August 23, 2004 by s.z.

All Gold Family Circus Today's Cartoon  (See it here): Jeffy, wearing a new purple striped shirt, is sitting a few inches away from the family's big screen TV.  On the TV, we see a puffy-haired, big chinned, blond person with an arm extended in victory.  He (or she -- it's sometimes hard to tell with these athletes from the Soviet countries) has a gold medal around his neck.  A blue woman is preparing to him a bouquet. One-nostriled, bucket-mouthed Billy looks at us and says, "Is that medal all gold or does it have chocolate inside?" Analysis and Prediction: Today Jeffy is Ben Shapiro.  By implying that the gold medal is just tinfoil wrapped chocolate, Jeffy (Ben) is reiterating his claim that we only care about the Olympics "because we want to watch American athletes beat the snot out of everyone else" -- and since we aren't allowed to actually commit assault and battery on the other athletes, the medals are meaningless these days.  Jeffy (Ben) also reminds us of the "vicious, homicidal, perverted, degraded, dysfunctional, inbred group of mongrels" who make up the family of nations by referencing the vicious, homicidal, perverted, degraded, dysfunctional, inbred group of mongrels who make up this own family.  So, basically, Jeffy is saying that when John Kerry wins the medal (presidency), Jeffy-Ben will try to secede from a world which includes big-chinned, puffy-haired blond guys, because they make him doubt his masculinity. Or is that what this cartoon really means? Alison and Pete offer different perspectives on it.  First, let's hear from Alison: "Is that medal all gold or does it have chocolate inside?" Jeffy kneels before the TV which shows a hero proudly displaying a medal and waving to his adoring fans. Even the hero's sweater is smiling. Jeffy considers the relative merits of Kerry's and Bush's war records. Kerry's is 'all gold' while Bush's is non-existent. Kerry has all those medals and Bush has none. Jeffy knows this is because all Bush's medals came in his Xmas stocking so he ate them. -- Alison Now, here's Pete, with a more personal view: It never ceases to amaze me how much Bil Keane actually sees. Analysis: Little Turkee is watching the World Blogging Championships on television and is, as usual, confused. An unnamed (but horribly fashion-challenged) blogger waves to the crowd and basks in their adulation. Based upon the goofy outfit and bad hair, we can only assume that it is Seb, the operator of Sadly, No! Even little Turkee is questioning the strange claims to victory Seb has been making over at his blog (i.e. is it real gold?). Prediction: Many of the blogosphere's most prominent readers (led by Ted) will file a protest over Seb's obviously fraudulent claim with the International Blogging Commission. His fake gold medal will be stripped from him and he will return to his previous job as a ghost-writer for Adam Yoshida.  -- Pete M   But is this what this cartoon actually means.  We're waiting for YOUR views. 6:01:27 AM

Song of the South Today I thought it might be nice to salute our Southern wingnuts -- for all they do for us.  I got the idea after reading an Arkansas News story called "Fort Smith area delegates prepare for GOP convention."  Here are my favorite passages: WASHINGTON -- Donald Jenkins of Van Buren isn't alarmed by the heightened terror alerts and promises of massive protests looming over next week's Republican National Convention in New York. [...] "Pretty much everyone signed up for this knowing that New York City was probably going to be a potential target for any type of terrorist activity," said Jenkins, who is also a justice of the peace for the Crawford County Quorum Court. It was mighty brave of Jenkins to volunteer to subject himself to the same risks faced daily by the inhabitants of New York.  But hey, he's glad to do it for Bush and country. Jenkins said Bush stands a better shot of winning Arkansas in the presidential race than Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry. The state in 2000 picked Bush over former Vice President Al Gore. "The citizens of Arkansas are not going to want a Ted Kennedy-type, liberal president," Jenkins said, referring to Kerry. Jenkins pointed to Bush's southern roots as having appeal for Arkansas voters. "I'm proud of the values he takes to the table by being a southerner," he said. "I identify with his southern values."   You know, those southern roots typified by Bush's having been born in New Haven, Connecticut, scion of a wealthy East Coast family with tradional WASP southern values, and by having attended those southern institutes of higher learning, Yale and Harvard. Wendell Grubb of Charleston also will be attending his first convention as an alternate delegate from Arkansas. [...] Among convention activities, Grubb said he is especially looking forward to attending a luncheon featuring conservative author Ann Coulter at the famed Tavern on the Green restaurant in Central Park. Grubb, 59, identified abortion, gay marriage, terrorism and the economy as the top issues he would like to see addressed. "I don't see how one can claim to be a Christian and vote for someone who supports pro-choice and gay marriage," he said. And I don't see how one can claim to be Christian and then presume to judge the Christianity of others -- but I guess that's just me. But of course, the real question