December 4, 2004 by s.z.

That Darned Liberal Media! Banana Slug (who, because of new Homeland Security procedures, is unable to post in our comments section) notified us by secret message that he is in possession of disturbing documents relating to that Post Toasties  (they were passed to him by a confidential source within his own household).  While the image is shocking indeed (click on it to get a good look), BS's investigation suggests that a well-known media figure may be behind it all. Thanks, BS, for the update!  5:17:36 AM

St. Charlie, the Holy Sitcom Writer Rebecca Hagelin's latest column not only alerts us to the existence of a new Christian video for kids (because let's face it: those Veggie Tales are starting to mildew), but also blows the whistle on Hollywood's most evil denizens: writers! She starts with a quote from a former Hollywood writer to prove her point: “When pitching shows for kids, I met with studios, networks and writers.  The most disappointing were the writers - many of whom clearly didn't care what parents thought or how their work affected kids.  I wish parents could meet them.  If they did, there's no way they'd trust them to baby-sit their children.  They wouldn't trust their kids' minds to these people for even ten minutes.”         - Charlie Richards I have a friend who wrote the screenplays for two animated films currently in production, and I have to agree with Charlie: there is NO WAY I would trust my kids' minds to this guy for even ten minutes, because he would probably forget to give them back, and then my kids would be mindless zombies for the rest of their lives, and would have to get jobs at the Heritage Foundation.  (Sorry, Scott C., but Charlie is right about you people all being money-hungry, untrustworthy perverts, as demonstrated by noted children's author Bill O'Reilly.) And of all writers, apparently the sitcom ones are the worst, because they have secret agendas which are presumably given to them at SWG meetings chaired by Satan. What most folks don’t realize, however, is that many sitcoms are created not simply to entertain. They are created to drive an agenda, to further a world-view, to break down “barriers”.  Sitcoms are also created to destroy Christianity; to subvert decent moral values; to persuade people to marry lovely ladies raising up three very lovely girls, all with hair of gold like their mother, the youngest one in curls; and to get people to watch advertising which will try to persude them to buy products. I’ve written before about how MTV has made a big business out of manipulating our teens’ minds for money, all the while pushing them further into the abyss of an already over-sexualized culture. But parents of even the youngest children must understand that much of today’s TV programming for their tots is designed to be the first of a gradual breaking down of sensitivities and values. I always knew that those Teletubbies were up to something!  Something EVIL! Don’t believe me? Ask veteran sitcom writer, Charlie Richards. Fine, I will.  "Charlie, is much of today's TV programming for tots designed to break down sensitivities and values?" Charlie is the creator and writer of the wildly popular “The Pond” radio show for kids http://www.lifeatthepond.com/  – one of the few programs filled with all the goodness parents really want for their children.  Hey, I asked Charlie a question, Rebecca -- I want an answer, not a commercial! He was driven to create such a show based on his experiences in Hollywood when he was called on by some of the top industry executives to pitch programming ideas for children.  Hey, a show based on his actual experience of pitching programming ideas for children might be kind of fun.  It could be a scathing satire on the TV industry -- something like that old Jay Mohr show "Action"! A little background on Charlie is necessary at this point. Charlie had earned an excellent reputation as a first-class scriptwriter for an edgy sitcom for adults.  A little more background on Charlie is necessary at this point.  Charlie has only one credit listed in the IMDb: he was one of seven staff writers for "House Rules," a 1998 sitcom directed by Robbie Benson.  Do you recall this program?  I sure the hell don't.  But here's what the IMDb says about it: Plot Outline: A male journalist, a male doctor, and a female lawyer, who have been best friends forever, live together in the same Denver house. Oooh, edgy!  I'm sure that writing for that show (which only made it through seven episodes before being axed) did indeed earn sitcom veteran Charlie an excellent rep as a first-class scriptwriter -- because Rebecca, a VP of Marketing at the Heritage Foundation, would certainly know about these kinds of things. But, per an article Charlie wrote for National Religious Broadcasters Magazine, he also had the reputation of being a prick. Not long after I started as a staff writer on NBC’s House Rules, what began as a natural fit developed into an allergic reaction: the other writers were allergic to me. I was the oddball, the clean-cut one who made them itch and scratch. Even when I was silent, my Christianity bothered them greatly. By refusing to use filthy humor, I also was the rebel. So, I can see that Charlie was indeed in a position to know all about the corruption and depravity of Hollywood, and I am even more impressed with how he turned his back on a glittering career for the sake of the kids. But back to Rebecca's retelling of the Passion of the Charlie: When the show he was working on went off the air, he was surprised to receive multiple invitations to pitch children’s programming to network executives at places like Disney, Nickelodeon and the Fox Family Channel.  