September 1, 2004 by s.z.

Live From New York, It's Monday Morning!  Wo'C is proud to present on-the-spot convention news and commentary from David E, a resident of New York City.  This is his report from Monday: I'm looking out my office window now, which is 3 blocks from the southeast corner of Madison Square Garden, and there's like 600 cops hanging out across the street, outside the Fashion Institute of Technology. Maybe they want to be sure the delegates don't do an end-run and skip out on Racicot's speech this morning to get cheap interior design consultations. I don't know. Just behind the marquee on the Garden, announcing the RNC, is a giant multi-story Fox News Channel billboard. I took a photo and will send it to you when I develop it (I'm still in luddite territory with photography, I'm afraid). Yesterday I was part of the Million Billionaire March, part of the Billionaires for Bush (billionairesforbush.com) RNC extravaganza. There's something truly wonderful, marching down 5th Avenue, chanting "Lower the minimum wage!" and "No justice? No problem!"  and "Show me what plutocracy looks like; this is what plutocracy looks like!" although I must confess that after a couple hours in yesterday's sun, plutocracy was looking a little wilted.  Somebody from The New Republic was marching along with us, and wanted to interview me...she looked like she was about 22 and a model...she seemed sort of sweet, though, so I don't know how far she's going to get. Anyway, don't miss this.  There's a TON of other fun articles from this week's New York magazine, but this was my favorite: Mistress Natasha, 29, a striking black-haired dominatrix in a midtown dungeon, had just finished flogging one of her clients when they began chatting, as they often do at the end of a session. “I mentioned that I had seen Fahrenheit 9/11 the other night. He asked me what I thought of it, and then he said he was voting for Bush again. It always surprises me how many of my clients are not just Republicans but Bush supporters. I think, You wanted me to force you down to your knees when you’re in a pink tutu, but you support Bush? Maybe that should be part of my punishment: ‘You’re going to vote for Bush? Now you’re really going to get it!’ ” Like many sex workers in Manhattan, Mistress Natasha is anticipating a dramatic upswing in business late this month as 5,000 delegates—and an entourage of 45,000 others—arrive for four days of work and play. “August is usually slow, but I think I’ll be rather busy,” she says, planning to increase her hours. “I’ve already gotten several e-mails from men who say they’re coming into town that week.” I'd love to see the TV ads that Bush-Cheney will be using to appeal to the "naughty boys who need to be spanked" segment of the Republican party.   I also like this part of the article: To try to lure the politicians proper, though, some New York sex professionals are offering limited-time discounts. Veronica Vera, owner of Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls, is promoting a special deal at her cross-dressing academy during the convention. For $395, her “Delegate’s Delight” is a one-and-a-half-hour private class with a Polaroid portrait (imagine how much a tabloid would pay for that photo). David also points us to this bit: Another sex professional, 25-year-old Eve, says, “I don’t want to single out the Republicans, but they are majority male and a fairly wealthy group of people.” The on-again-off-again prostitute with streaked pixieish hair looks less like a hooker than a bartender at Galapagos—which made her ideal for one politically charged client last year. He’d asked her to show up at his apartment wearing a black hoodie with patches and no perfume or deodorant. “I said, ‘Do you want me to dress like a protester?,’ and he said, ‘Yeah.’ He tied me down, spanked me, and wanted to yell at me a lot. He said, ‘You bad girl! You smashed the Starbucks!’ He was a very conservative Wall Street banker, and he basically wanted to f--- the movement.” I bet Eve was very busy this week.  And not just with Tom Ridge. Oh, and David also directed us to this NY Times article about an Alaskan delegate's adventures in the Big Apple.  The Times called the piece, "Delegate Finds a Wilderness on the Streets of New York."  I would have called it "Hicks from Sticks Given Deep Six."  While the whole thing is instructive and amusing, you have to read the last two paragraphs -- you'll never think about mimes in the same way. So, we want to thank David for his first-hand report, and for the info about the naifs Vs the mime, and the sex specials for delegates.  If any delegates want to give us a first-hand report about their session with Mistress Natasha, we'll give them equal time. 5:39:07 AM

Beauty and Brains And speaking of Republican men being turned on by stupid women, Mark (who runs the very smart/funny Fried Green al-Qaedas, today featuring that stupid kid's trial) points us to the index of all of the Republican Babes ("Beauty and Brains Competition Winners").  While some of the women may have brains (of a twisted, Republican sort) and some of them may have be attractive (in the right light), few seemed blessed with both human intelligence and enough pulchritude to actually be called babes.  But maybe I'm just biased.  So, let's meet last week's winner, Olympian Haley Cope: "I vote Republican, I worship Martha Stewart, and I don't mind being naked."   That's apparently all it took for the judges to decide that she was brainy indeed.  (The topless photo apparently clinched the "beauty" part.)  I'm amazed that Haley wasn't invited to introduce Dick Cheney at the Republican convention. Anyway, the site has announced that the 20004 Babes of the GOP calendar is now available, and for just $19.99 you can "See some of the GOP's finest; including super-model Yvette Rachelle, Audra Lynn, columnist Rachel Marsden and others."  Yeah, THAT columnist Rachel Marsden -- the world renowned stalker babe.  Take a look at her calendar photo and see if you find it all arousing.  Personally, I find that it brings to mind that line of Yeats about "a terrible*beauty is born."  A creepy, spooky kind of terrible beauty.  But at least she has brains.  Here's the beginning of her most recent column: Comrade Kerry Unspun By Rachel Marsden A UPI Outside View commentary Published 8/11/2004 4:00 AM VANCOUVER, British Columbia, Aug. 11 (UPI) -- The Democrats' national convention in Boston looked like it was sponsored by the same purple Kool-Aid that figured prominently at the "Jonestown convention" in Guyana back in 1978.The Democratic National Convention in Boston last week looked like it was sponsored by the same purple fruit juice that figured prominently at the “Jonestown convention” in Guyana back in 1978. And where did we read another column about the Democratic convention that made mocking mention of purple "Jim Jones juice, thus blithely comparing a political convention with the cult deaths of over 900 people?  Yes, from our friend Doug Giles.  Who do you think is stalking whom? P.S.  Mark H. , connoisseur of scary Republican babes, is also the editor of Virtual Occoquan magazine, which features the best of the Salon blogs.  The new edition is out.  In it, daring writers combat Busho, "The Monster from the Bottomless Pit."  You might want to check it out.  Unless those photos Mark referred us to left permanent scars on your retina. PPS  *Thanks to "pedantic irish guy" for the correct quotation.  I used to know this stuff.  I blame the Republicans for my failing memory.  And I'm sorry if the comments frequently go down -- I blame the Republicans for that too. 4:56:36 AM