posed by Grubb's remarks is: a Republican luncheon featuring Ann Coulter??? So, I did some googling and found the answer: Republican National Coalition for Life, a Dallas-based 501(c)(4), will be involved at the Republican convention to make sure the pro-life plank of the platform is nailed in tight. Colleen Parro, executive director, said the organization, formed in 1990 as a response to another Republican group that intended to raise millions for pro-choice platform efforts, would attend platform committee meetings the week prior to the convention "to influence the members of the platform committee." Parro said, "The Republican party is the only national mainstream, if you will, party that is pro-life. ... We work to make sure it stays the same." She said it will hold a dinner the night before the convention closes, calling it the "Life of the Party Party" at Tavern on the Green in Central Park and will have other pro-life supporters such as Ann Coulter and Miss America 2003 Erika Harold as featured guests. So, another convention where Ann will be the only pretty girl.  It must be so hard being her. Anyway, not long after reading the article about the Fort Smith delegates, I came across a WorldNetDaily piece called "Time to secede, again?"  While the title calls to mind the Dark Window exposé "One Nation Indivisible with Liberty and No Homos for All," it turns out that this is a difference secessionist group: The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen ... I mean, the League of the South.  Has America lost sight of its heritage of freedom? Is it time for a new secessionist movement? Michael Hill, president of the League of the South, will be Joseph Farah's guest on his nationally syndicated radio show today to tackle those big issues and others. The League was formed in Alabama in June 1994 by a group of 27 scholars, pastors, journalists, artists, businessmen and others with the purpose of advancing "the cultural, social, economic, and political well being and independence of the southern people by all honorable means." The League now has members in all 50 states and several European countries. It has active chapters in 26 states.   Uh, right -- the group is just about achieving Southern well being, through honorable means.  But just for fun, let's go to the group's website and read some of Mr. Hill's Position Papers.  First, from the group's "Statement of Purpose": We reject the central government's continuing usurpation of state sovereignty and support the restoration of self-government to the Southern people.   If this means secession and formation of a Southern nation, then so be it. Self-government, as our forebears understood, is necessary for the preservation of ordered liberty.   If the South were its own nation, its GNP would rank it in the top five nations of the world.  Its laws would better reflect the natural conservatism and Christian roots of the Southern people.  We could enjoy low taxes, sound money, secure private property rights, and a free-market economy.  We could follow a foreign policy of armed neutrality, leave the UN, and oppose the New World Order.  We could once again reward merit and abolish the Welfare State and Affirmative Action.  We could severely limit immigration.  We could get government out of our children's education.   We could remove ourselves from the current judicial tyranny.  In short, we could seize control of our destiny as a distinct people.   The League of the South upholds the right of free association.  Peoples of different cultures should pursue their own interests without interference from bureaucrats and social engineers who push such enormities as global democracy and multiculturalism.  So, they believe in removing the division between church and state.  They want to elimate public schools, keep the brown skinned foreigners from immigrating to their nation, do away with welfare, appoint judges who wouldn't vote for abortion and gay marriage, oppose "the New World Order," and return to the days of segregation.  No, they're not nutty at all. Here are more of their positions: Freedom of Association and Preserving the South's Core Anglo-Celtic Culture  ... Anglo-Celtic Southerners and their European cousins have a duty to protect that which our ancestors bequeathed us. If we will not promote our own interests, no one will do it for us. The Issue of Race in the Southern Independence Debate ... Nowhere, outside of liberal dogma, is any nation called upon to commit cultural and ethnic suicide.   Furthermore, our surrender would ultimately be regretted by all parties as the remaining liberties were squandered by those who had no desire to preserve the Eurocentric, (and therefore "racist"), institution of the rule of law. An Unequivocal Defense of the Second Amendment ... Today, the American Empire seeks to create a monopoly over the legitimate use of force.  By creating large standing armed forces, coupled with some 80,000 well-armed Federal agents and a federalised National Guard, the central government has at its disposal massive firepower that could, upon declaration of some national emergency and martial law, be used against its own citizenry.   In fact, history shows that large standing military (and paramilitary) forces have most often been employed against domestic, rather than foreign, "enemies."   