October 20, 2004 by s.z.

You Asked For It! Okay, I actually ran the photo of Ann Coulter wearing her miniskirt and her large, industrial size hands in honor of Anntichrist S. Coulter's birthday, but if Ted wants a photo of Michelle Malkin in honor of Michelle's birthday, he's got it: While this is obviously a posed photo, and not one of those unflattering candids taken during "Hardball" (and which were used at Michelle's sanity hearing), I think it demonstrates that Michelle is scary, and that Dr. Mike Adams is right about Phyllis Schlafley being the hot, young female Townhall pundit whom all the boys have a Farrah-style poster of in their bedrooms, rather than Michelle or Ann. And in honor of Phyllis, Bill S. has composed recalled a theme song for her Townhall sitcom: Who makes the stars surrounding the Golden Gate simply dissappear? Phyllis! Phyllis! Who makes the warning bells on the cable cars play "The Gang's All Here"?  Phyllis! Phyllis! Who charms the crabs on Fishermen's wharf right out of their shells? Who light the lamps of Chinatown just by walking in view? Who? Phyllis! Phyllis! Phyllis-IT SURE ISN'T YOU!!! Thank you Bill.  However, it's Michelle's birthday, so we want you to start working on Michelle's song.  Here, we'll even start it out for you: Michelle, Go to hell These are words that go together well, folle Michelle. Anyway, happy birthday, Michelle.  Enjoy that birthday pumpkin pie that Chris V. will be sending your way . . . 10:40:54 PM

My New Motto It comes from Steve, the new patriotic commenter at Sadly, No! Spelling dosent win freedom so if I made a typo or mis-spelled something, Im certain it isnt going to effect our freedom a whole lot. 10:18:02 PM

Townhall Review Because a Ben Shapiro is a terrible thing to waste.    1.  Mike Adams Mike is back, and he asks the questions no one else is asking -- the really, really stupid questions. Tolstoy and tolerance. Instead of talking about feminism and “queer literature” in the classroom, when will college English professors return to teaching the great works of literature? The first paragraph of Anna Karenina reads: “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Isn’t that the truth? Is there any better way to summarize the lie of diversity and moral relativism? Apparently Mike's point is that since happy families are all alike, we don't need to read about African-American familles, Hispanic familles, nontraditional families, Jewish familles hiding in an attic during W.W.II, etc., because the story of any white, Christian happy family will be universally relevant, and so one book of great literature is all we need in our English class.  (You know -- that one book by Shakespeare about the happy family.)  Geez, I don't even know why those other authors even bothered writing anything, since we have all the literature we need. Don’t children who understand this have a better chance of finding true happiness? Mike, don't children who read books by authors from a variety of backgrounds have a better chance of realizing the universality of the human condition than those who only read the NRO Storybook of Didactic Prose from the 19th Century?  And aren't college freshman legally adults, for the most part? Don’t we want our children to be happy? So, having students read a variety of literature in an introductory English course makes them unhappy?  I guess ignorance IS bliss. And, finally, how can that happen when they are being taught by those who are so utterly miserable? Mike, as the associate professor who advises students to break campus speech codes so they'll get suspended from school and you use the students' predicament as part of your assault on "political correctness," you tell us. Beautiful conservative columnists. Why do people always write me to express their opinion on the question of “who is the most beautiful conservative columnist in America?” And why do they always argue about whether it is Ann Coulter or Michelle Malkin? Isn’t it obvious that the most beautiful and classy conservative writer is Phyllis Schlafley? There is nothing I can add to this.  2.  Kathleen Parker It's just fine for Dick Cheney to mention his daughter's sexual orientation as part of his campaign, but it's despicable and uncouth for anybody else to mention it (or her).  If John Kerry wants to talk about a homosexual, he should raise one of his own. It is fine for the Cheneys to discuss their difficulties in justifying personal issues with public positions, but it is not fine for anyone else, especially a political opponent, to make personal comments about family members. It isn't done in polite company. You mean like when Kerry said that he thought Laura Bush was a "terrific person "?  No, I guess you mean when Kerry said that Mary Cheney was a lesbian, because mentioning homosexuality "isn't done in polite company." This is an ancient understanding: We can talk about our own families but not someone else's, and vice versa. What is harmless among forgiving kin is a bloodying offense from the blasphemous tongues of others. "Yo mama" never won anybody a valentine.  Yes, it's okay for one's forgiving kin to mention one's homosexuality, but nobody else should ever speak of it.  And that's the way genteel Southerners like Kathleen have decreed it should always remained. 