February 22, 2005 by s.z.

Hey, WSJ Wankers Have Feelings Too! Remember that story about Wall Street Journal columnist John Fund twice appropriating the laptop of a blogger at CPAC's "Bloggers' Corner"?  Well, John is hurt and disappointed that nobody got his side of the story before "flaying" him by suggesting that he doesn't respect private property.  And his side of the story is that he is just a simple, naive rube who was the butt of a practical joke perpetrated by those slick, big-city bloggers.   “FUNDGATE" (!) [K. J. Lopez] John Fund e-mails about that CPAC incident: I appreciate a practical joke as much as the next person, but not when the one played on me at CPAC threatens to spread around the blogosphere and the joke takes on elements of an urban legend. To set the record straight: The story is that I sat down and used the computer of a noted blogger named Robert Cox at CPAC without his permission. Jonah Goldberg says this might shed light on my respect for property rights. Not when you know what actually happened. It was a practical joke, at my expense. This is the first CPAC ever where there was a Blogger's Corner set up in the exhibit area. For several years, however, there has been an Internet Alley sponsored by Town Hall for use by anyone who was willing to stand in line--to use the computers to check e-mail, etc. I passed by the Blogger's Corner in the exhibit hall at CPAC, did not notice the sign, and asked someone sitting at a computer (a blogger, I now believe) if the computers were available at this location too. He assured me they were and pointed me to a vacant one that had no papers around it. I sat down and for about 20 minutes checked my e-mail on a computer that it turned out was owned by blogger Robert Cox. At no point while I was sitting there did anyone inform me of my faux pas, and I'm sure some people enjoyed my gullibility. [...] I think the lesson in this is twofold: I should not be so gullible in the future, and bloggers who flay people for alleged sins might do well to get their side of the story first. After all, the next time youcould be a victim of a practical joke that gets out of hand and never quite dies because it is preserved in the blogosphere forever. Posted at 11:01 AM So, at its root the whole thing is really Town Hall's fault for making Fund feel entitled to free computer access, and Jonah's for hurting Fund's feelings.  However, that purported "second blogger" on the grassy knoll who told Fund that there were computers in Blogger's Corner is the real villain of the piece, and until he is found and flayed, all bloggers must share in the shame of knowing that one of our own misled an innocent, childlike columnist. In any case, we think that Fund will now have to return his pretigious "Wanker of the Day" award, and accept in its stead the less desirable "Too Stupid to Leave the House Alone" trophy. 1:49:38 PM

Who Said It? Our first Mystery Guest from last time was indeed Peggy Noonan, who has somehow got the idea that bloggers will save post-apocalyptic civilization by through discussions of kerning.  (While we compared her idea to the Kevin Costner movie The Postman, in retrospect we think that her belief in mystical sea mammals means that Waterworld is more her style.) Tom correctly IDed her first, and wins a copy the Doug Wead' tapes which reveal (Gasp! Shock!) that George Bush used marijuana. Our second guest (the one who talked about evangelical wingnuts being the best citizens) was David Barton, the founder of the Wallbuilders, and a historian with a B.S. degree from Oral Roberts University.  TonyB named him, and wins a rock in honor of the one that was a guest at the Reclaiming Christ for American conference.  (That one reportedly weighs 5,280 pounds, but TonyB's will be a lot smaller.) And Clif won the Daily Double by being the first to correctly name both Guest #1 and #2.  He wins these photos of our Mystery Guests for today:                    Now, Who Said This? 1.  Our freedom of speech may very well become our bondage. In our desire to exercise our right to say what we wish, we expose our weakness to the enemy. If we keep telling the enemy how much we hate each other, the enemy may be emboldened to tear down more than a few buildings in lower Manhattan. Our freedom of speech may very well become the defeat of our soldiers. It's a weapon we've used against our own men and women who are executing a war against an enemy that hates us. We will assure defeat with words that undermine their will to win. Terrorism isn't the enemy, freedom of speech is!  2.    But, since I am committed to serving the truth, here goes: I, too, am now suffering from erectile dysfunction, or ED. Worse than the discovery that I am now suffering from ED was the subsequent realization that I have been suffering from it for several years.  Ever the empiricist, I decided to record the approximate dates of my previous, shall we say, difficulties in an effort to find the root causes of my medical condition.  A brief summary follows:  In 2001, I was jogging on campus when I passed a group of feminists marching in the annual “Take back the night” event.  After they marched by me shaking their fists and screaming, I first experienced ED.  They certainly took back that night!  The poor guy!  We always suspected that a problem with his manhood was at the root of all of his anger and whining. 3.  Rush has quite a loyal group of followers and I'm not at all surprised that a man would dump his wife for Rush Limbaugh. I think if I were in his shoes, I'd have done the same thing. Alas, this pundit has no wife to dump for Rush Limbaugh, although close friend MD might function as one. 4.   Random thoughts on the passing scene: How many other species' members kill each other to the same extent as human beings? It is amazing how many people who phone ask to know who you are instead of telling you who they are. Raising Social Security taxes today will not leave a dime more to pay pensions to future retirees. Right now there is more money coming into the system than is going out -- and the difference gets spent on other things. Higher taxes now would mean a bigger excess to be spent on other things, leaving nothing more for the future. Don't you get tired of seeing so many "non-conformists" with the same non-conformist look? He has a Ph.D, so you know this stuff must be brilliant. 5.    I cannot relate to the perfect flawless ones who follow faultlessly their purpose in life.  I find, thanks to my creepy heart, that I’m more like the guys who barely made it, who were seemingly always doing stupid junk, missing their purpose, chasing things they shouldn’t be chasing and paying retail for life’s lessons.  Yes, we too blame his "creepy heart" for all that stupid junk he keeps writing and saying. 6.  [Pundit speaking of himself in third-person] firmly believes the ACLU wants to undermine the military effort in the war on terror. The ACLU opposes the Patriot Act, Guantanamo detentions without lawyers, military tribunals, coercive interrogation, the war in Iraq, and pretty much all aggressive action against terror. [...] So I ask you, ladies and gentlemen, is the ACLU helping in the war on terror? It's a simple question because I'm a simple man. And if that organization is not helping the USA in this life and death struggle, how are we Americans supposed to view the ACLU? Apparently we Americans should view the ACLU and its members as traitors, because, as we learned from our first Mystery Guest, it's all our freedoms that are the enemy, and the ACLU is on the side of that enemy. 2:29:15 AM