The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

March 1, 2005 by s.z.

Biblical Fun!

was going to wait until we got closer to Easter for this, but you all look like you could use some wholesome activities right about now -- so check out DLTK's Bible Activities!  (It offers hours of fun for homeschoolers, Sunday school teachers, and other people with a lot of time and construction paper on their hands.)

For instance, here's a craft idea that you might like:
Our hostess comments:
It may seem a tad odd making Jesus out of a toilet paper roll, but I think the end result is quite nice (Tasha has hers sitting in a place of honor on her bedroom shelf). 
Hey, I think that making replicas of Jesus out of toiletpaper rolls isn't a bit oddl!

*  The site also offers Veggie Tales crafts, such as:

 Frankencelery Paper Craft   Age2+    
What fun this will be for the little ones as they stitch together body parts from the bodies of dead vegetables which they have previously snatched from vegetable morgues (the garbage can)!  And it will be a great learning experience for them as they commit blasphemy by playing God and creating veggie monster life in the laboratory (It's alive, IT'S ALIVE)!  Imagine their delight when their unholy creation revolts, throws an innocent plum child down a well, menaces a blind rutabaga, and demands a bride made from the corpse of Chaquita Banana.  Oh, and the Biblical moment comes when the torch-wielding vegetable mob burns down the playroom, showing the kids that science is EVIL!  But wait, there's a sequel: Frankencelery Meets Wolfpeach (a fruit who was cursed by a lack of refrigeration, and develops an extra layer of fuzz when the moon is full).  Together they learn that we should obey our parents and clean up our rooms.

But my favorite section of this site is Bible Recipes!

*  Whose mouth wouldn't water when you serve up a batch of Baby Jesus Haystacks?  (The haystack is made from chocolate chips, peanut butter, and chowmein noodles.  Baby Jesus is a miniature marshmallow -- and I'm sure you'll find that he's very tasty.  Bet you can't eat just one of Him! )

*  And here's a recipe that's religious AND nutritious:
 Unleavened Bread and Tuna - represents Jesus feeding the five thousand   
The unleavened bread is made from:
1 1/2 cups sifted white flour
1/2 cup sifted wheat flour
1 tsp salt
1 1/2 tsp sugar (if desired)
3/4 tsp baking soda
2 tsp shortening
1/2 cup warm water
But isn't baking soda a leavening agent, you ask?  Um, yes, not the way Jesus made it.
For the fishy filling, mix a can of tuna with some mayonnaise.  Serves 5000.

*  Here's a special treat for the Lenten season: Resurrection Cake

It's pretty easy to make, too -- just bake a chocolate cake in a round casserole dish, then place your round cake (representing Golgotha; that is to say, the place of a skull) on a field of green coconut.  Scoop out a cave in the side of it, and put a Hostess Dingdong boulder to the side of your "empty tomb".  Top the hill with three pretzel crosses, and write "He is Risen" in white frosting.  (While DLTK doesn't indicate as much, I bet you could make two adorable little thief corpses out of raisins and licorice, and put them on the pretzel crosses. 

Then dig in, because the hill where Our Lord was crucified and emtombed makes mighty tasting eating! 

*  And there's Rice Krispie Earth - creation story snack, which teaches kids that God just slapped together some Rice Krispies, marshmallows, and food coloring, called it good, and then rested.

*  How about another Easter dish?  This one sounds yummy: He's Alive Buns (because when you think of Jesus, you think of His living buns).  It's also simple to make:
Refrigerator Biscuits-1 roll (Pillsbury or similar)
Large Marshmallows-1 per biscuit
Melted butter
Sugar & Cinnamon mixture - I am not exactly sure on the amounts of butter and cinnamon/sugar, just enough to cover the buns.

Wrap one biscuit around 1 marshmallow. dip in butter and roll in cinnamon/sugar.

Bake as directed on the refrigerator biscuit package.

The Marshmallow will melt and the bun will be hollow inside.
This teaches the children that the reason Christ's tomb was empty is because Jesus melted (leaving only a sweet, chewy coating on the inside walls).
Share a passage like John 20 6:7 with your children or just:
When Mary told the disciples the stone had been removed from the entrance, the disciples ran to the tomb.  John was the first to arrive and look inside.  Peter entered and saw the linen that had been wrapped around Jesus lying flat as if the body evaporated.  The tomb was empty!  (just like the He's Alive Buns are empty)
But is He alive, or did He just evaporate?  The "He's Alive Buns" offer contradictory evidence.