3.  Brent Bozell The fact that ABC interviewed Vietnamese witnesses about the circumstances under which Kerry won one of his medals (instead of taking the word of the SwiftVets) proves that the media is partisan. Koppel framed the show as a "chance to set the record straight" -- against John O'Neill . Kerry's G.I. Joe narrative must be upheld, even if it requires traveling around the world and looking up the "independent" Viet Cong to "confirm the essence" of the Kerry mythmakers. How dare these partisan hacks at ABC and elsewhere sit pompously in their studios and condemn Sinclair! They have no gauntlet of objectivity to toss at anyone. They accuse others of trumped-up, slanted propaganda? In this Kerry-coddling campaign cycle, the pot has never been blacker before rebuking the kettle. Yeah!  Doing an investigation instead of accepting the word of John O'Neill and his Republican-funded group (and the politically motivated, angry ex-soldiers he dug up) is the lowest kind of propaganda! See, the truth is just so unfair to Bush that we NEED Sinclair to balance things somewhat. 4.  Thomas Sowell  Thomas also is all riled up about ABC's willingness to take the world of commies over that of John O'Neill.  And since the commies' account agreed with the official account, which, per Thomas, was written by Kerry himself (apparently, the military just lets everybody create their own records and give themselves medals, like your hippie high school English teacher who let you grade yourself), it reminds Thomas of the day he bought a sweater with the money he got selling his spare kidney. This kind of reasoning reminded me of an episode in a New York department store some years ago when I bought a sweater and gave the sales lady a credit card. She pointed out that there was no signature on the back of the card.  After I signed the credit card in her presence and then signed the bill, she compared the two signatures that she had just seen me write and, since they matched, it was OK with her. But at least she didn't say that this procedure was "unassailable." And then the sales lady went to Vietnam and asked some people who had witnessed Thomas getting that credit card, and they verified his story that the credit card was his.  And that proves that ABC is partisan. Do media elites think we are all fools? Probably. Well, to be fair, they probably only all think that Thomas is a fool.   5.  Ben Shapiro Today young Ben writes about "Why the liberals can't stand American unity."  See, conservatives are united around the principles of decency, hard work, tax cuts for the rich, and no poofsters.  However, the liberals want to break America into groups (by trying to help minorities, the young, the old, the poor), so it can rule them all! The Democrats are social liberals who wish to validate the gay activist agenda, forward abortion and devaluate traditional morality in schools and in government. The Republicans are social conservatives who prize traditional morality above all else. Even above the Constitution!  And we won't mention the names of some of those fine Republicans who so value traditional morality, but . . . okay, just one: Tom DeLay.  (Not all Republican morality scandals involve sex, people.) So there's a good deal about which to argue. But for John Kerry and his Democratic ilk, arguing the issues isn't conducive to victory. Because, really, who wants a socially liberal, fiscally spendthrift, militarily weak party leading this country? Not Ben Shapiro!  He wants a fiscally spendthrift, military strong party which will lead us using Judeo-Christian morality.  First item of business: ignoring the needs of the widows and the orphans (because that would divide us) so we can stone the slutty Yale coeds who keep tempting Ben.  6.  Michelle Malkin All those women who say we should think about anything other than the "War Against Foreign, Dusky-Skinned Terror" are big wimps, and Michelle spits on them. Rosie the Riveter has given way to Sally the Sniveler. [...] And in her place, we have Hysterical Women for Kerry. They are self-absorbed celebrities who support banning all guns (except the ones their bodyguards use to protect them and their children).  [Etc.] Yeah, all of those straw women are hypocrites.  We'll concede that, Michelle.  Do you have any examples of actual women? Kerry's sister, Peggy, landed in Ohio at a Women for Kerry rally to scare up female votes to oppose President Bush's "war against women." At a time when Islamofascists are chopping off heads and kidnapping aid workers and plotting to kill schoolchildren, and at a time when untold numbers of malefactors are crossing into our borders, Peggy Kerry chose to whine about the alleged gender gap in white-collar salaries. "That is not fair," she said. "Let me tell you what my brother is going to fight for -- pay equity."  So, a woman (who happens to be Kerry's sister, which makes it even worse) dared to speak about pay equity in wartime?  Wow, she sure has her nerve!  