October 31, 2005 by s.z.

News Flash: Bush Nominates Irv Libby to Supreme Court President George W. Bush just made the following announcement: Over the past five years, I've spoken clearly to the American people about the qualities I look for in a Supreme Court Justice. A Justice must be a person of accomplishment and unparalleled integrity. A Justice must strictly apply the Constitution and laws of the United States, and not legislate from the bench (I don't know quite what "legislating from the bench" means, but I think it's code for various sodomite acts).  And a Justice must swear unquestioning fealty to me, his supreme overlord.  While I wanted somebody who would get the wingnuts off my back, that Harriet thing didn't work out, and I'm not going down that road again.  So, this time you're getting a Satan-worshipper who will kill womb babies right in the Supreme Court building.  Happy?  Does that please you, you damned whiners?  Yeah, I'm nominating Hillary Clinton this time, and it's all because of George Will and the Corner Kids. PSYCH! Okay, I'm not really nominating Hillary. Once again, I considered a wide variety of distinguished Americans from different walks of life. Once again, I found the perfect candidate was right there under my nose.  Is that weird or what?!  So, I nominate Irv Lewis Libby to serve as Associate Justice of the Supreme Court.  And it's not his reward for taking the fall on that Plame thing.  No way!  No, he was chosen because he's the most qualified person in the country.  He's a lawyer -- maybe not a good one, but he did go to law school .  And if he goes to jail, he said he will have some time to devote to reading the Constitution, which makes him a strict Constitutionalistismer, or something. I've known Irv for more than a decade. I know his heart, I know his character. I know what he has in that file marked "Ack-blay Ail-May Aterial-May."  I'm confident that Irv Libby will add to the wisdom and character of our judiciary when he is confirmed as the 110th Justice of the Supreme Court.  So, confirm the SOB and let me get back to playing Ms. Pacman. Oh, wait, I see that Irv just withdrew his nomination to devote his life to his prison ministry.  Okay, then I nominate Judge Samuel Alito.  Sure, he's not a chick, but he's supposed to be the second coming of Scalia.  In any case, I hate you people and I hope you all die, so I don't much care what you think anymore.  Thank you. 5:37:35 AM

Asinine Scootergate Claim o' the Day While Christopher Hitchens' Wall Street Journal Article is chock full o' stupidity, I especially like this part: Meanwhile, and just to make things more amusing, George Tenet, in his capacity as Director of Central Intelligence, tells Dick Cheney that he employs Mr. Wilson's wife as an analyst of the weird and wonderful world of WMD. So jealously guarded is its own exclusive right to "out" her, however, that no sooner does anyone else mention her name than the CIA refers the Wilson/Plame disclosure to the Department of Justice. So, per Hitch, if the Director of the CIA tells the Vice President anything, it's just like leaking it to the media..  I guess that explains why Dick had to get his WMD info from CURVE BALL and Chalabi. 5:12:23 AM

