November 6, 2005 by s.z.

 'War on Christmas' POWs to be Held in Secret CIA Prisons

As the estimable Doghouse Riley notes, the War on Christmas is starting early this year.  We can thank John Gibson (you know, the Fox News blowhard who isn't Bill o'Reilly or Sean Hannity) for helping us get our Christmas hating done early this year, for he has written a book called The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Ban the Sacred Christian Holiday and Replace it With Homo Nups is Worse Than You Could Possibly Believe.

  

Here's part of the Conservative Book Club's review of John's important book:

"Happy holidays!" Every time a supermarket checker or store clerk greets you with those words instead of "Merry Christmas," you have met another soldier in the war against Christmas.

And, under the rules of war, you are entitled to shoot that clerk.  (Or, at a minimum, hold him in an undisclosed facility and make him listen to the Jim Nabors Christmas album until he pulls off his ears).

Secularists are bent on imposing upon us a neutered, secular winter holiday that throws out every trace of Christianity from the public observance of Christmas. It's all necessary, they tell us, to avoid offending non-Christians and, above all, to keep from violating the all-important separation of church and state. Meanwhile, Christians in America are increasingly marginalized and shunted aside.

While plugging his book over at the National Review Online, Mr. Gibson told Kathryn Jean Lopez that "Eighty-four percent of the country self identifies as Christian" -- and I guess that 84% is feeling increasingly marginalized and shunted aside by the rest of society, poor dears.

And here's more of what Gibson told K.Lo, including the bit about how the White House General Counsel authorized the use of torture against Secularists in this noble War On Christmas.  (We fight them over at the mall so we don't have to fight them here.)

"Christmas is under attack in such a sustained and strategized manner that there is, no doubt, a war on Christmas." So writes Fox News Channel host John Gibson in his new book,The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Euthanize Mr and Mrs. Claus.and Sell Their Nuclear Technology to China Is Worse Than You Thought.

 [...] 

Lopez: Your subtitle blames liberals for this Christmas “war,” but is it really the Left’s fault? Is there something fundamentally liberal about not wanting “Christmas?” They’ve never invited me over, but I assume the Kennedys celebrate Christmas and all.

Gibson: I have gotten a lot of quibbling about my use of the word "liberal" in the subtitle. First, it certainly is not the conservatives doing these things.

No, conservatives want Christmas.  They want it so bad that they take it as a personal affront if other people don't celebrate it.  So, they are the ones who throw their canned goods at the sales clerk who fails to wish them a Merry Christmas. (And they are, like conservative role model Ann Coulter, the ones who aggressively say "Merry Christmas" to everyone -- "You know, cab drivers, passing people on the street, whatever" -- because it's "like saying 'F--k you!'")

Lopez: Aren’t you a pure, politically virginal, totally objective journalist, Mr. Gibson? How can you possibly take sides on an issue as you have in this book (as well as your previous one)?

Pardon me while I laugh myself silly.

Okay, back to the interview:

Lopez: What’s your goal in getting this book in people’s hands?

Gibson: I want people to understand that the idea that religious tolerance is good includes the idea that it's also good to be tolerant of the largest religious group in this country. I don't think Christmas, nor Christians, should be suppressed. I think people should recognize that Christians are called to spread the word, and their efforts in that area should be afforded the same tolerance we afford other religionists.

Yes, per Gibson, Christians shouldn't be suppressed (Everyone together: "Help!  Help!  I'm being suppressed!").  And we should recognize that they have no choice but to get all pissy if their religious holiday isn't acknowledged by everyone, because God has called them to spread Christmas to all the major department stores.   And so we should afford them the same tolerance that we as a society afford to, say, the Moonies.

And we as a society shouldn't believe that Gibson stole the War on Christmas from Bill "Only Defender of Christmas" O'Reilly because Gibson couldn't think of his own whiny, drama queen idea for a book.  No, indeed.  In fact, "Somewhere Jesus is weeping" over your cruel suspicions about his birthday's champion.  

But it turns out that Gibson isn't the only one fighting the War For Christmas weeks before Thanksgiving.  See, for example, this Human Events Online column by Rabbi Aryeh Spero:

This Christmas, Don't Let Them Turn Off the Lights

Somehow Christmas seemed darker last year, bereft of its usual radiance. Like a heroic soldier, it was left alone to fend off a platoon of barrages against it. Shots came from many quarters – all contesting the placement of Christmas symbols in public areas.

Poor, poor Christmas -- left alone to fend off a platoon of barrages of "Seasons Greetings" shots.  I guess even Bill O'Reilly deserted it once the action started (while he's full of big talk about shooting those offending sales clerks right between their heads, when it comes time for the big show down at the North Pole Coral, he's always off somewhere with his falafel).

So, we can thank heavens that this year the Alliance Defense Fund and its 800 lawyers will be looking out for the heroic solider.

The Alliance Defense Fund announced today it has more than 800 attorneys available nationwide to combat any improper attempts to censor the celebration of Christmas in schools and on public property.

"An overwhelming majority of Americans of all faiths agree that we should celebrate Christmas," said ADF President Alan Sears.  "This is a time for goodness, giving, and hope--not a time for fear, intimidation, and the disinformation of agenda-driven, anti-Christmas legal entities."

And if you don't agree that it's a happy time of goodness, they will sue the crap out of you.  Fear them and their intimidating agenda, ye secularists!

Participating with ADF in this year's Christmas Project are Coral Ridge Ministries, Focus on the Family, Christmas Tree Farmers Association of New York, and the majority of America's state family policy councils.

Of course!  Coral Ridge Ministries and Focus on the Family!  Now this war is starting to make sense!.  But I have to say, I never suspected the Christmas Tree Farmers Association (although, in hindsight it seems rather obvious.)

But my favorite Christmas Warriors are the Save Merry Christmas folks (the group that our friend Michael Gaynor told us about yesterday).  Here's some into from their site:

The War:

A covert and deceptive war has been waged on Christmas to remove any mention of it from the public square during the Christmas season. During the past several years, and with great effectiveness, we have observed a consistent and relentless move to culturally pressure merchants, businessmen and individuals to remove the words “Merry Christmas” from their advertising, decorations and promotional materials.

The festive atmosphere of the past that surrounded the Christmas season in department stores which energized shoppers, supported their culture and tradition, and excited them to select just the right gift for friends and family for the Christmas celebration has been severely diminished. For many, the atmosphere has become offensive and devoid of any meaning.

Yeah!  Because no clerks have wished me "Merry Christmas" this year, I have no energy to select just the right gift for friends and family.  And unless somebody supports my culture pretty damned soon, I will have to mount my own covert war on the season.  "Renditioning" may be involved.  NOCs will be outed.  Judith Miller will pass along disinformation.  Sure, it won't be pretty, but as Santa once said, Holiday war is hell. 

And if you'll excuse me, I have to get back to Gibson's The War on Christmas: How the Liberal Plot to Make the Littlest Angel Take Sex Ed. is the Worst Thing That Ever Happen, so I can become more outraged.

BTW, the color-coded War On Christmas threat level today is "Grinch," meaning that there is a high probability that Christmas will be stolen, or that Bill Frist will have another hissy fit.

2:36:32 AM