September 6, 2004 by s.z.

One of Us!  One of Us!  Here, with an opposing view on George Bush's acceptance speech, is Pastor Joseph Grant Swank.  In the interest of fairness, I will respond to Mr. Swanks stupider statements with some good-natured ribbing. George W. Bush Is One Of Us Listening to the United States President George W. Bush, I could not help but think, "He’s definitely one of us!" Then Karen Hughes work is done, for the wingnuts have recognized their own. His speech used plain sentences. One did not have to have a doctoral degree to understand what he said. His demeanor was down-home honest. One did not have to play tricks with language in order to uncover the double-speak. No, the doublespeak was easily uncovered without using any tricks at all. Mr. Bush struck one chord after another with simple verbal gestures. Most speakers can use words to convey meaning, but Dubya is reduced to speaking in order to convey gestures. He spoke clearly, slowly enough for us to relax in his cadence, and meaningfully enough for us to be gripped at the heart. So THAT'S what happened to Bill Clinton! It was like listening to a friend sharing in the confines of our living rooms or over the backyard fence. Nothing complicated. Nothing contrived. Nothing very intelligent or meaningful.  Just the kind of talk we'd get from a friend while sharing our confining living room and griping about how the President should be doing a better job.  But shouldn't George, who actually IS the President, have a little more to offer than our drunken, big-talking friends? All about Mr. Bush is a rock-bottom conviction that easily comes through, like we hope to find in the friend next door. I actually have a neighbor who has rock-bottom convictions like Mr. Bush.  He thinks he knows everything, and even though he's been wrong about tons of stuff, he will never admit that he made a mistake.  We all hate him. There’s a comfortable foundation in it all when he speaks. We feel at home. We feel safe. Again, Karen Hughes work is done, as the common rubes now feel safe when they hear Bush speak (when instead they should be thinking, "My God, he's one of us -- and we're idiots!  We're all doomed!) Mr. Bush sweeps his remarks with an ever-present hope. "America must keep its word," he enunciated. That means not only integrity but hope — faith in the future when our nation is committed to values that are the eternal verities. Well, if Karen is done with Dubya, maybe could help Pastor Swank, because he could use a little help with his writing.  And, um, Pastor: swaggering really isn't an eternal verity (although the Iraqi reconstruction will probably last a really, really long time).    His speech brought an even-handed perspective to the country’s tomorrows. It was not fired up with hate speech or slander, but with the clear ring of a newly cast bell. To recap: Bush's speech was as clear and straightforward as the above paragraph. It’s the same impression I get when listening to Laura Bush. She and her husband are a splendid match-up for our nation’s leadership. They team up well. They, once again, remind me of the couple down the avenue who has it together for the good of family and community. I like that. I want that kind of couple in the White House. I want that marriage example for my children and the nation’s next generation. Personally, I'd rather have a competent President in the White House.  Let's just point to that couple down the avenue when we want to show the kids an example of a good marriage, and elect somebody who will sucessfully lead the country. When listening to John F. Kerry I get the blunt impression of elitism, deceit and waffling maximum. So it has been for too long a time. Surely by now the intelligent voting public has got hold of that same terrifying impress. Only the numb could miss it. So, only the unintelligent voters are missing the terrifying impress of Kerry's waffling maximum.  Got it. Kerry is, in short, a hypocrite on all fronts — religious and political. He’s an opportunist of the first order. It’s absolutely frightening to think that such an individual would ever administer from the Oval Office. God help us at this point; may America never be subjected to such an evil rule. Pastor Swank, are you calling on God to strike John Kerry dead? It’s George W. Bush and wife, Laura, who must lead our citizenry for the next four years. I pray that it is so. So Laura is now George's unelected co-president?  Shouldn't we be denouncing her for being uppity and stuff?  And hey, there's no need to pray, Pastor Swant, because God already told Pat Robertson that it's in the bag.  Bonus Swank, from his brand new column: Yet as Mr. Bush seeks a return to executive order, it would be wise for freedom loving persons worldwide to take pleasant stock of the New Iraq. Iraqi Freedom Operation was a fete well worth the trouble, to put it in understatement. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?  Could Pastor Swank actually be a computer-generated translation of a Chinese barbecue grill instruction manual? And from last Thursday: Those of us in America who don’t take for granted our daily freedoms were praying that others could breathe our air currents. We were asking the good Lord to bestow his freedom smile upon everyone — especially those daily crouching in fear because of dictators chopping off heads, leveling families for no legal reason and stomping out any expression of free speech. I rest my case. 5:48:23 AM