Charlie was a bit puzzled because he had never written for kids’ shows.  But he cooked up a few creative ideas as requested and began pitching solid, decent programs for children.  He was told his writing was “brilliant”- that he was “a genius” - but his ideas kept getting rejected.  The same folks called him back time and time again, but they always rejected his ideas for wholesome programming. And if Charlie's agent (per the story at Charlie's site) said that the network people said that his writing was "brilliant," and yet they still rejected all of his ideas, there is only one possible explanation: the networks are trying to corrupt your kids! Here’s the clincher of the story in Charlie’s own words: In what was my fifth and last pitch to Fox Family Channel, it all came together. Frustrated by all the "I don't think so's," I blurted out "What are you looking for?" Kevin Plunkett, director of programming and development for the Fox Family Channel, looked at me and said, "I want you to create a show like 'Action. '" Now, "Action" was a filthy prime-time sitcom that had words bleeped out on every episode. It was written and created by Chris Thompson. I know Chris well - I was a staff writer for House Rules, also his creation. So, what Fox was saying was, "We thought you would be funny and creative, like Chris Thompson, whom you used to work for, but instead you keep offering us didatic, boring fare that not even the kids who watch the Fox Family Channel would sit through.  Can you create a show like 'Action," which was fresh and subversive, in that it made fun of Hollywood execs, or are you going to keep submitting stories that teach children valuable lessons about being seen and not heard?" Here's more of Charlie's NRB piece -- it's where Charlie explains why his program is so much better than what Hollywood is putting out, and it might give us some insight into the kind of material he was pitching to the networks : My writing uses creatures (mainly a frog, a turtle, a duck and an alligator). A nice thing about creatures is that any of them can be, essentially, kids. They’re all part of a family. [...} [I]n the entertainment industry, a family isn’t made of a mother, father and kids. It’s whatever group of people they can fit into an apartment or workplace. And there is no leader; all are equal. If they can’t define a family, how can they be expected to write for one? [...] Another  key component to writing good families is respect for parents. Kids are greatly influenced by what they see on the screen. And the entertainment industry is teaching kids that parents are hapless morons. The Hollywood father figure, when there is one, usually is dumb and possesses no leadership qualities. Television children rarely respect their parents. And just that quickly, the writers remove a positive role model. It’s a tragic loss. A character that represents authority and wisdom makes a family complete. It provides someone who can make sense of a mess. So, if Charlie was offering the Fox exec "Father Knows Best" and "Leave it to Beaver" (only using real beavers instead of humans) I can see why he might have asked for something "not exactly like 'Action," just a little more "edgy," (as Charlie confided at his site, but Rebecca didn't feel like mentioning). But back to Rebecca's tale of Hollywood sin: And then it all hit Charlie. He thought about his many pitches and realized his shows were rejected because they were filled with moral messages and goodness --and Hollywood just ain’t into selling goodness to kids anymore. But Charlie is.  So he refused to play the game. Instead, he wrote radio commericals, produced Hugh Hewitt's radio program, wrote speeches for James Dobson, wrote scripts for Focus on the Family's didatic kids' program "Adventures in Odyssey," and made the contacts that helped him get his own Christian kids radio gig.  He left the world of Hollywood and started on a mission to provide parents and children with programming that is entertaining, top-notch and filled with good old-fashioned values.  And now, after his success on the radio, he has stepped out once again and created a masterful video/DVD production that brings his characters from “The Pond” to life. The delightful production is one of the best animated products for kids I’ve seen in a long time. And it’s laugh-out-loud funny.  Although it hits stores in January, it’s available now, on-line,  and would make a terrific Christmas gift for the young children in your life.  Why take the time to check out “The Pond: There’s Something Funny in the Water”?  Because Rebecca gets a cut from every sale? Because, if you’re like many of the readers of my column who have written me over the years, you’re a little sick of the garbage that Hollywood so frequently doles out.  It’s time we all do more to support courageous, creative talents like Charlie who brilliantly fill the void. And I think it's time we do more to get Rebecca to quit making failed sitcom writers into some kind of heroic Christian Galileos.  Oh, and I think we should do more to support creative talents like Scott C., but his movies aren't out on video yet.  But when they are, I think you should buy them (but only if Scott will give me a cut from the sales).    2:24:08 AM

