P.S.ThatColoredFella has discoved a new and troubling medical condition that probably afflicts many of you. You should read his post and see if you and your loved ones are at risk! 6:08:50 AM  |
More of Wo'C's Wingnuttiest People of 2004Here are three more of the people whom we'd like to honor for their contributions to wingnuttery in a year notable for its wingnuttiness. 1. Lynne Cheney Lynne has had a rich, full year, but I think her shining moment came when she said that John Kerry was "not a good man" because he claimed that "We're all God's children," and told Mary Cheney that Mary was a lesbian.. But, of course, we also greatly enjoyed learning about Sisters, Lynne's 1981 novel which Newsweek described as "a steamy bodice-ripper set in the 19th-century American West, featuring vivid tales of whorehouses, attempted rapes, a suspicious murder and several lesbian love affairs, of which Cheney writes approvingly. " Sisters was scheduled to be rereleased in April, but then Lynne's lawyers had the publisher killed (or something), and so the book remained suppressed. And every time it's put on the web, the lawyers seem to find out, and then the website is never seen again (nor is the author of the website). But Frederick of BeatBushBlog has uncovered a source if you want a download of this throughly researched, poorly written novel -- let's hope that he and his confidential informant survive. Anyway, in new Lynne news, she is thinking of the children. A Newsmax headline advises: Lynne Cheney: Protect Kids from 'Desperate Housewives'. Because when housewives get desperate, it's always the kids who suffer.
Of course, all one saw of Ms. Sheridan was her upper back, so we aren't protecting the children from nudity. And we didn't see Terrell Owens accept her proposition, so we're not protecting them from implied sex. I guess what we're protecting them from is the idea that beautiful women throw themselves at sports stars -- because children, who haven't yet formed their values, might start valuing professional football after seeing this promo. And I find it pretty amazing that the author of Sisters has never seen "Desperate Housewives." I wonder if the VP's mansion uses the V-chip to keep such programming away from Lynne.
The parallels are uncanny! Washington was out there in the cold on Christmas Eve, crossing the Delaware with his poorly equipped troops, just like how George traveled to Iraq that one time and served some soldiers turkey, and how his Secretary of Defense told our poorly equipped troops to pound sand. George truly is the Step-Father of Our Country, and that's what kids today should be learning instead of watching TV. (You know, after the government protects kids from seeing promos for "Desperate Housewives," it should probably force them to read Lynne's book.) The interview also includes this interesting section:
I want to know what won't be repeated -- Dick appearing in good spirits, or the Cheneys ever pardoning a living creature? 2. Kerry Marsala Kerry also had a great year. As we reported previously. she is the assistant editor of Sarah's Seed, has a self-published workbook coming on on CD, and has a kid who is going to hell. Plus, she was seduced and then abandoned by Sadly, No! But she still managed to come up with weekly (at least) columns, such as this new one called "Education at A Glance Both Forward and Back." While its certainly worth reading in its entirety, here are some of my favorite selections from it:
Because a comma is a terrible thing to waste.
But since our social workers have become nolthing more than glorified teachers, it tends to even out. (I have no idea what the first sentence means.)
Chaos? You're soaking in it!
Yes, history doesn't have all the answers, but it can tell us in what year the War of 1812 took place. And it can also smack upside the head all those idiots who think that we ever tried to take over Canada -- because it says pretty clearly on that declaration of war that we were fighting GREAT BRITAIN, you morons!.
