July 14, 2004 by s.z.

Deep Thoughts, by Peggy Noonan When you are president and you are doing hard things in history like making war, and you are doing it in the jingle-jangle of the modern media environment, you have a kind of moral responsibility to make it clear that you hate war, really hate it, and love peace. This would seem obvious, but is not. Now, a Deep Thought, by Jack Handey: If any man says he hates war more than I do, he better have a knife, that's all I have to say. Here's Peggy again: A leader cannot seem ambivalent about crucial actions and decisions, and he can't seem so weighed down by the facts and implications of those decisions that people begin to wonder if he's lost his fight. There's a reason people like a happy warrior. A happy warrior tends to be a winning warrior. And Jack Handey: I hope in the future Americans are thought of as a warlike, vicious people, because I bet a lot of high schools would pick 'Americans' as their mascot. I imagine Peggy will get her own "Thought a Day" desk calendar for next year.  But if not, maybe she can collaborate with Jack. 11:17:33 PM

'Boy Pawing Boy' Family Circus  Today's Cartoon  (See it here): PJ is grasping Jeffy's stomach flab, while Jeffy has a hand on PJ's chest.  With his other hand, Jeffy is holding an open Cola can;  PJ has a candy cane (with the crook broken off) glued to his mouth.  Billy says, "PJ's tryin' to sneak up on my soda with a straw!" Analysis: I think this cartoon is predicting the Jen Shroder column about the FMA.  Jen said, "As public schools promote homosexuality and anal sex to our children, gay activists are flooding our school systems demanding access to our children's minds." So, Billy and PJ, whose minds have been accessed by gay activists, are just trying to act out the anal sex they learned about in school.  But it's more than that.  This cartoon also shows us Jeffy (Dubya) complaining that PJ (John Edwards) is trying to "sneak up on my soda with a straw" (take over Bush's position as "the candidate more people would want to invite to a barbecue, or have a beer with").  Prediction: Keane is saying that the Senate vote on the passage of the FMA will fail today (hey, since Keane drew this cartoon weeks ago, I don't want any remarks on the "well, duh!" quality of Bil's prediction for today).  Keane is also predicting that when Dick Cheney tries to hug George Bush (an attempt to convince the media that he and George are still on good terms), George will shove a fist in Dick's chest (an attempt to show the world that he isn't gay, like those poofs Kerry and Edwards).  Sadly, this will break Dick's pacemaker, causing a fatal heart attack, and George will be charged with manslaughter. Hey, that's the best I can do after reading all the Townhall columns for today.  Fortunately, Pete burned the midnight oil to offer you a different perspective.  Unfortunately, it's full of vial (to quote Sadly, No!'s new dream girl, Kerry Marala) references to France, and libels against various other commenters.  So, here it is: This one goes out to Alison, wherever she may be. Tomorrow's cartoon gives us a frightening portrayal of Bastille Day in the era of George W. Bush. Analysis: Thersites mentioned earlier that he thought he might be Jeffy. Bil Keane responds by telling us that he constantly pores over our comments. Notice how he goes to great lengths to show Thersites that Jeffy is, in fact, little Turkee. We know this because of the way Jeffy's head is on backwards and he doesn't seem to know whether he's coming or going. If that's not our Turkee, I don't know who is! Anywhoo, back to the analysis...Today Turkee represents our Boy Emperor, once again arrayed in his purple finery and clutching a can of Coke (a symbol of American corporate hegemony). When a smaller fellow comes along (obviously France - notice the tricolore formed by his bleu pajamas and his blanc et rouge straw). Basically, Turkee/Bushman is whining that France (or any other nation for that matter) shouldn't have any part in his global vision of conquest and dominion. Prediction: Keane is telling us to look to Europe and other parts of the globe that have taken a dim view of the Bushman's actions on the global stage. Once we realize the danger into which he's led our great land (and the friendships he's tarnished), we will vote him out of office in November. Fortunately, our next President will realize the benefit of working within a global community to achieve common goals and restore our place of honor at the table of nations. Pete M. •   If you want to counter any of Pete's arguments, be my guest. 6:47:24 AM

Townhall: Globalizing the Village Idiot Industry Today's Townhall Review features a variety of topics; a politically correct mixture of ages, races, and genders; and alliteration! Mike Adams A reader of Mike's column about Michael Moore and Trent Lott calls Mike a dumb-ass.  Mike calls him a dumb-ass right back, and then raises the stakes. Before I conclude this rather critical email, I want to let you know how much your letter has changed my life. Of course, the letter frightened me at first. Unarmed liberal adults who call themselves “Timmy” scare the hell out of me. But once the sheer terror wore off, I decided it was time to act on my concerns. First, I went down to Dick’s Sporting Goods and bought a Remington 870 shotgun to make myself feel a little more secure. Of course, I already had a Remington 870, but that’s the beauty of it. Every time you and your friends bombard me with hate mail, I plan to buy another gun I don’t really need. In other words, I intend to make your childish techniques of in-Timmy-dation (sorry) backfire (pun intended). Actually, Timmy is a sale rep from Remington -- and his plan is working perfectly!  (I'm not suggesting that you email Mike and call him a dumb-ass so he will go broke buying firearms, but Remington would probably appreciate it if you did.)  Michelle Malkin Michelle disavows the Philippines as the country of her forefathers because its government is just a bunch of appeasers. Add the flag of the Philippines to the International Hall of Appeasers. Sign this pitiful nation up for a lifetime membership to the Axis of Weasels. And remind me never again to brag about the proud fighting spirit of my ancestors. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm deeply, mortifyingly ashamed of my parents' native land.   No doubt the feeling is mutual. Anyway, the whole thing has driven Michelle to an angry outburst of alliteration. The Battling Bastards of Bataan have given way to the Mollycoddling Milksops of Manila.  The Michelle Malkin "Mollycoddling Milksops of Manila®".    Rebecca Hagelin Same sex marriage is the defining issue of our generation.  Rebecca knows this because somebody from the Heritage Foundation wrote a paper which said so.  So, if your Senator doesn't vote for the FMA, then he is a Commie.  This week, the United States Senate will take the first step in deciding who gets to define marriage for the entire nation: activist judges – or the American people. Although not the final vote on marriage by any means, the vote your senator casts this week gives a clear signal on how much he trusts you and your fellow citizens to determine the defining issue of our generation. A vote against the amendment means your senator is willing to allow activist judges to make the decision for you. Of course, you don't get to vote in the Senate (your mistrustful senator thinks you might steal Senate office supplies), so in any case, somebody will be making the decision for you -- but hey, don't you just hate those activist judges? Marriage is about propagating not just the human race, but also the values of a society, the difference between right and wrong.   By promoting social order, it creates a safety zone for the man and woman involved as well as for their children. And homosexuals don't deserve a safety zone, and neither do their children.  So, demand that your Senator amend the Constitution, or you'll no longer be able to teach your children about right and wrong.   Paul Greenberg 46 Senators voted against Leon Holmes because they thought that Holmes was just too darned qualified for the federal district court. If only Leon Holmes had been one of your mediocre nominees, he would have been a shoo-in. If only he'd been less of a scholar, advocate and just plain concerned citizen, there would have been no problem. Alas, he was an outstanding pick. Oh, and Holmes was also too oustandlingly moral, and those who voted against him, while not necessarily prejudiced against Catholics, are prejudiced against Catholics who believe in their religion.  Plus, Holmes was vilified because he "contributed to the public dialogue."  You know, by writing letters to the editor, saying things like "concern for rape victims is a red herring because conceptions from rape occur with approximately the same frequency as snowfall in Miami." Unfortunately, it's easy to smear a judicial nominee if he's been conscientious enough to take an active role in politics or the law. Indeed, the more he has contributed to the public dialogue, the more of his statements can be wrenched out of context and distorted. Yes, we need more judges who are conscientious enough to be cranks.   Jonah Goldberg Jonah doesn't care that there were no WMDs, because that wasn't his reason for ordering us to war in the first place. And while I always thought the WMD problem was a major factor, as a journalist I never saw any reason to refine my rationale for going to war down to a bureaucratically or politically convenient Über-Reason.  Jonah is a journalist??? Terence Jeffrey Terence claims that Dick Cheney is a hero for hectoring the CIA to reconsider their views when they submitted analysis that wasn't what he wanted to hear, and for going to other sources when they wouldn't change their minds. Yet, Cheney was a lonely inquisitor on the CIA's analysis of Iraqi WMD.  That's Cheney, all right: the Lonely Inquisitor of the Apocalypse. Anyway, Terence then bashes the CIA for not being as brave as the Army. After the Persian Gulf War in 1991, the Senate report says, the U.S. relied so heavily on U.N. weapons inspectors to collect information on Iraq's WMD programs we failed to develop our own human intelligence capability in that area. When Saddam Hussein expelled the U.N. inspectors in 1998, we were flying blind.   Let's take a brief history break: In December 1998, Unscom pulled out of Iraq amid complaints of obstruction by Iraq. Now, back to Terence: Senior CIA officials have repeatedly told the Committee that a significant increase in funding and personnel will be required to enable the CIA to penetrate difficult HUMINT targets similar to prewar Iraq. The Committee believes, however, that if an officer willing and able to take such an assignment really is 'rare' at the CIA, the problem is less a question of resources than a need for dramatic changes in a risk averse corporate culture." If the committee's assessment is accurate, it means that based on WMD intelligence the CIA did not risk officers to collect in Iraq, the U.S. military put 130,000 troops in harm's way there. Terence, why don't you show them how it's done, and volunteer to serve in Syria under nonofficial cover.  