October 5, 2004 by s.z.

You Blog 15 Tons and What Do You Get? Another Year Older and Deeper In Debt, of course. Yes, today is our friend Pete M's birthday.  Go over to The Dark Window and wish him a happy birthday (that way you won't have to send him a card or buy him a present).  Plus, today he's conducting a literary appreciation class with Ex-Judge Roy Moore's best poem, and he also finds his special purpose.  So, Happy Birthday, Pete, you lascivious guttersnipe, you.  And don't eat the girl in the cake -- she's just for decorative purposes 9:11:19 AM

CNS Scoops the World! Wow, CyberSex News (CNS), Brent Bozell's outfit, has obtained photocopied documents proving that Saddam did have WMDs, was in league with al Qaeda and other terrorist organizations, and that John Kerry personally forged those Dan Rather documents!  This is such big news that I think we should just eliminate the election and declare Bush President for Life! Or rather, lets look at just a few of the points which point to these documents being rank forgeries. Laurie Mylroie, who authored the book, "Study of Revenge: Saddam Hussein's Unfinished War against America," and advised Clinton on Iraq during the 1992 presidential campaign, told CNSNews.com that the papers represent "the most complete set of documents relating Iraq to terrorism, including Islamic terrorism" against the U.S. These are the documents which prove everything that Laurie has claimed (except that Iraq was behind 9/11 and the Oklahoma City bombing) -- proof right there that they are bogus.  They were apparently all together in a file marked "Super Duper Top Secret /Do NOT Allow to Fall Into the Hands of the Great Satan, As This Could Ruin Everything."  Okay, I made up that classification, but no intelligence service I know keeps all their highly incrimindating documents on a wide variety of topics in one handy file -- especially not documents like "a list of terrorist groups with whom Iraq had relationships and considered available for terror operations against the United States."  A document like that is just too good to be true --proof that it isn't true, IMHO. And if they are everything CNS claims, why hasn't Dick Cheney waved them in everybody's face?  Well, per the source, nobody knows about them but him.   The senior government official and source of the Iraqi intelligence memos, explained that the reason the documents have not been made public before now is that the government has "thousands and thousands of documents waiting to be translated. "It is unlikely they even know this exists," the source added. The government official also explained that the motivation for leaking the documents, "is strictly national security and helping with the war on terrorism by focusing this country's attention on facts and away from political posturing. "This is too important to let it get caught up in the political process," the source told CNSNews.com. Okay, let's say you're a senior government official who found THE smoking gun which will prove everything that Dick Cheney has claimed, and everything he has secretly believed and been unable to get the damned CIA and State Dept. to prove.  Instead of bringing these documents to your superiors at your government agency, like you are required to do (which would help your career immensely), or even taking them directly to the White House (which would probably get you an ambassadorship or something), you decide to go to the media, because you're really concerned about national security.  (Not concerned enough to obey the security regulations you are bound by, of course, but concerned enough to not want the documents to be used politically.)  So, what media outfit do you take them to?  CBS?  CNN?  The New York Times?  Fox News?  No, you go to CNS -- which has all the credibility of that guy who thinks the KGB is sending him secret messages through the static on his radio, and all the prestige of the free want-ads paper.  Oh, and a national readership of about 50.  Which means that (a) you're trying to pull off a hoax, and realized that only a rinky-dink outfit like CNS would fall for it; or (B) You're an incredibly stupid senior agency official who has been duped by documents planted by somebody else -- stupid enough to also believe that CNS is a legitimate news service. Either way, the way the records came to light would make even the most credulous doubt their authenticity. So, how did CNS authenticate them?  Well they asked a panel of experts consisting of crackpot Laurie Mylroie, a long-retired CIA guy who is now something of a crank, and an unnamed former UNSCOM inspector, to look at them.  All said the documents comport with the format, style and content of other Iraqi documents from that era known to be genuine. Which is how any forger would work -- use the format and style of a genuine document.  But here are the specifics that these experts were willing to commit themselves to: Bruce Tefft, a retired CIA official who specialized in counter-terrorism and had extensive experience dealing with Iraq, said that "based on available, unclassified and open source information, the details in these documents are accurate ..." The former UNSCOM inspector zeroed in on the signatures on the documents and "the names of some of the people who sign off on these things. So, they look like available, unclassified Iraqi documents, and they were purportedly signed by real Iraqi officials.  That's it for authentication.  Oh, and they make sense to Laurie. Mylroie has long maintained that Iraq was a state sponsor of terrorism against the United States. The documents obtained by CNSNews.com , she said, include "correspondence back and forth between Saddam's office and Iraqi Mukhabarat (intelligence agency). They make sense. This is what one would think Saddam was doing at the time." If they prove that Saddam was doing what Laurie thinks he was, then there is something wrong with them, since she's crazy. But can YOU look at them for yourself, and make up your own mind?  Sadly, no (to coin a phrase).  Because you might make up stuff about their kerning or type face or something. To protect against the documents being altered or misrepresented elsewhere on the Internet, CNSNews.com has decided to publish only the first of the 42 pages in Arabic, along with the English translation. Well, "Credentialed journalists and counter-terrorism experts seeking to view the 42 pages of Arabic documents or to challenge their authenticity may make arrangements to do so."  I imagine some of them will.  I give them 2 weeks to prove the documents are forgeries.  But until then, the Corner, Hugh Hewitt, InstaPundit, and all the other members of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders® (a registered trademark ofTBogg News Service) can say, "These documents, if true, prove that we were right all along, so let's assume they are true, and say, like Nelson Munz, HA ha!" 8:46:32 AM

