The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

November 30, 2004 by s.z.


Turkeys


Wow, that library "Turkey Rights" brainwashing program that Meghan "Cocks" Gurdon warned us about has even gotten to members of the White House press corps!  Here, just read this selection from yesterday'sPress Briefing:
Q I have a personal comment first, before my question. It was a great message, Thanksgiving message from the President. Also, pardoning one turkey in the White House. But I hope next year thanking the, whatever, God, or (inaudible) or the turkey, I hope that next year he will pardon all the turkeys for one day, at least nobody will eat turkey.

My question is that President Musharraf is again coming to Washington --

MR. McCLELLAN: It was a stand-in, so he really pardoned two. (Laughter.)

Q But I hope next year all will be pardoned for a day.

Q But he did eat turkey, right?

MR. McCLELLAN: What's your question?
Too bad Meghan wasn't there to hiss at the reporter that she thinks turkeys are delicious, and she is glad that President Bush ate one for his Thanksgiving dinner, like the pilgrims had for theirs.  And that Presidents need meat for the nourishment it gives them to fight the Battle of Life.   

Sadly, it seems that Laura doesn't agree that eating meat three times a day is fun, because, as we learned below, President Bush is the Abstinence President.

Anyway, speaking of Meghan, here are her recomendations from NRO's Gift-Giving Guide:

Meghan Cox Gurdon

For everyone. Mona Charen's new book Do-gooders: How Liberals Hurt Those They Claim to Help (and the Rest of Us) is due out on December 29th and will be an appreciated New Year's hostess gift. [...] Homelessness! Crime! Bilingual education! Mona explains exactly how and why liberals thought they were right, and why they got it so wrong.
It seems that Meghan still has a vendetta against those Competent Mothers, and so will be giving them a book about pesky do-gooders as a passive-aggressive hostess gift.  That will show the bitches!
For everyone. Mary Shelley's Frankenstein. Heartbreaking and frightening, this book has aged less well than, say, anything by Jane Austen, but nonetheless possesses great power and is, in these times of cloning and what you might call "embryonic" embryonic-stem-cell research, a moving and necessary read.
Well, many people already have a copy (probably left over from freshman English), but since you can get it at Amazon very reasonably ("Used & new from$0.01"), I guess saying that it's a cautionary tale about embryonic stem-cell research might cover up the fact that you're a cheapskate. 
For parents, children, or godchildren. Goops and How to Be Them: A Manual of Manners by Gelett Burgess. A witty and delightful volume first published in the '20s with eminently memorizable poems for the reinforcement of good behavior. "No matter how you wish/for the last one on the dish/Miss Manners has a right to it/Not you." And so forth.
Of COURSE Meghan would advocate giving kids a book on manners originally published in 1900 (not the '20s, Meghan).  If she had her way, all children would act and speak like characters from an English novel from the Victorian age. 

And while most kids will really like The Goops, they wouldn't if they knew that the original title was, Goops and How to Be Them: A Manual of Manners for Polite Infants Inculcating Many Juvenile Virtues Both by Precept and Example, and that Meghan was really expecting the book to inculcate many juvenile virtues in other people's kids, so that the brats might come close to being as well-behaved as her perfect children are (well, as perfect as her son Bologna is in her columns). 

BTW, you can download a copy of More Goops and How Not to Be Them at Project Gutenberg -- if you print out some copies, then get some of those one cent Frankenstiens, and scoop up some review copies of Mona Charen's book that were in the office trash can, then your Christmas gifts for people you don't much care about are all taken care of!
For wives. Dr. Laura Schlessinger's, The Care and Feeding of Husbands. An excellent, invaluable, and wince-making reminder of how one ought — and ought not — to treat the man one married.
Yes, even if one's husband is never home (he claims he's working, but one has one's doubts), leaving one with four increasingly troublesome kids and a whole household to maintain all by one's self (except for the Filippino housekeeper), one should treat him like a god.  Well, like a dog -- one doesn't need a manual about the care and and feeding of gods, now does one?  In any case, even if that snippy secretary thinks that SHE can do a better job of caring and feeding him, SHE isn't giving him sex whenever he wants, now is she!  Or is she . . . ?