Revenge of the Bush Twins! It seems that the acorn doesn't fall far from the peas in a pod.  Or something.  Anyway, in a last-minute change to the GOP convention schedule, Jenna and NotJenna* were given speaking partd.  They introduced their father, who then introduced their mother, June Cleaver.  Apparently somebody read the USA Today piece that called the girls the "most glamorous celebrities" at the convention, and decided to capitalize on their star quality.  That person is now currently being worked over by Arnold Schwarzenegger's goons, and his "accidental" death will inspire an ep of "Law & Order" this fall.  Here are some of the reviews of the twins' performance: NY POST The Bush twins made their national television debut last night — with a string of weak one-liners that drew cringes from the crowd and at one point brought a soft rebuke from their grandparents. WHERE ARE THE REAL BUSH TWINS!?!?! [Jonah Goldberg]These women are definitely impersonators because this the scariest, weirdest, strangest thing I've ever heard at a convention. Did anyone vet this? Posted at 10:31 PM LILEKS Next, the Twins. Painful. Turn-the-channel-painful. They have to stop dragging the kids out in these events before a candidate has a pregnant wife and the fetus has to appear via sonogram. Look! It’s giving us the thumbs up! Business Week's CIRO SCOTTI Most embarrassing moment: Being introduced by the Duh Twins, Jenna and Barbara, a pair ditsy enough to make Jessica Simpson seem like Ayn Rand. The girls weren't kidding when they said: "You know all those times when your parents embarrass you? Well, it's payback time -- on live TV." THE STRATEGY [KJL] The poor job they did with the twins humanizes the Bushes. That Rove mind at work...! Posted at 10:37 PM I'm sure Kathryn Jean is right, and the devious Rove ordered Jenna and Barbara to do a poor job of reading a crappy speech in order to appeal to people who thought the Bushes were just a little too smart. Stupid, yes, but I think that explanation puts Rove in a better light than Michael Graham's does. REL THE TWINS [Michael Graham] Jenna and Barbara aren't talking to us. They're talking to younger, relatively uninformed voters who were roped into watching the convention by their poli-sci professor or their parents. Admittedly the "I think Tom Green is funny and I'm voting for Bush" bloc is a small one, but as we learned in 2000, ever vote counts. PS--And yes, Jonah, they are incredibly hot. Posted at 02:01 AM You know, if I was part of the "youth vote" and was told that the RNC thinks I identify with the twins so I will vote for their Dad, I would be really, really offended.  And if I were one or both of the Bush girls, and was told that I was being used to court the "I think Tom Green is funny" bloc, I would demand that that my campaign salary be doubled. But that last remark of Michaels, plus some reader remarks posted by Jonah, reveal another interesting dynamic in action: THE TWINS [Jonah Goldberg] From a reader: Wow, I'm shocked, appalled, embarrassed, and just want to look away or hit the mute button... and oddly sort of turned on.Posted at 10:46 PM THE TWINS [Jonah Goldberg] From a reader: Totally agree with your last post. It felt like bad MTV VMA filler, but I totally want to ask them both out. Posted at 11:06 PM So, there's apparently a large group of conservative men (or at least Corner readers) out there who get turned on by stupid women.   Whoda thunk it?  *Somebody asked earlier today about where NotJenna came from.  Not the girl -- he didn't want to think about the mechanics of THAT -- but the affectionate moniker for the twin who went to Yale.  As Chris V, pointed out, it was coined by TBogg.  (So, I guess it should be written as NotJenna™).  And now the nickname is everywhere, proof of TBobb's control of the media!  (Well, I saw it used by Atrios today, which is the same thing).   About the catchy name for the dark-haired Bush daughter, today TBogg noted, "I want to point out that I coined that nom d'snark back in the day when I couldn't remember Barbara's name."  But I think it caught on, not because the rest of us couldn't remember the girl's given name, but because the thought of all those Corner readers being turned on by Barbara Bush was too creepy for words. Oh, and in reference to NotJenna™ and her twin's perforance at the convention, Tbogg also remarked: I'm sure someone found them charming...if that someone forgot that they're twenty-two years old and just graduated from some pretty darn good schools.   He must have known about Corner readers. I, LIKE, SO DISAGREE [Jonah Goldberg] From a reader: Jonah, My wife and I thought they were great. Cute and showing their independence. Hey, they are just kids. I promise when your daughter is 18-22 and is just like them, you'll think she's the toast of the world (still!) Posted at 10:55 PM If I ever have a daughter who is just like that at 22, please shoot me.  And her.  But I think we now see Rove's true criminal genius: he designed the twin's debacle to appeal to the all-important "Parents of Twits" demographic group. 2:25:50 AM