September 15, 2004 by s.z.

Townhall Review: Bloggers Rule! Edition  Michelle Malkin Townhall has discovered bloggers; they are the best invention since white people ... I mean, white bread ... SLICED bread.  Well, at least those superscripty, Courier-kerning, fighting keyboarder ones are.  Michelle names the party favorites: Questions about the documents' authenticity were first raised last week on the indispensible conservative Internet forum, FreeRepublic.com, You know, I dispensed with FreeRepublic some time ago, and my life has been much better for it.  then amplified and supplemented by the intrepid independent bloggers of Powerline, Little Green Footballs, INDC Journal and Allahpundit. Yeah, LittleGreen and Allahpundit are famous for their intrepidity.  Oh, and David Duke is best-known for his industriousness. But apparently Dan Rather doesn't appreciate this brave band of bloggers the way that Michelle does, because he allegedly said that they are "partisan political operatives."  Which is totally untrue, of course.  They are as non-partisan and apolitical as, say, Fox News. It's no surprise, of course, that the conspiratorial, central-planning mindset of the mainstream media kingpins conjures up a top-down plot where there is none and where none could ever be orchestrated even if the Bush White House wanted one. Bloggers take orders from no one. Not true.  Some take orders from their cool online imaginary friends, some from their cat, and some from their dark lord Satan But with that irresistible platter of publishing freedom comes a tall glass of responsibility. For serious blogging pundits and news-gatherers and discussion board operators, cyber-cred is everything. Mainstream media anthropologists often attach the adjective "free-wheeling" to the blogger culture -- ignoring the flip side of the brutally quick-fixing and 24/7 fact-checking nature of the medium.  It's true that cyber-cred is everything to serious, responsible bloggers.  So, ask some of that kind what they think of FreeRepublic and Little Green Footballs, Michelle. Kathleen Parker Bloggers are god! Still in relative infancy, the blogosphere - that new galaxy within the journalism universe wherein citizen journalists known as bloggers (short for keepers of Web logs) chat among themselves through mutual links and commentary - has defined itself in large part as a vehicle for challenging the mainstream media (MSM). Bloggers love fact-checking television and newspaper reporters and commentators, for instance, and have proved themselves both energetic and competent on both fronts. Yes, I've been fact-checking Townhall for nearly a year now, and (if I do say so myself), have proven myself both energetic and competent.  And yet, I was not on the Brit Hume show today like the Powerline guy, nor was my blog touted by Pudgy Podhoretz on the O'Reilly Factor.  And despite all my efforts, Townhall has still not been condemned by the CDC.  So, maybe bloggers aren't god after all. Anyway, per Kathleen, the bonfire of the vanities all stared with FreeRepublic. Such was the spark that began the flame that grew into the wildfire that became the conflagration that threatens to consign journalistic credibility to history's ash heap. Which lives in the house that Jack built. Make that yet another victory for the nerds, but not nerds in pajamas , as former CBS executive Jonathan Klein said in an attempt to impugn bloggers. Yes, most of us blog in the nude.  Even I do, per blogger Pete M. of The Dark Window -- so, it must be true. The implication that bloggers are slacker dust bunnies [???] has delighted bloggers, the best of whom are lawyers, professors, scientists, renegade journalists and techies of various sorts, such as the brothers Johnson (Charles and Michael) at "Little Green Footballs," whose years of experience in state-of-the-art graphics and Web design at the "pixel level" enabled them to quickly duplicate the CBS memos and demonstrate their likely origin on a very modern computer.  I am the best blogger of all, for I am a lawyer/professor/scientist/regenage astronaut supermodel spy.  By using my specialized knowledge I can prove that not only was there no written language in 1972, but that LittleGreenSpitballs is a site which decent people try to avoid.  Though virtually newborn, the blogosphere has blossomed exponentially in a matter of Earth-time seconds, from a few random voices to a mighty and diverse chorus of sometimes spectacular talent. Bloggers are the Big Bang of the Information Age.  Kathleen!  