August 22, 2004 by s.z.

Welcome! And let's extend a hearty welcome to the lastest member of the secret World O'Crap blogroll, ThatColoredFellasweblog.  Check it out, when you get a chance. 7:39:42 AM

Thanks! I just wanted to thank everyone for the nice and/or funny comments about the blog's one year anniversary.  And it's so cool that I was wished well by people like Tom, the brilliantly funny (but with a heart of gold, like a hooker) man behind the legend known as TBogg; the epitome of coolness known as Norbizness; the pride of French Canada, Seb of Sadly, No!; the lovely Leslie from Singular Existence; the world-renowned (among those who matter) Julia of Sisyphus Shrugged; the greatdly admired Ivan of Thrilling Days of Yesteryear; the renowned Mac of War Liberal; the talented Bellatrys of Nothing New Under the Sun; the brilliant Mark of Fried Green al-Qaedas; the delightful Maurinksy of Laughing Wild; the noted critic Pete of A Perfectly Cromulent Blog (not to be confused with Pete of The Dark Window, who is noted for being criticized -- and whom I wish to thank again for slogging though a year's worth of posts to find something to show for my efforts--thanks, Pete!); the delighful Laura of Two Broads Bloggin', a real mover and shaker; the smart and sassy Blondesense; Upper Left, "proudly partisan news from the Northwest"; and the independent (and astute) Catnmus, the Raving Independent.  Oh, and Frederick from BeatBushBlog, a lawyer by day, the leader of the Illuminati by night.  I didn't mention him before because I was afraid he'd have me killed for saying too much. I am very impressed that they not only took the time to wish me well, but actually read this blog. Because, you know, they have blogs of their own to write, and they shouldn't be wasting time here.  But, hey, despite their superstar status, they are humans like everybody else -- and are no better than you, when it comes right down to it, despite their web logs and their electricity and those supernatural powers they received when bitten by a radioactive computer. So, I want to thank The charming Preznit Give Me Turkee, the honorable Sen. HeyZeus Braunschweiger; the charismatic Grish; the industrious HeyDave; the ever alert (but only for good, not evil)Doghouse Riley; the should- have-her-own-blog-because-she's-really-smart-and-funny Mary; the superhero known as The Mind Bomber; Yosef, the hottest young conservative commenter on the web; Bill S.,statesman and patriot; the legend known as Chris Vosburg (someday he'll rule us all); the always enjoyable Dave; the once and future Puginov; Scott C., screenwriter, patriot, deviant, and a man I'm proud to call my friend; Alison, the belle of the blogosphere, and reportedly the inspiration for Bil Keane's character "Mommy"; Ted, archenemy of the witless; Glenstonecottage, a really smart person and a hell of a nice guy; Delagar, who came to Earth with powers far beyond those of mortal men; the urbane Els; the witty yet patient Clockwork; fellow Spry fan (and somebody who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of the Bush administration) Dark Avenger; Anntichrist S. Coulter, scourge of the ungodly who say they're godly; Dr. BDH, humanitarian (hey, he's probably not a terrorist, Annie, despite that whole suspicious "doctor" thing; and, of course, Terrible the Good. Thanks again, everybody (sorry if I missed anyone).  And thanks to everyone who reads this blog and who hasn't reported me to the authorities. So, I guess I'll pay the $40 to renew this thing for another year instead of taking a leave of absence to join Peggy Noonan as an Hononary Team Leader in detox.  Thanks again.  6:32:52 AM

