December 10, 2004 by s.z.

The Dahonger Enigma -- A Novel By Robert Ludlum The questions on everyone's collective mind lately are: what happened to Sadly, No!, and who is that Dahonger guy who has apparently taken over his domain?  Oh, and did Dahonger's girlfriend really get a boob job? We have no answers, but we can share with you the following: Even we don't know what is wrong with S,N! at this point! It was crashed yesterday by a massive spam attack, and the little people are working on it. -- Sadly, No!  And if you've ever seen Darby O'Gill and the Little People, you know that this process may take a while, since it will involve a great deal of dancing, cursing, drinking, and banshees.  We hope it all goes smoothly, and SN! is back soon (and that Seb is using this down time to come up with a lot of content for the next time he decides to "move.") 5:29:52 AM

Your Mel Gibson News What Island Would Jesus Buy? Hollywood star Mel Gibson, flush from the huge success of his religious film The Passion of the Christ, has splashed out $15m on a private Pacific island, a report said on Thursday. The Australian-raised screen heart-throb and movie industry mogul flew to Fiji earlier this month where he bought the 2160-hectare island of Mago from a Japanese hotel chain, People magazine reported. "He wants to keep it as an exclusive getaway for his friends and family," the magazine quoted a local source as saying. He is projected to make over $500 million from The Passion, so he could probably buy the rest of Fiji if he wanted to. The Holy Ghost, whom Mel has said was the real power behind the production, will reportedly be taking Mel to court to get his cut. Invade Their City, Kill Their Leaders, Convert Them to Mainstream Values From a recent press release: Internet entrepreneur Patrick Hynes announced today the launch of a new web-based grassroots movement to ensure fairness towards Mel Gibson and his powerful film The Passion of the Christ when the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences determines the nominees for their annual awards ceremony, the Oscars. “We are circulating a web-based petition to impose our values on Hollywood for a change, instead of the other way around,” Hynes stated. “Hollywood has long tried to impose its values on us here in middle-America. These values are hostile to people of faith, dismissive of the traditions that made this country great and decidedly left-leaning politically. With this petition, we hope to turn the tables on them.” Last year Hynesy launched the popular weblog www.crushkerry.com, which quickly became one of the most trafficked conservative sites on the World Wide Web. Crushing people is presumably one of those values that people of faith hold in middle-America. Oh, and while I hear there's good money to be made in Internet entrepreneurship, from what I can tell, Hynes is actually a copywriter for "the Republican consulting firm Marsh Copsey & Scott, and the co-author of How to Write Copy That Gets Votes."  He was formerly a New Hampshire political operative.  He is also a Freeper, frequent contributor to the American Spectator, and self-promoter par excellence.  So, Mel should be grateful that a guy like this is antagonizing Hollywood by forcibly "imposing morals" down their throat on Mel's behalf.  “Even after an election year in which more than one in every five voters said ‘Moral Values’ was the most important issue to them, the cultural elites in Hollywood may not even nominate Mel Gibson, his powerful film and its actors for their respective awards,” Hynes continued. Maybe it's just me, but I never knew that the Academy nominated films based on what issues American voters said were important to them in the last presidential election. Hynes’ website is called www.passionforfairness.com. In addition to circulating the petition, Hynes’ site allows visitors to vote for The Passion to win a People’s Choice Award. He also has plans to run print ads in Hollywood trade journals. The group also plans an aggressive public relations effort. But only if you donate money to their [i.e., Hynes'] cause.  Do it now, or Michael Moore and the terrorists will win (the award for Best Picture)! 5:21:18 AM