We naked nerds do not appreciate your tawdry stories about our sexual prowess appearing in print! Jonah Goldberg Jonah, whose wife has left him for the summer, gets into the wingnut porn and goes crazy. I don't want to overstate the extent of my glee over the Dan Rather imbroglio now known as "Memogate." But, it may well be the Greatest Story . Ever (apologies to the Comic Book Guy from "The Simpsons"). And apologies to all Christians out there. If this story were a street urchin, I would take into my home, give it my name, and raise it as if it were my flesh and blood. If Monty Hall gave me the choice of picking this story or the coolest thing ever to reside behind Door No. 2, I would pick this story without a moment's hesitation. Cancel Christmas, suspend Hanukkah, blot out the sun with copies of the forged memos, and I will be perfectly happy.  If there is a God (or a pissed-off Jesus Christ), the memos will be proven to be authentic, having come from an unimpeachable source (say, Ronald Reagan), just to ruin Jonah's life.  (Oh, and the story probably is Jonah's street-urchin flesh and blood, in that it's related to him through his uncle Matt Drudge.)  Ben Shapiro It's Pledge Week yet again at Townhall.  Ben is today's poster child for staving pundits.  However, being Ben, he begins his ad by reminding us that he is attending an elite Ivy League law school. The other day in my criminal law class at Harvard Law, the professor proposed the following scenario.  Suppose you are walking home, when you encounter a man lying face-down in a puddle.  Clearly, if he remains lying in the puddle, he will drown.  By law, do you have to help him? No.  I learned that in my rocket science class at the Sorbonne. But on to why we should give money to Townhall: it's so they will go from town to town, rescuing drunks from puddles. And so I thank God for Townhall.com.  Townhall.com speaks out loud and clear in favor of traditional Judeo-Christian morality.  It gives writers like me a forum to lobby for morality in community and government; Okay, I think we've heard enough to make us donate to AntiTownhall. In a world ridden with moral confusion, Townhall.com is a lighthouse, pointing the way toward safe ethical ground.  In a world ridden with stupidity, Townhall.com is a giant light bulb, attracting conservative moths, and causing some of them fly too close and get their brains fried. So why should you give your hard-earned money to Townhall.com? Because if you don't, Ben dies! Rebecca Hagelin Rebecca took her 10-year-old daughter Kristin to the Republican convention, and all the kid got was this stupid column.  Rebecca starts her report with some sociological observations on what excited the crowd of Bush worshippers. It was fascinating to watch the faithful as they hung on his every word – to learn what motivated the crowd the most, and what moved them to their feet. Certainly, his words of victory over Saddam Hussein's reign of terror and the president's expression of his resolve to protect the innocent and export freedom around the world were the high points for this crowd. And when the president spoke of protecting innocent unborn life, the crowd went wild and gave him a standing ovation. Sadly for that gullible conservative crowd, all Bush said was, "We must make a place for the unborn child."  For all they know, the place the President was referring to is heaven.  Or the stem-cell lab.  And then Rebecca resorts to the hoariest cliche in the faux-journalist's book: claiming to have interviewed a colorful local who eloquently says just what Rebecca would say if SHE were a colorful local. When I asked one policeman of his remembrances of Sept. 11, he said he still has difficulty even thinking about it, and talking about friends he lost is nearly impossible. He quietly replied that America must win the war against terrorism at home by fighting it abroad. For the cops on the streets of New York City, it's obvious that evil should be stamped out at its roots instead of waiting for it to crush us in our hometowns.  Transcript of what the policeman actually said: "Leave me the hell alone, you crazy, old bat -- I'm working!" Rebecca concludes by trying to take away the AWM™ crown away from Meghan: Discussion of values and freedom are abundant in the Hagelin household. Our children receive a steady diet of information on current issues, and conservative principles, and of the importance of these values over party affiliation. Our kids have also heard many a parental sermon on the importance of preserving freedom, making sacrifices when need be, and of the necessity of protecting those who have no voice. Yet, during the week of the RNC – with all the forces on both sides of the ideological aisle armed with their most powerful messages and with their most important values on display, my little girl clearly saw the differences between conservative and liberal ideals, and saw her own way through to what is right and just. Would be that others could see it so clearly, too. What Kristin saw was that if she didn't tell Daddy about Mommy's drunken revelry with that delegate from Alaska, she'd get a new iPod.  She truly has been taught well about conservative ideals. Mike Adams Mike goes on the radio to explain to the stupid liberal gun haters that even though the assault weapons ban has ended, machine guns are still illegal.  