Scams that the Liberals Don't Want You to Know About!
So, you're a typical NewsMax reader: out of shape, working at a minimum wage job, shunned by women, always getting beat up by street punks and Iraqi terrorists, and generally having a sucky life. And whose fault is it? Obviously, the Left's!
Just look at the copy from some of the current NewsMax ads:
* Matt Furey's Politically Incorrect Fitness & Fighting Instruction: Win Any Fight! Instantly Destroy Any Thug! (""What The Commandos of WW I and WW II Knew About Winninga Real Fight")* He's Rich! You Should Be Too! ("It's like owning the detailed maps to 100 buried treasures.")* Hand-to-hand Israeli Fight Sytem ("Real, Blood-On-Your-Hands Combat!")* Military "Slip-Up" Allows Top Spec Op Counter-Terrorism Expert To Reveal Hand-to-Hand Secrets That Middle East Soldiers Are Using Right NOW to Slaughter Enemy Combatants In Iraq and Afghanistan* "She Will Never Leave You When You're Ready For Action" - China's secret sexual Kung Fu and Love Making System. ("In China they have a saying, 'If A Man is Too Fat, His Penis Is Very Short.' Seven years ago, when I first visited China's Hainan Island, I heard the above saying for the first time. And let me tell you, it was so right on I instantly wrote it down so I would remember it.")
And one of my favorites:
And what is this book that HIllary doesn't want you to read?
The Power of Concentration Success System.
And why doesn't she want you to read it?
Well, presumably because she hates you, and doesn't want you to discover "The Secrets To Wealth Beyond Dreams of Greed.” Hillary is such a bitch that way.
But my very favorite ad is:
Men: Why Women Will Now Approach You First
Imagine, no more heartbreak, rejection, misery or emotional turmoil wth women ever… now they approach you first, no matter your looks, age or income. Discover little-known attraction secrets the left wing women’s movement is afraid you’ll discover… click here now before this controversial article is removed
Every so often this ad gets the premier spot at the top/left of the NewsMax page, and its blinking come-on contains additional copy that advises:
Announcing a whole new approach to women, dating, and relationships the liberal media is terrified you'll discover.Forbidden attraction secrets the liberal media does NOT want you to know
Hey, if the liberal media and the left-wing women's movement don't want you to learn these secrets (and the article might be removed by them at any moment), it MUST be a great program! So let's learn a bit about it:
"You're Only Seven Seconds Away from Discovering Jealously Guarded Attraction Secrets, Deliberately Hidden From You... Until Now"
Deliberately hidden from me? Damn it, I bet Hillary Clinton was behind that too!
Dear Friend,
Inside you'll discover remarkable, little-known secrets that literally compel desirable women to approach you first, no matter your looks, age, social status, or income.
That's a common theme among the NewsMax pitches: it doesn't matter how ugly, old, poor, weak, flabby, or generally loser-ish you are, because if you will just give them some money, you can become rich, powerful, desirable, and gain the ability to kill anybody who looks at you funny.
You'll discover powerful secrets like:No more heartbreak, no more rejection by women ever again (imagine, living a life completely devoid of emotional turmoil, knowing you can quickly and easily choose your own relationships with women-- and when they approach you first, YOU get to make the "rejection decision, not her)
Yes, reject women before they can reject you, and you can live a life completely devoid of emotional turmoil! Sure, you won't have any relationships, but you can fantasize that if you did, they would be with really hot chicks who would adore you, and never break-up with you, and would always do things your way.
How Even the Ugliest Man Can Date the Most Beautiful Women -- Why Looks, Age, or Income Just Don't Matter (strangely enough, it's actually easier for a poor, broke guy to date hot women than a "rich, 'GQ' stud" IF you know this secret-- few men do)
What is this secret? We suspect "lying" is involved, but don't know for sure.
Which of the Three Types of Women Should You Be Dating? (How to avoid psychopaths, gold diggers and outright scheming bitches who want to use and abuse you. Now you can spend your time only with wonderful women who bring nothing but joy, happiness, and pleasure into your life)
Presumably the three types of women are (1) Psychopaths, gold diggers, and outright scheming bitches who want to use and abuse you; (2) Wonderful women who bring nothing but joy, happiness, and pleasure into your life; and (3) Your mother. You should be dating the second type.
Anyway, to learn more, you have to sign up with John Alanis, "The King of Let 'em Come to You." While John cautions that he is only letting us have access to his site as "part of a special, scientific test," and that he may start turning people away at any minute because he doesn't want too many guys knowing these "forbidden secrets," I still didn't feel comfortable giving John my personal information.
So, I just went to his website (www.JohnAlanis.com) and read some of his secrets WITHOUT signing up. I bet the liberal media didn't want me to do that either!
So, here are a few of John's tips for you:
Dating tip #1: Don’t date.
Works for me!
Dating tip #2: The less you do and say, the more she’s attracted to you.
In fact, if you never even meet her, she'll be wild about you!
Dating tip #3 Be a “naughty little boy.”
All women want to date bratty first graders!
But here's more on that one:
When you’re talking to sexy women, make unexpected and mischievous comments, the kind that leave them thinking, “I can’t believe he just said that… but I like it.” This shows sexy women you’re NOT impressed by their looks, that you need to see more. This is so different from what they’re used to they can’t help but be attracted. I cannot emphasize the importance of this dating tip.
"I can't believe that he just told me that I have girl cooties, and that I am a stinky, ugly, poopiehead ... but I like it! This must be a guy who is who is NOT impressed by my looks, and so I can't but help be attracted to him, since he's probably gay!"
Dating tip #7 Date multiple sexy women at once, and make sure the others know about it. Sexy women love a man who is attractive to other sexy women, and will compete to “win you.” (Here’s another dating tip: for proof of this, read any good romance novel). If you want to settle down, you can choose one, but she will always know you’re desired by other sexy women—and in a strange way, this creates even more attraction for you. This dating tip really is a secret, but it works very well with sexy women.
Yes, it's a secret known only to romance novels and subscribers to John's attraction system. And here's how it works: (1) Date multiple sexy women; (2) Tell each of them about the others, thus ensuring that they will fight over you; (3) Watch them as they use the Isreali "blood on your hands" combat system on each other; (4 ) Settle down with the one left alive; (5) Live happily ever after.
Now that was easy, wasn't it?
Anyway, it seems that John is not just a dating expert, but also a big internet marketing expert. In fact, I could "Get Big Checks Month In and Month Out For Revealing Dating Secrets to Men--with Virtually No Work On My Part Whatsoever!" (However, I don't know if this post, which does reveal dating secrets with virtually no work on my part, qualifies me for that big check.)
But we are now near the bottom of John's home page, and assuming that you have been following his advice, you are now irresistable to women, and earn a comfortable living scamming ... I mean, sharing dating tips with other men. Life is pretty good, isn't it?
But wait!
What Will You Do When You and the Woman of Your Dreams Are Suddenly and Brutally Attacked By a Vicious, Knife (Even Gun)-Wielding Criminal?
Think fast, pal!
Will you run away, leaving her to her fate? Will you be killed trying to defend her because you simply don't know what to do?
Damn, it seems that winning the woman of your dreams may not be as much fun as John made it seem. Anyway, this is proof that on even the safest-looking website, you are in constant danger from criminals, thugs, terrorists, and those kids who made fun of you in high school. And THAT is probably what the liberal media is so dead-set against you learning. I just hope that Hillary doesn't find out I told you about it ... because she knows the secrets that Middle Eastern soldiers are using right now to slaughter enemy combatants!
3:13:20 AM
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