Women are From Shrewville, Men are from Idiotown
Dr. Laura has a new book out called Woman Power. It's a "companion book/workbook" to The Proper Care & Feeding of Husbands, meaning that it covers the same material as the previous tome, but also gives you lots of blank pages. So, you should obviously buy numerous copies of it.
And I'm not the only saying that. For instance, here's Elizabeth Farrah," co-founder of WorldNetDaily and senior vice president of marketing"; the book so inspired her that she wrote her first column for WorldNetDaily in over a year. I highly recommend Dr. Laura Schlessinger's "Woman Power" to you – very highly. I know of no one who could not benefit from reading this book. If you care about your marriage, you should read it. If you care about the happiness and success of others' marriages, read it and loan it. Finally, if you care about the unhappy state of our society with all the crumbling of our once strong foundations of morality and virtue, you must read this book.
Well, as bad as it sounds, I just don't care about my marriage, since I don't have one. And I don't think the happiness and success of other people's marriages are really any of my business -- while I do hope that others are happy, I get the feeling that lending the book to, say, Glenstonecottage or Frederick would not be met with gratitude. Not to mention what their wives would say. And frankly, I do not believe that reading Dr. Laura's crappy workbook will stop our morality and virtue foundation garments from crumbling -- in fact, I blame Laura for adding to the crumbs. Do you think terrorists have threatened our way of life? They are but a mere puff of wind beside the forces of darkness that have compromised our marriages.
So, George Bush's shouldn't be spending all his campaign time talking about the War on Terra, he should be outlining how he plans to deal with Taiwanese women who show up outside men's hotel rooms and then have sex with them. You have too many unread titles in stacks or on a list? Nothing you have – save your Bible – is more important a read.
So it's Dr. Laura, not Ronald Reagan, who is the closest thing to Jesus that we've found. This book is about the power held by women in the home, and with that power comes responsibility. You owe it to everyone you love to seek more knowledge and training in using the power that God has given you over the lives in your home and corporately over the very health of our nation. I thank God we don't send untrained men to construct bridges and dams. Isn't your family as important as a public works project?
And I thank God we don't train men (and women) to construct bridges and dams by having them read a moronic, preachy, "self-help" book by an author whose only training in the field is a "Post-Doctoral Certification in Marriage, Family and Child Counseling," whose failures with her own relationships are well-known, and whose nude photos have appeared on the web. Unless, of course, the dam author was really hot. Barber: In your view, how damaging has our culture’s masculinity bias been on the family? Schlessinger: Disastrous. As one 19 year old male said to me recently, “Thank God for the feminist movement and their sexual revolution! It is the answer to the prayers of horny, hormonally driven, young males. Girls hand out (oral sex) like candy on Halloween. Bless ‘em all.”
Well, oral sex is cheaper than ten pounds of those mini-Snickers bars, and it doesn't cause cavities. Barber: I am one of your many Christian fans. Why do you think evangelical Christians are among your biggest fans? Because they're used to taking advice from idiots? Schlessinger: Because we embrace the same values and are willing to stand up for them!
I guess Dr. Laura really is walking away from Judaism.
Anyway, now that we're all enthused about Woman Power, let's read some excerpts from an excerpt of the introduction of the book: Woman PowerDr. Laura's Companion Book/Workbook to
The Proper Care & Feeding Of Husbands
[Snip stuff about how popular Care & Feeding is, and snip story about how husband of caller is nicer to 18-year-old step-daughter than he is to caller, all because wife doesn't phone him at work "to whisper sweet nothings or naughties into his ear," and step-daughter presumably does.] This goes along with part of my thesis, that men are simple—not simpletons—but simple in their needs—i.e., not complex. They need appreciation, approval, and affection from their woman; and when they get that, they will, as I’ve said many times on my radio program, swim through shark-infested water to bring us lemonade.
Maybe it's just me, but I don't WANT men swimming through shark-infested water to bring me lemonade -- not only would I feel horribly guilty putting someone's life in danger just to satisfy my whim, but if the man was attacked by the shark, he'd probably get blood in my lemondade and think how unappetizing that would be.
And again, maybe it's just me, but I've found that some men are simple in their needs, and some are complex. Kinda like women. Women wield more power in man-woman relationships. Men are born of women, raised by women, and come to women for their bonding and mating. Throughout their whole lives, women are central to men’s emotional well-being. I don’t think we can come up with one story about a man committing suicide over the breakup with a golf buddy.
You know, I don't think we can come up with one story about a woman committing suicide over the breakup with a golf buddy either. Say, maybe men and women BOTH wield power in relationship! Within only two weeks of the publication of The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands, I received a letter from a six-foot-four, two-hundred-and-fifteen-pound police officer. It was painful to read, but I shared it on my radio program. The response to it from all across the United States and Canada was amazing. Why? This big, masculine, powerful, accomplished guy was turning into depressive mush because his wife never seemed to be proud of, or happy with, him.
