January 19, 2005 by s.z.

A Vast Hugh Hewitt Conspiracy As you know, Hugh recently appeared on O'Reilly show where he endeavored, in his words, "to protect the reputation of the blogosphere post Kos/Armstrong Williams."  He did this by pointing out how the right-wing side of the blogosphere brought down the mainstream media, while the left-wing side side of the blogosphere (the side to which Kos and Armstrong belong) is corrupt, immoral, and is probably behind those anthrax letters.  And Hugh has been getting some attention in the blogs because of this.  He has been acclaimed as the Blog Messiah by some sites, but others haven't been quite as enthused about his "protection." Yesterday Hugh was forced to defend himself from the meanies at TalkLeft: At TalkLeft I was treated to a lecture on how Kos' relationship with the Dean campaign was widely known, and there follow nine citations, only two of which, from Salon --unclear if these two are from "premium" content--predate the period in which Democratic primary participants, voters and Kos readers might have been misled into thinking Kos was financially independent of the Dean campaign. Wow, you'd think that a Master of the Internets like Hugh would know that anyone can access Salon's "premium" content by just clicking through a short ad -- and thus would realize that attempting to portray these citations as somehow hidden away from the common man would therefore just look desperate and stupid.  Oh, and you'd think that Hugh would also realize that Kos' readers would have read his disclaimer about working for the Dean campain at Kos' site -- you know, while they were at the site, reading it --and so the fact that it was remarked upon elsewhere by nine other sites is only icing on the blogosphere cake of Kos' disclosure of his work for the Dean campaign. But Hugh has more wisdom for those silly TalkLeft folks:     There are two key points unaddressed by this post, one major and one minor. The major point is that the scandal is that the Dean campaign's motive in paying Kos was to influence his blog.  Whether Kos is a dupe or a knowing participant is a secondary issue--the motive of the Deaniacs is the news story. Well, one person said that that was the campaign's motive.  Another person from the campaign said they paid Kos for technical advice, and that's all they expected from him, since they already knew that he supported Dean. But, since Hugh is so interested in this kind of thing, I know he'll be spending days discussing how more than one person has said that the biggest donors to Bush's inaugeration are banks and financial companies that stand to gain from Bush's proposal to allow workers to invest some of their Social Security payroll taxes in private retirement accounts, and that these donors gave money in the hopes of getting their agenda passed. Yes, I'm sure that Hugh say that the major point in the above scandal is that the banks' and financial companies' motive was to influence Bush's policy -- and whether Bush is a dupe or a knowing participant is a secondary issue. But back to Hugh: The minor point is that Kos still has undisclosed clients so you don't know who else is paying him for his time.  The most interesting comparison would be between his client list and the list of people he raises money for. I wonder if the appearance of clients on both lists would strike Kos defenders as questionable? Possibly.  And I wonder if it would strike Hugh's fans as questionable if they learned that Hugh and Bill took a shower together after the taping of the show? Anyway, now for the paranoia part: My favorite comment from the thread at TalkLeft: "If I were paranoid, I'd say that this 'scandal' was floated now, a year after the fact, just to give apparatchik Hewitt a news hook for his book tour. And if I were really paranoid, I'd say the whole sequence -- Armstrong Williams followed by Kos/MyDD -- was a trick shot to (a) get the Williams story out there and then neutralize it with Kos/DD plus (b) give Hewitt an interview hook." What I guess the "paranoid" folk will never understand is that book interviews are scheduled weeks in advance, in the case of the O'Reilly interview well before the Kos payola story broke.  While I agree that with this poster that he or she would have to be paranoid to believe that the Armstrong Williams scandal just came out now in order to give Hewitt an interview hook (because frankly, I don't think the Dept. of Education or USA Today even know who Hugh is).  However, I do think that it's reasonable and sane to assume that the Kos non-revelation was puffed up into a "scandal" in order to neutralize the Armstrong one.  Hey, call me paranoid if you like, but it sure makes more sense than thinking that the right was suddenly shocked, SHOCKED to discover that politicians believe money helps to influence people. But here's why the TalkLeft comment spells doom for the Democratic Party: But Michael Moore has turned a generation of lefties into conspiracy theorists, and so speculations of the sort above are routine on the threads of the lefty sites.  This presents a huge problem for the political future of the Democrats at the national level, as even center-left voters will have to worry about the make-up of any future Democratic administration and how it will prevent the fever swamp dwellers from entering into the halls of authority. So, one remark at TalkLeft (and a bunch of purported ones on "lefty sites") prove that Moore turned a whole generation of "lefties" into conspiracy nuts -- and this presents a "huge problem for the political future of the Democrats" because now everybody will be afraid to vote Democratic. Fine.  