December 13, 2004 by s.z.

It's the Most Whatever Time of the Year I finally started to get into the Christmas spirit this weekend.  I bought presents for the hamster (a stick with seeds glued to it; a new running wheel).  I bought presents for the cats (some cloth mice filled with catnip; a spinning thing with dangly things that cats are supposed to chase, but they don't, so I'm taking it back).  I bought presents for the nephews in West Virginia (a couple of games, some books, and some handguns).  On the way out of the store, I gave $10 to the college group that was collecting for the Sub for Santa program, and I felt like a major philanthropist when they reacted with awe and gratitude at my largesse (people around here are cheap and/or poor, so the students hadn't been getting anything larger than a dollar bill from those who did donate). Then I dropped off some stuff at the thrift store.  This week the thrift store is inviting needy families to come in after hours and choose presents for family members. And while I don't have a lot of money, I do have a lot of junk, so I gathered up some knickknacks, gewgaws, and brick-a-brack that I thought kids might like to give to their moms (oooh, shiny!), and passed them along to the gratified thrift store guy in back.  I also donated some dolls, stuffed animals, and toys that were for the garage sale I never had.  Once again, I felt like Andrew Carnagie or Bill Gates or somebody like that (but without the evil). And today, I am going to buy presents for everybody else on my Christmas list.  Well, maybe one person -- I get tired out easily, especially at this time of year.  And then again, maybe I will just tell everybody that I really wanted to get them gifts, but I couldn't, since the ACLU made Christmas illegal.  If they don't believe me, I can point them to the scores of wingnut articles that blame the ACLU for banning the holiday. For instance, I could share with them Jen Shroder's "How the ACLU stole Christmas -- again." Last year in Washington, a seven-year-old asked, "Mom, why can't we say 'Christmas' in our song?" It hurt Darla Dowell to tell her daughter, "Because Christmas is banned in public school." Little was done last year and today the movement to strip all semblance of Christmas is stronger, thanks to the ACLU. Christian children feel the cold slap of oppression. No Christmas. There you have it.  Not only don't I have to celebrate Christmas, I get to slap Christian children.  Thanks, ACLU! And then there's Richard Mullenax, with "Merry Christmas ACLU." The ACLU says that we cannot publicly celebrate our own national holiday unlike Halloween or Thanksgiving, which is celebrated in public schools without much prejudice. The ACLU believes that Christmas offends the beliefs of non-Christians.  Yet homosexuality doesn't impose on other peoples’ values? How biased can one organization be? While it's a shame about the death of our own national holiday, I guess we can go ahead with the homosexuality carols and the homosexual pageant, which should be nice and festive.  Say, as long as we don't have to get Homosexuality presents for friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, neighbors, the mailman, the Secretary of Homeland Security, etc., this idea of Richard's and the ACLU's might be a good thing! But here's Pastor Swank with yet another timely message about the death of Christmas,"'Christmas Carol' Done In: Principal Says It's Too Religious!" Obviously, Mark Robertson, principal of Lake Washington High School near Seattle, has yet to get the Bush win message that liberals are on their way out. The Red States won. Yet Robertson is still singing the Blue States. As I'm sure you're all aware, Bush's reelection was supposed to be like when the One-Ring was dropped in Mt. Doom, and the power of Sauron (or in this case, the power of the Democrats, liberals, those who believe in the separation of church of state, and those with a lick of sense) was immediately dispelled.  