"Clete" and Re-"Clete"
"Clete" Poonsman has emailed me again, this time with answers to some of the questions raised regarding his previous communique. I provide his latest missive here as a public service -- because whether or not one shares Clete's views, one has to admit that he has a way with words.
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Dear World O' Crap:
Thank you for publishing my earlier email "challenge," intact and without your trademark drive-by commentary. Obviously, when approached by a serious correspondent, you can be a gracious and generous online "host." Or not. Perhaps you were simply too engaged with your seemingly endless same-day post belittling the many National Review "Corner" commenters who "fatuously" assert that preserving the upright, sky-lapping edifice of Western civilization and its institutions might be worth applying a modicum of non-life-threatening discomfort to avowed enemies whose very mocking silence is, in itself, an admission of guilt. By juxtaposing my post with your own extended wind-fest, I presume you intended to trivialize the self-imposed "torment" of the abstinent lifestyle as it compares to, say, the (gasp!) inhuman "panties and puppies" techniques employed by the CIA (with that agency's legendary professionalism and restraint, I might add) to extract life-saving information from Arab suiciders and child-rapists, not to mention the traitorous "Johnny Jihadis" and -- now, in Indonesia -- the less-than-scum "Tommy Tsunamis" who have cast their lot with those who would bring America (like a bound and trembling supplicant, naked and glistening before an anonymous, velvet-cowled High Celebrant at some unspeakable Altar of Evil) to its knees.
Fortunately for you, your readers were more than eager to take up the ad hominem attacks and irrational smears in which you have trained them so well. My responses:
1) I am not William Boykin ("Jesus' General"), although I share his Christian courage and accept it as a compliment to be mistaken for him.
2) The Biblical references in my letter are not taken from the KJV, hence the absence of chapter-and-verse citations. Like many "New Christian" authors, I prefer to use the more "correct-in-the-Spirit" free-form renderings of Scripture provided by the groundbreaking Sri Lankan poet (and celebrated Christian convert) Swami Bhiwan Gatwan Freeh, in his scholarly and encyclopedic "The Bible According to Buddha" (1998, 1273 pages, Celanese Breakfast Press). For those who earnestly believe that the Bible is the "living, breathing" Word of God, Freeh's impartial and judicious reinterpretations of Biblical verse joyously reframe the Bible's wisdom in terms that are relevant to the social complexities and neonate realities of a "here-and-now" world that the original authors of Gospel text could not have conceived.
3) No, I do not write under my real name, in deference to my employer and for the safety of my family. Darryl "Clete" Poonsman is a maternal ancestor who served as a battlefield chaplain in the CSA's Army of Virginia. He was, famously, one of the "12 Abstainers" who died heroically during the on-and-off skirmishes at Foamy Torrents in the winter of 1862-63.
As for the rest of the writers in your "Comments" section, all I can say is that there is more to life than a keyboard and a six-pack of Bud.
The challenge still stands. I hope you're "up" for it. God knows, I am.
Incorruptibly yours,
Darryl "Clete" Poonsman
Pittsburgh, PA
Thank you for publishing my earlier email "challenge," intact and without your trademark drive-by commentary. Obviously, when approached by a serious correspondent, you can be a gracious and generous online "host." Or not. Perhaps you were simply too engaged with your seemingly endless same-day post belittling the many National Review "Corner" commenters who "fatuously" assert that preserving the upright, sky-lapping edifice of Western civilization and its institutions might be worth applying a modicum of non-life-threatening discomfort to avowed enemies whose very mocking silence is, in itself, an admission of guilt. By juxtaposing my post with your own extended wind-fest, I presume you intended to trivialize the self-imposed "torment" of the abstinent lifestyle as it compares to, say, the (gasp!) inhuman "panties and puppies" techniques employed by the CIA (with that agency's legendary professionalism and restraint, I might add) to extract life-saving information from Arab suiciders and child-rapists, not to mention the traitorous "Johnny Jihadis" and -- now, in Indonesia -- the less-than-scum "Tommy Tsunamis" who have cast their lot with those who would bring America (like a bound and trembling supplicant, naked and glistening before an anonymous, velvet-cowled High Celebrant at some unspeakable Altar of Evil) to its knees.
Fortunately for you, your readers were more than eager to take up the ad hominem attacks and irrational smears in which you have trained them so well. My responses:
1) I am not William Boykin ("Jesus' General"), although I share his Christian courage and accept it as a compliment to be mistaken for him.
2) The Biblical references in my letter are not taken from the KJV, hence the absence of chapter-and-verse citations. Like many "New Christian" authors, I prefer to use the more "correct-in-the-Spirit" free-form renderings of Scripture provided by the groundbreaking Sri Lankan poet (and celebrated Christian convert) Swami Bhiwan Gatwan Freeh, in his scholarly and encyclopedic "The Bible According to Buddha" (1998, 1273 pages, Celanese Breakfast Press). For those who earnestly believe that the Bible is the "living, breathing" Word of God, Freeh's impartial and judicious reinterpretations of Biblical verse joyously reframe the Bible's wisdom in terms that are relevant to the social complexities and neonate realities of a "here-and-now" world that the original authors of Gospel text could not have conceived.
3) No, I do not write under my real name, in deference to my employer and for the safety of my family. Darryl "Clete" Poonsman is a maternal ancestor who served as a battlefield chaplain in the CSA's Army of Virginia. He was, famously, one of the "12 Abstainers" who died heroically during the on-and-off skirmishes at Foamy Torrents in the winter of 1862-63.
As for the rest of the writers in your "Comments" section, all I can say is that there is more to life than a keyboard and a six-pack of Bud.
The challenge still stands. I hope you're "up" for it. God knows, I am.
Incorruptibly yours,
Darryl "Clete" Poonsman
Pittsburgh, PA
12:44:49 AM
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