February 1, 2005 by s.z.

Happy Birthday, Ted! In your honor, we bring you the following John Stamos news (because we heard from Annti that he's your personal hero). Stamos Looks to Real Girls (Because the blow-up dolls just weren't working out): REBECCA ROMIJN's estranged husband JOHN STAMOS is looking to date nurses and waitresses as he moves on from his painful marriage split. The actor admits he's starting to find "real women" attractive after being married to former model Romijn for six years. Rebecca is a man, baby! Stamos says, "I've gone out with some waitresses lately and I went out with a nurse. I think that's probably my route; someone who is inspired and is non-jaded and that's what's interesting about regular real girls. I.e, "Someone who will let ME be the important one for a change." "I have so much to offer as far as my life. I hate talking up all the great things I have in my life, I'd love to share them with people." "I am a big, important celebrity, and I'd love to share my greatness with someone who will truly appreciate me.  I hate talking about how great I am, though, so I'd prefer a woman who goes into the relationship already knowing how great I am." "I met this girl and we went to DISNEYWORLD and we didn't have to stand in line and she was just so excited! That made me so happy that she wasn't jaded. That's a road that I want to be on." "I want a woman who will be totally blown away by how my star power can get her to the head of the line for the Mad Hatters Teacup ride.  You know, not a bitch like Rebecca, who always thought that SHE was was so hot!  So, if you're a very attractive young (18-20) woman who is a waitress, nurse, or possibly a stewardness for a second-rate airline, amd you're very, very lucky, maybe someday you'll get a chance to experience the thrill of going out with a big Hollywood star, and not having to stand in line for a tour of the Hollywood Wax museum." Anyway, Happy Birthday, Ted!  I hope it was a good one, and that you use your newfound maturity for good and not for evil. UPDATE: Sorry the image of John Stamos didn't work (it was one of him wearing a ruffly tux, and looking all vulnerable yet macho).  I offer as a replacement the above one of John in Born to Ride ("A rebellious motorcycle racer in the 1930s is given a choice by the Army: spend a year in jail, or lead a motorcycle cavalry unit on a mission in Spain"),  a film that I dare Scott C. to watch for the Subliminal Cinema chapter "Life Fast, Die Young, And Leave Behind a Bad-Looking Movie." 11:00:11 PM

Some Items of Interest 1.  Julia, who's blogging today over at The American Street, quipped, "If we haven't yet come up with a nom de scandal for the nine billion missing from the CPA, I have a suggestion."  And yes, she does have A Modest Proposal. 2.  Walker emailed me to say this about his plan to spread the word about the unhappiness about the Gonzales nomination: I'm hoping you can help me distribute this to your most politically active friends around the country.  I want to overwhelm our Senators - ALL OF THEM - with phone calls in the next two days, and I think the way to do it is to take to the streets.  It also will raise awareness in communities across the country about who Bush is trying to appoint as the chief law enforcement officer for our nation, and how committed those of us who oppose him are. Walker has a professional-looking leaflet, which can be customized for every state, some suggestions for leatletting, and some tips on calling Senators' offices.  This sounds like a way to let your voice be heard, if you are so inclined. 3.  And speaking of tips, Crooks and Liars has some for Michelle M. -- specifically  on how to tell Andrew Sullivan from a liberal blogger.  But the following hint could also be useful to Justin Darr (see below) and  Matchbook Jim (as Amblongus so aptly calls him): By the way, if you were to look at the Daou Report, you would see many left leaning sites blogging on the Iraqi vote. I'm just saying. (However, we hear that it's the video of the Bush twins SNL skit that is making a lot of new friends for C&L, including many horny guys from FreeRepublic.)  UPDATE:  Yosef alerted us to the fact that voting is now open at Wampum for the Koufax Award for Best Commenter.  Although you should vote your conscience, if you know what's good for you, you will vote for the first person on the list, one Anntichrist S. Coulter.  (Hey, Annti has gone through some trying times lately, and I think it would mean a lot to her if you all voted for her.  And besides, pity votes will really annoy her, and you know how fun that can be!)  9:24:33 AM

Coming From a 'Renew America' Columnist, These Criticisms Mean a Lot While this next wingnut, Justin Darr, is the personal property of Sadly, No! (which discovered him in the ladies department at Sears, where Justin is the longtime assistant manager), we are going to borrow him for just a minute or two, because Justin is just irresistible (sure, this could be called "stealing," since we don't have SN!'s permission, but since it keeps saying that we are Annie Jacobsen, I don't think any court would convict us).  And besides, we imagine that Seb will give Justin a thorough going-over once he (Seb}  returns from his long, leisurely, European lunch break, so he can have Justin back any time he wants. So, on to a few choice words from Justin's latest column, "Goodbye reality! The tough life of a liberal blogger":  Most Internet leftists are still seeking therapy helping them cope with President Bush's reelection victory, And most Internets rightists are still receiving therapy for impotence and/or bedwetting problems. so another Bush Administration triumph, particularly one in association with the hated Iraq War, is all they need to free them from their already tenuous grasp on sanity. As of Sunday afternoon on January 30, 2005, the insanity had already reached a fever pitch. Since I was at church then, I must have missed it.  