After the debacles at Waco and Ruby Ridge, the League of the South places little trust in the central government's ability (or desire) to use its armed forces in a responsible manner. And from a paper Hill wrote about the D.C. snipers: The resulting "browning of America" is seen as a good thing by white liberals, big business (cheap labor, you understand), and "dark skinned" folks themselves, who see more power accompanying their growing numbers. Clearly, the chief enemies of the above-mentioned interests are the descendants of the white, Christian founding stock of America. What the anti-white PC crowd will not admit is that white men with guns historically have not been dangerous to civilized society in America, but rather necessary for its defense. Anyway, the League has been in the news this month for endorsing Constitutional presidential candidate Michael "Family Values" Peroutka; for holding a "Ten Commandments" rally (Rally backs Ten Commandments display --... Ray McBerry of McDonough, state chairman of the League of the South, said his group staged the event to show support for the Henry and Barrow County ... ); for infiltrating the leadership of the Sons of Confederate Veterans group (IN THE THICK OF IT--... leadership has become involved with contemporary political organizations that do not represent Southern heritage, specifically the League of the South); and for organizing "The Southern National Congress." The Southern National Congress has scheduled its first meeting March 4th and 5th in Montgomery and hopes to bring together as many as 1,000 people to create "a permanent forum for the expression of distinct Southern interests, Southern grievances, and Southern solutions." The League of the South, a Southern independence group that is viewed as marginal and extremist by critics, is organizing the event. League President Michael Hill says "this is much broader than the League of the South." Hill says his goal is to bring together people from a variety of groups to "speak out for the disenfranchised people of the South. We see a lot of Southerners--particularly middle-class Southerners--being without a voice." The Montgomery-based Southern Poverty Law Center, which tracks extremist groups, classifies the League of the South as a "hate group." Yes. Yes, it does. From a 2001 Jacksonville Times-Union article: "It's a very genteel thing, a highbrow racism," [Heidi Beirich, a spokeswoman for the Southern Poverty Law Center's Intelligence Project] said, adding that the League is one of the fastest-growing organizations on its hate group list. "The League talks constantly about how, if they created a state, it would benefit the European majority." And here are some statements from a 2000 Sun Herald piece: "The racism of these groups is undeniable, and it is spreading to thousands who once were merely enthusiasts of Confederate symbols and Civil War history," said Joe Roy, director of the center's Intelligence Project. "These groups remind us that white supremacists do not always come wearing Klan hoods, shaved heads or swastikas. Sometimes they are dressed up with business suits and Ph.D.s." [...] Hill said the League's goal is to "re-exert Southern independence" since secession was already achieved and there was no formal peace treaty ending the Civil War. "We would like to see an independent Southern nation," said Hill, a 49-year-old former University of Alabama history professor, who founded the organization in 1994. Asked where black people would fit in his independent Southern nation, Hill replied that the "Southern culture under attack today is the Anglo-Celtic culture of the South . . . People should be free to socialize or not socialize within or without various ethnic groups with no government intervention." Parents ought to set up their own neighborhood schools and pay for them," Hill said. "They ought to be able to say who comes and who doesn't."  Yes, Hill belives in seceding from the union to form a Christian state where whites run the schools and the neighborhoods, and can keep blacks out of them.  So, you can see why Farah would want to give Hill some air time on his radio program. Anyway, that's probably enough Southern wingnuttiness for one day.  In any case, I hope Donald Jenkins isn't killed by Islamic terrorists while in New York, and that Wendall Grubb has a lovely time on the Green with Ann Coulter. 2:51:19 AM

When Bush Supporters Get Scared Here's talk radio guy Neal Boortz with a Townhall column entitled "Dear Kerry supporter": The very milk of human kindness and the spirit of love compel me to write this note to you.  Thanks, Neal.  That's the same spirit that compels me to address your column. I know that things have been a bit rough for you during the past few weeks. Yes, they have.  I was taken ill.  I got a notice from the state tax comission saying that I figured my taxes wrong and owe them more money.  Plus, all those columns about the "devastating" message of the Swift Boat Vets are starting to get on my nerves.  Thanks for noticing. I thought it might be a nice gesture if I tried to say a few things to cheer you up, or at the very least let you know that I empathize with you. What would really cheer me up would be if you would let me hit you in the face with a cream pie.  Are you game, Neal?  I will be so disappointed if I learn your concern about my emotional state was just a gimmick for a Kerry-bashing column. Is it safe to say that we’re all in this thing together?  