Your job will be to mingle with the locals, infiltrate their clan-based society (you'll need to speak fluent Arabic, of course, and pass for an Arab), and get members of al Qaeda's leadership to provide you with information about their plans.  You'll be totally on your own, of course, with no tanks or missiles or airplanes to even things out -- and if they suspect you of being CIA (or even an American), you're dead in a heartbeat (and the secretary will disavow all knowledge of your activities).  Terence, if you don't do it, it proves you're chicken. Thomas Sowell Thomas, the Andy Rooney of the right, gripes about how complicated all those newfangled computer programs and "computerized products" are.  Back when he was a kid, if you wanted to take digital photos, you didn't have to wade through a bunch of features that are only of interest to techies.  Soon you'll even have to enter a credit card number just to look at internet porn!  And don't Thomas started about the restrictions on eBay about selling kidneys. As for quiet, the new Scrabble comes on with loud noises that some may call music. If you are awake in the middle of the night in a hotel room and your spouse is asleep, you would never dare to turn on the new Scrabble game. It would wake up your spouse and maybe people in the next room. Um, Thomas, maybe you should get one of those state-of-the-art computers which allow you to adjust the volume -- the really good ones even let you turn off the speakers if you don't want any sound at all. And now, in the interest of healthy, free-market competition, here are a couple of Renew America columnists. Old favorite Jen Shroder offers up a rational, balanced pieced called "Senators defy Marriage Amendment: America's Taliban tyranny."  Here's the first paragraph: America's freedom is overthrown. Senators argue to dictate gay marriage upon Americans who have voted against it. This is not tolerance, it's a perverse form of tyranny. As public schools promote homosexuality and anal sex to our children, gay activists are flooding our school systems demanding access to our children's minds. Pictures of men pawing men and women pawing women are already featured on campus newspapers and posters in universities such as Cal-Poly. Gay activists are legally pursuing images of sexual behavior between men be allowed on advertisements. Soon our small children will be viewing such ideas on magazine stands in the check out lines of our local supermarket. And the next thing you know, dogs and cats, living together. Anyway, this is my favorite bit: California government has mutated to a perverse form of the Taliban leading the nation to a Caliban, led by Senators Barbara Boxer and Diane Feinstein who have completely ignored the will of the people to impose their own agendas and argue for gay marriage. I am appalled that the monster from The Tempest is in now charge of things in California, and is forcing the populace to hear his arguments for gay marriage.  The next thing you know, Prospero will be urging citizens to home school their children -- preferably on deserted islands, to protect them from seeing photos of "men pawing men" while waiting in the check-out lines of supermarkets.  Oh, and just ignore any incest vibes you get from Prospero -- at least he's not gay.   Matt Abbott Matt's column is called "The Evil That 'Kerryized' Men Do."  It seems that Matt read an "interesting pro-life brochure entitled, 'Men Hurt Too,' which talks about the feelings and emotions men often experience after being involved in the procurement of an abortion."  Matt has summarized some of these feelings and emotions for us: "The most consistent and evident symptom in men due to loss of a child from abortion is anger. . . . He may turn to alcohol and drugs to dull the pain of knowing he participated in or was too 'weak' to prevent the death of his unborn baby. . . . He may become a workaholic to avoid contact with other people. ... He may be unable to hold a job ... or he may be an excessive risk taker. . . . [Men involved in abortion] become addicted to pornography and masturbation. . . . Some experiment with homosexuality because it allows them to have a relationship with no commitment and no worry of pregnancy. Other symptoms include sleeplessness, panic attacks, poor coping skills, flashbacks, nightmares, self-imposed isolation of suicidal tendencies."  So, John Kerry is responsible for men becoming alcoholic, druggie, porn addicted, homosexuals who are workaholics unable to hold jobs, all because he won't vote to outlaw abortion. Of course, I highly doubt that the multitudes of liberal hedonists will admit that. In fact, they always seem to blame us religious folk for just about every problem. I guess, then, that we — not radical feminism — are to blame for the actions of ex-professional football player Rae Carruth. Carruth was sentenced [in 2001] to a minimum of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his involvement in the murder of his pregnant girlfriend, Cherica Adams, who had refused Carruth's demand that she get an abortion  I guess, then, that we — not radical feminism — are to blame for the actions of Dr. Stephen Pack. Pack pled guilty in January [2001] for forcibly injecting his then pregnant mistress, nurse Joy Schepis, with the abortifacient drug methotrexate so she would lose the baby. (Her baby was born healthy.)  Personally, I would have said that Carruth and Pack were responsible for their own actions, but then I believe in personal accountability and free will.  Maybe someday Matt will find religion and come to belive the same thing. Well, that's our Townhall Review for today.  I hope it has taught you a thing or two, or at least made you think about forcing Mike Adams to buy more guns. 5:16:13 AM