* Here's a food that's greasy AND bossy: Obey Donuts   
Cut out holes in the middle of some canned biscuits, fry them, sprinkle them with powered sugar, and call them donuts.  But here's what makes them special:
Tell the children (or Youth and even Adults!) that we must obey God's Commandments and God's rules. The donut represents the letter "O" in obey. Let them know every time they have a donut, they are reminded to OBEY!
OBEY the donuts, kids!  Otherwise marshmallow Baby Jesus will cry.

*  Now, for something our Jewish friend can share: Moses Crosses the Red Sea Snack
Make some red Jello in a rectangular container -- it represents the Red Sea. 
Then give each child a Jelly bean [to represent Moses]each get a spoon and take turns eating their way through the middle to the other side.
At the end they can eat the Jelly beans.
This teaches kids that God helped Moses to miraculously traverse the Red Sea -- and then God ate him.

* Okay, one last Easter recipe:Easter Story Cookies - reinforce the story of Jesus crucifixion with these wonderful cookies
Basically these are just meringues, but with lots of teaching moments:
Start by preheating the oven to 300 degrees.  Then put a cup of pecans in a plastic bag.:
Place pecans in zipper baggie and let children beat them with the wooden spoon to break into small pieces.  Explain that after Jesus was arrested, He was Beaten by the Roman soldiers. 
Isn't it fun to beat Jesus, kids?

Now measure 1 teaspoon of vinegar and put it in a bowl:
Let each child smell the vinegar. Explain that when Jesus was thirsty on the cross, He was given vinegar to drink
Make the children drink some vinegar so they will know what Jesus went through.  Stab then with a spear if they whine.

Now, add 3 egg whites to the vinegar.
Eggs represent life.  Explain that Jesus gave His life to give us life.
Sprinkle a little salt into each child's hand.  Let them taste it and brush the rest into the bowl.  Explain that this represents the salty tears shed by Jesus' followers, and the bitterness of our own sin.  Read Luke 23:27.

So far, the ingredients are not very appetizing
Yes, we have the vinegar they gave Jesus to drink, the tears shed by his followers, our sin, and Jesus's clear, slimey eggwhite life.  Not very appetizing at all.

Then add a cup of sugar, and "explain the sweetest part of the story is that Jesus died because He loves us."  So, sugar represents death.
Beat with a mixer on high speed for 12 to 15 minutes until stiff peaks are formed.  Explain that the color white represents the purity in God's eyes of those whose sins have been cleansed by Jesus
This part also represents how a good beating will help cleanse you of your sin, and also make you glossy and stiff.
Fold in broken nuts.  Drop by teaspoons onto wax paper covered cookie sheet.  Explain that each mound represents the rocky tomb where Jesus' body was laid
We get to eat tombs again!
Put the cookie sheet in the oven, close the door and turn the oven OFF.  Give each child a piece of tape and seal the oven door.  Explain that Jesus' tomb was sealed.  Read Matthew 27:65-66.

GO TO BED!  Explain that they may feel sad to leave the cookies in the oven overnight.  Jesus' followers were in despair when the tomb was sealed
Yes, Jesus' followers wanted cookies right then, and they were really sad they had to wait.  But then they learned that if they left the oven ON, Jesus would be done in about 20 minutes.
On Easter morning, open the oven and give everyone a cookie.  Notice the cracked surface and take a bite.  The cookies are hollow!  On the first Easter, Jesus' followers were amazed to find the tomb open and empty. 
They probably thought that somebody sneaked into the oven during the night and ate Him.  Now, notice your cracked cookie and think about Jesus some more.

There are many more fun and educational projects at this site, and maybe we'll revist it again, as long as you promise that you're into it for the Biblical insights, and not just the sugar rush.  Thanks to Michael C. for suggesting this to us.

10:43:32 AM    


While I try to find something interesting to post about, here are some items  for your reading pleasuse (you will probably like them better than anything I could come up with anyway):

2.  Media in Trouble has a report about who might be the first victim of Alberto Gonzales's crusade against obscenity ...

3.  Rittenhouse Review reveals the sordid story of how Steve Forbes is now passing the begging bowl on the behalf of TownHall (it's just sad for both parties -- plus Midge Decter).
More in a bit, after I get my browser to shape up and fly right.

8:23:18 AM    

I Hit the Big Time!

As you may have heard, Jesse asked me to be one of his guest-bloggers at Pandagon while he's away for a week or so.  You'll want to watch the fun as I break his blog, alienate his readers, and destroy all he's worked for during the past couple of years.  Plus, there are trolls!

So stop by and see my first posts (one dealing with James Kerfuffle, and one about Rush, who is back from the poppy fields in time to give us his take on the Academy Awards).

Oh, and since I tried really hard to spell things right over there (which took a LOT Of time), posting here might be light today.

7:41:15 AM

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