July 31, 2004 by s.z.

Various Wingnuttery  1.  First, here's a new wingnut named Gordon Bloyer -- today's column is about the Wizard of Oz:  John Kerry and John Edwards are trying to hide behind the curtain. It is time to click the heels on our ruby slippers and come back to the real America. It is time to stop pitting people against each other with this phoney class warfare. I don’t think people are going to be fooled in November. Kerry and Edwards will be left standing with their rear ends exposed, running from Barney Frank  As you can see, Gordon is a pundit to make the folks at Townhall watch their backs.  Or their rears.   Don't take my word for it -- here's Gordon's bio:  Gordon Bloyer has been called a Renaissance man by Ronn Owens of KGO radio in San Francisco. Rush Limbaugh read from a letter by Gordon on his national radio show. President Ronald Reagan invited Gordon to the White House to thank him for his support. When Gordon speaks people listen. Well, if not people, at least Limbaughs. 2.  And speaking of the folks from Townhall, here's that one-man-punditing-machine, Professor Mike Adams, Ph.D  : Dear PETA: A buddy of mine named John has been trying to do a study on animal rights organizations. He wants to ask you a few questions but fears that you will try to cause him (or his family) physical harm if any of the questions should offend you. Yes, it's another one of those columns where Dr. Mike pretends to write a letter to somebody, and also pretends that he has buddies.  But let's read a few of the research questions that "John" is too chicken to ask PETA himself. 13)  I heard one of your fellow animal rights activists claim that ''veggie dogs'' taste ''just like chicken.''  Is that really true?  If so, how does he know?    14)  If you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant, what do you do?    15)  Would you be offended if I mowed my lawn?   16)  Do PETA members eat animal crackers? You know, I think I've heard some of these questions previously -- when they were asked by a guy named George Carlin.  Should somebody should tell Mike that his good buddy "John" is a plagiarist? 3.  Townhall is aghast because Mrs. Kerry told an obnoxious reporter to "shove it."  They are gently reared souls over there, and so are unused to such language.  Here's Kathleen Parker on the subject of PROPER First Ladies: The two Mrs. Bushes earn consistently high ratings among both Democrats and Republicans. The senior Mrs. Bush is everybody's no-nonsense mom - strong, kind and humorous. As for Laura, what's not to like? An attractive, feminine librarian, she's an utterly uncontroversial Tollhouse wife and mother who enjoys reading to kids and publicly defers to her husband without seeming obsequious. Well, the people I know say that Barbara "The Enforcer" Bush is everybody's Manchurian Candidate mom -- strong, ruthless, ambitious, evil.  As for Laura, what's not to like?  As in, she matters so little, who can bother to dislike her?  She worked as a librarian for a couple of years a couple of decades ago, and has lived a life of quiet desperation ever since.  I hope that after her husband is voted out of office she can get a job reading to kids or something, to support the family.    Anyway, Townhall's Neil Cavuto doesn't APPROVE of strong language like that used by Mrs. Kerry, but since he already applauded Dick Cheney for being "real" enough to tell a Senator to "go f--- himself, " so he can't be too outraged.  And Townhaller Robert "Beelzebub" Novak says that the Democrats were worried that Teresa would use her convention speech to tell a whole bunch of people to "shove it," but she didn't, and they were really disappoin ... happy, he means.  The dems were PLEASED that she didn't screw up.  But those unnamed Democrats are still concerned that her reputation for outspokeness and will keep people from voting for Kerry -- you know, unless she actually helps his chances.  Oh, and she's a bitch.  At least, that's what Democrats are telling Novak.  4.  And here's Jeff Mazzella, addressing an issue already covered by Pete (the new Seb) over at Sadly, No!: the issue of unAmerican tray liners used by a Subway franchise in Germany.  However, Jeff is a little more shrill about it (and apparently wants us to DO STUFF), so I think I like him less than I do Pete: Simply put, SUBWAY’s advertising strategy is a new low in corporate behavior -- exploiting cultural tensions and inflaming anti-American sentiment abroad just to sell more sandwiches.It is appalling that SUBWAY, a U.S. company, would attack Americans and the Statue of Liberty in a time of war ... just to gain market share. In response, the Center for Individual Freedom (www.cfif.org), together with Frontiers of Freedom (www.ff.org) and several other organizations, has launched its own campaign to demand that SUBWAY immediately end its anti-American marketing ploy.   To be effective, we desperately need your help! An excerpt from today’s Houston Chronicle, which reported on this issue in a front page article, reads: "SUBWAY officials thought a tie-in with a movie featuring [Jared] Fogle and raising awareness about the nation's weight problem 'just seemed to make sense' for a company that has just launched a campaign to fight childhood obesity,” Kane said. There you have it folks. No denial, no apology, no shame. They don't even deny being against childhood obesity?! The anti-American bastards! Please join us in demanding that SUBWAY immediately halt its anti-American propaganda scheme overseas. Call SUBWAY CEO Fred DeLuca today! Urge him to stop his cynical advertising campaign against the United States. The phone number for Mr. DeLuca at Subway's Executive Offices in Connecticut is 800-888-4848, ext. 1401. I also want to encourage you to write letters to the editor of your local newspapers condemning SUBWAY for its anti-American marketing scheme. And to make this campaign successful, it’s critical that you help spread the word by forwarding this call to action to your friends and family. Um, I'm kinda busy right now, and anyway, my friends and family don't really care about this kind of stuff.  But maybe Pete will write some letters to the editor and make some outraged phone calls to Subway corporate headquaters.  Yeah, let Pete do it -- maybe it will keep him from chasing Amber (and out of any other trouble) until Seb gets back.  Oh, and have a happy Saturday, everyone! 5:57:18 AM

