July 15, 2004 by s.z.

Family Circle Movie Plug Today's Cartoon  (See it here): Billy the Menace is lying on his stomach, looking at the "MOVIES" section of the newspaper.  His eyes are two small dots and his mouth is a large oval -- this indicates wonder.  He has only one nostril, indicating that he developed a deviated septum from all the coke snorting that goes on in this family (see yesterday's cartoon). Billy says: "Around the world in 80 days?  Boy that guy was SLOW!" Analysis: Today's cartoon is merely Jeff Keane's way of showing the world that he's drawing new cartoons, not just recycling his father's stuff, and that he's aware of current events (if you count a Jackie Chan "family" flick that has already flopped at the box office, a "current event") Or could it mean more?  I couldn't think of anything, so I did a Google News search for "around, world, 80, and Bush" (since I figured that the fair-haired boy in Republican red had to be George Bush, even though Jeff, in his imperial purple, is usually Dubya).  Anyway, among a bunch of articles about golf, I got the citation to this recent NewsMax article by Joan Swirsky entitled "Convention Day or Election Day Disaster".  It's about how "lily whites" (non-Arabic Americans, to include blacks and Hispanics) are being recruited to help al Qaeda commit terrorist attacks, as demonstrated by how Saddam Hussein was really behind the Oklahoma City bombing (McVeigh and Nichols were just his tools).  It's a really long article, so it was hard to find the part that dealt with today's FC cartoon, but I think this is it: In another recent article for NewsMax.com, I warned of potential Election Day sabotage by domestic or foreign terrorists with the sophistication and wherewithal to manipulate electronic voting machines and by George Soros, the billionaire fanatic and Bush loather who has successfully engineered the outcomes of elections around the world. But I omitted the “major attack” – which Tom Ridge warned about the other day – that may come from the by-now-seasoned Iraqi-al-Qaida collaborators who live and flourish among us. And who can rule out the alleged “third terrorist” in the Oklahoma City bombing, Hussain Al-Hussaini, who has lived in Boston for the past seven years?  So, in 80 days (mid-October), evildoers from all around the world (to include George Soros and some guy) will sabotage Diebold machines and/or blow up something in Boston.  This will cause the election to be postponed, and so when Kerry is finally elected, everyone will say, "Man, that was SLOW!" A reach?  Sure.  So, let's see what Pete thought the cartoon meant. Better take another hit, Yosef, because tomorrow's cartoon is a tough one Analysis: Little Yosef, representing the hottest conservative writer on the internet (notice the "red states" shirt?), sits and reads the "movies" section of the Raleigh-Durham newspaper. He is obviously reading a review of Fahrenheit 9/11 and commenting that it's amazing how long it took Michael Moore (80 days) to point out that the Bushman really loused things up in Iraq. In other words, the Boy Emperor's complete failure as a leader is now becoming painfully obvious even to those who originally voted for him. Prediction: The Bushman's ruinous foreign policy decisions will lead several states that trended red during the last election to vote blue, causing Johns Kerry and Edwards to win in a landslide. Yosef, filled with triumphant pride, will hang up his prognosticating pipe and begin writing movie reviews full-time, starting with Left Behind 3: The Revenge of the Anntichrist. This will cause Anntichrist Coulter to sue him for libel which will in turn cause him to retreat back to a hippie lifestyle in the mountains of Appalachia. AC will eventually forgive him, move into his shack, and bear him several future little Family Circus characters. --  Pete M. Think you have a clearer insight into the mind of Keane?  Then share it with reader from all around the world in less than 80 world (if possible), and don't be slow!  8:10:48 AM

Beleaguered Conservative Needs Your Help I got another spam email from NewsMax on the behalf of  Vernon Robinson  (you remember -- the black Jesse Helms).  Dear NewsMax Reader: Please find below a special message from  Vernon Robinson, a conservative fighting for a key position in Congress. Please take a few moments to read his message. Well, okay, but only because I found Vernon's last special message so entertaining. Dear Fellow Conservative: I am Winston-Salem City Councilman Vernon Robinson, a candidate for Congress in North Carolina's 5th Congressional District. I'm the conservative Air Force Academy graduate who's trying to become the first black Republican congressman from a Southern state since Reconstruction.  You may think of me the way The Winston-Salem Journal newspaper does - as "the black Jesse Helms." Believe me, I do think of you that way, Vernon. I'm writing to give you a campaign update - and it's exciting news. In December of last year, the polling showed that I was in fourth place in an eight-way race, with three self-funded millionaires ahead of me, and two licking at my heels. And they were a scary bunch.  Yeah, they're all Republicans. This is the Republican primary we're talking about. They made fun of me when I donated a one-ton granite Ten Commandments/Bill of Rights monument to the city of Winston-Salem, and when I called for English to be made our official national language. Can you blame them? They mocked me when I stood outside abortion clinics at dawn to try to persuade young women to keep their babies.  