It's Not Self-Serving When Michelle Does It Well, today Michelle M. is miffed. The unhinged side of the blogosphere is having a hissy fit because I jovially highlighted Teresa Heinz (Kerry)'s quote revealing that she only uses the name of her husband, failed presidential candidate John Kerry, "for politics." The "unhinged side" she is referring to is, strangely enough, not Free Republic, Lucianne.com, or Little Green Footballs ... To show that I am a hypocrite, they point to the fact that my books are copyrighted under my maiden/legal name, Michelle Maglalang. A tipster sent me some of the reactions posted over at Atrios: [skip comments] Unlike Teresa Heinz/Teresa Heinz Kerry, I permanently changed my professional name immediately after my wedding 11 sweet years ago. I did so not "for politics"--in the P.C. world of media, the expedient thing to do would have been to continue writing under my Filipino maiden name--but to show my love for my husband. This is the opposite of Teresa Heinz (Kerry)'s grudging, belated, and self-admittedly, politically motivated gesture. As for my legal name, I just never bothered to submit the bureaucratic paperwork required to change it. Simple as that. So, she loves her husband, but not enough to fill out any forms or submit any paperwork (like the majority of married women do). Yes, Michelle is NOTHING like that grudging Teresa Heinz Kerry. 1:01:05 AM

Who Said It? Niucons (and the rest of you) quickly identified the guy who came up with the brilliant insight that the LA Times is "too fat" as Mickey Kaus.  (Remember, kids, he's a paid professional, so don't try his kind of writing at home.) Now, who said this? Ah, high school. Come home. Heat up some Stouffer's french bread pizza. Check to see that the 4:30 movie doesn't stink (wouldn't want to miss that flying turtle with the flame coming out of his leg holes). Than switch over to see what hijinx those whacky decepticons were getting into this week. Sigh....  Hint: it was those high school years spent as a pudgy, lonely, couch potato latch-key kid that allowed this pundit to become the conservative movement's foremost authority on Star Trek, Lord of the Rings, and Transformers. Bonus Mystery Guest: Earlier this year, the flamboyant Richard Clarke claimed that when he briefed Rice in early 2001 about al-Qaida, her "facial expression gave me the impression that she had never heard the term before." It's good to know that Clinton's chief terrorism "expert" believes himself to possess paranormal abilities such as ESP. Hint: only a pundit this secure in their masculinity could make cracks about Clarke's "flamboyance."  And only a person known for their superb interpersonal skills could believe that reading facial expressions is a paranormal ability. 12:49:54 AM

Saturday Cat Blogging Here's the ferocious hunter Jet Jaguar with his prey, the sock.  (You can see his defeated enemy, the slipper, in the corner.  His archenemy, the strap of the digital camera, finally managed to make its escape. ) 12:20:36 AM