That seems reasonable enough. But only if Hugh will acknowledge the plethora of loony conspiracy theorists who exist among the bloggers, commenters, and pundits of the right, and he will claim that they present a huge problem for the political future of conservatism, in that every normal person should worry about a belief system than seems to attract such nuts. Here are a few examples of conspiracy theorists on the right: First, from the Sierra Times ("An Internet Publication for Real Americans"), here's regular columnist Anthony C. LoBaido: It [a PR firm volunterering aid to NYC after 9/11] does remind us to look around at how disasters can be manipulated and used to further an agenda. Most specifically I speak of the agenda of the transnational elite, who are busy seeking to replace God and set themselves up as the world’s ultimate authority. [...] So much of the evil in the world is caused by the corrupt, mainly white, transnational elite and their debasement of Christian, European civilization (and all Third World peoples who identify with that civilization).   Of course, like any good conservative, Anthony has more on his mind than just how the transnational elite are manipulating the tsunami to further their agenda.  For instance, he's also concerned about how we're making Jesus sad by not letting white mercenaries sort out Africa. It is apparent that some disasters are more popular than others. Look at the how the horrors of the anti-Jewish Holocaust (and the recent, very wrong steps of Prince Harry and his Nazi costume played out) while on-going holocausts in Sudan and the DRC are almost completely out of the public eye. Blacks killing blacks never counts it seems. And that’ terrible, especially when you look at the positive things elite, mainly white British and South African mercenaries have accomplished in Sierra Leone and Angola. The West could sort out Africa for the better in a relatively short time. Yet there is too much profit in Aids and minerals and dictators and a state of general anarchy. But at what cost to Africa’s people? Don’t they deserve better? When Jesus returns this will be one of the first things He puts right! I promise "Too much profit in Aids"???  So, Hugh, doesn't Anthony present a huge problem for the political future of the right?  But wait, don't answer yet!  You also get to hear about his time in British Army jungle warfare training: No political correctness. No graffiti. No garbage on the side of the road. No rap or heavy metal music. Just men being men. And his longing for a time machine, so he could live in the days of white rule in South Africa: Now, has anyone asked the average white person if, by some miracle, they could enter a time machine and live out their lives in South Africa between 1948 and 1975, would they go? (As long as they did not have to hurt anyone). There can be no question tens of millions would leave in this very second if they could. That does not mean they do not like black African-American people, or people of other races. Of course it doesn't.  It means that they just like to be the bosses of them. Anyway, while Anthony may not be representative of the entire right, he is theirs, and they are stuck with him.  Just like they are stuck with our old friend Paula Devlin, whose columns appear on several right-wing internet sites.  Here's part of her piece from last month, which is mainly about commies: When the current crop of conservative talking heads ridicule "conspiracy theories" as though they did not exist and never have, it must be concluded that these pundits are either too young to have learned what some of their elders know or they are in denial. Pick a plot. There are several currently in play, some connected, some not, but all orchestrated from the highest echelons of wealth and perfidy. Hey, she's talking to you, Hugh!  And now she will tell us about one of those plots  -- beware the New World Order! State and Homeland Security are playing kissy-face with Mexico, pretending they are alarmed at a situation that has been going on for several administrations, and they want us to believe they are acting in the best interests of the sovereign United States of America? All they are doing is providing disinformation to cover the implementation of Agenda 21 for the one world government of the New World Order. The New World Order is nothing but a shameless power grab by a collection of the most despicable human beings ever to pollute the universe. Oh sure, they know which fork to use, dress nicely and speak well. It is still the most enormous con game in the history of mankind. So, not dealing forcibly enough with illegal immigrants from Mexico is part of the New World Order's plan to, um, be evil. But here's more: the shocking revelation that it was the Masons and the commies who made Jesus cry by attacking Christmas.  And they now control the Post Office!!! Blaming Bush/Cheney for the current state of affairs is a waste of time. The whole government bureaucracy is to blame and has been for years. It has been successfully infiltrated by Masonic/Communist ideologs. Just look at the Postal Service’s latest excursion into political correctness. What used to be a Christian tradition of sending cards to commemorate the birth of Christ has been turned into a pagan pantheon with no less than five stamps being sold (Christmas, Chanukah, a Moslem holiday and Kwanza). Why is this holy Christian feast day being mocked and insulted? Hey, I wonder if Bill O'Reilly knows that it was the Masonic/Communist idelogs who were behind the assault on Christmas?  