July 21, 2004 by s.z.

Family Circus Wishes Today's Cartoon  (See it here): The Circus family (grandiose Billy, blank-faced Daddy, hydrocephalitic PJ, catatonic Dolly, half of Jeffy, and the hottest young conservative Mommy in cartooning today) are gazing at the dry, barren hole that is the Grand Canyon.  Swaggering Billy says, "Wish they had something like this between our house and the school." Analysis and Prediction: Billy wishes that there were miles of desert between him and school so he didn't have to ever learn anything, and could just goof all all the time.  Or, in other words, Dubya wishes that there were miles of Texas desert between him and the White House so people would stop trying to make him read that stupid PDB about terrorism, and he could just enjoy his month-long vacation.  Obviously, this was a prediction for summer 2001.  You know how it turned out. Now, let's hear from some people who put more thought into this cartoon than I did. Continuing the vacation theme of this week's Family Circle being the aWol maladministration's "greatest hits" (kind of like being up there with Anthony "Big Tony" Maldonado's biggest hits) the explication oftoday's (07.21) panel is a paen to both Mo' Child Left Behind and "Faith Based Science" aka Creatinism, with Biffy looking across the GC saying "wish they had something like this between our house and the school." refering to the yawning chasm in education today as a result of the unfunded mandate of M'CLB, and the growing movement of the religious reich to remove the geological significance of the erosion of the GC and replace it with some sop about how it was washed away after the "great flood." the rest of the family is looking at him with disbelief and Dolly is about to drop him down a grade level. prognostication is once again waiting for the end of this series; you don't want to read the entrails before they've been fully disembowelled -- preznit giv me turkee Well, it's probably a good thing we're not doing our predictions for tomorrow [Which shows how well Pete pays attention, because it's THURSDAY that we won't be doing predictions] , S.Z., because Keane's next cartoon shows Daddy and Mommy having sexual intercourse right in front of the kids! Mommy sure doesn't seem to be enjoying it much. In light of the extremely graphic nature of tomorrow's cartoon, I will refrain from naming any of the characters. I will say this, though...Daddy (Bil Keane) sure doesn't appear to have been very well-endowed. With the gift of humor, I mean. -- Pete M.   [Note: Pete lives in the San Francisco area, which is why his paper printed a more graphic version of today's cartoon that the one on the Family Circus web site.]   Pete : I think there might be something wrong with your monitor; that's not "the gift of humour" - that's a pipe cleaner. We're obviously not in Arizona anymore here. The FC family are walking on the moon (Go, Bill!) or, given that reddish hue, Mars. It's the 35th anniversary of man walking on the moon and today a House of Reps subcommittee chopped $538 million from Bush's fanciful request for $910 million to send a manned mission to the moon and then on to Mars. That's got to be a huge blow to the creationist-science community, who presumably are the only group with the vision to be able to imagine such a project being successful. But given that the same subcommittee also chopped $613 million from the EPA budget, perhaps Keane is predicting that this barren landscape, in which future generations are being herded off a cliff, represents the possible future here on Earth as well. Of course, it could be Iran... Alison •    Thanks, Preznit, Pete, and Alison!  Anybody have anything to add?    7:58:21 AM

Flight 327 -- The Terror Continues Reader B.F. Diehl directs us to the latest Salon's "Ask the Pilot" column, which is entitled "The Hysterical Skies".  You can probably guess what it's about. Here are a couple favorite paragraphs: Jacobsen simmers her own account in gratuitous detail and melodrama. It plays like a Hollywood disaster film -- the young child, the would-be villain who smiles innocently in a moment of spooky foreshadowing. We're waiting for the gunshots, the fireball from the lavatory, the marshals jumping up to yell, "Hit the floor!" That her story concludes in such a painfully boring anticlimax ought to be the very point, and in the final few pages she still has time for a constructive moral, the clear lesson being not the potentials of global terror, but the dangers of our own preconceptions and imagination. Instead, she pulls a vile U-turn and chooses to bait us with racist innuendo and fearmongering. Nothing happened, but something might have happened, and so it serves us to remain frightened and draconian at all costs, furthering our nation's pathetic embrace of maximum paranoia. Oh, and while the NY Times did briefly cover the story, they didn't come up many new facts.  