Happy Halloween! Ha ha, by accepting my Halloween greeting you have invited demons to possess you, you silly people!   If only you had read this message by Gary and Lisa Ruby, you would have known that Halloween is most evilest night of the year, and you wouldn't have fallen for my ruse. And even though it's too late for you, here's part of their warning: Trick-or-treat is a satanic ritual that cannot be sanctified no matter how many rationalizations Satan's ministers come up with. The trick-or-treat ritual is Satan's invention, period. Any person, Christian or not, who participates in this ritual is giving Satan an invitation to come into his life and have fellowship with him. Demonic affliction is a heavy price to pay for engaging in what fake Christian ministers call "harmless fun." Gary and Lisa rightly condemn the "fake Christian ministries" that claim that trick-or-treating is okay if you choose nice, Christian costumes (like an angel, or Dubya), and give out tracts instead of candy.  The Rubys explain the satanic origins of the holiday, and reveal that its ancient bloodcurdling rites are practiced to this very day. The trick-or-treat ritual was practiced by the Druids and their followers in medieval times. Yeah, those Druids of c.1400 AD are well-known for their trick-or-treating.  The Druids went from castle to castle doing exactly the same thing. They also demanded a ‘treat’, however, this demand was for a young woman who could be offered as a human sacrifice in a Satanic ritual. Since you're going to hell anyway, this year you might try trick-or-treating for young women instead of candy -- but if you get some, just don't sacrifice them to Satan, okay? But even treat-or-treating for candy shows your affiliation with Satan, per the Rubys -- and if your church says differently, then you can know that its leaders are in the pay of the devil. Satan's agents, who represent themselves as Christians, do not want Christians to know that Halloween is about human sacrifice and they certainly do not want them to pray against it. That is the reason they do not mention the need to pray against ritual human sacrifice and instead, urge Christians to participate in a ritual that represents human sacrifice.  Since the trick-or-treat ritual looks cute on the surface, Christians who have not investigated this matter are entering into this annual custom for a little bit of "harmless fun." In reality, the trick-or-treat ritual is a culturally and even church-sanctioned way for Satan to gain access to their lives and that of their children. Yup, every Tootsie Roll or Snickers that you give out tonight is actually a Bite o' Beelzebub.  Way to let Satan take over children, folks! But what if you pass out those anti-Harry Potter comics?  Surely they are a holy alternative to the devil's snacks.   Sadly, nein (to once again almost steal a phrase). Surely God is pleased when His people respond to Satan's prized "trick-or-treat" phrase with some candy and a tract. Right? No. God will not prevent Satan from taking whatever ground Christians give him if we participate in his demon-infested ritual. When children come to the door saying, "Trick-or-Treat!" evil spirits have permission to access our lives if we respond to those words with a "treat" (even a tract) because to do so is to participate in the ritual. The very phrase, "trick-or-treat," glorifies Satan. It is his phrase and it is uttered in his ritual. Yes, giving out those Jack Chick tracts is just as bad as sacrificing virgins to Lucifer.  Believe it ... or go to hell! And speaking of Chick tracts, here are a few that Jack strongly recommends ("Make Halloween a Soul-winning Event") First, for the young children, there's The Devil's Night.  It tells the story of Buffy the non-teen, non-witch.  Buffy is a scaredy-cat who is traumatized because her teacher and mother want her to dress up like an evil creature for Halloween (apparently Teach and Mom are Satanist witches).  But lil' Susy, the pig-tailed, Keene-eyed Christian tot, sets Buffy straight about the origins of the holiday, and warns her that satanic priests and witches continue to sacrifice children to Satan in large numbers every Halloween.  That makes Buffy feel a lot better.  Buffy is scared straight and accepts Jesus.  That night, Susy saves more souls by handing out Jack Chick tracts to trick-or-treaters, who express their gratitude by egging her house back to the stone age.    The End      Another recommended tract for the lil' sinners is The Little Princess, which is about a pathetic waif named Heidi who is dying of AIDS or something, but whose last wish is to go trick-or-treating.  Her doting parents say okay, and send her out accompanied only by her brother Josh (presumably they are hoping that Heidi will die on a neighbor's doorstep so they can sue and make some money from her demise).  That night Heidi gets a Jack Chick tract from the Smiths, accepts Jesus, and avoids hell just minutes before kicking the bucket.   In the last panel, brother Josh put Heidi's princess crown on her grave stone and says, "My little sister is in heaven because she trusted Jesus.  What about you?"  So, kids, trust in Jesus, and you too can die young!.       For older children, Jack suggests Happy Halloween. which tells the tale of three friends who visit one of those commercial haunted houses, despite being warned not to.  On the way home, Timmy is hit by a car ("They killed Timmy!  You bastards!").  I think we've all learned a valuable lesson about the wages of sin and spook alleys. But wait, it gets worse!  Mrs. Baxter explains that Timmy was sent to hell forever because he quit going to Sunday school.    Bobby finds this theology so inspiring that he accepts Jesus and then proclaims, "I feel so safe!  I KNOW I'll go to heaven when I die!  I'll never forget THIS Halloween."  Yes, it was the best Halloween ever, thanks to Jesus, Mrs. Baxter, and Timmy's horrific death. But back to the Rubies, for a few more Halloween facts.   Overcoming evil with good will not be accomplished by having a party and celebrating while followers of Satan literally sacrifice human beings on altars all over the world. [...] Giving any kind of treat when someone knocks at your door on Halloween night is participating in Halloween. Just because you add a tract to the treat (or give only a tract) does not sanctify this Halloween activity. Giving a tract while you engage in the ritual that Satan takes very seriously (the trick-or-treating ritual is a satanic ritual no matter how cute it looks or how much fun it is) will not give your or your child automatic protection from evil spirit contact. You are sinning and thereby breaking God's protective hedge. The serpent will bite you and your children, tract or no tract.  Take that, Lil' Susy!  And here's part of Gary and Lisa's rebuttal of a Christianity Today article which claims that Halloween is just innocent fun: Christianity Today Exhorts Christians to Celebrate Halloween With Gusto. Samhain was (and continues to be) celebrated by the Druids and requires human sacrifice. Halloween is the modern term for this satanic highday that hides behind a seemingly innocuous front of fun and games that serves to divert attention from its true purpose: worldwide human sacrifice. Who knew that Druids still exist, and they are still sacrificing humans every October 31?  (Well, Scott C. knew, and he has promised to give us an expose of their favorite movie, Druids, just as soon as he finishes up another important project which doesn't happen to star Christopher Lambert.) The Rubys also heap scorn on the author of the Christianity Today piece for quoting "an author of occult-themed novels (C.S. Lewis)."  I guess they don't approve of books that feature magic wardrobes, white witches, talking lions, and other occult themes taken from Christianity.  In any case, the Rubys do know their Satanic stuff, having  inadvertently belonged to the dark lord's church for ten years.  It's all explained on the "About Gary and Lisa Ruby" page. Gary and I became Christians in 1982 ... Gary and I began attending what appeared to be an independent, fundamental, Bible-believing Baptist church ... We remained in this establishment for over ten years.  ... We later learned that it was founded and run by followers of Satan who were posing as Christians and even attended a Christian college in preparation for the "ministry." After we left their establishment, we found ourselves being forced to deal with the evil spirits they sent on assignment to harass our family.  Yes, evil spirits are everywhere, just waiting for you to celebrate Halloween or to join a Baptist church or something, so they can harass you. The Lord is now commanding the Rubys to warn others about the snares that Satan has set for the unwary in the "Left Behind" books, the Terri Schiavo case, and rock music.  I suggest you pay them heed.  Oh, and if you don't want to be infested by demons, I suggest that you give me all your Kit Kats, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and Mars bars, and that you spend the night worrying about all the young women being sacrificed by Druids and witches.  In return, I won't give you the Jack Chick masterpiece Boo! 2:21:09 AM