In any case, I bet he'll be relieved to know that it's a waste of time to blame Bush/Cheney for anything -- see, now Bill won't have to follow through on his promise to never trust the Bush administration again.  Yes, even though it's official that no WMDs were found, the Masons/commies were probably behind that too, so Bill is released from his vow. But anyway, if Paula is right, we're all doomed, for if they can get to the Post Office, they can get to anyone! The most apparent example of the Communist/Masonic infiltration of an organization is its successful infiltration of the Roman Catholic Church. The infiltration began in the mid-nineteenth century, with the goal of complete control by 1960. That goal was achieved in the coup called the Second Vatican Council. Since then, the Church has become the Synagogue of Satan, promoting heresy, blasphemy and sodomy. As you might guess from the snappy phrase "The Synagogue of Satan," the Jews are also involved in this vast conspiracy (either as pawns of the New World Order, or as Commies, or something).  But her biggest revelation is that the commies are going to nuke us, and al-Qaeda will get the blame, all because our government is too stupid to know that the U.S.S.R still lives! Stanislav Lunev revealed that Spetznaz already placed suitcase nukes in the Hudson River Valley and in the Shenandoah River Valley. They have caches of other weapons installed around the nation. These were in place before 1990. When they are used, the Islamo-fascists will be blamed because, even though our government knows what is there, they want us to believe Communism is dead. Nothing could be further from the truth. Even in this week’s news it is being alleged that Al-Qaeda is bringing WMD’s across the border. Spetznaz has been using the borders freely for years. What they call news these days is disinformation and thought control. So, Hugh, is Michael Moore responsible for Paula Devlin's delusions? Now, to wrap things up, we'd just like to remind Hugh of what Ann Coulter said on the Rush Limbaugh radio show back in October 2003: I've talked to people from Homeland Security, and there have been stunning successes against terrorism that no one knows about.  Just a few months ago -- about 6 months ago now -- they found a dirty bomb in New York Harbor.  They have radar detecting devices to detect these kinds of things.  No one knows about these kinds of things because they can't talk about it, for whatever reason. Yeah, a dirty bomb was found in New York Harbor, and it's so top secret that Homeland Security could only tell Ann Coulter, so she could discuss it on Rush's radio show.  Well, not exactly a conspiracy theory, but pretty darned crazy just the same.  Sorry, Hugh, but I just can't see anybody voting Republican if Ann Coulter is allowed to live.  So, it's up to you what you do about your little problem ... and you'd better do something, for the good of the blogosphere and the future of the Republican Party. 5:54:28 AM

Who Said It? On 19 January, 20005, trials were held in International Internets Court for our previous Mystery Guests.  In a moment, the results of those trials.  . . .Why do birds suddenly appear...every time ... Britney Spears?  Just like she, they want to be . . . . Okay, that's been a moment, I guess. Anyway, Canadian Pundit #1 ("Arab robes are EEEVILLLL!") was found guilty of being David Frum, a violation of international penal code.  He was sentenced to having to pay everyone in the world a dollar for each time the phrase "axis of -----" was used.  Clif, who first notified the authorities about Frum, was declared a hero. Canadian Pundit #2 ("Whenever there's an incident involving brown-skinned foreigners, al Qaeda is there.  Whenever there's a homicidal guy who happens to belong to the Nation of Islam, al Qaeda is there.  Whenever some Syrian musicians take too long in the restroom, al Qaeda is there") was found guilty of five counts of being Mark Steyn.  He was banished from polite society for his crimes.  Canadian Pundit #3 ("George Bush had to vet this so-called tsunami before saying we'd help the victims, because it could have well been a cunning trick perpetrated by terrorists to get his magic beans!") was Rachel Marsden.  PantherWill correctly identified both #2 and #3, and was given a badge to carry, and was permitted to say, "Just the f---g facts, you wanker" whenever a pundit started to mouth off. Now, who said this? I listened to some of the Dr. Rice hearings today. Listening to Sen. Boxer is like having someone pump six gallons of lukewarm tea up a catheter tube. Slowly. It’s like being beaten to death by a moth. [...] I too deplore the Bush administration’s decision in 2002 to go back to 1998 and plant all those false stories about Iraqi WMD and Saddam’s Al Qaeda connections in the mainstream media, for example, but I’m more interested in what comes next. (And I still, stubbornly, support the decision to go in.) Oh, and he also said this: An Open Letter to Bath and Body Works: [...] I know I cannot influence your decision. But know this: I will never buy anything else at your store, because all you offer is flowery fluids I can buy cheaply at Target. I have a year’s supply of liquid soap, which I will use as ever. I will refill the empty shampoo bottles with Suave. Do you understand? 3:55:01 AM