But I did like this part: Aware of recent reports that the F.B.I. is worried that teams of terrorists may be practicing ways to sneak explosive device parts onto planes and assemble them in flight, Mr. Adams said, air marshals aboard Flight 327 "checked out the lavatories, and nothing looked like it was in disarray after these people went inside; everything was thoroughly inspected." Ms. Jacobsen isn't convinced. No one has disputed any of her facts, she said Um, maybe that's because her "facts" are: Fourteen Syrian men were passengers on her flight; they all seemed to know each other (you know, because they were members of the same band), talked to each other and exchanged glances during the flight, and several got up at the same time (prayer time?) and headed for the lavatory.  And the plane landed safely.  Yes, nobody has disputed any of that.  But that certainly doesn't prove that the men were either terrorists either doing a "dry run" of a bombing, or bombers who aborted their plan at the last minute, thanks to a lack of paper towels. But back to Annie:  ... and in an article that she posted on the Web site yesterday, she asked why the Syrian band hadn't been identified. (I couldn't locate them, by the way). Possibly because the Feds consider that none of your business, Ms. Jacobsen?  But hey, you're a journalist -- why don't start calling clubs, casinos and hotels in Southern California and see if you can find out who they were?  Anyway, while 30 minutes of Googling didn't allow me to identify the band either, I did learn that many ethnic Middle-Eastern families in Southern California book Middle-Eastern musicians for their wedding; these nuptials are often lavish affairs, with guests coming from the Middle East (including Syria) to join the festivities.  Some brides even hire belly dancers, which sounds like a nice change from a reception where the entertainment consists of the bride's cousin singing "Evergreen."  Also, Arabic cultural groups like "The Lebanese American Association" have annual or biannual conventions, and book ethnic entertainment.  Something like that could have been happening earlier this month, possibly in one of the Palm Springs casinos that cater to conventions.  So, those comments at the war-blogger sites about how no casino would book a Syrian band, so the guys couldn't have been musicians, mean even less than I thought they did previously.  I asked her about the inevitable charge that ethnic stereotyping was driving her narrative. "I am simply not a racist," she said. "I travel everywhere. I was just in India, working in a Muslim village. I'm not afraid of any culture. This situation was entirely different. I have never been so terrified." So, if Annie was terrified, then she really was in danger.  QED. Oh, and we do learn from this piece that the man in the yellow jacket (the one who glared at Annie and made her blood run cold, and the one who carried that McDonald's Paper Bag of Mass Destruction, to quoteSadly, No!), was the group's drummer.  Which would explain the glaring, if nothing else. 7:30:30 AM

Townhall Confidential Today's Townhall is kind of drab, but since I had to read all the columns to find that out, I'm going to post on it anyway.  If you find it boring, take up your concerns with the Heritage Foundation. Michelle Malkin Those damned illegal aliens are still here. Let me state the obvious for the 9,999th time: America is still not serious about enforcing its immigration laws.    Jonah Goldberg The undecideds (or independents, or whatever they want to call themselves) are all a bunch of lazy jerks who don't deserve to vote!  If they don't have enough brains, interest, and gumption to have decided on a candidate by now, then to hell with them! But as a matter of gross generalization, no segment of voters is less deserving of the high esteem they get from the media and politicians than independents, centrists, moderates, swing voters, undecideds and others we generally call middle-of-the-roaders.   [...] By election day, the bases of the parties have already made up their minds, which leaves only the procrastinators and prima donnas to scrounge for. This turns "swing-voters" into kingmakers even when they don't deserve to be. So politicians flatter them. The news networks treat them like oracular geniuses. But their only genius is to have been too lazy to pay attention until the last minute.  Kathleen Parker But ... but ... Kathleen is an independent!  