September 5, 2004 by s.z.

Sexual Abstinence Sunday After all the debauchery of "sex you up" week, I thought you all could use some chastity.  So, let's start our journey into purity by learning "TWENTY-FIVE WAYS TO SAY 'NO'" from the Abstinence Clearing House.  Well, we're in a hurry, so let's only hear the ten best ways, as chosen by me: 2. I'm busy working on my reputation. 3. I'd rather take a cold shower; its safer. 9. I'd hate to lose my virginity; I heard it's hard to find. 13. If we ever go out again, please bring self-control. 14. Of course you can wait; you're not a rabbit. 15. I'd rather break up than break out with herpes. 18. I may be square today, but at least I'll be around tomorrow. 19. Of course it's part of our nature, so are germs. 21. Curiosity killed the cat. 25. I spent all week deciding what to wear tonight and three hours getting ready. If you think you are going to mess any of this up, you are sadly mistaken.   So, use some of these clever remarks to say no to sex, and you're sure to be considered the coolest teen at the sock hop!  You know, like Ben Shapiro.  (Oh, and you buy can many colorful pamphlets and posters about abstinence, like the ones pictured above, by going here.) 2.  Now, let's hear from Michael Farris of GoodMorals.org on why eschewing dating for courtship can help keep us pure -- and from being gunned down in school! This spring, a 14-year-old boy lay brain dead in a Mississippi hospital from a self-inflicted gunshot wound. The cause of his despair was a romantic breakup with his girlfriend. When four students and a teacher were murdered outside their school in Jonesboro, Arkansas, it was widely reported that the 13-year-old gunman acted in revenge for a romantic breakup with a 12-year-old girl. The public soul-searching following the Jonesboro tragedy has been dominated by discussions of the danger of children playing with guns. No one has spoken about the danger of children playing with romance.  Guns don't kill people -- puppy love kills people.  So, don't let your kids have any contact with members of the opposite sex.  Instead, marry them off to someone of your choosing, and that way they won't have any sexual or emotional experience, and will be completely prepared for a life-long commitment. Every bride and groom say to each other, at least implicitly, that they "love each other with all their heart." Little pieces of one’s heart are given away each time a romance of any magnitude has blossomed. But when my oldest daughter, Christy, and [her fiancé] Rich walk the aisle in August, their promise to love with all their hearts will be literally true since neither has ever had another love. And hey, who would want to marry somebody whose heart has been used before marriage? And one of the best reasons for courship, as opposed to dating, is that courtship, like home-schooling, allows you to control your children at all times. Parents, particularly fathers, should give their permission before their children enter into any kind of courtship relationship. Likewise, parents oversee the courtship and set guidelines for the relationship with the couple. Before a couple decides to get married, both sets of parents should give their consent. This aspect of courtship is directly correlated with one of the main reasons families choose to educate their children at home. Both home schooling and the courtship model allow parents to responsibly direct the lives of their children.  And directing the lives of your children in every way possible, for as long as they live, is what good parenting is all about.  3.  Our old friend Philip Lancaster of Patriarch has more to say about how courtship is better than dating, and he uses rock and roll lyrics to explain why. And she’ll have fun, fun, fun ’til her daddy takes the T-bird awaaaay. This popular hit of 30 years ago pictures a teenage girl who takes the family car (or one of them) and cruises around on her own, having fun with her friends. The only threat to this state of teen bliss is the prospect of the girl’s father playing party pooper by taking the car away. Of course we might ask why Daddy let her take the car in the first place, Um, Phil, it was because she told him she was going to the library.  To read the Bible. or how his control could be so loose that she takes it without his knowledge! And we may wonder if indeed this lackadaisical father will bother to intervene in any case. Well, the song says that he got wise to her, and took her set of keys.  