Um, no. But I like the idea that the Menendez brother killed their parents because they didn't know enough about the Civil War. Anyway, after reading this column about education, you are probably wondering about Kerry's educational background. Well, as it says in her bio, "Ms. Marsala holds a master's degree in ancient history and Biblical studies. She is currently working on her degree in bio-ethics and political science." Just what institution of higher education gave her that Master's degree? Where is she now studying political science and bio-ethics? Maybe someday, if somebody's quest is sucessful, we'll know ... 3. Judson Cox Yosef's biggest rival for the title "Hottest Young Conservative Writer on the Internets" is Judson Cox, who has also had an eventful year. First, as we noted earlier, he found (and wrote a admiring column about) the only conservative dating service on the web, Republican Connections. And then, when it was revealed by one of our readers that the site was registered to Judson, he said that it was really hismother's business, and that liberals were miserable people, and mostly Canadians anyway. And then the dating service apparently failed. Then he started college (again), this time at Lees McRae. But then he reported that "My college supports treason and terrorism!" Yes, it was showing Michael Moore's Fahrenheit 9/11, clearly an act demonstrating the college's support of al Qaeda. When the college refused to cancel the movie even after Judson pointed out to the administrators how they were traitors, he was forced to drop out of school and say he was starting a newspaper. Per his 30 September press release, The North Carolina Conservative was going to go to press on October 15th. Its goal was to "see to it that Republican candidates get a fair shot," because "with a terrorist enemy that seeks to attack us anywhere we show weakness, it has never been more important that we elect the right people at every level of government, as it is now." It would have an initial mailing of 500,000, and "With the first issue, we're set to become the most widely read, largest circulation publication in the state." Oh, and Judson claimed that his own readership was "in excess of four million," so I guess we shouldn't have taken these claims literally. In any case, October 15th came and went, and the first issue never appeared. We later found an announcement indicating that it would be out on 1 January. We also found that Judson's bios at the various low-rent wingnut sites that run his column stated that Judson was "Editor In Chief of the North Carolina Conservative (North Carolina’s largest circulation newspaper)" -- even though the paper had as yet to put out a single issue. And then we announced our incredible success with the novel The Sexy Life of a Naked Blogger (and then the movie, Broadway musical, board game, etc., based on it), although we have yet to write it.
So, "God willing," Judson can use this list to become the largest circulation newspaper in the state. Thus, if it remains the lowest circulation newspaper in the state, it's God's fault. (How many issues went out in this first mailing? Judson never says -- but I'm guessing it was a lot less than 500,000.) Since our report on Judson's "creative" claim to edit NC's largest circulation paper, he has amended most of the bios at the sites that run his column to read, "soon to be North Carolina’s largest circulation newspaper" (you know, if God does His bit). He is, however, still a "college student," and still "quickly gaining recognition as one of the most popular and influential voices of his generation." I assume that this is the kind of commitment to truth and accuracy that Judson will bring to the North Carolina Conservative. (Judson's "Rant" bio still reflects the old claim that he is Editor In Chief of NC's largest circulation newspaper. If one of the other NC papers wanted to ask him about that, it might make a good story.) But then, since Judson thanked us so charmingly, I guess we should be more supportive of his latest venture.
Of course, Judson probably isn't talking about us at all (since we are always kind in our attacks on him and his newspaper, and never have used profanity when discussing him) -- but still, we'd like to think that we had something to do with Judson great success in finally getting this far with his little project. But you know who really deserves some thanks? Judson's long-suffering mother.
Since Ms. Cox, managing editor, didn't know enough about computers and the Internet to run her dating service (thus forcing Judson to step into the breech), we hope that her lack of skills doesn't impact on her ability to manage the largest circulation newspaper in NC. And we really hope that she didn't invest her entire pension in Judson's latest wacky scheme, because we'd hate to see her suffer just because she once again tried to help out her ne'er-do-well conservative son. But back to Judson, who will now tell us what his paper is going to report on (if it doesn't fold next month):
One would think that Senator Bozeman's open lesbianism wouldn't need much additional reporting, but hey, since Judson promised subscribers a "newspaper that will be filled with hard political news and analysis, mixed with humor and a laid back, southern style," I guess this counts as the laid back, Southern style. Anyway, the paper will allegedly cover even more stuff like that. But the important thing to remember is that you can subscribe to NC Conservative for $40, and even if you never get another issue, Judson is still a child of God. 3:05:43 AM |
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