Forget your opponents -- what did the young women have to say about your efforts? And needless to say, our liberal news media were only too happy to help them try to tear me down. [...] They are so afraid of me they've called me everything they could think of - gun nut, Jesus freak, Uncle Tom, and a few other things I won't repeat in print.  In fact I won't repeat them anywhere. I conducted Google searches of the web and the news, and I can't find where anybody has called Vernon a "gun nut."  The only person who called him a "Jesus freak," as far as I can tell, was Vernon himself (at a speech to the Christian Coalition).  And while Vernon says on his site that the local NAACP once called him an "Uncle Tom" for accepting a contribution from Jesse Helms, I can't see where the media has said anything like this about Mr. Robinson.  I did, however, find that "political scientist Eric King" told BlackAmericaWeb the following: "If you’re going to link yourself to a conservative, it might have been better to say, ‘I am the black Newt Gingrich’ or ‘I am the black Ronald Reagan.’ That means you’re a black conservative. But in the minds of most black people, Jesse Helms is die-hard racist. And when you’re saying you’re the black Jesse Helms, that implies, in the minds of many black people, that you have a decided and deliberate intent to politically hurt African-Americans. So in that sense, I would say it’s a liability, especially in the eyes of African-American voters. And it’s got to be something that his white supporters wish that he had not said.” But hey, it does make Vernon stand out from the crowd. However, it is true the "liberal media" of Winston-Salem doesn't seem to care much for Vernon -- or his opponents.  Here's what the Winston-Salem Journal had to say: Republican voters, with eight names on their ballot, have their work cut out for them as they try to wade through the muck that the candidates have been slinging at one another. When they haven't been busy attacking one another directly or through the rumor mill, most of the candidates have been running a me-too campaign. They've been trying to see who can move furthest to the extreme right, especially on social issues. And they've been clinging tightly to President Bush's coattails, a strategy that might not be as successful this time around as it was four years ago. By far the most offensive campaign has been that of Winston-Salem City Councilman Vernon Robinson, whose rhetoric has degenerated into vicious bigotry. If he were elected to the House of Representatives, Robinson would likely spend his time grandstanding. He would do little for the people of his district other than to embarrass them. Well, he's had a lot of practice grandstanding and embarrassing people during this campaign. Anyway, back to Vernon's email:  The bad news is that my millionaire opponents can read the polls, too, and one of them - the most liberal of the bunch -- just gave his campaign ONE MILLION DOLLARS of his own personal wealth to try to bury my conservative message.  The others are spending, too. That's why this race has become the most expensive in the country, with well over SIX MILLION DOLLARS being spent.  How DARE those other guys spend their own personal wealth!  But $6 million is an awful lot to spend campainging for a Congressional seat in North Carolina (you used to be able to buy a bionic man for that!)  And this is just the primary.  Why should anybody, even NewsMax readers, be expected to contribute any funds to such a silly race? [B]ecause as former Congressman and Clinton Impeachment Manager Bob Barr said, "this race may well be the most important in the country." It's important because the Liberals are scared to death that an aggressive black Republican like me could actually get elected! So, donate to Vernon so you can scare the liberals by electing a black man to Congress! Their godless, liberal agenda has given me nightmares for years, so it's only fair that the tables are turned.  Now the success of my campaign is giving them nightmares.  Their worst nightmare is imagining me standing toe to toe on the national stage with the left-wingers in the Congressional Black Caucus. Actually, their worst nightmare is imagining themselves standing toe to toe on the national stage, naked. Vernon then goes on to share his thoughts about the late Ronald Reagan, and how he too was the black Jesse Helms.  I realized that every name they've called me, they called Ronald Reagan first - except maybe an Uncle Tom, or a traitor to his race. And I think they would have called him that, too, if they thought they could convince people that he was black.  Don't laugh -- we've all heard them tell bigger lies than that. Yeah, "they" are always doing stuff like that.  I remember when "they" tried to tell people that Condi Rice was black. Ronald Reagan wasn't white or yellow or black.  He was an American. And so am I. No, you're black, Vernon -- you've told us that four times so far in this email. I don't pretend that I can ever have the kind of impact Ronald Reagan had on this country.  I know if I'm elected I will be only one man in a Congress of hundreds. But I also know that I can make an impact on the national scene that is far greater than most Congressmen can make, because the fact of the matter is that I am a black Republican, and that's a rare bird these days.  And because of that, people will listen. See, I told you that you were black. With just a short time before the primary election on July 20th, I have a confession to make.  Our campaign is flat out of money! You've gone through $2 million already?  Well, then maybe you shouldn't have spent so much on TV and radio spots that bash your opponents.  