But since he didn't send her to jail or anything, I guess that does make him lackadaisical. Dad here is not the godly father of Scripture; he is simply a potential threat to fun, fun, fun. This is a fair description of a father’s role in the dating culture. The first and major error of dating is that it removes youths from the authority and protection of their fathers. Isn’t the whole idea of dating to "go out" together, away from parents and family? This is consistent with the modern practice of removing children from parental oversight, counsel, and care, but its effects are disastrous. As we have learned from "Fun, Fun, Fun," it results in girls cruising through hamburger stands.  And that kind of thing can't be good for your T-Bird.  And even worse, your daughter could hold hands with a boy! It’s not surprising that mild lyrics like I want to hold your hand in the early Sixties gave way in just a few years to jarring lines like I can’t get no satisfaction, I can’t get no girlie action (to use a printable example). The one leads to the other as surely as night leads to day. And any parent who denies this is willfully blind. "I can't get no girlie action"?  Yes, that is jarring, much like that line about a menage a trois in the Young Rascal's "Groovin'' -- you know, "Life would be ecstasy, You and me and Leslie." But I guess Philip's point is holding hands inevitably leads to sexual frustration, and the only cure for it is to avoid being alone with Mick Jagger. A male and female being alone together logically and properly leads to sexual union. That’s why it is not safe or proper for a man and woman to be alone and to touch outside of the bounds of marriage vows. Never be alone with someone of the opposite sex, and NEVER SHAKE HANDS WITH ONE OF THEM! Courtship protects the couple from sexual immorality by keeping the couple in the context of family, under the oversight of parents. The concept of chaperoned encounters is the only one consistent with the principles of parental authority and protection from sexual impurity. Absolute privacy not necessary or safe. Meetings can occur under the watchful eye and within earshot of the guardian father. Any conversations too intimate for this setting are too intimate for this stage of the relationship. Yeah, they can talk after they're married.  And Philip has a bunch more song lyrics that explain why men and women shouldn't get to know each other before marriage anyway. Cherish’ is the word that I use to describe all these feelings that I have hiding here for you inside. Dating leads necessarily to a mutual giving of hearts — but without commitment. Breaking up is hard to do. Indeed it is! Will I see you in September or lose you to a summer love? Breaking up, making up, changing partners — this has been the stock and trade of rock and country music for at least a generation. And it is a natural part of the dating scene. If you get tired of the girl you have, trade her in for another. If you’re not with the one you love, love the one you’re with. Broken hearts and violated affections are the inevitable accomplice of the institution of dating. The third error of dating is that it is the practice of serial relationships and thereby promotes emotional fornication and is a rehearsal for divorce. Is it emotional fornication if you make new friends through the years, or are you stuck with Billy from kindergarten for the rest of your life? One of the most damaging things about dating is that it encourages youths to give their hearts to others, over and over. When it comes time to marry someone, they will not be able to offer their hearts to that one with pristine purity. They will have the memories of all those (or even just the one) to whom they had given their hearts, if not their bodies, previously. Surely if God means for each person to have a singular life partner, He means for that partner to get not only exclusive rights to the body but also to the affections of that person (1 Cor. 7:4). Yup, God doesn't want you to ever like anybody but your spouse.   Courtship guards against emotional fornication by limiting one-on-one encounters to those couples who are seriously pursuing the possibility of marriage. It is even wise to require a young man to affirm his commitment to marriage before even allowing him regular contact with the young lady in an effort to win her heart. Otherwise, he may succeed in winning her heart only to decide she’s not the one for him. And if he decides she's not the one for him once he finally gets to know her -- which doesn't happen until after they're married -- well, that's just too bad.  No refunds!  And who cares what she thinks about him. Love can't be wrong when it feels so right, for you light up my life. These lyrics from about 25 years ago (by a professedly Christian popular singer) reflect the focus of the dating culture: self-gratification. If it feels good, it's OK. Um, Philip, they do have places where you can read song lyrics and make sure you're quoting them correctly.  