Each Unhappy Family is Unhappy in its Own Way  "Hannity & Whoever" interviewed Michael Reagan the other day.  Here's part of what he had to say: COLMES: But let me ask you: What does Nancy say? Have you talked to Nancy about her feelings about Ron appearing here at the Democratic Convention? REAGAN: Ron can do no wrong. I mean basically that's it. Ron can do no wrong. I mean, she has always had him. He is her favorite and there's nothing wrong with that. So she's not going to get very vocal about it at all. Yeah, Ron is the PERFECT kid, while Michael is the adopted son from the first marriage whom everybody basically forgot about.  It's the story of Jacob and Essau all over again -- and we all know how THAT turned out. Anyway, Mike's words reminded me of something he told "Hannity & Inanity" right after his father died: REAGAN: And what happens, politics has a tendency sometimes to take Dad away and I just wanted to share Dad and let you know that here is a guy, when he had the time, and he would make time, he would be a father. Those mornings -- I looked so forward to those Saturday mornings, Alan. And they meant so much to me sitting on the curb at 333 South Beverly Glenn, waiting for my dad to turn that corner from Sunset Boulevard and pick me up, sitting on the curb with my sister Maureen or a friend of mine and go out to the ranch and just spend the day with my dad. Poor Michael.  I can picture him, sitting there on the curb (maybe getting there at the crack of dawn, because he was so excited), waiting for that one day a week when he got to see his father -- if Dad had time, of course, what with the politics and the new wife and the new, better kids, of course.  I find that image really, really sad.  And how do those better kids act now?  Back to this week's "Hannity & Doorstop":  HANNITY:  Have you had an opportunity to talk to Ron about it? Would you like to talk to him about it?  REAGAN: Oh, I talked to Ron a little bit about it really before and during the week we spent together with my father and the funeral and all that. My brother doesn't like George Bush. He is the typical liberal. He hates George Bush; he thinks he stole the election in 2000. To quote my brother, to be honest with you, when I asked him if he would show up for the USS Ronald Reagan, he said, "to me, it's a weapon of mass destruction, I'm a liberal and I don't honor that." I find that really unconscionable. You have to put things aside. There are liberals I get along with. There were liberals at the home porting. I'm sure not everybody in the military is conservative but they showed up because they wanted to honor Ronald Reagan. All I'm saying is if you're going to be used by the Democrats as he is being used tonight, then understand why you're being used. You're being used because you're Ronald Reagan. You've got the same name as our father. Then also honor our father and be with your mother at these important engagements she's at. She needs to have her children with her. I can't take the place of Ron or Patti at these events. I'm (UNINTELLIGIBLE) because I remember my father's legacy. I would just like to have Ron do the same. Yes, Michael is the one remembering his father's legacy and supporting Nancy, while Ron Jr., the favorite, spoke at the Democratic convention.  Ron has turned into a peace-loving, hippiefreak of a LIBERAL who doesn't even show up to see all the stuff named after his father!   Who's the best son NOW, Dad?!  Anyway, I think "Hannity & Liberal" should pay to get this family some therapy, like Dr. Phil does for his guests. 5:23:19 AM

No Free Booze in Boston? As we all know, the bloggers were the hot, new thing at the Democratic convention.  So, let's take a peek at the "Fox and Friends" blog (they call it "Friends Insider", and they do call it a blog) and see what they found in Boston that the mainstream media missed: Tuesday, July 27, 2004 By E.D. Hill Brian heads to Boston Tuesday. Steve is returning to New York. He reports that our “FOX & Friends” conference room is a bathroom... no joke. Terry McAuliffe was kind to invite Steve to a big party yesterday with Clinton, Kennedy and Kerry. Steve wasn't able to attend but our producers did. They said it was impossible to get near the big shots and the cash bar charged $7 per drink. I'm not sure how they are going to expense that, but we get really creative here! Thursday, July 29, 2004 By Steve Doocy There's really not much going on aside from the fancy parties thrown by lobbyists -- that we are not invited to -- and the other parties thrown by the politicians -- who in some cases CHARGE to get in and then CHARGE to get a drink! Paulina of our staff bought her normal couple of drinks, and they were $7 EACH! But when you think about it, the Democrats are BRILLIANT. They now have SOFT money, HARD money and CASH BAR money!  So, there you have it -- there were parties where drinks cost $7 EACH!  And that's the "Fox and Friends" convention scoop. 4:49:50 AM