While on the air, he got to correct a former police officer, proving that Mike is the most macho guy in North Carolina!  Sadly (for Dennis), Dennis Miller wasn't listening to Mike's program.  However, an educator was, and he was a big jerk. Unfortunately, the educator didn’t respond to my correction in the same fashion as the former officer. He said something like “you think you’re better than me because you’re a college professor. Shame on you!” Mike is a college professor?  Why didn't he ever tell us? After his momentary hissy fit, he threw out a statistic (from God knows where) saying that 27 heads of law enforcement agencies supported renewing the ban. The “27 police chiefs” statistic was pretty easy to rebut, given that approximately 17,000 state and local law enforcement agencies report crime data to the FBI on a monthly basis. I simply asked him why more police chiefs didn’t support the ban. The “educator” said that most of them didn’t have time to travel to Washington, DC. I didn’t understand what that was supposed to mean. I still don’t. Mike, I suspect it refers to something like this: WASHINGTON — Dozens of police chiefs said Wednesday that their officers would be safer if President Bush and congressional leaders extend a 10-year-old ban on making or importing military-style assault weapons, which is due to expire Monday. "Tragically, this year alone there have been more than a dozen officers killed with assault weapons," said Joseph Polisar, chief of the Garden City, Calif., police department and president of the International Association of Chiefs of Police. The chiefs represented several law enforcement associations and were accompanied by colleagues and relatives of officers slain by assault weapons. But Polisar said they were stonewalled by the White House, which ignored their request for a meeting.  Mike, we know you know how to use a search engine to find porn; so, if you wanted to, you could use it to find scores of stories about the thousands of law enforcement groups, police chiefs, and sheriffs who supported the assault weapons ban.   But I guess you didn't bother, because you're a college professor and think you're better than us. But on to the part about Dennis Miller. Dennis is one of my favorite television commentators. In fact, we have a lot in common. We are both former liberals who are very sarcastic and quite handsome, I might add. (Well, two out of three isn’t so bad). Unfortunately, on September 13, Dennis Miller joined in with all the other misinformed media elites, saying that we need to keep “machine guns” in the hands of our soldiers, not in the hands of our citizens. Claiming to be “mad as hell” about the expiration of the ban, he made foolish references to the Uzi and AK-47, just like our friends in the liberal media. Hey, it sounds like Dennis is reverting back to liberalism, Mike.  Maybe you should shoot him! 5:24:29 AM

The Challengers Our Townhallers did a really wingnutty job today, but their begging for cash has made made them look weak and vulnerable, which has attracted challengers from ChronWatch, NewsNewsDaily, and something called Mullenax News.  Will this ragtag bunch of misfits be able to topple the mighty Townhall Team?  Let's find out. Judson Cox As our special correspondent andante informed us, Judson dropped out of Lees McRae College because they are all a bunch of commie terrorist traitors there, and they didn't appreciate him.  Now he tells the world his story of oppression and heroism At Lees McRae College, I encountered shockingly blatant bigotry toward our troops.   Every class, it seemed, was an opportunity to deride our president and devalue the ideals of our nation.  Every class?  Even that P.E. class which Andante told us about, where Judson showed up in cowboy boots? I tried to defend our troops.  I attempted to describe the torture chambers, rape rooms, and prisons full of children that characterized Saddam’s rule. But alas, the authorities didn't appreciate it when he did this in Mrs. Cooper's third grade class. I could not, in good conscience, allow my tuition to pay for a film that Hezbollah is using to recruit terrorists.  I could not say to my friends, when and if they return from Iraq and Afghanistan, ‘while you were fighting for our freedom and safety, I was funding our enemies.  I could not answer their sacrifice by supporting a school that encourages its students to hate our country and our soldiers.  With a heavy heart, I withdrew from Lees McRae College.  I only wanted to finish a few hours to get my degree.  Instead, I was forced to choose between loyalty to our country, and the piece of paper that is supposed to be admittance into the professional world. Yes, poor Judson.  