But yeah, Debbie Boone's song probably is all about self-gratification.  If I were you, I'd write to Pat and instruct him to ground her! The fourth error of dating is that it is an exercise in pleasing self rather than God. It is obvious how this is so when a couple engages in sexual sin. But self-centeredness is no less the purpose when a couple date just to have fun and enjoy the company of someone they think is attractive. Personal pleasure still defines the content of the encounter. Yeah, yeah, we know -- daters are just selfish hedonists. Anyway, Philip concludes by explaining that parents make the big mistake of sending their kids to kindergarten, because "letting go" is "the great mandate thrust upon parents."  But instead of letting go, parents should be "holding on, and shaping, and discipling, and pouring themselves into their children."  And that's why children shouldn't be allowed to date -- they might escape. 4.  And speaking of selfish hedonists and rock 'n roll music, radio Pastor Perry F. Rockwood preaches a sermon that mentions "Elvis Presley, one of the most immoral men who ever lived."  But it's mostly about how Lot joined the Sodom city council, while Mrs. Lot took up smoking and then later turned into a pillar of salt.  The whole thing is good, but let's start where Lot moves his family to Sodom because of its booming economy, and ends up losing their souls! Then would come the women's liberation representatives who would tell Mrs. Lot about the peace marches and the dancing schools and the various societies that involved the social life of the community.  Mrs. Lot, no doubt, would object saying, "Oh, no, we are just quiet country people and never been a part of the social life of the town." And that was the beginning of the end for Hillary Lot. We see the modern-day Lot family.  There is Mrs. Lot learning to play bridge while sucking her first cigarette.  Mr. Lot, now analderman of the city, is down at the City Club vomiting after his first five drinks of booze with his political pals.  Isn't it amazing what a people will do for the Devil?  [...] We are now following the days of Lot at an even faster clip.  It is the women who are leading the nation in smoking, and in drinking at the taverns. Yes, that's how the devil leads you carefully to hell.  He starts by teaching you how to play bridge.  Then it's cigarettes and booze and political pals.  And then . . . rock and roll music, and homosexuality. One of the most wicked influences upon our society today is homosexuality.  Please keep in mind that I am a Bible preacher and what I say about homosexuality is what the Bible teaches. Many of the songs of Rock are pertaining to homosexuality.  The KINKS, for example, came out with a song called LOLA which describes a homosexual who walked like a woman and talked like a man.  Before his death, Keith Moon of THE WHO group, frequently appeared in public wearing women's clothing. And that's what caused God to destroy Sodom. Now, I hope today's message has caused you to just say no to sex, to keep your children locked away from other people until they're safely married, and most importantly, to stop listening  to that sinful rock and roll music.  At least, stay away from classic rock and Debbie Boone on the Sabbath. 6:50:28 AM

Sex Week Ends Yes, the Republican convention is over.  So, time to check on the lap dancers.  David E. refers us to a NY Times article that indicates that at least one club didn't do as much GOP (or GROPE, as I accidentally typed the first time) business as expected.  By 1:30 a.m. yesterday, Ms. Shedroff, along with her employers at the Penthouse Executive Club, had been hoping for a bumper crop of delegates fresh from the Garden, fired up by Rudolph W. Giuliani and John McCain and looking to blow off steam and bucks. But around the club's cavernous interior, the areas where the V.I.P.'s sit - one section went by the name The Egg - were empty. The private rooms upstairs were empty, even the one done up in sumptuous Republican-red velvet. Lounging around the pit were about 40 other dancers and three, count 'em, convention attendees from Indiana, as well as a couple of other paying customers. Ms. Shedroff threw a few $20-a-song dances to a dour-looking man in a yellow tie who told her he was a delegate, then she decamped to the bar after catching a glimpse of the contents of his wallet when he went to pay her. [...] Ms. Shedroff's place on the dour man's lap was taken by a pneumatic brunette. Ms. Shedroff, who said she really is writing a book about her experiences, cast a gimlet eye across the room as her colleague wriggled in the man's face and pulled on his tie. He scrutinized her chest as if it were the rider on an appropriations bill. "She's going to spend two hours to get that $100," Ms. Shedroff said. Sure enough, after paying for a handful of dances, the man stopped going to his wallet, though his interest in the dancer did not seem to diminish. She stayed with him, reading with apparent interest what looked like a convention program that he handed her. Maybe he was a great conversationalist. Or maybe it was just that it was a buyer's market and the dancer had nothing better to do. But at least the dancer helped to brighten the life of a dour delegate from Indiana.  