Love, Republican Style
From NY Daily News gossip columnist Ben Widdicombe comes this fantastic (nay, unbelievable!) report:
OMG! Arch-conservative Ann Coulter is totally dating a Democrat on the down-low.I hear the mighty righty is discreetly seeing a twentysomething country singer by the name of Rob Ryan.And yes, Mr. Ryan is an out-and-proud Blue Stater.The two have been spending nights together at her pad on the upper East Side."When they're together they're talking more about music than politics," a pal of theirs told me.
But ... but ... I thought Ann was a good Christian girl who would never spend pre-marital nights with a man! (Especially not with a Democrat, because "There are no good Democrats" -- or with a liberal, because "They're terrible people, liberals.")
Maybe she figures that if she does it with a Democrat, it doesn't count, because he's going to hell anyway, and besides, she has it on good authority that heaven works the way that Ann thinks airport security should work: all rich, blonde American woman are waved through without any questions, and all swarthy types are denied entrance .
Or maybe the nights with Rob are totally innocent, and all they do is talk about music (and scary pies). I hope this is the case, because sleeping with a guy young enough to be her son (you know, if she was capable of breeding) sounds like something one of those depraved liberals would do, and I'd hate to think that Ann was a hypocrite!
Anyway, this might be the Rob Ryan in question:
"Rob is an impeccable country songwriter and an equally impressive vocalist with a passion for tradition."
All right, a lot of people are just raving over Laura Bush on Saturday night at the White House Correspondents Dinner. [...] I will guarantee you, if it's as good as people say it was, if Hillary was in that audience, I'm sure she had to be apoplectic because, you know, liberal women are not funny. Have you ever seen a liberal woman that's not grimacing about something? Even liberal comedians are angry and filled with rage. They don't look happy, they don't even look like they take showers. They're just mad as they can be all the time.
Yes, liberal women aren't funny, don't look happy, are always grimacing about something, always look mad, and don't even look like they take showers.
Here's exhibit #1:
Oh, and as you may have heard, yesterday Drudge reported that Conservative Christians Not Laughing at First Lady's Comedy Act, and linked to a Swift Report item about how the "Coalition for Traditional Values" objected to Laura's stand-up act at the White House Correspondents' Dinner because Laura didn't submit to George, like it says in Ephesians, and because her jokes emasculated him at a time when his image was already suffering due to his hand-holding with the Saudi Crown Prince.
You may recall that the Coalition for Traditional Values was the same outfit which called Jenna and NotJenna Jezebels for their revealing gowns for the inaugeration ball ( The Swift Report: Religious Leaders to Bush Twins: "Cover Thy Selves" .)
And yeah, the Swift Report is a satire site, and the CTV doesn't actually exist (alas, the Traditional Values Coalition does exist, and claims that the item reported by Drudge was "the most recent tactic in an ongoing campaign of harassment of the conservative church group" -- which is why you need to give them money).
Anyway, Drudge removed the link fairly quickly, but not before Rush saw it. Here's Rush again:
Now, I have to tell you something. This was a great routine but, and I don't know if this is legitimate or not, but there's a website out there claiming to be a very Christian website, which is expressing anger at Mrs. Bush for having done this, that it is unbecoming a first lady and so forth and so on. Now, I don't know if it's a liberal website disguising itself as a Christian website designed to make these people look like stuffed shirts or if it's the real thing. If it's the real thing, if it is a genuine Christian website that's all in a wad over this, chill, back out, take a breath, and relax. This is nothing but good. There's nothing offensive in this. People that watch Desperate Housewives, so what? It's just entertainment.
Hey, that's not what Brent Bozell says!!!
I think we can see that Rush has become a degenerate liberal too -- it's probably all Daryn's fault. And anyway, Laura doesn't watch "Deperate Housewives," she just reads the lines that herjoke writer prepares for her. Lines like this this one (it's semi-funny because it's true -- which it's also why it's scary):
"People often wonder what my mother-in-law is really like. People think she's a sweet, grandmotherly Aunt Bee type. She's actually more like, hmm, Don Corleone."
After the dinner, Barbara "The Enforcer" Bush had Laura's kneecapped to remind her of the code of omerta.
But anyway, per Rush, it's okay to watch "Desperate Housewives" (at least, it's okay if you're Laura Bush), because it's just entertainment (unlike the Monday Night Football promo for the show, which was basically hard-core porn, per a previous Rush monologue). It all goes to show how being a former librarian lets you get away with murder! (Um, I didn't mean that literally -- although ...)
Heck, even the NRO Corner's Kathryn Jean Lopez now thinks that "Desperate Housewives" is perfectly acceptable family fare (if you're Laura Bush):
LEAVE LAURA ALONE [K. J. Lopez ]
This is so silly. Laura Bush is getting grief about Desperate Housewives Saturday night—but, thankfully, only really seriously in obscure corners, I suspect (and hope). Sigh. Yeah, the First Lady probably could have skipped some of the, uh, horsing around (I'm not spelling that one out). But, it was a joke skit, at a roasty-type event, and life went on. As it should. And the DH stuff was funny. Posted at 12:00 PM
That's telling 'em, KLo!
But she's not done yet, posting another item two minutes later:
MINORITY REPORT [K. J. Lopez ]
As for the website Drudge linked to highlighting some of the criticism: This is one of the drawbacks of the blogosphere. Anyone can look to be, with the right highlight, representative of some kind of bloc. I happen to be a conservative who is Christian, and know more than a few others, and, well, we haven't spent the last week questioning Bush's manliness, for instance
No, Kathyn Jean and her ilk would NEVER think that Bush was less than manly. In fact, they think he's the most macho guy every (especially when he wears that flight suit). And he's absolutely DREAMY!
God granted your request, Kathryn. In fact, it was all a joke -- except for the quotes from the Bible about how women should submit to their husbands, and the part about George holding hands with the Saudi, of course.
And that Mrs. Bush was violating biblical mandates never entered my mind while at the Hilton Saturday night. Call me weird.
Um, Kathryn, all of America already has.
Actually, what I was offended by in Mrs. Bush's speech was her demeaning his brush clearing. But I forgive her--it was a purely defensive thing (translation: "He's mine, stop looking").
Posted at 12:02 PM
Yes, Laura only made that joke so that the other women at the dinner would keep their covetous eyes off her man. In fact, the line was probably aimed directly at Kathryn -- n'est-ce pas, KLo? Because Kathryn was just thinking that if she was Mrs. George W. Bush, she would NEVER demean his brush clearing -- or whatever pet name he uses for sex.
6:22:43 AM
No comments:
Post a Comment