It All Comes Down to Sex Hormones Yes, the baldest guy always wins the debate, per this NRO piece entitled The Testosterone Test: Boy Edwards vs. Manly Cheney.  The author, Steven E. Rhoads, author of Taking Sex Differences Seriously, claims that women, who are genetically risk aversive and generally stupid, are biologically programmed to be scared of Arabs on planes carrying McDonalds sacks.  They naturally fear that Chechen rebels are going to kill their kids, so they want a man who seems gruff and mean to lead the country -- that's why they all go around singing, "I want, I want, I want Dick Cheney in charge of me."  See, women think Dick is much more manly than John Edwards or John Kerry (or George Bush), since having male hormones is what leadership is all about.  And besides, Kerry seems henpicked, and nobody wants THAT in a leader. Kerry promises a more "sensitive" war on terror — not the adjective a fighter should reach for — and there is no way that his wandering back and forth in search of an Iraq policy can seem anything but hapless. His wife's riches and her inability to say much about Sen. Kerry when she talks — or even pay much attention when he does — gives everyone the sense that this man who wants to head the country is not even the head of his family. Kerry should do what Bush said he tries to do to the twins -- keep her on a leash.  And maybe beat her in front of an audience, to prove that he IS the head of his family, and a macho kind of guy. Edwards makes all these problems worse. There are different kinds of good-looking men — say Leonardo DiCaprio at one pole and Arnold Schwarzenegger at the other. And we should only vote for the steroid-enhanced kind of good-looking men, because only they have the testosterone necessary for leadership.  Geez, Edwards isn't accused of groping even one woman, proof right there that he doesn't have the balls needed in wartime. Some evidence suggests that voters like candidates for national office who appear as happy warriors — those who simultaneously seem upbeat and reassuring. In an election that hinges on terrorism, reassurance is especially important. Everybody wants a "happy warrior" for President -- somebody who can commit genocide with a smile! Edwards looks boyish and sounds boyish. Vice President Cheney is no Schwarzenegger, but he reeks of gravitas and has a biography to back it up — secretary of defense, White House chief of staff, CEO of a major corporation. Men who reek of gravitas are so sexy that I want to have their babies and award no-bid contracts to their major corporations! Moreover, he sounds authoritative. Cheney went over the top in suggesting that a Kerry presidency would mean more terrorism, but Edwards was not a compelling critic. Edwards's indignation appeared weak in a boyish man speaking an octave higher than Cheney. A deep voice is an indicator of high testosterone and thus of manly strength. Who would YOU prefer as President in a time of crisis:         Him?                                  or Him? On Tuesday night, Sen. Edwards will claim that if elected John Kerry and he will find and crush the terrorists. But for voters who want reassurance and manliness, he is unlikely to carry the day. And for voters who want intelligence, competence, and somebody who doesn't think that Rambo is a positive Presidential role model, Edwards may very well carry the day.  7:34:31 AM

A Few Pre-Debate Items First, let's review what Karen Hughes told the Wash Post: Bush confidante Karen Hughes explained the president’s petulance this way, while acknowledging the presence of such petulance, “On his face, you could see his irritation at the senator’s misrepresentations,” Hughes told the Washington Post. “He was answering the senator with his face.” A confidential source told us that Karen said that during tonight's debate, Dick Cheney will be answering John Edwards with his butt.  And here's some advice for Cheney from Tom Rath: Tom Rath, a former New Hampshire Republican state chairman, said he thinks the vice president will display his "gravitas," his foreign policy expertise and political skills during the debate. At the same time, Rath said, Cheney will need to come across as "a real live individual who cares, not some sort of dark presence." Yes, I thought it really helped Dick's image when he played Twister with Bill and Ted -- you know, it showed him as a FUN dark specter. And taking a cue from USA Today, here's a handy chart to help you tell the candidates apart during the debate.   THE BASICS Vice President Cheney North Carolina Sen. John Edwards 5 feet 10 inches Height 6 feet Projects gravitas (i.e., oldness).  Has held lots of government jobs.  Commands an operational Death Star.  Pact with Satan gave him unknown powers, plus a nice portfolio of Halliburton stock. Strengths Good looks, dazzling smile, great hair.  Came from blue-collar background - uses it to show he identifes with problems of working people.  Skilled orator.  As a trial lawyer, knows Jedi mind tricks. Speaks in monotone.  Looks like your grumpy jr. high principal.  Responsible for quagmire in Iraq.  Couldn't care less about jobs, insurance, old people, or what will happen to orphans after he forecloses on mortgage. Weaknesses Still serving first term in Senate - has never started a war, or been a wartime VP.  Never killed a man just to watch him die -seems too nice to go for opponent's jugular. Not a member of the Trilateral Commission. In 2000 debate, some said he seemed less dour than Joe Lieberman.  Had Democratic opponents in House races in Wyoming whacked; claims victory in those debates too.  Track record Seemed sunny, nice, likable during Democratic primary debates - all the pundits said so. Not used to debating while seated.    Push message that John Kerry is a francophile poofster whom the terrorists want to win so they can attack U.S. again and kill your children.  Claim that Edwards lacks the experience and ruthlessness to kill Kerry and assume the presidency, if required.  Task this time Goad Cheney into snarling "go f-- yourself", or "I'll get you yet my pretty; you and your war hero too!"   Get him to make funny and/or scary faces for the camera.  Make fun of his baldness in hopes he has heart incident.   Bring up WMDs frequently, and aks him if HE knows that we were attacked by al Qaeda, not Saddam.  Smile a lot.  5:32:01 AM