And man, is Pastor Swank annoyed that he was cheated of his promised fairy-tale ending. Sad when you find a cultural lag in a principal's chair. But there sits the Grinch in Mark Robertson. Let us all sing together now: "Mark is the Grinch. Mark is the Grinch. Mark is the Grinch." I still don’t think the politically correct merry season basher will get the message. Why did Robertson conclude that Dickens’ time-honored classic had to be trashed in December? Because it’s just too God-ordained religious, that’s why. It’s too laden with spiritual themes of good and kind. It’s too heaven smiled up because it reveals truth and love. Could it be that Robertson is president of the local atheists’ club? Or better yet, claiming to be non-religious but still civic-minded in liberal conscience, could it be that Robertson is Unitarian-Universalist? Who cares? Certainly not me! (I'm not one for sing-alongs, in any case.) But just for fun, here's part of the local news story that's basis of the WorldNetDaily story ("Dickens classic too religious for school") that apparently prompted Pastor Swank's tizzy: School cancels `Carol' over admission charge  A fledgling troupe of actors learned last week that they won't be able to put on a matinee performance of ``A Christmas Carol'' at Lake Washington High School. While the decision was not driven by the play's Christmas theme, Principal Mark Robertson said the planned performance raised the common questions about school policies and religious activities that come up every holiday season. Robertson said he canceled the Dec. 17 matinee by the Attic Theatre cast because students would have been charged to see the performance. ``We don't allow any private organizations to come and sell products in the schools, or we'd have everybody down here,'' Robertson said. If the play had been free, Robertson said, that would have been a step in the right direction, but it would have prompted a ``secondary discussion about public school and religion.'' Approval for the play would have hinged on whether it was ``tied into our curriculum, and voluntary for students, so we don't get into the whole `captive audience' issue.'' I agree that charging kids to attend a program conducted during school hours is not a good idea.  And I think that if it had been free, then the kids should have been allowed to attend it, because "A Christmas Carol" has artistic and cultural value that could make it part of the curriculum.  However, I can also see the principal's point -- for if the play was called "A Ramadan Carol," even if it wasn't about the religious aspects the holiday, just imagine Pastor Swank's or Jen Shroder's reaction if the whole school was required to see it. Anyway, Media Matters has a nice discussion of Fox News' "Siege on Christmas," in case you want to read what some of the major wingnuts are saying on the same topic. And, in case you are still in a holiday mood, here's my challenge to you: go to Christmas 03 with Da Honger, and caption as many of the photos as you feel inspired to work with (but only from this first page of the Christmas album -- paying attention to twelve photos from a stranger's family holiday album is plenty).  Hey, if Da Honger is going to take up Sadly, No!'s real estate, he has an obligation to amuse us at least half as well as Seb did -- I'll leave the snarky comments about just how much that was to others.  So, let's consider the photos as numbered from 1 to 12, (going from left to right, top row to bottom row), and let's see what you can do to make fun of some innocent (possibly) guy's Christmas photos. 4:12:42 AM

Who Said It? Belle Waring and Mark C.M. were right --  our last Mystery Guest (the one who thinks that the "blues" need to see movies likes Spanglish because that nice young Adam Sandler reminds her of George Bush) was indeed the NRO Corner Den Mother and doofy mascot, Kathryn Jean Lopez.  She will be thrilled to know that she reminds some of you of Peggy Noonan, because JKL wants to be just like Peggy when she grows up.  (Peggy, of course, wants to go back in time, arrange it so that Nancy Davis is jailed for being a Commie before she ever meets the President of SAG, and then be Mrs. Ronald Reagan.) Now, who said this? If Tommy Franks had had a "nanny problem," would he have been allowed to command two of the greatest military operations in history? I am sorry to see Bernard Kerik withdraw from the confirmation process because I thought him uniquely suited to the urgency of the task  --the sort of qualification that comes from a career in police work, actually having been there when the Towers fell, and service in Iraq.  There aren't many people who bring that set of experiences, and thus genuine, first-person urgency to the task of homeland security. Yeah, not many people have been corrupt cops and also cut and run from Iraq --but I think we can probably do without those special qualifications.  However, if we need somebody who was there when the Towers fell, I nominate Julia for the position of Secretary of Homeland Security.  Oh, and for his tireless efforts of obsessing about his home's security (while being safe in Minnesota), I nominate this Mystery Guest's good friend James Lileks for the position of Secretary of Home Depot (I think the Target people deserve a break). 12:49:52 AM