August 17, 2004 by s.z.

All For an Unbelievably Low Price! The new edition of Virtual Occoquan, featuring the best of the Salon blogs, just came out.  Check out such entertaining features as Ugly Governor Resigns - Steve Raker (his truth was that he was an ugly American) Remote Acceptability - Leslie Talbot (Leslie gets a super cool universal remote, and then learns that women are only supposed to buy stuff 'cause it's pretty) Zell's Big Night - Mark Hoback  (Mark gives us a glimpse into the future, as he reveals the big suprise of the Republican conventon) And MANY MORE!  Act now.  Operators are standing by. 6:02:06 AM

Various Wingnuttery 1.  First, here's James Taranto, back from vacation and making up for his time away by being twice as obtuse: "I am a gay American," New Jersey's Gov. James McGreevey proclaimed at a news conference last week. McGreevey said he had cheated on his wife with another man and declared: "I realize the fact of this affair and my own sexuality, if kept secret, leaves me and most importantly, the governor's office, vulnerable to rumors, false allegations and threats of disclosure." Having obviated this danger through his self-disclosure, he was then able to get back to governing the state as usual. Only he didn't. At the same news conference, he announced his resignation. What's going on here? McGreevey is, after all, a Democrat, and Democrats think it's no one else's business when a politician cheats on his wife. Remember Bill Clinton? The difference, of course, is that Clinton's affair was with a woman, not a man. So it would appear that the Dems are both pro-adultery and antigay--intolerant as well as immoral. Yes, McCreevey resigned because the Democrats are pro-adultery and antigay.  Good one, James.   2.  From a CNS "special report" (also picked up by NewsMax) about "fourth generation warfare", which is apparently "a type of warfare where the decentralization is so great that you have lots of people who have sympathy with the other side who just on a given day decide to do something and it may be something very small like the kind of thing that you are seeing in the so-called probing attacks." A recent and widely reported example involved a Northwest Airlines flight from Detroit to Los Angeles. Journalist Annie Jacobsen was a passenger on the flight and described the incident in an article for "Women'sWallStreet.com." [...] When that flight landed, authorities detained the men, all Syrian, but released them. The passengers like Jacobsen were left feeling as though they had been terrorized and anti-terrorism analysts are still wondering what, if any purpose there was to the bizarre behavior by the Syrian men. Well, if passengers "like Jacobsen" were left feeling as though they had been terrorized, then obviously something terroristy was going on even if the anti-terrorism analysts working for the government say that the incident had nothing to do with terrorism.  Yup, it was probably "fourth generation terrorism," where one day a bunch of Syrian musicians decide to eat at McDonalds to show their support for al Qaeda.   3.  And speaking of Annie, she has managed to eke out ANOTHER article from her terror -- this one is an interview with a fellow ninny who was on the flight and who is looking for some attention, one Billie Jo (possibly Billy Jo Bradley, one of the daughters who bathed in the town's water supply on "Petticoat Junction").  Jesse of Pandagon examined the piece, with hilarious results.  But Billy Jo is pretty funny all by herself: BILLIE JO: It was when we were up in the air and they started walking up and down the aisles. And the eye contact. The thing that really got me was the eye contact. It was so subtle. If you know somebody, you look at them. You nod your head. That's not what these guys were doing. They were doing these little looks and head signals -- acknowledging each other and yet pretending not to know each other. They all wore match jackets to further the pretense that they didn't know each other.  Then the guy next to me was pretending to be sleeping. But when people sleep, you know, they breathe deeply. This guy was pretending to sleep. Gentle reader, if you have ever pretended to be asleep to avoid having to talk to the annoying person seated next to you, then YOU are probably a terrorist and should report to Gitmo immediately. 4.  Allow me to present a fun, new wingnut from Alan Keyes' Renew America, one A. M. Siriano.  Husband to one wife for 25 years, he is the father of three, and earns a living as a software developer for a major bank. He's a die-hard Christian, Protestant from both sides of the family, and a proud right-winger. How long was Mr. Siriano husband to the other wives?  Maybe we'll find out in future columns -- but this one is about John Kerry, a traitor just like Arnold Benedict. In a world where character should be king, John Kerry is a court jester. And if this is a contest to see who is the true opportunist, Kerry wins hands down. He is a politician, for the love of Ted! Okay, I admit that I just included that part for the love of Ted.  Let's skip to where A.M. really starts to froth at the mouth: Unlike a conventional traitor, Kerry did not plot against his country secretly; instead he chose a subversive route and donned the guise of dissent (popular at the time, so true to his opportunistic ways) and handed over his fellow soldiers to derision, mockery and contempt. Yup, dissent is one of the traitor's most cunning disguises. Only God can quantify the damage done to the war effort abroad. Only God knows the cost to our soldiers because of Kerry's actions. Vietnam was lost for many reasons, but chief among them was the war at home, which had John Kerry reporting for duty among America's internal enemies. Is it any wonder the Swift Boat Vets "feel the treason sharply"? We should, too. If we put a traitor in the White House, it will prove to be a harbinger. Imagine telling our children, "In America, anyone — even a felon or a traitor — can become President." And that's why we shouldn't vote for Kerry -- so we don't have to explain to the children that in America even people who disagreed with American policy in the '60s and '70s can become President. If Americans had ignored seditiousness during the Revolution, their complacency would have ended what had just got started. Won't it be the beginning of the end today? The Swift Boat Vets understand this all too well. In truth, they are fighting a new war, defending their beloved country from an alarming threat, the threat we should all be concerned with — waking up one day to a traitor in the White House. So, the solution is to never wake up.  Thank heavens the Swift Boat Vets are helping us with that. 5:14:33 AM