Yes, his wife turned this big, strong, macho policeman to "depressive mush," and she alone bears responsiblity for his emotions and feelings. I mean, he says so, and Dr. Laura concurs.
Fortunately Dr. Laura has a quick fix, as she indicates at the end of the intro: Just a look of the eye, the tone of a voice, the touch of a hand. Simple. A few minutes each day . . . tops.
So, look at husbands adoringly, coo at them sweetly, and have sex with them for, say, ten minutes. Then the saps are happy, and you can get back to your radio program.
But let's hear how the sad policeman's letter inspired Dr. Laura listeners: I have never been asked for more copies of anything else I have read on this program in thirty years! That letter triggered hundreds of letters from women who did what Jeanah, one of my listeners, did within minutes of hearing me read Robert’s letter. She faxed me this: “I feel that a ‘thank you’ is not enough to say to you and the gentleman who wrote the letter you just read. I fear that I am one of those women. [...] “I’m leaving for the rest of the day, to buy something sheer and frilly. When he comes home, I’ll be on the bed, wearing not much, holding grapes and a cheese ball. I’ll keep the remaining details to myself."
Yes, there's nothing like coming home after a hard day at work and being met by a cheeseball on the bed. Unfortunately, there were also letters from men whose wives refused to read the book. That very refusal was experienced as a personal rejection of the men who wondered aloud why she wouldn’t want to know more about their feelings and needs. Dave, a listener, wrote: "My wife has seen me reading it and knows about the book, but she has not asked me anything about it. I don’t know if this is because she doesn’t want to look in the mirror or if it is the typical disinterest in what I am doing."
Dave, it could be that she just doesn't want to embarass you by pointing out that you're reading a book by Dr. Frigging Laura! David, a listener, wrote:"I bought The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands because I wanted to read it myself just to see if I had unrealistic expectations of my wife of seventeen years. Translation: "I bought the book because I heard it chastizes women for not having sex whenever their husbands want it, and I wanted my wife to know that Dr. Laura agreed with me that my wife was a bitch." “It is unreal what simple creatures men really are. If I could just get that little bit of physical love from my wife, I would absolutely be her slave. I have told her this many times and it is just so much water off a duck’s back. I work sometimes twelve to fourteen hours a day to provide the income necessary for our family to live with some degree of comfort. And all I ask from my wife is fifteen minutes a couple of days a week (which I never get)."
David, maybe if sex took longer than fifteen minutes, your wife would want it more. Men are starting to come out of the closet and admit that they are hurt and angry and don’t want to take it anymore. Tim, a reader, called my radio program asking me what he should do with his anger toward women, an anger crystallized by reading The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands!
Should anybody who is worried about the crumbling of society be recommending a book which causes men's anger against women to crystallize? I mean, don't we have enough problems already? It’s obvious that we women wield tremendous power over our relationships with our men. It’s obvious that our men can be motivated to greatness in and out of the home with the smallest words and gestures of love, admiration, and support from us, their wives.
I suggest saying something like, "Hey, honey, I really love and admire you and stuff. Now, get out there and be great, and don't come home until you are." Perhaps one of the most compelling letters that deals with this issue of what a husband really needs came recently from an ex-prostitute. Wow! What a perspective. Melissa wrote that she stripped by day and sold her body at night from the age of sixteen. “There is a misconception that all hookers are on street corners and that all ‘johns’ are degenerate, perverted, dirty old men looking to indulge in sick acts that their prim and proper wives at home won’t do. Though this is the case sometimes, I am compelled to tell you another side. “The majority of my clients were married, but the truth is that at least 90 percent of them NEVER TOUCHED ME. They would pay me to do acts their wives wouldn’t do . . . but it was things like LISTEN, fix them a drink, light their cigarettes, and stroke their egos . . . pay attention to them and make them feel good—but I’m not talking sexually.
Yes, it's women's fault that men go to prostitutes -- the poor dears are forced to seek out women of the evening because their wives won't light their cigarettes. “You would be shocked at how little actual sex I had with clients, and I’m including Clinton’s definition of sex as well. These men had to pay money to get from someone else what they weren’t getting at home. I always thought how incredibly sad they were, and even though they were married, how alone they always came across.”
Yes, I WOULD be shocked to learns that 90% of "Melissa's" clientele didn't even touch her -- so shocked that I would tend to believe that she made up the whole story. Anyway, Laura concludes the intro with that bit about how women can magically manipulate men with "Just a look of the eye, the tone of a voice, the touch of a hand. Simple. A few minutes each day . . . tops." So, ladies, look at him with admiration, talk to him like you do the dog, and then give him a handjob. Quick, easy, and then he'll bring you that lemonade.
3:33:06 AM  | 
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