November 16, 2004 by s.z.

A Little Townhall Fun While we're waiting for the first-string team to make their appearances, let's see what the Junior Varsity Townhall team has been up to. 1.  Well, it seems that Matt Towery had to wait in line to get through security at the airport, and so he is proposing that we try to keep "those kind of people" from flying.  You know, poor people. After all of the important issues brought up in the recent presidential battle, why focus on the issue of a bad day at the airport? Because it was MATT's bad day! Because our nation's economy depends on the strength of air travel and our system of air transportation, which must be present to support the serious work of business travelers. Unfortunately, it is the business traveler who must pay the highest price and most frequently endure this virtual "hell" in the skies. Let's all take a moment to contemplate the horrific lives of business travelers.  I don't know why anybody is talking about wounded soldiers or dead civilians when business travelers are the REAL victims, having to go through airport security on a regular basis! The fact is that air travel, as noted, remains critical for business travel. But with prices so low, everyone seems to think that hopping on a plane for even the most nebulous of reasons is a good idea. I know that many is the day when I've woken up, had no idea of what to do with myself, so I've hopped on a plane (using a non-refundable ticket I bought 90 days in advance), because it was so cheap that I couldn't afford to stay home. If everyone flying on a plane pulled his or her equal weight in fares, the airlines would be making money and fewer frequent freeloaders would be clogging the system. Matt, honey, do you know who those "freqent freeloaders" clogging the system are?  They are the business travelers, using the flyer miles they racked up in hell, for some personal travel. Why spend hundreds of millions of dollars in additional funds to beef up security, so that more people flying for virtually nothing can simply make those lines longer and force airlines out of business? Yeah, why should we spend millions of dollars in additional funds to beef up security for trailer park trash who are just flying somewhere stupid, like Branson, MO?  Since plane fares are now so cheap, the less desirable elements of society can scrape together a fare by collecting aluminum cans on their walk in from the parking lot, and then they inconvenience the IMPORTANT people who are flying to do IMPORTANT stuff.  So, we should make plane tickets really expensive, so that only the worthy people can afford to fly -- and then we won't need to spend more on security, since only a few people will be flying, and the planes will be 90% empty.  And that will keep the airlines in business!  Sound elitist? Perhaps. But in the post-9/11 world of transportation, travel has become so horrendous that it's time for us to truly look at what made air travel in the pre-Jimmy Carter era of deregulation actually work. [...] Airlines should price tickets based on the business acumen which worked so well in earlier decades. Each ticket should be set to cover the costs of operations and be marked up for a profit; after all, these airlines are allegedly for profit. Wow, wait til the airlines hear Matt's idea! They will be kicking themselves because they never thought of running their businesses for profit! The endless number of tank-topped, flip-flop-wearing passengers riding on these seemingly flu- and bacteria-bearing flying tubes, need to return to flying only when necessary. Otherwise, they should drive a car, ride a bus or take up the habit of reading newspapers and books, rather than seeking $25 airfares to entertain themselves. Yes, airline travel should be only for those who DESERVE it -- people like Matt, who dress nice and who don't have germs.  Everybody else should just stay home and read a book.  Because otherwise Matt would have to wait in line -- and that's just not right! 2.  Then, there is Dennis Prager's exciting tale of derring-do, "A Jew Defends the Cross."  It's about how Dennis led a crusade to stop the liberal Los Angeles county supervisors from taking that little cross off of the county seal.  It seems that he got about 2000 of his followers (some of whom were even JEWISH!) to show up on a week day and stand around, or something.  And so, we should all admit that Dennis is a hero, and let HIM be Secretary of State. I am asked why, as a Jew, I have led this fight to keep the cross on the county seal. Well, I never asked.  I bet you didn't either.  But he's gonna tell us anyway. I have three responses. First, I fear those who rewrite history. As I noted in a previous column on this subject, when I was a graduate student at Columbia University's Russian Institute, I learned that a major characteristic of totalitarian regimes is their rewriting of history.   So, if the cross isn't included on the county seal, LA will fall to the commies.  And Dennis once went to college.  Got it. Second, I fear intolerance. And the move to expunge the singular Christian contribution to an American county and city is intolerant to the point of bigotry. No religious Christians, despite their deep opposition to paganism, ever objected to the pagan goddess that is many times larger than the cross. Hey, I bet they're just mad that they didn't think of complaining about the seal first.   So, the ACLU of LA County are better whiners than the religious Christians opposed to paganism.  Don't any of them have better things to do -- such as hopping on a plane for the most nebulous of reasons, thus getting in front of Matt Towery in those airport security lines? Third, and most important, I fear the removal of the Judeo-Christian foundation of our society.  This is the real battle of our time, indeed the civil war of our time. [...] In 1834, 99 years before Adolf Hitler and the Nazis came to power, the great German poet Heinrich Heine, a secular Jew, predicted what would happen if Christianity ever weakened in Germany: A drama will be enacted in Germany compared to which the French Revolution will seem like a harmless walk in the park. Christianity restrained the marshal ardor of the Germans for a time, but it did not destroy it; once the restraining guard is shattered, savagery will rise again . . . the mad fury of the berserk of which Nordic poets sing and speak. Heine may have been a German, but I am pretty sure that he didn't actually write "marshal ardor." That is what this American, this Jew, and millions of others believe is at stake in the Left's attempt to impose a redesign of the Los Angeles County seal and thereby redesign America. So, that cross on the county seal is the only thing keeping Los Angelinos from turning into savage berserkers who would rape and pillage their way to Guatamala, and then become Nazis.  Good thing to know! 3.  And now here's part of Steven E. Woodworth's review of Richard Poe's Hillary's Secret War:The Clinton Conspiracy to Muzzle Internet Journalists: While Bill Clinton was an instinctive politician and borderline sociopath, Hillary was the evil genius of the couple's relentless pursuit of power. The Clenis and his even more nefarious moll,The Senator!  I think the comic book artists of Marvel should be working on designing just the right costumes for these supervillains. An anti-American ideologue with great cunning and not the slightest hint of a scruple, Hillary employed shady private investigators and hired thugs to silence - in one way or another - Silence permanently!  Take them for a ride.  Give them the big sleep.   You know, MURDER them! those who possessed knowledge not only of Bill's serial adulteries but also of crimes such as the Clintons' drug-running, money-laundering connections to Chinese intelligence. Well, since everybody knows about those crimes (to include the Clintons' white slavery, actual slavery, and illegal parking), why are any of us still alive? Beginning with the strange case of White House counsel Vincent Foster and the attempted cover-up of events surrounding his alleged suicide, Internet journalists began exposing the Clintons' darkest secrets. In a previous job, I used to have to read the rambling letters sent to us by schizophrenics.  They usually included conspiracy theories and plots much like those recounted by Poe.  However, I never consider our correspondents to be "journalists." Poe credits the new medium of communication with short-circuiting Hillary's plans for a 2000 presidential run and thus helping to change the course of American history. I'm sure he does.  And some people credit the tinfoil on their heads for keeping the thoughts being broadcast by the CIA satellite out of their brains.  Steven E. Woodworth teaches history I find that very hard to believe.  Wouldn't a history teacher be able to recognize that Poe's book is total nonsense? . . . at Texas Christian University. Okay, now I believe it. 4:09:31 AM