Hey, why wasn't Justin at church too?  Is is some kind of secularist or something? The reactions of liberal bloggers can be grouped into four categories. The first is the "Let's Talk About Something Else Posse." For example, "Black Eyed Sunday," ignored the election completely and chose to center their daily post around promoting the commemoration of the second anniversary of the Iraq War with a "global protest" calling for Bush's impeachment. Um, I just did a Google search for "Black Eyed Sunday" (and "black-eyed sunday" and "blackeyed sunday") and can't find any references to a blog of that name (except in Justin's column).  So, I'm guessing that either it's one of those blogs which isn't actually on the Internet; it's really called something else (I got many hits for "Black-Eyed Peas" and "Black Sabbath," so maybe Justin just got confused); or that Justin, emulating fellow historian David Barton, just made the whole thing up to prove a pet theory. The second, or the "Let's Pretend It Didn't Happen Faction," are a group who broke with the traditional liberal habit of talking endlessly about anything so long as it can be twisted into a childish penis reference about Vice President Cheney, and said nothing. As of mid Sunday afternoon, bloggers such as Josh Micha Marshall, Stephen Bainbridge, Stephen Green, Crooked Timber, and liberal blogger giant, Atrios, had said nothing. Yes, nothing at all about anything. Can you believe it? The birth of democracy in Iraq has actually managed to make a liberal stop talking! Nothing?  They said "nothing at all about anything"?  Shall we look at one of Atrios's non-existant posts from Sunday afternoon? Hercules Down Horrible. Possibly very horrible. ...good. Reuters is saying up to 15 killed which, while horrible, is much less horrible than it could have been. -Atrios 4:51 PM Josh Marshall indicated that he was away for most of the weekend and had only occasional web access, but he did post on Sunday night.  Here is one of those posts: January 30, 2005 -- 11:14 PM EST // link As so often is the case out of Iraq, some the best reporting on the Iraqi elections comes from Anthony Shadid in The Washington Post. Good news has been hard to come by in Iraq for some time. So this unexpectedly high turn-out, relatively low level of violence, and what seems to have been a swelling tide of enthusiasm over the course of the day, is something more than very welcome news. It may also provide some indication or clue to explaining those polls which show, on the one hand, deep-seated Iraqi disenchantment with the US occupation, outrage over the persistent violence that afflicts the country, and yet also an underlying optimism about the future. [...] Anyway, I think that's enough to show that Justin is wrong yet AGAIN!   (Both factually, and in his premise that all liberal bloggers either ignored the Iraq election, or said bad things about it.) The third group is by far the largest. They are "The Conspiracy Theorists." This is the same group who gained notoriety by advancing the claim that Karl Rove used stolen alien technology from Area 51 to make it rain on Democratic areas of Ohio on Election Day in an attempt to disenfranchise voters through adverse weather.  Although this group is the largest, I am chagrined to say that neither this blog nor Sadly, No! seem to belong to it.  (Apparently blogging is like junior high, and the really popular cliques shut out losers like us.)  The last group is the "Just Being Nasty for the Sake of Being Nasty Alliance." Alas, we aren't named here either. Democraticunderground.com stays true to their optimistic liberal ideals with the headline, "Who's Paying for All This Freedom?" That is an easy one, the same people who support the largely unemployable, still living at home in the basement readers of The Democratic Underground; their parents. So, only the parents of DU readers are paying for this war?  That seems kind of unfair. And, MyDD writes "Fundamentalists of the World Unite" and laments the fall of Saddam Hussein's benevolent "secular" government. It is not that MyDD likes Saddam, its is just that they hate God more. Well, actually they just seem to dislike theocracy (and wasting "thousands of American lives, and over $200 Billion from the US treasury").  It's kind of sad that Justin thought that saying something unflattering about Muslim fundamentalism means that the author hates God (because that kind of sentiment will get him banned from FreeRepublic). These are tough times to be a liberal blogger. Yes, these early mornings are always tough times for me, because I'm bleary-eyed, tired, and unable to spot typos.  But, thanks to Justin's sympathy and concern, I am resolved not to let the challenge of A.M. blogging get me down! In light of the rejection of the left's domestic polices and beliefs by the American electorate, That big 2% rejection really hurt! and now the failure of their "Surrender at Any Cost" foreign polices, you might be inclined to believe the liberal bloggers many begin to fade away. But not so. No, we're going to stick around, just for Justin. His life has so few other pleasures. 7:30:40 AM

