September 16, 2004 by s.z.

Winning Friends and Influencing People And here, dissing Bill O'Reilly for saying that Dan Rather was just misinformed about the CBS documents like how George Bush was misinformed about the non-existant WMDs, is Ann Coulter: I'll admit, there's a certain sadistic quality to such overwrought decency toward Dan Rather. But how does Bill O'Reilly know what Dan Rather was thinking when he put forged documents on the air? I know liberals have the paranormal ability to detect racism and sexism, but who knew O'Reilly could read an anchorman's mind just by watching him read the news? Oooh, so Ann is calling Bill a liberal, and therefore a traitor.  Hey, Bill, I'd put a bullet between her head if I were you! She goes on to diss PowerLine blog, LittleGreenSpitballs, and the other kerning bloggers: Within hours of the documents being posted on CBS' website, moderately observant fourth-graders across America noticed that the alleged early '70s National Guard documents were the product of Microsoft Word. Guys, I recomend you pay her back by using your much lauded technical skills to analyze her Adam's apple. Oh, and speaking of CBS, here's part of one of their stories on the Republican convention that I just noticed: Ann Coulter, however, says social conservatives are not to the right of the rest of the GOP. “There is no division. This is a pro-life party,” the conservative author and television personality says. “If Giuliani wants to have a national ambition, and I’m a big fan of his, he’s going to have to become pro-life if he wants to run for president. No one ever believed he was pro-choice anyway - he’s a Catholic from Queens," she says, adding, “Americans understand that Manhattan is the Soviet Union.” Well, for a Catholic from Queens, he seems pretty pro-adultery.  But hey, if Ann says all Republicans are social conservatives, I guess she's right.  And if she says that Americans think that Manhattan is the Soviet Union, I guess that explains why George Bush's whole campaign is based on 9/11: he's claiming credit for having kicked some Soviet butt. In a purple dress and black high heels, Coulter was willing to break ranks with the president on some issues. “I don’t like the amnesty for illegal [aliens]... the largest entitlement program in 50 years is the prescription drug program… campaign finance reform,” she says. “But what are you going to do,” she says, throwing up her arms, “vote for the Treason Party?” President Bush “is not our ideal,” she says, but adds that “no human can be the ideal unless he’s Jesus Christ.” So, she agrees with Doug Giles and Pastor Swank that George Bush is an abortion-arranging, coke sniffing, father dishonoring, semi-liberal drunk -- but hey, Jesus has retired, so you have no choice but to vote for George, because Kerry is Satan incarnate. And, for Coulter, “Reagan was as close to Jesus Christ as we got.” That's the scariest thing I've read all day! She then autographs a pamphlet and explains that this Republican Party is the party of Reagan and Bush, not Schwarzenegger. “We are going to be banning gay marriage before we allow foreigners to be president.” Damn straight!  In fact, after we ban gay marriage, gays, Democrats, and non-wingnuts, then we're gonna run out all the foreigners -- and everybody with accents, and those who practice non-approved religions.  Oh, and also everybody who doesn't look Aryan. 6:24:41 AM

KerfluffleGate and Kitty Tales Yeah, that's all everybody is talking about today.  Should there be House and Senate hearings on the CBS memos?  (I say yes, as long as they first have hearings about all those "Gore said he invented the internet" stories).  And are the liberal Bush haters behind Kelley's book?  (No, the capitalist publishers are.) But here are a couple of items from the news stories which I found kinda interesting. 1.  It Depends on What the Meaning of 'All' Is From the Wash Post: In a related development, White House press secretary Scott McClellan hinted that more documents regarding Bush's National Guard service may soon be released. Asked whether officials in the White House have seen unreleased documents, McClellan called that "a very real possibility." Other officials with knowledge of the situation said more documents had indeed been uncovered and would be released in the coming days. Where have these documents been hiding, undetected by those diligant White House officials who wanted to release them the last two times?  I bet we'll ever know.  And will they make prove that Bush wasn't given preferential treatment to get into the Guard, did fulfill his commitment to fly for five years after completing that expense pilot training, and didn't disobey an order to obtain a flight physical?  Um, no. 2.  Will Peggy Ever Get Invited to the White House Again? From an A.P. story which mentions some of the named sources in Kitty's book: Ron Reagan, Jr., the former president's son and a critic of the current administration, is cited. So, surprisingly, is Peggy Noonan, a speechwriter for President Reagan and the first President Bush and currently a senior adviser with the Republican National Committee. Kelley says she had e-mail correspondence with Noonan and the book includes a passage in which Noonan concludes that the first President Bush, in unfavorable contrast to Reagan, "lacked historical imagination." I'm sure Peggy will quickly point out that having a historical imagination isn't all that important in a President anymore, because in this critical time we just need a regular Joe who can't talk, think, or read.   And if we happen to elect a smart, talented, experienced war hero, we're doomed, DOOMED! Oh, and speaking of how Bush just measure up to Reagan, here's part of a news story about Peggy's Wednesday night speech to SunTrust bank's customers and clients: Her topic was broad but at its core was the presidency and for Noonan that means Ronald Reagan, a man she described as "the last gentleman of American politics." Remember, she worked for Bush the elder and is currently a special assistant to the head of the RNC.  So, she knows what she's talking about when she disses the Bushes. This part of the story is also enlightening: Left vs. right With Jesse Jackson and Peggy Noonan in town this week, we asked each about today's political arena from their perspectives. Head here Text goes here and here. Text goes here and here. Text goes here and here. Text goes here and here. Text goes here and here. Jesse and Peggy have such a way with words! 4:21:50 AM