Maybe You CAN'T Fool All of the People All of the Time Wow, WorldNetDaily readers are smarter than I thought!  Here are the results (as of right now) of their poll for today (top 4 answers only): What do you think of Condoleezza Rice as Bush's choice for secretary of state? Doesn't matter who Bush picks, his administration is going in the wrong direction 51.93% (3271) The wrong choice for such an important position 40.63% (2559) She's a great choice, kudos to Bush 3.81% (240) She's been not only competent, but loyal in the face of fire 2.41% (152) Okay, some naughty liberals may have hijacked their poll, but since you have to register with WorldNetDaily in order to vote, they would have had to have been really dedicated naughty liberals.  So, I'm guessing that WorldNetDaily readers are just ticked that an evangelical Caucasian man didn't get the job -- you know, somebody like James Dobson or Buck Williams. 3:27:24 AM

Who Said It? Yes, as Vivek (and several others) indicated, the guy who claimed that that abortion is "morally no different than slavery" was the Indiana Jones of the Right, Jack Wheeler.  Now, who said this? I tell you, I think the most wonderful, delicious irony would be if Erik Estrada, who has been abused so badly by the Democrats on the Judiciary Commission--Committee, was picked and went onto the court.  He's a superb candidate, brilliant guy. An immigrant from down in Central America, a Hispanic, I mean, it'd be marvelous to see him on the Court. While you think about that, we will re-run this story from last year, back when Erik was serving another master . . . Episode II: Attack of the Clowns --by Scott C., a reporter a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away It was a time of great disorder in the Bear Flag Republic. The Trade Federation, under the direction of Viceroy Enron had plunged the Republic’s finances into deficit through the use of a fraudulent energy derivative scheme code named "Death Star." But the Viceroy was merely a pawn under the control of two Dark Lords of the Sith: Vice Chancellor Cheney, secretly known as Darth Aneurysm, and the recently installed Governor, Darth Terminex. In those grim days, all that stood between light and darkness, goodness and evil were the CHiPs, an ancient order of mystics who used the supernatural powers of the California Vehicle Code to maintain peace and justice in the state. When Terminex overthrew the Old Republic, Hobie-Cat Kenobi, a young CHiP master and purveyor of fine Roto-Molded Polyethylene catamarans flew to the city planet of Sacramento to confront him. "Ah, Governor Schwarzenegger," he said. "I thought I recognized your foul stench when I entered." "Sorry," said the Governor. "I just had a raw egg and liver protein shake." "You have a 38 billion dollar deficit and no credible plan to cut spending or raise revenue. You can’t win, you know." "Can’t I?" sneered the Governor. "What would you say if I told you that the state government was even now under the control of a Sith Lord." "Impossible," said Hobie-Cat. "The Highway Patrol would be aware of it." "Alas, my young CHiP, the corporate media has clouded their vision. They are no longer able to use the powers of the Vehicle Code, especially Section 312, Subsection 3e, which governs speed limits in conditions of impaired visibility. No, I’m afraid you have no option but to join me, or die!" "Never!" "Don’t be foolish. You cannot imagine the power of the Dark Side!" Closing his eyes and stretching out a talon-like hand, the Governor used his mystical powers to lift a staffer’s blouse up and expose her bra. "Join me," he hissed, "and together we will rule this state as molester and accomplice!" Hobie-Cat escaped, but in the days to come the Governor would hunt down and murder the remaining CHiPs with the aid of his apprentice, Darth Ponch. An inky blanket of evil spread upon the Galaxy, and all seemed lost. But unbeknownst to the Governor, the seeds of his doom had already been planted, and would one day arise, in: EPISODE IV A NEW GROPE 3:09:57 AM