We do want the same things, don’t we?  We want to be safe in our homes and protected from the actions of Islamic terrorists. Personally, I want to be protected from the actions of ALL terrorists.  We want to be free to pursue our life’s work and to use the results of our hard work for ourselves, our families and our future; and this we want to do with a minimum of government interference … right? Well, I would like to see the results of my hard work used to also benefit other deserving Americans, and it appears that you don't.  So, I guess we're not all in this thing together. So, it is from our shared goals and dreams that I ask you to accept my sincere expression of condolences for the way this campaign is turning out for you. We’ve connected now, so you can speak openly.  I can see the pain in your eyes. Neal, have you ever wondered why everyone around you seems to be in pain?  Did you ever think that maybe you could be responsible for some of that suffering?  I can't be the first to call you a pain in the backside, can I? I understand.  You so-wanted to beat Bush in this election.  Beating Bush was more important than almost anything else in your life.  Um, no.  I have no idea why you would think that.  Unless you're projecting, of course.  You don’t like his arrogance, you don’t like the way he talks, you don’t like the way he walks, and you constantly feel like he’s smirking at you.  What’s not to hate?  And on top of all this, he stole that election in Florida, right? As I've said before, what I don't like about Bush is the crummy job he's done as President.  The arrogance, smirking, and election stealing are just cherries on the incompetence sundae. Now you’re beginning to learn the truth about this candidate you’ve bought.  In short, you’ve discovered that you bought a lemon.   What I beginning to learn is that the Bush backers are getting so worried about their candidate's chances that they're writing stupid columns like this. Back to this car analogy:  Please tell me that you would at least take a look under the hood before you buy a car. Tell me that you would at least turn the key and start the engine to see how it sounds.  Does it purr or cough its way to life?  This car won’t cruise, my friend.  It has an old motor that evidently couldn’t even pull its own weight 35 years ago! I appreciate your dedication to your car analogy, but what the heck does this last line mean? Just since you’re convention they’ve issued so many revisions to the operating manual that you are having trouble keeping up.  All this, and the evil Bush yet to be officially nominated! Neal, I am in no position to throw stones at typos, but I didn't write a bio that contains lines like, "Law school finally presented a challenge worthy of my attention, so I worked at it and graduated near the top of my class."  Therefore, I feel no qualms in pointing out that you should have said "your convention," not "you're."  Oh, and it wasn't my convention, the mysterious "they" haven't issued a bunch of revisions, and I can keep up just fine. We’re friends, right?  Hell, no! So let’s cut to the chase.  You know you really didn’t want a 2004 Kerry in the first place.  You wanted a Hillary!  Just think about those sleek, curvy lines, that flashy grille, the soft upholstery.  What’s not to love? Come on and admit it.  Neal, honey, I think it's obvious that it's YOU and your compadres who wanted a Hillary.  Come on, be a man and admit it instead of writing a sappy, patronizing column to a Kerry supporter that exists only in your imagination. Well, this isn’t the way to go about it, my friend.  If your dream version of America is Hillary in the White House, then beating Bush in 2004 is not going to move you closer to your goal.  It’s time for you to put the overpowering emotion of hatred aside and try to think a few years ahead.  If this 2004 Kerry of yours takes this race you’re probably going to be stuck with him for eight years.  During those eight years they’re going to be polishing up a 2012 Edwards to take his place.  All the while your Hillary is going to be collecting rust in the Senate.  LOL.  So, what Neal is saying is that he believes that Kerry is going to win the election and the one after that -- and then in 2012, Edwards will have a good shot at the presidency.  But because all Democrats really want Hillary for President, not Kerry, they need to vote for Bush this year, in order to give Hillary a shot in 2008.  And Neal is just telling us this to help us out. I have to admire the creativity of this desperate ploy of Neal's to get people to vote for Bush, even though it's pretty hilarious. I’m going to suggest the unthinkable.  Look ahead!  Plan!  Set aside your desire for instant gratification to pursue your true dream!  Go ahead and let Bush have these next four years.  Spend that time getting your Hillary into racing form.  Who are the Republicans going to run in 2008, Cheney?  You’ll have the pole locked up!   Hold on!  Was that a wink?  Am I missing something here?    No, not at all. You have looked into my heart and discovered my secret desire to own a Hillary.  So, rest assured, I will vote for Bush this November in order to help my dream candidate.  Tell Bush that he can stop campaigning now, because the presidency in the bag, thanks to you. 2:13:27 AM