Won't somebody please think of the children? But if Hollywood had to crown a poster girl for the new Sally the Sniveler campaign, it would be Cameron Diaz. Rosie the Riveter delivered a unifying message to her fellow American women with simple, rousing clarity: "We can do it!" In stark contrast, here's a painful partial transcript of Diaz's vote-beseeching appearance on "The Oprah Winfrey Show" last month: Diaz: "We have a voice now, and we're not using it, and women have so much to lose. I mean, we could lose the right to our bodies. We could lo -- if you think that rape should be legal, then don't vote. But if you think that you have a right to your body, and you have a right to say what happens to you and fight off that danger of losing that, then you should vote, and those are the .  . . Winfrey: "It's your voice." Diaz: "It's your voice. It's your voice, that's your right." We've come a long way, baby. The wrong way. Get a grip, girls. You are an embarrassment to a nation at war.  Yes, for a woman to even THINK about reproductive rights when we're at war is practically treason.  I urge Michelle to intern Cameron, along with all of the enemy combatants (Muslims, illegal aliens, legal aliens, people descended from people from other countries, feminists, etc.) who should be locked up to ensure the safety of decent Americans. 7.  John McCaslin The fact that Bush supporters keep telling these kind of stories is kind of creepy, IMHO.  It's like they want George Bush to be our religious leader as well as our political one.   And what's even creepier is that Bush seems to think that he holds that position too. Vincent then took the opportunity to request that Bush remember his stepmother, Loretta Vincent, in prayers that day. At that exact moment, Mrs. Vincent was having a tumor removed from her skull at a hospital in Kalispell, Mont. What occurred next is worthy of presidential, if not religious, history books. "He grabbed me by the arm and took me back toward his desk as he said, 'So, that's it. I could tell that something is weighing heavy on your heart today. I could see it in your eyes. This explains it,'" were the president's words to Vincent. Yeah, we all know how Bush can see into a man's heart, like he did with that outstanding proponent of liberty, Vladimir Putin. Bush then discussed with the award recipient the importance of family and the strength of prayer. "He said, 'If it's okay with you, we'll take care of the prayer right now. Would you pray with me?' I told him yes, and he turned to the staff that remained in the office and hand motioned the folks to step back or leave. He said, 'Bruce and I would like some private time for a prayer.' "As they left he turned back to me and took my hands in his. I was prepared to do a traditional prayer stance - standing with each other with heads bowed. Instead, he reached for my head with his right hand and, pulling gently forward, he placed my head on his shoulder. "With his left arm on my midback, he pulled me to him in a prayerful embrace. He started to pray softly. I started to cry. He continued his prayer for Loretta and for God's perfect will to be done. I cried some more. My body shook a bit as I cried, and he just held tighter. He closed by asking God's blessing on Loretta and the family during the coming months." Okay, maybe George comes from a religious tradition that involves lots of physical contact during prayer (well, maybe he does NOW).  Fine.  Although if Vincent didn't come from a similar tradition, he'd be bound to find all the hugging during a prayer strange, and possibly vaguely blasphemous.  And it's nice that Mr. Bush would want to pray for a sick woman and her family.  But why does he see this as part of his role as President?  It reminds me of how he keeps talking about all the hard work he puts in comforting the families of those who have lost loved ones in Iraq and Afghanistan.  Sure, it's kind (and appropriately Presidential) to offer a few words to these families, but it's not his job to minister to them and make sure they have found spiritual and emotional comfort -- they have their own religious leaders for that.  It's his job to read policy papers and pay attention in staff meetings and stuff like that, so more young people won't die and more families don't need comforting -- and I wish he'd do that instead of trying to be God's anointed who can cure with his touch. But anyway, apparently the Bushites (and their Priest King, George) feel that his prayers have more influence with the Almighty than do those of common men, as witnessed by the end of this anecdote. Vincent's wife, Patti Jo, told The Beltway Beat from the couple's home in Libby, Mont., yesterday that Loretta Vincent is undergoing radiation for the tumor and "so far, so good." Sadly, Vincent lost his mother to the same form of cancer in 1996. Okay, maybe I'm making too much of this, but like I said, it all just strikes me as inappropriate and kind of creepy. But anyway, in honor of Bill S's spectacular feat of naming all the wingnuts in yesterday's game, here is today's Mystery Wingnut: Kerry's lack of integrity wants us to turn back the clock to the days prior to 9/11 where terror was nothing more than a nuisance. Comparing this war against evil murderers who kill innocents in the name of "Allah" to a nuisance like prostitution is a slap in the face to all who've been murdered or died for the cause of liberty. Hint: the ineptness of the writing should give it away -- and if it doesn't, think of Seb. 1:02:26 AM