Forced to choose between doing really demanding term papers for a school which supports terrorism, or dropping out and living in his mother's basement for a few more years.  We must ask ourselves if a college degree is worth the cost.  Is it worth spending $50,000 to $100,000 for a degree that may be worthless?  Is any degree worth funding treason, terrorism, and those who encourage the hatred of America? College is bogus, man! Regardless of the conclusions we reach, the best and brightest are not to be found in colleges and universities.  The best among us are our military.     So, I guess Judson is enlisting.  Way to go, Judson!   Justin Darr Since Dr. Seb No! from Sadly, No! is busy moving to his underground fortress this week, he asked me to share with you the latest from his protege, Justin Darr. (Well, Seb sent me a memo which he purportedly wrote on his 1970's electric typewriter requesting as much.)  And this works out well, since it seems that Justin wants to take on Yosef and Doug Giles in that "hottest young conservative" match. Liberals delight in propagating the myth that they are somehow more intelligent, educated, and sophisticated than the common person. I think that was aimed at Yosef, who delights in propagating that myth.   (And what makes it worse is that Yosef IS more intelligent, educated, and sophisticated than the common person, which is just what a liberal would do!) Well, with all do respect to our self appointed philosopher kings, I beg to differ. The latest baseless attack brewed up by the Left is about as intelligent and sophisticated as a drunk wearing a leisure suit trying to hit on his boss’ wife at the office Christmas party. Ooof!  Now Justin is throwing metaphors at Doug! Ah! Ah! Ah! Hold it right there before you start getting all hysterical and “outraged” on me. And in a surprise move, Justin has now attacked Zell Miller!  This hottest young conservative steel-cage match is really heating up! Who knows if John Kerry or the DNC is behind the fake documents. God does! They will certainly never admit it. But it would be completely consistent with the character of a campaign staff who has no respect for the voting public to attempt to pass off such a heavy handed, boorish, farce as the National Guard forgeries are proving to be. So, if Kerry or the DNC don't admit forging the documents, then it proves that they did it.  Got it. Well, it looks like Yosef won that match.  However, we haven't yet heard from Rob Tong, who just may be the hottest young conservative whom nobody has ever heard of.   Rob Tong On sale today is the Kitty Kelley Bush-bashing book The Family: The Real Story of the Bush Dynasty. It's Michael Moore-approved, I'm sure. Saddam Hussein and Satan gave it a thumbs-up too, no doubt. One allegation is that Bush snorted cocaine at Yale. However, this allegation is based on two mysteriously anonymous former classmates. Even if true, the allegation isn't a big deal. After all, Democratic star Barack Obama has snorted cocaine too. And the standard for Republican presidential conduct has always been, "What would Barack do? Another classmate (who this time was identified) said, "Georgie, as we called him then, has absolutely no intellectual curiosity about anything. He wasn't interested in ideas or books or causes. He didn't travel; he didn't read the newspapers; he didn't watch the news; he didn't go to the movies." But this allegation is more yawn-stifling than eyebrow-raising. After all, that description sounds a lot like me when I was in college. About the only things I was interested in during my college days were video games, sports and blasting alternative music on our stereo. I wasn't interested in current events, causes or anything that required "intellectual thinking". I didn't like travel and didn't care for movies. Of course, I'm much more interested, if not downright passionate, in certain ideas and causes now. It's possible Bush could be that way too. Rob has taken the lead in the hottest young conservative contest with that last revelation, AND he's a shoe-in for the 2008 Republican presidential nomination! So, let's read what I think is his bio: Name: Rob Tong Country: United States State: Illinois Birthday: 4/15/1970 Gender: Male Interests: doing comic strips, DJing, team sports (except hockey), tennis, chess, computer games, darts, pool, foosball, anything fun... Occupation: Computer related (Internet) Industry: Computers (Internet) So, with the additional hotness from his interests in comic strips, DJing Christian country music, and that job with the Internet, I think Rob won this bout of Hottest Young Conservative Wrestling  (but Yosef or Doug or Zell could still pull ahead in the days to come).  But in regard to the team competition, I have to award the wingnut points to the Townhallers (thanks to Jonah and Ben).  Yes, the pros at Townhall have triumphed over their amateur, unpaid opponents.  A victory indeed for conservative thought! 3:54:57 AM