Who Said It?
First, let's announce our Mystery Guests from the last contest, and honor the commenters who were the first to name them:
Plus, a style point to Tara for the following guesses:
#1 is Gul Dukat, the Cardassian leader from Star Trek: Deep Space 9.
#2 is probably Drudge, still smarting over David Brock turning him down.
#3 is Abu-Alberto Ghraib-Gonzales, and if I'm "wrong" about that, I'm still not "wrong." #4 is the guy from the Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
#5 is George W Bush, but it's actually Cheney speaking through the microphone thingy on his back.
#6 could be any generic wingnut, but I'll go with Arthur Finkelstein, the closet case who runs an anti-Hillary site and spent years working for Jesse Helms.
Congratulations to all our winners! They each win a point toward the following exciting prize:
Just Say No to Evolution T-shirt |
We'll let you make the snarky remarks, and will just inform you that you can buy this shirt (and many others almost as good) at ChristianShirts.net.
Now, who said the following?
1. Our first Mystery Guest explains that the problem with the last four Star Wars movies is that they portray Darth Vadar as human, instead of the embodiment of pure badness that he (and the other evil doers of the Axis of Evil) actually are.
Think of Lucas as one of those muddled liberals who think George Bush is evil, while Saddam Hussein is a piker.[...]Let me credit Lucas with this much. "The Phantom Menace" produced complaints that he engaged in facile racial stereotypes that demeaned Asians, Arabs and Africans. Since then, it is clear, Lucas learned that there is only one facile stereotype that is safe in Hollywood: Republican equals evil. Bush bad.
Hint: "In a world full of labels, [Mystery Guest] is herself. A one-time registered Democrat turned Republican, she claims no loyalty to either party and takes pride in her unpredictability and irreverence for big-party politics."
I think you got a sense of just how unpredictable and apolitical she is from her movie review.
2. Part MCXIII in a never-ending series about why everybody but Judeo-Christians suck.
A physician understandably views his healing of people as meaningful, but if he does not believe in God, he will have to honestly confront the fact that as meaningful as healing the day's patients has been, ultimately everything is meaningless because life itself is. In this sense, it is far better for an individual's peace of mind to be a poor peasant who believes in God than a successful neurosurgeon who does not.
However, if you have a brain tumor, it's far better for your peace of mind if your doctor is a successful neurosurgeon rather than a poor, devout peasant.
3. From a column about how we need to amend the Constitution in order to protect marriage, Boy Scouts, the Ten Commandments, Terri Schiavo, puppies, and angels from those darned "judicial supremacists."
Like a rabid dog that attacks again and again, the federal judiciary knows no restraint. Bite us once, shame on the dog; bite us repeatedly, shame on us for allowing it.
In other words, it's time to put down the judges -- but only rhetorically, of course. Nobody is advocating actual violence here, as far as you can prove!
4. And speaking of rhetoric, who said the following in one of those modern "I'm sorry if you were stupid enough to get offended by my innocuous comments" apologies:
Referencing Hitler was meant to dramatize the principle of an argument, not to characterize my Democratic colleagues..
Because it's okay if you say that your colleagues ACT like Nazis, as long as you don't imply that that they ARE Nazis.
5. And speaking of nuclear options and final solutions and such, who said this about that deal with the devil known as the filibuster compromise:
We share the disappointment, outrage and sense of abandonment felt by millions of conservative Americans who helped put Republicans in power last November. I am certain that these voters will remember both Democrats and Republicans who betrayed their trust.
Meaning, that come the next election, this guy and his ilk will use the airwaves and the pulpit to urge their followers to vote against the seven Republican senators who compromised with evil to come up with a plan which still permits Democrats to filibuster people of faith, such as Ann Coulter. (Now she'll never get her slot on the Supreme Court!)
Oh, and God told this guy that all the Senators involved in the compromise are going to hell.
6. Our next Mystery Guest, inspired by the success of The Purpose Driven Life, comes up with some tips on how to lead a failure-ridden life. Hey, he speaks from experience.
Yes, I guarantee, if you believe and obey these ten points below I can assure you that you’ll eventually be broke, friendless, a disaster to date or marry, a bad father or mother, and possibly a whore or a pimp or a welfare brat. More than likely, if you stay the course and develop what I call a Disaster Master Mind©, you will end up costing the government lots of money. In addition, if you can actually find someone to procreate with, you will spawn a new generation of losers; and if you really embrace the following, you might end up eating government cheese and living in a van down by the river.
In part two of this series, our Mystery Guest will advocate shooting poor people for sport.
7. Howard Dean hurt this guy's feelings:
Have you noticed that the Democrats are now trying to criminalize hypocrisy? Hypocrisy is essentially a crime to Howard Dean. I should go to jail because I'm a hypocrite. That's what a lot of the leftists think. I should get in trouble because I'm a hypocrite. I don't know that hypocrisy is a crime, and now Dean is saying that people who have their own moral failings have no right to talk about morality anywhere else. Well, that would disqualify everybody, Dr. Dean.
No, our MG shouldn't go to jail for hypocrisy -- but maybe a stint in the lock-up is in order for those violations of state and federal law he allegedly committed. (And while people with moral failings do have a right to talk about morality, they shouldn't get so huffy when others make fun of them for doing so.)
8. From a column disparaging the outcry about those photos of Saddam in his underwear:
All this new protection for the murderer excellent. All this coverage given to the uncovering of one of the most demonic wretches breathing. Yes.
Then there has to be something desperately wrong with this picture. And it's not the one with a guy in his short. It's the media making hay out the guy in his shorts.
I hate it when the media makes hay out of a guy in his shorts.
9. Here's this Mystery Guest's reaction to the story about how Medicare programs have been paying for Viagra for sex offenders, but that this loophole is now being filled.
Here's what I don't understand: year after year, the American people vote for conservative candidates. But it just doesn't matter. You can vote for conservatism, but you can't have it. No matter who gets elected, government programs spiral ever farther out of control. And--especially tonight--one really wonders whether there is anything the voters can do about it.
Yeah, why should we even bother to vote for conservative candidates in a world where criminals get free Viagra, but decent, patriotic, award-winning, limp-dicked bloggers don't?
10. And lastly, here's a quote from a column about how feminists got Bill Clinton to sign the Violence Against Women Act as part of their plan to keep men from getting married:
VAWA is not about helping families. This law is about demonizing men and sowing fear in the hearts of impressionable women. VAWA seeks to escalate the battle of the sexes into a gender war. No wonder so many eligible bachelors are now saying, "Thanks but no thanks."
Yeah, because if you can't slap the little woman around, what's the use of getting married at all?
3:24:40 AM
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