Have You Got Your Ball Gown Yet? From the NY Times: Mr. Bush's inaugural committee, seeking to raise more than $40 million, a record, sent out hundreds of solicitations to the president's biggest campaign contributors this week offering packages of party benefits and access to the president in exchange for hundreds of thousands of dollars.  Even at a time of war when more than 138,000 American troops are serving in Iraq, the organizers say that the inaugural celebration at the end of the January will not be marked by any noticeable restraint and will cost more than any other in history. Hey, it's all about priorities, people.  We have to go to war with the Army we've got, but we don't have to inaugurate our President in a drab, lacklustre style! "There have been 55 inaugurations and very few have taken place during wartime, and this inaugural will reflect that," said Steve Schmidt, the inaugural committee's communications director. "You will see a strong emphasis on the military and veterans." You recall how how Marie Antoinette and her ladies-in-waiting used to go to an artificial farm, dress up like milkmaids and shepherdesses, and play at being simple country dwellers?  Well,  I suggest that one of the diversions for big cash donors be an artifical war theater, where Bush and his court can dress up in uniforms and play at being members of the military. The letters to potential donors, mailed on Wednesday, spell out the benefits in exhaustive detail. The $250,000 "underwriter package" includes two tickets for an "exclusive" lunch with the president and vice president plus 20 tickets, that is two tables of 10 each for one of three candlelight dinners to be held on Jan. 19. The simultaneous dinners, at Union Station, the Pension Building and the Washington Hilton, are to feature "special appearances" by Mr. Bush, Vice President Dick Cheney and their spouses. Hey, $250,000 may SEEM like a lot, but when you compare it the money you could save from the special tax breaks, favorable legislation, and the other "favors" that this access buys, it's really a bargain. A $100,000 "sponsor package" offers most of the same benefits as the underwriter package, but with fewer tickets for the dinners. It also omits the lunch with the president. Both packages offer four tickets to a "youth concert" with "the first daughters, Barbara and Jenna Bush," as hosts, and also promise that "you or your corporation will be recognized on all printed materials." I wonder who will be playing at the "youth concert."  Maybe one of those rock musicians that the kids like so much, such as Michael Smith or Naomi Judd.  But I'm amazed that the first daughters found the time to host this concert, what with their work with the AIDS sufferers and the inner-city school children.  They truly are patriots. Unlike campaign contributions, there are no legal limits on the amount that an individual or corporation can donate to the inauguration. In 2001, the Enron Corporation gave $100,000 for the Bush inauguration, and the company's chairman at the time, Kenneth Lay, gave an additional $100,000. A spokeswoman said that the company, which went bankrupt after a financial scandal, would give nothing this time. Um, I guess this means that Ken Lay won't be attending that special lunch with the President this year.  A senior inauguration official said that in any case $250,000 and $100,000 donations were large enough to make ticket prices less expensive for people like "school teachers and bus drivers" who wanted to attend the inaugural balls and other events that will be open to the general public and are scheduled from Jan. 18 through Jan. 21. "People like 'school teachers and bus drivers'"  -- you know, the peasants.  Back in 2001, tickets to the inaugeral balls that were available to the general public cost $125 each (and you still needed connections to get them).  I bet that there won't be a whole lot of school teachers and bus drivers attending this time.    Organizers also insisted that the event would be for the whole country, not just Mr. Bush's supporters. "I don't view it as a partisan thing as much as I do a great celebration for America," said one inaugural official who asked not to be named because of the sensitivity of the subject. "We're not going 'na, na, na, na, na.' Not out loud, anyway." Well, knowing that they don't do their "na na"ing out loud makes me feel so much better about this $40 million spectacle. 4:17:35 AM

Some Xmas Advice From Jerry Falwell Christmas Remains Legal Mathew Staver, founder and general counsel at Liberty Counsel, says that that publicly sponsored Nativity scenes on public property are, in fact, constitutional as long the display includes a secular symbol. The government may publicly exhibit depictions of Mary, Joseph and Jesus or a Menorah if such scenes incorporates the image of Santa Claus or Frosty the Snowman. [...] The effort to preserve our religious heritage and future requires the diligence of us all. May we, through God’s grace, faithfully safeguard the wonderful Christian birthright of America. When you set up that creche in City Hall, I suggest that you place Rudolph in the manger, gazing at the Christ child along with the cows, sheep, and elves.  Santa could be one of the Wise Men (maybe the one who brought the new born king that Dancing E-L-M-O, available now at Toys 'R Us).  And Frosty could be one of the Herald Angels who announced the birth of the Son of God to the shepherds and citizens of Whoville (but maybe Frosty flies too close to the radiant light of the star, well ... he'll be back again someday). For only thus can we maintain the spirituality of Christmas, and keep those damned secularists from stealing our Christian birthright. 3:21:41 AM

Some Good Lines From the Austin Chronicle's story about the 50th Anniversary of The Texas Observer:  Former New York Times political correspondent Adam Clymer – notorious for being called a "major league asshole" by candidate Bush in 2000 – spoke next [...] More damning, in Clymer's judgment, was the "false equivalence" promulgated in the press in comparing the two candidate's public gaffes. Kerry's feet would be held as firmly to the fire as Bush's over far less important matters, said Clymer, in a misleading balancing act. As Dubose put it, "The press did for Bush in public what Monica Lewinsky did for Clinton in private." [...] Adding levity to the proceedings was Texas populist and local luminary Jim Hightower. Decrying the replacement of higher paying jobs with "Wal-Mart jobettes," he was aghast at how the engineers of economic woe, poster boys for corporate greed like Bush chum Ken Lay, were not used by the Kerry campaign against the incumbent. Shifting gears, he assailed Bush's made-for-TV ranch and faux cowboy trappings, noting, "There's a $1,000 hat on a 10-cent head if I've ever seen one." P.S.   Per a NewsMax headline, ABC Locks Up Hannity Hey, sometimes incarceration of offenders is the only way to keep the public airwaves safe -- you know, per people like Brent Bozell. 2:35:41 AM