October 24, 2003 by s.z.

More Reasons to Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Live Here 1.  The Wicked Prosper: MARK STEYN JOINS NRODT If you subscribe to NR Digital (or NRODT--Digital is included) you could be reading Mark Steyn's first "Happy Warrior" column for NRODT RIGHT NOW. NRO, which fired Ann Coulter after her "invade their countries" column, probably would have hired her back, since they know how popular she is among perverts who want to see her naked.  But after she called Jonah Goldberg a "girly-man," it made things too awkward.  So, they hired Ann Coulter-impersonator Mark Steyn (yes, this IS just like Victor/Victoria),  who also calls for invading countries and killing leaders, but who has expressed only the highest regard for Jonah's manliness.  2. The return of Rush will happen within your lifetime (John McCaslin) : This column has learned that Rush Limbaugh's painkiller-addiction "treatment is going extremely well" and "we are confident that, as he promised, Rush will be back on the air within a few days of completing his 30-day treatment program."  Yes, he does have to take a couple of days to score some more blue babies after he gets out, but then he's back on the air. 3 Our President is "HIS OLD SELF" (Also John McCaslin) Minutes after the small group of reporters traveling with President Bush from Bali to Australia boarded Air Force One Wednesday - still dripping sweat from the scorching tropical sun - Press Secretary Scott McClellan popped into the press pod with an urgent message. "Get ready," he said. "There's going to be a special briefer." Normally, during presidential junkets, the White House sends an "expert" to the rear of the plane to brief reporters. Yesterday was different. The press would be going to the "special briefer." A White House staff member led the eight scribes to a spacious conference room in the middle of the jumbo 747. Minutes later the president of the United States walked in. "How y'all doing?" Bush asked, taking a seat at the head of the table. "Want something to drink?" he asked one reporter. "How we feeling?" he turned and asked another. "I'd like a bottle of water," he told a flight attendant. "Want something?" he asked them for a second time. "It's going to be very long," he reminded the journalists. "Coffee?" he said. Fetching caffeine and snacks for reporters is nothing new for Bush. His first job upon graduating Yale in 1967 was accompanying a handful of reporters aboard a propeller-driven press plane during the Senate campaign of Rep. Edward J. Gurney (R-Fla.) Described as "very cordial with the press," the 21-year-old Bush herded reporters on and off airplanes, into their hotel rooms, and back up again at 6 a.m. Assured that reporters on Air Force One were sufficiently hydrated, Bush launched into a rare airborne discussion on everything from Iraq to North Korea. As he spoke, he played a shell game with reporters' tape recorders, shuffling them about the table. You know, that's what we need in a leader: somebody who CARES whether or press corps gets enough fluids.  Of course, while "fetching caffeine and snacks for reporters is nothing new for Bush," you'll note that it was the flight attendant who did the actual fetching.  But it was the thought that counted. And mixing up everybody's tape recorders is just another reason why Bush did so well in his first job as a Yale-educated gopher. 4.  Bush Has Been Defeminized Yes. while Bush DOES seem rather maternal as he reminds reporters to get enough water and to use the bathroom before they reach Australia, if you read the Arthur Bruzzonem article we talked about yesterday, you noted that George Bush is butch now.  Sure, he USED to  be feminized, in that he cared about kids who got left behind.  But when the terrorists attacked, "His response was to exteriorize, retaliate, be aggressive, bold, and confident. Bush was de-feminized."  And retaliating is what being an alpha male is all about.  Anyway, all this talk about tough, action-movie leaders from Arthur, and yesterday's rant from Dennis Miller recommending that judges execute criminals right there in the court room, reminded me of that masterpiece from future California Governor Sylvestor Stallone (he defeats Arnold in a Death Race and wins the job), Judge Dredd.   And the movie reminded me that Scott, a noted expert on defeminization, and the only guy who can actually undertand what Sly says, did an excellent summary of this movie for our book-in-progress Subliminal Cinema: Life Lessons from Lousy Movies.  So, I'm going to post this summary in the SUBLIMINAL CINEMA section to your left.  Click on the link and read it NOW!  (Or read it later, if you are really pressed for time now, but read it soon, and for the rest of your life.) Here's the beginning, to get you started:  Our movie starts with the usual sci-fi film crawl, explaining the usual premise, narrated by the usual James Earl Jones.  Climate’s gone bad. Nation's in chaos.  People crowded into a mega-city (called Mega City), ruled by all-powerful Judges who are a combination of Police, Jury, and Executioner.  Basically, we’re about to be hand-dipped in William Rehnquist’s most lubricious wet dream, so you might want to do what people at a Gallagher concert do, and huddle under a big plastic poncho. Mega City is a dark, rainy, densely packed metropolis full of gun-toting psychopaths and a huge, riot-prone underclass.  The filmmakers have taken great pains to vividly depict a bleak and joyless dystopia, so I think we can all agree that adding Rob Schneider to the scene is just redundant.  Nevertheless, up he pops, playing the sort of part that Peter Lorre would have rejected as "too weaselly." Click on the link on the left to read the life-affirming story of how Judge Dredd save Christmas and learns valuable lessons about just how annoying Rob Schneider can be.  And, as a special bonus, at the end of the movie you'll get some of our patented tips on surviving the apocalypse!  For this film, along with The Postman, Waterworld. and Battlefield Earth, are discussed in our chapter "It's the End of the World As We Know It And I Feel Fine But You're All Dead," which provides movie-related information on how YOU can prosper in the coming bad years, atomic wastelands, and mutant plagues.  And if you work at HarperCollins or RandomHouse, drop us a line to learn how you can not only publish this book, but get extra tips that will ensure you not only live like a king in the post-W.W. III years, but don't have to breed with Kevin Costner while doing so. 3:06:20 AM