Tricksy Hobbits Who Steal One's Precious As thanks for our having tried to help out by covering Justin Darr's latest column while Seb was moving his porn stash to the new location, Sadly, No! has stolen our Jen Shroder.  Sure, he made her seem all smart and sensible, and not at all hilarious [Note: actually we just said that so you wouldn't read his post], but this is something we can't condone.  So, we are forced to steal something of his.  Once again, it's his Amber Pawlik. While Amber hasn't had a column published for a while, there is always the Rants page at her site to entertain and enlighten us.  From the latest entry we learn how Amber greatly assisted a coworker who didn't know which mattress to buy.  She then segues into a rant about how Democratic Bush haters are all miserable people, which she proves by running through the list of three "common, everyday Democratic Bush haters" she has encountered during in the course of her life. Friday September 10, 2004 I made my coworker's day today, based on my Objectivist principles. [...]  She kept asking me and asking me what I would do. Finally I told her: she should think of what's best for her. She was stunned when I said that and it was as if lightbulbs and fireworks went off inside of her. I asked her how important it was for her to have a nice mattress. She said very important as she has a bad back. I said, well, then you should get the nice mattress for the same price you would have gotten the lesser mattress. She thanked me over and over for saying that, that she was thinking that, but she just needed someone to say it. (Even funnier since she is twice my age). Another triumph for Objectivism!!!  Thank Ayn Rand the hag had Amber around to tell her what the hell mattress she should buy, or she those light bulbs and fireworks would have never ignited. And, in related news, this just in: George Bush haters consist of welfare recipients, dependent leeches on others, haters of (pick a group: men, Jews, white people, Christians), crack addicts, misguided youths, and wife and child beaters. Ok, maybe not all of them, but many of them, and the one uniting theme among Bush-hating Democrats I see is: they are miserable people. And I can see why leftist Democrats are hostile to morality and moral judgment. Let me run through the list of common everyday Democratic Bush haters that I've encountered, i.e. not just the leftists I met on campus. One guy tells me that his son married a woman, who decided to get involved with crack cocaine after having three children. Another guy's wife is jealous as hell, and in one story I heard, harped on him for months after a female coworker picked up his phone, thinking it was an important call he was waiting for. Another guy hates his fiance, but was with her for 6 years, and doesn't know how to break up with her. He calls her regularly to apologize to her for something he did or to basically verbally abuse her, (such as seething through his teeth, "If you would just use your brain for 5 seconds, I could tell you something.") So, from Amber's scientific study of Democratic Bush haters we can see that they  all have relationship problems.  No wonder they hate Bush!  Oh, and many of them are welfare recipients/dependent leeches, crack addicts, and wife beaters, although Amber hasn't actually met any Bush haters who fall into those categories. Now, on to some good news: Friday September 03, 2004 Articles of mine are now being published in a newsletter in Massachusetts called The Valley Patriot. The President emaild me and said he liked my style and looked forward to more. Well, no wonder George Bush likes Amber's style -- she's a Republican Bush lover with a can-do Objectivist attitude!  I hope she can help him with his mattress dilemma. There!  We hope that this has taught Seb a valuable lesson about stealing (and about mattresses).  But just to be sure, we are forced to discuss the latest column by Seb's special lady, Kerry Marsala.    This week's piece is about how parents keep giving their kids drugs, like antidepressants and insulin, because adults these days are just too lazy and selfish to discipline the kids' problems away.  And because of that, today's school has become some kind of a blackboard jungle!  And even worse, your kids are forced to attend school with the children of bad parents. Fortunately we still have parents who are raising their children in stable, nurturing homes. They discipline their children with love, help them with their homework, back up the teacher's request to help their child excel, take them to social activities and monitor their friendships. The children of these parents are doing the best they can to help grow strong adults, but these children are mixed in with a growing majority of time bombs--labeled "troubled students." Plus, depending on what part of the country you live in, throw into this mixture of problem students' those who cannot speak English. Not only do we have children in classrooms who are easily distracted, constantly vying for attention (negative mostly), spewing out words of profanity, and dressing like cheap two dollar whores, but we also have those who cannot even read or write in English.  Surprised? I sure am!  I had no idea that whores could be obtained for as little as two dollars!  Or that street walkers making such low wages had enough money to buy clothes at the mall. But why do I get the impression that Kerry is more outraged by the children from other countries who can't speak English than she is by the pre-teen hookers, kids with potty mouths, and "time bombs"? 3:27:52 AM