Is Ann Coulter a Nutcase? The civilized Brits, who happily have nothing like her in their country, try to figure her out. Meet Ann Coulter. In her opinion, "liberals are racists", the French are "a bunch of faggots", only property owners should be allowed to vote, and anyone who disagrees with her is a "fatuous idiot" or "evil". In liberal Europe, such propositions are seldom aired, even in the most right-wing salons. In America, however, Coulter - blonde, fortysomething - is a regular guest commentator on news and talk shows such asGood Morning America, Hannity and Colmes, At Large with Geraldo Rivera and The O'Reilly Factor. A lot of people besides Ann should be ashamed of that. Within minutes of our sitting down, the conversation turns to the position of expat Pakistanis in the social hierarchies of the Middle East. "They're never very high in anyone's caste system, are they," Ann volunteers. "Poor little Pakis." The photographer and I look at each other. Did she really say that? But it's just an amuse-bouche to prepare us for what is to come. We move on to education. "To get into university without achievement or grades, you wanna have a name like Shafiqua, Jeffrika or Leroy," says Ann, who is not a fan of racial quotas. Learning difficulties are a cover for "rich parents with dumb kids". "That's why 'Pinch' Sulzberger, the publisher of The New York Times, is alleged to have dyslexia - because he's retarded. Do you guys even have dyslexia?"  That's our Ann!  One thing can be said for Coulter: she does not worry about causing offence. When we talk about the "war on terror", she sounds almost nostalgic for the Cold War. "When we were fighting communism, OK, they had mass murderers and gulags, but they were white men and they were sane. Now we're up against absolutely insane savages." The insouciance with which she drops race into the mix is so astonishing that it's disarming. How do you begin to argue with someone who operates so far outside the generally accepted confines of political debate? You don't, of course.  The best way to talk to someone like that is to hit them in the head with a baseball bat.  Okay, that's actually what Ann said was her preferred M.O. for dealing with liberals, but turnabout is fair play. And where does she get her energy from? Various chemicals, some legal and some illegal -- or so it is alleged. The painfully thin Ann toys with her salad, eating barely a quarter of it. Perhaps the vehemence of her passions keeps her going.  No, it's probably the drugs.  Or maybe the unholy alliance she made with Satan. Next up for discussion are Muslims. She reckons they are going to "take over" France. "It's going to be Morocco in 10 years." Why is she so worried about Muslims? "Er, because they fly planes into our skyscrapers?" But those terrorists are not representative of all Muslims, are they? "That's not the question. The question is not, 'Are all Muslims terrorists?' The question is, 'Are all terrorists Muslims?' And the answer is yes - every one I have to worry about." She doesn't have to worry about the neo-Nazis, white supremacists, anti-government nuts, and their ilk, because they've accepted her as one of their own. Why can't she say extremist Muslims rather than just Muslims? "If that'll make you happy. They slaughtered 3,000 people and I'm making unfair generalisations. I think we're even." Well, no, I don't think we're even, I begin to reply - and at this point I see a side of Ann Coulter that goes beyond the ludicrous opinions. I see someone who is not afraid to twist, distort, bully and lie in order to "win" her argument  The interviewer apparently never read any of her books or articles, or watched her on those TV shows cited in the first paragraph, if this "side of Ann Coulter" comes as a surprise. Before I can elaborate or finish my sentence, she's off again. "Oh no, you're right, a generalisation is so much worse than slaughtering 3,000 people." I'm not saying that, I say. "I can't go beyond that, an ethnic generalisation is worse than slaughter. That is the essence of liberalism, you really do believe that. You get a glass of wine in you and you spit it out. You heard it. Making an un-PC generalisation is worse than the attack of 9/11." I'm not saying that, I repeat. "Yes, you are, you just said it." Of course I don't think that, I start, before I'm cut off again. "Liar!"  Ann has won another argument with a liberal.  "We are talking about who is most likely to fly planes into our skyscrapers. It's a time-waster to say, 'Well, who's to say, it could be Chinamen next time?'" Why not qualify her terms by saying "extremist Muslim terrorists"? "This is the essence of PC. It's just more syllables." In a last, vain attempt to ask her if she can sympathise with the point of view of those she is maligning, I ask her to imagine what she would feel if she had been brought up a Muslim. "In that case, I would like a steak knife, please, so I can cut your throat and disembowel you. And then I shall kill all the Jews!"  Well, to be fair, if Ann Coulter had been brought up Muslim, she probably would cut the throats of liberal British interviewers and then kill all the Jews.  You know, since I can see her doing stuff like that, no matter what religion she was raised in.    Is Ann Coulter a nutcase? If she is, she's one listened to and approved of by a frightening number of Americans. Yes, that's scarier than Ann herself.  But IMHO, she isn't crazy so much as evil.  She knows what she has to say in order to keep her popularity with that segment of the American populace that buys her books, and she keeps doing it, for the fame, power, and money it brings.  As she continues to age, and she can't keep up the "rightwing babe" shtick, watch her become even more extreme in her opinions in an attempt to hang on to her following, until she's left with accusing her opponents of necrophilia and incest, and advocating a "final solution" for liberals. Surely, I say, hoping she will concede that she sometimes provokes to amuse, she doesn't believe everything she comes out with. "This is the shocking thing for your readers," she replies. "I believe everything I say." If that were the case, Ann really would be a nutcase -- but I still think she's just a liar.  Still, just to be safe, I think she should be institutionalized and administered shock therapy until she sounds sane. 3:48:31 AM