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Blasphemy!  Jerry Falwell weighs in on that Reagan miniseries, and he's wants you to tell the network that you're mad as hell, and you aren't going to take it anymore: Smearing Reagan Next month, the network will broadcast the controversial miniseries “The Reagans,” which stars leftist actors James Brolin (husband of the spelling-challenged singer/activist Barbra Streisand) and Judy Davis in the roles of President and Mrs. Ronald Reagan. A script of the two-part movie has been revealed on several Internet news sites. It exposes the malicious sentiment the network (and most of Hollywood, for that matter) has for Mr. Reagan.  The most controversial element of the script has the dearly loved president discussing the AIDS crisis. In the film, when Mrs. Reagan encourages him to help AIDS victims, Mr. Reagan reportedly responds, “They that live in sin shall die in sin.” Anyone who ever knew President Reagan knows that such language would never emanate from this heroic man. While Reagan detractors enjoy portraying him as a bumbling and unfeeling man, the truth is he was a compassionate and respectful leader who would be taken aback by such language. (In fact, not even a wild-eyed religious radical like me has ever made such a blatantly horrific statement.) Well, this IS the compassionate, respectful Ronald Reagan who cited a Chicago "Welfare Queen" who drove her "Welfare Cadillac" with the $150,000 she had fraudulently from the government as the reason we needed to roll back welfare.  So, while there is no evidence that Reagan said anything about AIDS victims dying in sin, there's no evidence of the Welfare Queen either.  Anyway, while Reagan didn't say ANYTHING publicly about AIDS during his first term (and that really is the point), Jerry, YOU said "AIDS is God's judgment against homosexuals," which I think is blatantly horrific enough.  Back to the Reverend: It’s really no wonder that people are abandoning network television in droves. The lack of respect for a revered leader like Ronald Reagan is reflected in the networks’ disregard for television viewers, who are force-fed a steady diet of gratuitous sex, lewd sexual dialogue, superfluous violence and preachy leftist politics. I wonder if network execs really believe that American television viewers are wholly comprised of sex-obsessed leftist operatives who want to see President Reagan denigrated? Yes.  Yes they do.  They did research and found that's exactly the demographic group who watches American television, and they all want to see President Reagan denigrated.  Of course, the sex-obsessed rightest operatives subscribe to Showtime, 'cause they want to see the truth denigrated in DC 9/11: Time of Crisis, and also want to see Shannon Tweed get naked in Indecent Behavor 6.  What’s the solution? Write to CBS and considerately explain your disappointment with “The Reagans” miniseries. Until our side gets proactive, we can’t expect things to change. Besides, I think Mr. Reagan earned our support, and writing to defend his legacy is the least we can do for him. CBS Web site: www.cbs.com (Click on “feedback” at the bottom of the page.) Yes, go to the CBS website and considerately explain your disgust with this miniseries that is due to air in November.  And while there, tell them how wrong the Jewish groups were to express their disappointment in Mel Gibson's movie, because they haven't even SEEN it yet.  I'm sure this will force the networks to respect television viewers who revere Mr. Reagan. P.S.   Ivan at Weapons of Mass Detraction caught Peggy Noonen on "Hardball."  It seems she isn't a fan of the miniseries either.   Maybe she and Jerry can make their own movie about Ronnie.  If you have title suggestions for her, post them here and I'll pass them along if she happens to read the blog. 2:33:19 AM

The Winning of Hearts and Minds   Okay, I'm tired.  So, here's the deal: I supply the set-up, you supply the punchline.  So here is Rumsfeld Suggests New Agency: Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld said in an interview published on Friday that the United States needs to sell its message more effectively and that a new agency would help fight a "war of ideas" against international terrorism. "We are in a war of ideas, as well as a global war on terror. And the ideas are important and they need to be marshaled, and they need to be communicated in ways that are persuasive to the listeners," Rumsfeld said in a wide-ranging interview with The Washington Times. The Washington Times said Rumsfeld suggested a "21st-century information agency in the government" to help in the international battle of ideas and to limit the teaching of terrorism and extremism. Okay, so what should this 21st-century goverment agency be called?  All I can come up with is "The U.S. Department of Idea Wars, and the Ideas are Important, and they Need to Be Marshaled, and They Need to Be Communicated, And the Communication Needs to be in Ways that Are Persuasive to the Listeners."  Or "The Ministry of Goodspeak."  Or maybe just "Thought Warriors!"  But like I said, I'm tired, so I'm sure you can do better. Oh, and what kind of persuasive ways could this new agency use to sell anti-terrorism?  I mean, beyond  "Just say no to mass murder" motivational speakers?  Well sure, some PSAs showing a fried egg with the message, "This is your brain after 20 years in Gitmo," but I know you can come up with more than that.  Bonus points if you can work in a way to let them know that our God is bigger than their God. 1:22:53 AM