And, as columnist Barry Saunders notes, making the dancer work for her $100 is the Republican way.  And Barry found a club that reported doing okay business during the convention. When I called and spoke to Lonnie Hanover, a spokesman for Scores, the hoity-toity - yep, some can make that oxymoronic claim - Manhattan "gentlemen's club," he confirmed that "the convention was very good for us. There was an increase" in business, "but it was slight. "We've been very lucky because we operate close to capacity year-round. Men in town on business have a tendency to find their way here." Does that mean that when Democrats descend upon the city, they, too, are drawn like ants to a sugarbowl to Scores and similar hot spots? Yep. Of course, Democrats being Democrats, they'll probably want to implement a tax hike and give the dancers money so they won't have to dance. Republicans - the party of self-reliance - will want them to earn it, and will most likely be the ones waving a fistful of dollars and shouting "Shake it, momma, show me that majority whip."  But it's only to help her help herself. Of course.  And as Alan Keyes taught us, you shouldn't be enjoying sex anyway,  because that would be selfish hedonism ("That means that it is a self-centered, self-fulfilling, selfish relationship that seeks to use the organs intended for procreation for purposes of pleasure"), and that's gay.  So, if you are a Republican, make sure to let everybody know how little you're enjoying yourself during the lap dance. So, did the city receive any economic benefits from hosting the convention?  Well, consider this story before you make up your mind: Jenna and Barbara Bush's love for partying and vodka seemed evident as they let their hair down while campaigning for their father, President Bush, during the Republican Convention.   [...] "They [and their entourage of about 25] drank 4,500 dollars worth of drinks - bottles and bottles of vodka. Then, having been comped all the alcohol, they left a 48 dollar tip. We thought 1 per cent was kind of outrageous, considering they are the president's daughters," the insider added. And speaking of the president's daughters and their efforts to win hearts and minds on behalf of their father, the finger pointing about who is responsible for their embarassing speech has begun.  Bob Novak names Laura Bush's chief of staff. The poorly received convention speech of the Bush twins, Barbara and Jenna, Tuesday night was blamed by insiders on the influence and bad judgment of Andrea Ball, chief of staff to Laura Bush. President Bush's staffers regard Ball and her subordinates as the weak link in the White House. They have considered the first lady's operation as a disaster waiting to happen, and it happened when Ball cleared the twins' inappropriate speech. Bush insiders say that this is one area where even Karl Rove, the president's powerful adviser, fears to tread. They contend Rove could not have reversed Andy Ball's judgment on what the twins said. However, the NY Times says that Karen Hughes wrote the speech, so presumably she should bear the ultimate blame for the fiasco. The Bush twins' appearance was carefully timed and scripted; their lines ("When we tell them we're going to see OutKast they know it's a band and not a bunch of misfits") were written by one of the president's closest advisers, Karen P. Hughes. But since we know that Karen is George's best friend (well, the best friend money can buy), I'm willing to wager that if anyone quits her White House job to spend more time with her family, it will be Andrea Ball. But I do like how somebody has been telling Novak that it was Laura's staff who screwed things up, and how Karl Rove had nothing to do with this trainwreck.  I bet these are the same people who also told Novak that it sure wasn't Karl who leaked Valerie Plame's name to him. Anyway, I think that's enough sex for today -- and I'm sure we've had enough Republican sex to last us four years.  I'd like to thank Frederick, David, Mark, Ted, and all you other selfish hedonists for helping to make "Sex You Up" week possible.  We'll have to do it again sometime. 4:51:58 AM