonely, pathetic men who keep searching the internet for those fabled "Ann Coulter nude" photos), be told that she craves abuse, not adoration, and if they want to give her satisfaction (which they do, they do!), then should pretend to be liberals and write her hate mail. Guys, if you write something bad enough to get you in trouble with the postal authorities, she'll be hot for you for sure!
Yeah, like how we were losing W.W.II because Roosevelt was giving our national security secrets to Hitler. And then Truman took over, wimped out over using the atomic bomb, and we were conquered by Japan. Good thing we didn't trust THOSE traitors! But here's an interesting bit o' info: History's Wartime Presidents Suffer Curse of One-Year Term
So, this means if Bush Junior DOES win in 2004, he'll be dead by 2005. A compassionate person would hope for his presidential defeat, Ann.
So, if we can credit this lack of 9/11s (and also the lack of Martian invasions, Giant Spider invasions, and Godzilla attacks) to Ashcroft, what do we need Bush for? John, now's the time for a revolution! Get together with Rummy and it's a sure thing!
Wow, Homeland Security found a dirty bomb in New York Harbor! And they use dirty-bomb-detecting radar to find things like this! That is really amazing! And the reason that nobody knows about this incident is because HS can't talk about it -- except to Ann Coulter -- because apparently the whole thing is highly classified. But Ann can freely discuss it on the radio, because SHE's not a traitor, unlike everybody else. Got it. Well, prove the story, Rush's site has this message alerting you to a link:
But when you click the link, you get a story from last Friday about how, according to an FBI informant, Adnan El Shukrijumah, a guy suspected of being part of an al Qaeda cell, was in an Ontario college town that has a research nuclear reactor. And since Adnan was in Florida at the same time as big-time al Qaeda suspect (and detainee) Jose Pedilla, who was allegedly part of a plot to detonate a dirty bomb somewhere in the U.S., then Adnan was thought to be in Canada to steal radioactive material to make the bomb. Well, that proves Ann's story all right. If this guy was in Canada, probably trying to get nuclear material, then there WAS a dirty bomb in New York harbor! Except that the day after the Wash Times story, the Canadians said this: Canadian Officials Say There is No Substance to U.S. Report
Plus, the college said he'd never been enrolled there, never been seen there, and certainly had never been in position to get any nuclear materials from their reactor. Being Canadian, they don't say that the informant is a lying SOB taking the Americans for a ride, but they were obviously THINKING it. And they have cause. Remember how in February 2003 it was announced that "a claim made by a captured al Qaeda member that Washington, New York or Florida would be hit by a 'dirty bomb' sometime this week was proven to be a product of his imagination"? Sorry about those orange alerts -- you can go about your business now. And do you recall how in January we learned that "the FBI has concluded the information that led to a nationwide hunt for five men suspected of infiltrating the United States on Christmas Eve was fabricated by the informant"? That was the report that had everybody looking for terrorists who had entered the U.S. to blow up stuff. Anyway, based on that initial story about the terrorist infiltration, New York's harbor was shut down to ships for a couple of days. Um, could THAT be what Ann was thinking of? Or was there really a dirty bomb found in New York harbor--a secret that had been closely guarded until Ann announced it on the radio? Or were the Homeland Security Officials who told Ann the story just BSing her in the hopes of getting in her pants? Or is Ann an idiot who doesn't know what the hell she's talking about? I vote for a combination of the last two, but am willing to see Ann go to jail for leaking secrets, just to be on the safe side. Those Homeland Security guys should have realized that when our nation is under attack, you can't trust a right wing pundit with national security.
Yes, in the tradition of Libel and Slander, we think it's going to be called Cannibalism: How the Liberals Eat Your Children. Satan can hardly wait for it to come out. And that was the end of interview. Well, it wasn't so much an interview as a chance for Ann to recite her "greatest hits," and to mention her book about 50 times, and to defame other conservatives by calling them "girls." After she hung up, the Rush fill-in marveled for the second or third time about how Ann is "willing to say the things that get other people fired." We stand by our claim that she has Satan to thank for that. 6:41:06 AM  |
The Schwarzenegger Project By Scott C. and S.Z. Savvy observers of the political scene have been quick to note that Arnold Schwarzenegger -- bodybuilder, movie star, and freelance breast-tester ("I tink dis tit has zufficient tensile strength. Now I squeeze da udder one…") -- managed to get himself elected governor of California without offering a single idea for dealing with the state’s manifold problems. This makes it difficult for pundits to evaluate Schwarzenegger’s plans, since he doesn’t seem to have any. However, one sure method of predicting a person’s future actions is to examine their past. Surely we can guess how Arnold intends to approach record deficits, legislative gridlock, and a catastrophic energy policy by examining how he has previously dealt with murderous aliens, narco-terrorists, shape shifting robots, and Jim Belushi. Therefore, in the interests of promoting an open exchange of views regarding the challenges facing the largest state in the union, we are hereby announcing The Schwarzenegger Project. Beginning today, and continuing each Wednesday until we run out of movies, we will deconstruct a different Arnold Schwarzenegger film. For it is our belief that the way in which the governor-elect deals with, say, a blood-thirsty warlord in CONAN THE BARBARIAN will likely presage the approach he will take in dealing with the Assembly Ways and Means Committee. *** For many people, the election of Arnold Schwarzenegger as governor of California was a sign of the End Times. Specifically, the rear rend times, an era foretold in scripture in which a man with the strength of Samson would come from the East, and fondle the buttocks of day players and production office secretaries. As LaHaye and Jenkins, authors of the Left Behind series would agree, all signs point to our living in such a time, an era when one can look to the horizon and behold a pale horse: and his name that sat on him was Nipple Tweak, and Hell followed with him.
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