November 13, 2005 by s.z.

How I Spent My Afternoon In order to be considered a good blogger, today I should have been studying "Stone the Press" (Timmeh Russert hosts GOP chairman Ken Moleman, who explains that the Democrats are just as culpable in any pre-war manipulation of intelligence because "It takes two to lie, Howard Dean -- one to lie and one to listen"); Howie Kurtz's "Lying Sources" (today featuring the always reliable Big Trunk, who blasts Mary Mapes with the power of KERNING!); or "The Objectively Pro-Terrorist War On Christmas Factor" with Bill O'Reilly.  (Okay, I'm taking a few liberties with the facts, since that last one doesn't air on weekends -- but I should have been watching Fox News's Greatest Hits, which would presumably feature a clip of Bill ululating to stir up his fans.) But instead, I watched my tape of the Mystery Science Theatre 3000 "experiment" Beast of Yucca Flats (recorded off of Comedy Central, back in the day).   Of course, first there are shorts. We get "Money Talks," in which the silhouette of Ben Franklin appears in the bedroom of a teen boy in order to hector him at the behest of the banking industry. And there is "Progress Island, USA," which urges you to set up a company in Puerto Rico so you can exploit its workers. Then we get to our main feature, which consists mainly of people driving, sitting stoically in a prop plane, talking off camera, etc. It also has lots of footage of Tor Johnson staggering around the desert, often while carrying a dame. But my favorite part is the earnest narration "Flag on the moon. How did it get there?" Words to live by. P.S.  Speaking of Mr. Loofah, he and his remarks about San Francisco are the subject of a ChronWatch column by one Leo Lacayo, who is "the vice-chair for communications for the San Francisco City and County Republican Party." Leo is up in arms about SF Supervisor Chris Daly's call to have Falafel Bill fired for urging terrorists to destroy the city.  Here's Leo:  What O'Reilly has failed to say is that the likes of Daly and other America-haters have managed to impose the ultra-left's point of view on the citizen's of San Francisco by effectively and consistently purging the city of its soul! So, basically O'Reilly was just asking al-Qaeda to perform a mercy killing, because what city would want to live with a purged soul? 6:29:46 PM

A Post to Break Your Heart Our friend Anntichrist S. Coulter notes that her nephew would have been 18 yesterday  -- if he hadn't died this summer.  Read Annti's BlondeSense tribute to Tater, and in his honor vow to do something to help some other young person who could use some attention and encouragement.  And AC, know that we are thinking about you and Tater today. 5:42:02 PM