Lately, as partisanship approaches nuclear fission, independents are held in contempt by some who see them as not fully engaged, or as wishy-washy or ignorant. A recent story about the respective strategies of President George W. Bush and Sen. John F. Kerry noted that both were focusing on their party bases rather than wasting time on swing voters. That's a mistake and I should know. I'm one of those registered Independents, who may or may not vote for Bush despite a written record that would suggest I'm all about George. So, I guess we'll see Jonah wrestling Kathleen to decide who wins the presidency.  (But I think Kathleen does prove Jonah's point about the Independents being ignorant sluts.) Brent Bozell Surprisingly, Brent doesn't like Outfoxed, the documentary about the unfairness and imbalance of Fox News. It doesn't help matters that Robert Greenwald, the creator of "Outfoxed," is a very sloppy amateur at the science of media analysis.    Yeah!  Only trained professionals like Brent should be analyzing the media! Terence Jeffrey Terence's Dad never would let his kids sing "This Land is Your Land."  That's because it's a Commie song.  Terence's father lived through the depression too, but he never became a "Fellow Traveler" like Woody Guthrie.  But then, since he had 12 kids, he probably didn't have time.  So, in conclusion, Terence's Dad is gonna tan John Kerry's hide if he hears him singing any Guthrie songs. But if we started singing one particular song when he was at the wheel, he nearly drove off the road. "That song," he would say, "has a socialist message." The song was Woody Guthrie's "This Land Is Your Land." John Kerry has been singing this tune lately on his own road trips, and it will be no surprise if someone sings it at next week's Democratic convention.  Special Sandy Berger Townhall Mini-Series Former National Security Advisor Sandy Berger removed classified documents and handwritten notes (which may or may not have been classified) from the National Archives last fall (and no, he didn't remove them by putting them in his socks or in his pants -- the notes were in his pockets, and the documents were in his leather portfolio).  The following three Townhall columnists offer some thoughts on this "scandal." Tony Blankley While we shouldn't believe Berger's friends who are vouching for his character (because that's what the friends of the Cambridge spy ring did), and while it really doesn't matter if the story was leaked this week to deflect attention from the upcoming final 9/11 Commission Report, we should refrain from judging Berger until the facts are in.  We should just write columns expressing no opinion about the matter. As close friends of mine have, in the past, been unfairly slandered (and had their golden careers truncated) by fraudulent Washington scandals, I honestly express no opinion about the Berger Affair. He may well, as he claims, be guilty of nothing worse than sloppiness.   Of course, the other Townhall columnists don't hold to this quaint idea.  I mean, what if it was three or four years from now, and former National Security Adviser Condi Rice (and the current Mrs. George W. Bush) had been accused of mishandling classified information?  The liberals would judge her, wouldn't they?  So, this is just pre-emptive payback. Linda Chavez Berger removed the documents to cover up the fact that Clinton never caught bin Laden.  He also did it because all the Clinton appointees were lax on security, probably due to the fact that they were working as Chinese spies. Surely it was an innocent mistake, former Clinton National Security Adviser Sandy Berger's stuffing classified documents into his pants, jacket and perhaps even his socks before leaving the National Archives building last fall. After all, what could he possibly have been trying to hide? [...] It just goes to show how uptight and suspicious some people are. I, for one, am going to withhold judgment, though I do hope he finds the still missing Archive documents. I'm sure they're somewhere on his messy desk, or maybe they got stuck between the soles of his loafers.   You were right to withold judgment until we learned that Berger didn't put documents in his socks, Linda -- otherwise, you would have just looked stupid. Cal Thomas Sandy Berger took the documents (a)  to cover up Clinton's poor record of fighting terrorism, and (b) to brief the Kerry campaign on Clinton's poor record of fighting terrorism, so Kerry could use that politically -- you know, because Clinton was a Democrat.  And for his crimes, Berger should go to jail, even though we don't have all the facts yet. Whether this story has legs will depend on what happens next. If, as in department stores, there was a camera in the secure room of the Archives, and if there are pictures of Berger emulating actress Winona Ryder in her clothes-stuffing role three years ago, one can imagine the campaign commercial possibilities. For shoplifting, Ryder got three years probation and 480 hours of community service. There's a difference between shoplifting and removing highly classified documents and stuffing them in your pants. Accidentally and inadvertently, of course. And there's a difference between being called "one of the most highly regarded voices on the American political scene," and actually being highly regarded.  