And that reminds Meghan of an appropriately catty gift for people like "Cindi":
For chicks only. A year's membership in Curves, the unfashionable but popular and astonishingly effective dames-only gym. Franchises have sprung up across the country, and for good reason: The workouts, which alternate hydraulic weights with intervals of jogging in place, take only half an hour a couple of times a week. Better yet, Curves founder Gary Heavin is apparently — gasp — pro-life! Further, he donates money to pro-life organizations. [...] Get slim and muscular and prod the ribs of the pro-choice crowd.
I don't know why so many wingnuts advocate doing stuff just to prod, annoy, and irritate other people.  For instance, you are urged to buy the Ann Coulter doll to "Amuse your conservative friends and annoy your liberal neighbors."  One of the advertisers at Ann's site urges, "Annoy a liberal.  Peace Through Superior Firepower T-shirts." 

Frankly, I don't care WHAT my neighbor does with his Ann Coulter doll, or what T-shirt he wears to clean out the barn.  If that spoils anybody's fun, well, too bad.  And Meghan, I hope it doesn't spoil your joy in gift-giving, but the beliefs of the founder of your dames-only gym do nothing to my ribs.  But I do have to warn you that some chicks (or dames) might be offended at being given a membership to a gym -- and their indignation will have nothing to do with how Heavin spends his dough.
— Meghan Cox Gurdon writes NRO's "The Fever Swamp."
Of course she does.

Anyway, speaking of Dr. Laura, I visited her website and found this interesting description of the most recent "Dr. Laura Monologue":
Subject:  It is tough to accept that your children take a different path than you had hoped for...
Date:   2004-11-29
While I couldn't listen to the monologue since I'm not a Dr. Laura member (it costs $6.95 a month to get the perk of listening to downloads of her show), I wonder if this means that Derryk has come out of the closet or gone to jail or something . . .

6:08:06 AM    



Who Said It?


As Clif very quickly deduced from my neocon dynasty hint, our last Mystery Guest was "Author and Social Critic" Midge Decter.   As you know if you read her lecture, son John Podhoretz isn't the only nincompoop in that family.

So, who said this in a column about how liberals are crazy for saying anything about President Bush appointing only yes-people to cabinent positions?
Here's the thing: We Americans elected him because we want him to exercise his judgment. We elected him to serve as the steward of our interests and the representative of our views.
[...]
And he is almost obliged to ignore the views of John Kerry, despite the fact that Kerry received 57 million votes on Nov. 2, because to do so would be a violation of the compact he made with the 61.06 million people who voted for him
Yes, when you're elected President, you make a compact with the people who voted for you that you will insulate yourself from any uncomfortable realities that may pop up during your term --  because otherwise the whole beautiful fantasy could burst, and nobody voted for that! 

And you certainly can't listen to your defeated opponent, because that would be like cheating on the people who voted for you because they think you are omniscient and omnipotent. 

Anyway, here's a bonus Mystery Guest.  This quote comes from a televised  sermon in which this man of God urged the congregation to gather around the Thanksgiving table with their family and praise God for five things, to include "the alternate media."
I thank God now in the 21st century for talk radio, that three hours a day people like Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and hundreds of others are telling the truth of what really is going on. I thank God for FOX News Channel [applause]. I thank God for the Internet bloggers and the news producers like NewsMax.com, WorldNetDaily.com, even The Drudge Report.
So, who thanks God for Sean, Rush, Fox, NewsMax, WorldNetDaily, and presumably World O'Crap?

Okay, one last Mystery Guest.  Who said this?
Over the last eighteen months, I have written 126 editorials, almost all of which have discussed the deplorable state of higher education in America.
Hint: Bartholomew recently called him "America’s Cleverest Conservative." Demagogue"

2:27:21 AM    



Um, Okay


From a Concerned Women for America piece about the triumphs of abstinence-only education:
Michael Schwartz, vice president for government relations at Concerned Women for America (CWA), says: "President Bush is the Abstinence President."

1:13:23 AM

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