June 6, 2004 by s.z.

Just When You Thought You Knew a Guy Bartholomew's Notes on Religion has an very interesting entry about WorldNetDaily columnist Vox Day.  While we knew that he was, in real life, Christian sci-fi novelist Theodore Beale, we didn't know that his father was millionaire Robert Beale, a board member and stockholder in WorldNetDaily.com.  I had always wondered how Vox got the WorldNet gig (not that he isn't a provocative and and often times intelligent columnist in his own way, but he just didn't seem to be a fit for WorldNet).  So, this would at least explain how his column came to the board's attention. Anyway, Bartholomew has information on Vox's religious influences and how his non-main stream beliefs are relected in his work -- you will probably want to check it out. Our own contribution to explaining the mystery of Vox Day is The Corrupt Minnesota Department of Revenue, the webpage which Vox set up to explain the Beale family's side of the long-running tax dispute Beale senior has been having with the state of Minnesota.  Vox includes this comment on a page about Robert Beale's belief that God called him to fight the goverment (but not in tax court, because that's how they try to get you in their clutches): There will also surely be many who will consider him little more than a religious nut with money, but again, that is of little concern to us. After all, this country was founded and its Constitution was written by a group of wealthy, well-armed aristocrats who also happened to be devout Christians and who believed that they had been put in the right place at the right time for an appointed purpose. Yeah, a having a religious nut with money for a father does explain a lot about Vox. But the statement from the site that really amazed me was this: Theodore Beale is the eldest son of Robert and Rebecca Beale and the author of this web site. He is also the author of several novels published by Pocket Books. Although two of his books are set in Minnesota, he abandoned the frozen tundra in favor of the sunny Mediterranean shores of Italy some years ago. As much as he'd like to take credit for the idea of the newspaper ad and web site, it was the brainstorm of his PR specialist and wife, Heather. Vox has a wife?!?  I'd always assumed that the author of What men want and Why men don't respect women was either divorced after a brief and unhappy marriage, or avoiding women for the sake of his art, like Dave Sim.  I guess we were wrong (just like Vox was when he assumed we were a homosexual man).  So, to atone for our mistaken assumption, we leave you with these words from Vox's blog: It's a simple question, actually. Is the nation better off or worse off as a result of women's suffrage? If so, how? It's a tough case to make, unless you want to argue that divorce, illegitimacy, homosexuality and falling real wages are the historical signs of a healthy society. 5:35:14 PM

Your Neighbors, Yourself, or ... Somebody Else There is no one-panel "Family Circus" today (and the Sunday strip doesn't work for fortune telling, since it's just about how Mommy stocked up on first aid supplies in preparation for the big natural disaster that will take the lives of Billy and Dolly).  So, I tried to find another strip with the same inexplicable longevity as the Circus (and therefore, a secret subtext to justify its inclusion in the nation's newspapers despite the fact that nobody likes it).  I found a dilly: Mary Worth As you can see, today's strip is about how a guy with a blue-black pompadour (possibly Erik Estrada) is being sexually harassed by his female boss.  Should he give in and go on a "business trip" (quotes in original) with Joan Cranston in order to to boost his career, even though he finds it a "highly disturbing prospect"?  (I'd guess that his antipathy for the idea stems from the fact that he's gay, but he's wearing a salmon-colored polo shirt with mustard colored pants, which seems to eliminate that possiblility.)  Or should he keep fending off her unwelcome advances, even if it gets him fired?  Needing to make a decision that could decide the whole course of his life as a bit player in a comic strip nobody reads, Erik goes to a surprisingly fresh-faced Mary Worth for advice.  They arrange to surreptitiously meet in a public park, in case either of them are being watched by the morals police.  Mary gives Erika couple of platitudes she picked up somewhere in her 70+ years of being a kvetcher, and sends him back to the crucible of temptation known as the office. So, will Erik go away with his boss for a weekend of dictation and sex, and then burn in hell for all eternity?  Or will he tell Joan that he's not that kind of boy, and have Michael Douglas play him in the movie version of the story?  Or will he decide that Mary is a pretty sexy broad for a 150-year-old woman, and have an affair with her?  Time alone will tell. But the big question is, what is this strip's real meaning? Well, as King Features reminds us: The reader is asked to remember that Mary Worth stories are not about Mary. They are about a continuing parade of people who enter Mary's life. If you look closely, you may recognize one of your neighbors — or even yourself. So, who do we recognize here?  Well, I'm not being pressured into going away on business trips by Joan Cranston, and none of my neighbors look like Erik Estrada.  So, I arranged to meet Scott C. in a public park for advice.  This is what he thinks Mary was REALLY saying: After butchering the economy, gutting civil liberties, and screwing up his elective war, the only success Bush can claim is that he's fulfilled his pledge to never get a blowjob in the Oval Office.  But is it really true?  Granted, Bush jettisoned all the successful initiatives of the preceding 8 years, but it's beginning to look like he has maintained continuity with the previous Administration's policies on furtive, soap opera-style sex. It's obvious that Dubya and Condi are engaged in a torrid West Wing affair (I imagine a few tender, stolen moments as the President of the United States bangs his National Security Advisor on the photocopier) and that she's just busting to tell someone.  Meanwhile, Laura is spotted at the State of the Union canoodling with a well-dressed, swarthy gentleman.  Must be a close family friend, right?  Except George claims he's doesn't know the guy!  Clearly, Laura is stepping out with a worldly, sophisticated lothario in the pay of Iranian spies.  How long before it's splashed across the front pages, Profumo-style, that the First Lady has been caught in a Persian honeytrap? At least Monica wasn't working for a foreign intelligence service, and the only espionage involved Linda Tripp sitting on her doublewide ass smoking a Kool while recording her phone calls and later exchanging excited talk about semen with Lucianne Goldberg. Anyway, this whole thing has a very Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy feel about it, what with Laura betraying sources and methods while in the patchouli-scented grasp of a lubricious Levantine, and George and Condi languidly discussing national security issues as they bask in the moist afterglow of a quickie on the coffee table. So, per Scott, Mrs. Worth was sending a coded message to Condi, advising her that "It's your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny," meaning that once George is asked about the Plame disclosure, he's going to break down and confess that not only did Dick orchestrate the whole thing, but that Condi is his "hot sex in the office" wife.  And then Condi's destiny will be teaching history at NoVA Community College for the rest of her life (you know, because of her bad decision). Mary is also letting Laura Bush know that "It's your choices that show who you truly are, far more than your abilities," meaning that even though Laura arranged to have George Tenet fired before he got too close to her little secret, Chalabi isn't going to be invited back to the White House any time soon -- and George Bush is on his way out too.  So, Laura had better find a new man to hitch her wagon to, since she doesn't have any abilities. Well, a couple of theories about Mary Worth's coded messages.  Maybe you have one of your own. 4:27:36 PM