Sunday Sermon Today's inspirational message comes to us from Pastor Swank. HOMO SYPHILIS UP. LIBERAL CHURCHES DON'T HELP While such theologically liberal denominations as the Episcopal Church continue to baptize practicing homosexual lifestyles as God ordained, they add to the increase of sexually transmitted diseases. Hey, if baptizing practicing homosexual lifestyles is what God ordained, then why criticize the Episcopalians for doing as He commanded?  (Although, I am confused about exactly how one baptizes a lifestyle, practicing or not.  Sure, you can take the lifestyle down by the river and hold it under the water, but how are you going to know whether it was completely immersed?) All the while, these supposedly sophisticated congregations further disease, particularly such outbreaks as syphilis. By not mandating protection during their Sunday orgies, they are indeed furthering such outbreaks. According Xinhuanet, "new syphilis cases rose nationwide in US for the fourth consecutive year in 2004, federal health researchers said on Tuesday." XinhuaNet is a product of the Xinhua News Agency, the official press agency of the People's Republic of China (which is considered by many to be 'an instrument of state-sponsored propaganda").  So, I think we've learned a little something about Pastor Swank today: namely, that he's a propagandist for Red China. (I imagine that he was sent here as a deep-cover mole about ten years ago; his mission is to undermine our morale and syntax with his columns.  The fact that he learned English in spy school at the age of 52 would account for writing style.)  The news feed further to specify that the "syphilis increase was especially significant among gay men. . ." Aligning with the Episcopal Church are the United Church of Christ (Congregational) and Unitarian Universalist Society. These groups have made it front line public relations to speak for active homosexuals. Instead of the biblical teachings, their pulpits have been particularly active in preaching sermons devoted to accepting homosexual interchanges as heaven blessed. The liberal press has made little of the liberal denominations aiding the increase of sexually transmitted diseases, yet that is exactly what has resulted from the denominational apostasy voted in by the denominations' voting assemblies in recent years. Damn that liberal press, which refuses to blame liberal denominations for spreading STDs! Theologically conservative churches remain loyal to regarding the Bible as divine revelation; therefore, these congregations preach personal salvation through Christ. That preaching does not permit deleting portions of the Bible for the convenience of sin. Conservative congregations are usually categorized as "evangelical." Therefore, the evangelical witness maintains that all persons, including homosexuals, are welcomed at their churches. They will then be introduced to the living Christ and His holiness lifestyle which supplants the active homosexual lifestyle. [...] By turning from active homosexual lifestyles to Christian holiness, such conversions then lower the possibility of coming upon sexually transmitted diseases.. So, per Pastor Swank, theologically liberal denominations haven't been telling gays that God hates their sexual orientation, so these churches are responsible for the rising rates of syphilis and chlamydia in the United States.  But evangelicals preach a "holiness lifestyle," and therefore their congregations have no sexually transmitted diseases whatsoever.  Shall we test that theory? Of course, the CDC doesn't keep track of STD rates by religion, but it does do it by state (see "STD statistics for the USA").  So, keeping in mind Pastor Swank's thesis, you'd expect that a theologically and politically liberal state like Taxachusetts or Vermont to be at the top of the list for STDs, wouldn't you?   (Okay, you wouldn't, but play along with me, okay?) So, you will be shocked, SHOCKED to learn that in 2004, Louisiana, a Red State in the Bible Belt, ranked highest in cases of syphilis per capita.  Mississippi (Red State, Bible Belt) was number one for both chlamydia and gonorrhea.  However, Massachusetts and Vermont didn't make the top ten for any of the STDs -- proof positive that it's the liberal churches' fault that the rate of new sphyllis cases have increased for the past three years.  Fun Facts Time: the all-time low of 2.1 cases of syphilis per 100,000 people occurred in 2000-2001.  Interestingly enough, the highest rate of syphilis since they began measuring these things (70.9) was in 1946, when no churches were baptizing homosexual lifestyles.  Now some might attribute the dramatic drop in the number of cases of the clap to penicillin, condoms, and those graphic "hygiene" films they started making during WWII.  But I like to think it's because of the liberal baptism of practicing lifestyles, even if that does go against the official Chi-Com talking points   4:17:15 AM

A Handfula Conservatives Sitting Around Whining  The always hip Townhall reviews the 2004 "documentary" Rated R: Republican in Hollywood, which seems to consist of various medium-tier talents confiding to the camera how hard it is to be a Republican in Commie-Town. For instance: Patricia Heaton, who played Debra Barone in Everybody Loves Raymond, relates how she sat down to eat with fellow celebrities at a Beverly Hills dinner party, only to be bombarded with anti-Bush rhetoric. When she opined that she in fact voted for George W. Bush and thought him to be a good president, the assembled diners looked at Heaton as if she “had crapped in the middle of the table. Hey, maybe they were just reacting to Patricia herself (those Albertsons commericals are pretty crappy). Other featured conservatives include "major players" Drew Carey, Ben Stein and Pat Sajak.  I note that the Amazon page for this movie links to the "Listmania" lists "Definitive gay icons," "Great Music Goddesses for Gay Lonely Hearts, "and "Great Queens of Queens."  I know I'm out of touch with a lot of the current pop culture, so can somebody in the know please tell what the connection between this film and these lists might be.  (I'm guessing that Pat Sajak is now a gay icon, but I could be wrong.) 2:50:42 AM