Who Said It? Our first Mystery Guest from last time (the one who talked about how gullible little kids will believe you when you tell them about the reality of the Easter Bunny, Santa Claus, Jesus, and homosexuals) was indeed James Dobson.  That passage was from his latest Focus on the Family newsletter, in which he explains to his troops that he never said that SpongeBob is gay, he just said that seeing a video about tolerance might predispose children to not hate gays (and that would be bad). Pastor Bentonit was the first to I.D. Dobson, and wins our grand prize, a day without any further mentions of James Dobson.  However, we admit that this quote, portraying as it does a rose-colored, unrealistic, demeaning view of childhood, does sound like Meghan Cox Gurdon.  Taking a tip from julia, we offer you a selection from Meghan's latest column: First, let me set up this clip: Son Paris DaShawn just said that he has to dress up like Jackie Robinson for Black History Month, while his friend Dante has to dress up like Sugar Ray Leonard.  And then Paris DaShawn says . . . "I think he ought to dress up as a white person because he's already black." My husband and I exchange a look. Until now, Paris has never shown the slightest awareness of his friend's race. Gee, thanks, teacher. And Dante never knew he was African-American until this project came up either.  Gee, thanks, teacher! Next time on America's Most Clueless Mother, daughter Pristine's kindergarten teacher shows the class that "We Are Family" video, and the girl shows her new awareness of homosexuality by suddenly moving to Vermont and becoming a lesbian.  Anyway, as you already know, Tbogg provides the definitive AWM coverage every week.  I suggest that you read his hilarious post on DaShawn's discovery that he's white, if you haven't already.  And in TBogg's honor, we (by which I mean me, and maybe Julia) offer the following AWM-related program activity. Here's the background: a Google search for "Meghan Cox Gurdon" gives you a citation to "LookSmart" which provides a list of magazine articles Meghan has written -- plus one called "How I Chill Out": Moms' secrets to finding--and enjoying--downtime." for which presumably Meghan was interviewed or quoted or something.   Since we can't read the article unless we subscribe to "High Beam Research" (which we aren't going to do, because we think that it sounds dirty), we suggest that YOU give us your best guess of how Meghan Chills Out.  You can do that instead of participating in the "Who Said It" portion of this contest, if you want.  (Or do both -- you'll have a better chance of winning one of our valuable imaginary prizes that way.) But on to other things: Our second Mystery Guest from last time (the one who "loves" Hugh Hewitt, although probably not sexually, since she doesn't swing that way) was Lynne Cheney.  Congrats once again to Clif, who knows a little too much about wingnuts to be allowed to live, so you'd better check out his blog before it's shut down by the Department of AntiEducation.    Now, Who Said This? 1.  (Per Joel Mowbray): [Wingnut] is at best lukewarm about President Bush at the beginning of the second administration.  His expectations are low, to say the least.  Conveying the feelings of many, [Wingnut] says, “It’s almost like a woman who’s constantly disappointed with her husband or boyfriend who keeps forgetting her birthday or anniversary.” Yes, President Bush keeps forgetting this guy's birthday and anniversary, which really breaks his wingnutty heart, because the Prez swore that he loved him before the election --and before the sex.  Hint to this wingnut's identity: In July 1996 this guy was paid several thousand dollars* to speak at rally to kick off the first convention of the "Family Federation for World Peace," an organization headed by our second Mystery Guest.  (In his defense, at the time our first wingnut headed Focus on the Family's lobbying group, the "Family Research Council," so maybe he just got confused and didn't realize which group had hired him.) 2.  Who is the head of the "Family Federation of World Peace," and as as the keynote speaker for the 3-day conference, said this at banquet concluding the event?  What is the reality upon which love can settle? President Ford, President Bush, who attended the Inaugural World Convention of the Family Federation for World Peace, and all of you distinguished guests are famous but there is something that you do not know. You do not know what makes man man, and woman woman. The answer is: the sexual organs. [...] God wants a love partner. Thus, centering on the place where husband and wife become one through their sexual organs, God wants to appear and meet us. 3.  Our last nut also took large sums of money from nut #2's group (reportedly $3.5 million) to save one of his failing enterprises.  Who is he, and what book is he talking about in the quote below? "In terms of its impact on Christianity," says [wingnut], "it's probably greater than that of any other book in modern times, outside the Bible. (Hint: The wingutty wife of the wingut who cowrote the book referred to above also got paid to speak at that 1996 Family Federation of World Peace rally.  The wingnut co-author himself has spoken at several of wingnut #2's events, reportedly being paid over $500,000 for his services.) * Per the Washington Post, ex-President Bush got $80,000 to speak at the 1996 FFoWP conference.  When contacted by the paper, Bush said that he didn't know that the event was sponsored by Nut #2, and that he would donate his fee to charity.  However, between 1993-96 he spoke at several previous events sponsored by this group, netting as much as $10 million -- which he presumably kept. While some have said that Wingnut #1 and the other members of the religious right who spoke at the rally also received $80,000, I doubt they would get as much as a former President, but believe they were still well compensated for their time and lack of integrity. 5:41:30 AM