This column demonstrates why.  (People really pay $15,000 to hear Cal speak?  If so, it must be accidentally and inadvertently, of course.)   So, Townhall.  More fun than a barrel full of monkey brains. Bonus Pundit! Here's Justin Darr, who is, as you will recall, the hottest young conservative writer working at the Philadelphia Sears. Not since the Cuban Missile Crisis and the 1972 Yom Kippur War has the United States been more at risk for a nuclear attack on its soil. Or, so we think. The fact is we do not really know. After years of budget cut backs and inane politically correct policies, the American intelligence services have been rendered too impotent to provide any reliable information about America's threats from abroad. The only thing that is certain is, thanks to the cowardice of the Spanish, Islamists are going to try to stage a terrorist attack in the United States in an attempt to put John Kerry into the White House. Yup, that's one thing that we're certain of, because it's on the Internet.  And like Justin says, why would the Islamists want Kerry to be President ... unless, like in that new movie The Manchurian Candidate, Kerry was brainwashed by al Qaeda while in Vietnam, and will vote to nuke Israel whenever he sees the Queen of Diamonds.  Or something like that.  We should fire the intelligence community and get one who can find out about this kind of thing. 6:16:19 AM

Chattin' With the Twins Dear World o'Crap, You're invited to a first-of-its-kind online chat with Barbara and Jenna Bush, President and Mrs. Bush's twin daughters, on Friday, July 23rd, in the chat center.  Join Barbara and Jenna as they take your questions about their involvement in re-electing their Dad and discuss the importance of hitting the polls in November.  Barbara and Jenna made their campaign trail debut recently when they joined their Dad on bus tours to the heartland of America.  Now, they speak out about their new role working on the campaign and send a message to all Americans that President Bush is not only a great Dad but the right choice to lead America for the next four years.  Don't miss this exclusive opportunity! Submit your questions now! Well, you have to register with GeorgeWBush.com before they will let you submit your questions to the chat.  But if you want to post  them here, maybe Jenna and Barbara will read this blog and see them.  Hey, it's possible.  So, Submit your questions now!  TBogg has already come up with one: "Jello or body shots?"  But I think we should give this chat the serious consideration it deserves.  I think our questions should be along the lines of, "Barbara, John Kerry's daughter wore a see-through blouse to an event in Cannes; what do YOU plan to do to help your father's campaign besides ride around on a bus?" And "Jenna, who do you think makes the best fake I.D.s in the Dallas area?" But anyway, over to you.   4:04:48 AM

The Corner Actually Aids the Cause of Truth TERROR IN THE SKIES QUESTIONS [KJL] I'm pass this on: A source in federal law enforcement says that contrary to John Lehman's testimony (we posted a piece by Michael Smerconish on it back in April), the Department of Transportation and Secretary Mineta aren't in charge of the Transportation Security Agency--the Department of Homeland Security is. Admiral James Loy, who is now the Deputy Secretary at Homeland Security, headed TSA when it was formed at Transportation, and then through its transition to DHS. Admiral Loy addressed the 9/11 Commission, and denied the existence of any "two persons" or "three persons" rule during his tenure with TSA here. Furthermore, the source says, DOT General Counsel Jeffrey Rosen recently told the Senate Appropriations Subcommittee that there never was any such DOT policy, here. Posted at 02:37 PM AIRLINE SECURITY BLEG [Rod Dreher] Kathryn, I've heard that, too. I've been on the phone with various government agencies all morning, trying to find out if there's a government-imposed quota, formal or informal, that prevents airlines from doing additional pre-flight screening of passengers according to their ethnicity. The 9/11 Commissioner John Lehman believes there is, based on testimony from airline industry executives. But the Dept. of Transportation tells me today, on the record, that this is a "myth." Does anybody have any hard, credible information to the contrary? Let me know at rdreher - at - dallasnews.com. Posted at 02:39 PM Well, Rod, there's that Ann Coulter column . . . 2:52:18 AM