And maybe you shouldn't have wasted what you had left on NewsMax spam. If you make only one more contribution to a candidate this election cycle, please let it be to the Robinson for Congress Committee, and let it be the largest you can afford. I bet George Bush won't approve of that sentiment. Yours in Liberty, Anyway, while I was doing my Google searches, I found some interesting info about Vernon.  First, from a Q & A with the Winston-Salem Journal Q. Would you vote for a constitutional amendment defining marriage as between one man and one woman? A. Yes, to hog-tie the liberal judges. In the Garden of Eden, God ordained the family as one man married to one woman with so many children as God should see fit to entrust to their care. God is wiser than man; it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that. Rocket scientists being renowned for their knowledge of theology, sociology, and family planning. Q. Would you approve civil unions for homosexual couples? A. No. It's a slippery slope to complete paganism. They start with two men, but before you know it they'll be demanding civil unions for three men, then four or five, then two transvestites, a pedophile, a lesbian and a partridge in a pear tree. That's not a family. That's almost as a good a "slippery slope" story as Randall's Terry's one about the man, the boy, the puppy, and the rock! And here's something informative from the speech I found where Vernon called himself a "Jesus freak" -- it's his address to the Christian Coalition (Roy Moore was the main speaker); in it, he tells why he decided to run for Congress.  I saw what happened a few months ago when Senator Rick Santorum – a fine American if there ever were one -- made some very modest comments about homosexuals and the constitution. He said only what every person in this room knows to be true. But what happened? The homosexual activists and their willing friends in the news media attacked and vilified Rick Santorum as though he had said homosexuals should be castrated. [...] Every conservative in that congress should have put his or her arms around Rick and said to the media, “Rick is absolutely right; now what are you going to do about it?” That just did not happen. You all know that great hymn of our faith that ends with this line: “When the roll is called up yonder, I’ll be there.” Well, when the roll was called down here, not very many congressmen or senators answered up. And that broke my heart.  That’s why I run. He runs so he can put his arms around Rick Santorum. As we conservatives have started to enjoy greater success in the state and federal legislatures all across this land, the liberals have increasingly turned toward the judiciary, state and federal, to try to achieve through judicial tyranny what they could not achieve through the political process. As a result, you can’t pray in school or say the pledge of allegiance, but you do have a right to engage in homosexual sodomy and to kill your unborn children. Well, to be fair, you CAN say the pledge of allegiance in school, but you can't engage in homosexual sodomy or kill your unborn children during class time. From abortion pills to euthanasia, the respect for life is gone. Some people are selling their babies, others are just throwing them in the dumpster. Other people are selling their kidneys. That would be Thomas Sowell. There are even people conceiving children for the explicit purpose of harvesting the “spare parts” of the fetus. Dr. Frankenstein lives. My fellow Christians, there are no spare parts on any child created by the hand of God. That’s why I run for Congress. Poor Thomas is going to be so disappointed. I’ve had many so-called political consultants tell me that my strong pro-life position will hurt me with voters, and I always respond by saying, “No, it won’t, and so what if it did?” ... Here’s what I point out to voters. The liberal position is that a prostitute who has already had seven abortions can have another, in the ninth month, using the partial birth abortion method, just because she finds out the fetus is a girl and not a boy. And if she can’t afford it, you get to pay for it. Hey, that IS exactly what liberals believe! I saw a protest the other day in which a group calling itself “The Lesbian Avengers” chanted, “God is a dike! God is a dike!” And as I heard it, I began to wonder just how long the Lord would endure that kind of blasphemy. I can assure you that if I am fortunate enough to get elected I will not capitulate to these people. So, if Vernon is elected, North Carolina's 5th district will be safe from capitulation to the Lesbian Avengers. I will vigorously oppose homosexual marriages and adoptions, as well as “gay” Scoutmasters. I just don’t see how it’s a good idea to put a homosexual in a pup tent with your 13 year-old son. And yet the liberals call me a bigot for suggesting that it might not be such a good idea to leave your son alone in the middle of the woods with a pedophile. Because it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see that all homosexuals are pedophiles, and should probably be castrated, even though fine American Rick Santorum didn't actually advocate it. I do want to thank each and every one of you for what you are doing to try to save this country from the fate that befell Sodom and Gomorrah. Hey, you're welcome, Vernon.  And best of luck with the hitting up News Max readers for cash -- I wonder if you will convince some of the more senile ones that you're fighting Ted Kennedy for this congressional seat (or that you're the old, white Jesse Helms), and they will send you their pension checks. 6:06:41 AM