The Mike & Ben & Doug Show From UNCW News: Wilmington, N.C.—Mike S. Adams, an associate professor in the University of North Carolina at Wilmington Department of Sociology and Criminal Justice, has been asked to do two nationally syndicated radio commentaries. One will be a filmed weekly commentary for www.NRANews.com, based in Alexandria, Va. Adams was offered the paid position after writing his first commentary for the National Rifle Association’s national magazine last month. Adams’ other radio commentary will be a weekly spot with Ben Shapiro, a nationally syndicated columnist and author of the book Brainwashed. Adams and Shapiro will do a commentary on educational issues, which will be featured on a nationally syndicated program hosted by Doug Giles. Giles’ show is based in Miami, Fla. It's the three musketeers of wingnuttery: Asshole, PoorThought, and Virgin.  (Or, in the Disney version, Mickey, Donald, and Goofy.)  So, to commemorate the occasion, let's see what each of our swordsmen has been up to. Well, Ben (Mickey Mouse) is now signed up with Premiere Speakers, and is offering to give speeches for money.  Ben Shapiro Accomplished Syndicated Columnist and Cultural Commentator KEYNOTE FEE -- $5,000* TRAVELS FROM -- Boston, MA TOPICS Bestselling Authors, Broadcast & Print Media, Personal Development, Politics & Current Events As a staunch conservative on the modern politically correct campus, Shapiro faces political liberals head-on. From exposing the leftist tilt of the professoriate on college campuses to addressing the conflict in the Middle East, Shapiro's confrontational approach always draws a hailstorm of response.   So, if your community needs hail, you can book Ben for just $5000.  Compare that to: Sean Hannity, Co-Host of “Hannity & Colmes” (Fox News), host of "The Sean Hannity Show" (ABC Radio)   Fee - $100,000* Yes, for what it costs to get Sean, you could have TWENTY Bens!  And wouldn't that make a great horror flick! ("Invasion of the Bens!  The score of young conservative cultural commenters couldn't score -- so they unleashed a hailstorm of confrontation and tilting accusations on the liberals, ending, as these things always do, in destruction, smashed buildings, zombies, and boobies.") And speaking of boobies, let's hear from Dr. Professor Mike Adams (I think he's the Donald Duck of the trio): I am not yet sure what George W. Bush means when he speaks of compassionate conservatism. I hope that he will soon give meaning to that term, not with his words, but with his actions Wow, Mike actually said something worthwhile! But sadly, he said it in 2000, back before he saw the light and gave up his atheism and liberal ways to became a prat for God and Townhall, apparently because it allows him to be obnoxious for money.  And our third musketeer, Goofy (who will be played today by Doug Giles) has a new column out.  Mike claims that he's only drinking grape soda pop as he writes, but I think we all know better.  Listening to the Democrats speak about John Kerry must be what it was like hearing Saint Peter describe Christ to his fishing buddies.  Doug is just jealous because St. Peter has never invited HIM to go along on one of those fishing trips. Kerry can do no wrong.  No matter what is written or said about the Senator, the Dems find no fault in the man.  He’s perfect.  Just look at his website, JohnKerry.com.  Why, he’s squeaky clean; he’s a truth telling war hero and good guy, with an impeccable public record who should replace that terrible rascal George W. Bush.  Kerry, according to the Dems, is the savior of these United States.  Just look at Doug's website, http://clashradio.com and you'll note that Doug can do no wrong.  He's "a breath of fresh air," "positioned to cause major damage to Satan's crumbling kingdom." and a "jerk" ... I mean, a " no-nonsense student of the Lord whose special calling is to jerk the slack out of slacking Christians."  Doug, according to Doug, is the savior of the entire world. We are told, you see, that Saint John Kerry is immaculate, that we should believe what he and a smattering of others say about him during his Nam days, and that we should blow off his 20 year voting history.  Just drink the [poisonous] grape juice and let him run the country.  Kum Ba Ya, My Senator, Kum ba ya. Doug knows that Kerry's voting record is full of flip-flops and he lied about his military record because he heard it about it  from the Bush campaign and Rush Limbaugh (I'll bet $100 and a Precious Moments figurine that Doug didnt' review the Senate voting records for 20 years, or do any investigation into the Swift Boat vets claims before writing this column).  Get back, honky cat. Now, repeat after me: it makes no difference that John-boy claimed until just last week that he spent Christmas Eve 1968 in Cambodia.  It’s really just a bit of poor navigation that he was 55 miles away, deep in Vietnam, although he insisted on it every chance he got including on the Senate floor.  Yes, it really does make no difference.  He was in Cambodia on several occasions in late January and early February 1969.  He spent Christmas Eve in Vietnam.  Big whoop. And it really, really doesn’t matter that he claimed Richard Nixon was the lying president at the time, although he still was waiting to be inaugurated.  Yes, it really doesn't matter.  So Johnson and Nixon both lied, and Kerry forgot which one was actually in office at the time.  Equally big whoop. Anyway, those suspicious Swift Boat Veterans for Truth ads were floated by rich Republicans – from Texas! friends of the Bush family!! - and we know how disreputable and discrediting that kind of activity is when a partisan guy with $200 thousand gives it to a 527 organization for smear ads.  [Hey!  Don’t anybody mention George Soros giving $10 million to MoveOn.org!]  You know this grape juice is really pretty tasty. George Soros isn't a friend of the Kerry family.  MoveOn org wasn't established to benefit Kerry's political campaign. Secondly, we all could move on and embrace Kerry if Ann Coulter would just chill on making a big deal out of Kerry bringing a movie camera with him to re-enact his purportedly heroic acts.  The first time I read that, I thought Doug said "We could all move on and embrace Ann Coulter," and I got so queasy I couldn't finish the column.  And in case you're now having trouble focusing on Doug's BashPoint about Kerry, allow me to condense the rest of it for you: Mariah Carey and Michael ... More funky juice, please ... Regnery, and yet very difficult to find at major bookstores in liberal cities ... Tailgunner Joe ... chronic jock itch, an overbearing mother with a mustache and a penchant for prancing around in stiletto heels ... my goofy grape Nehi is running a little low ... go medieval against those terrorists ... America's hardworking volunteer military ... Give me more goofy grape because I like-a da juice ... voted 73 times to reduce the size of a tax cut ... murdering unborn children.  On that one, altar boy, make wacky Welch's a double. My ClashPoint is this:  naked ... O.J. ... Scott Peterson ... Britney Spears can sing, and Andy Dick is a thespian. Kerry’s cult may see a glow around their do-no-wrong golden boy’s head but I don’t think it’s a halo.  It’s probably methane gas from the fetid fecal fumes that are steaming off his body. No Jim Jones juice for me, thank you. No, no more for you, Doug -- you've had more than enough.  But good luck on your radio program with Mike and Ben. 4:10:43 AM